oregon Posted July 2, 2004 Posted July 2, 2004 Hey everyone, I was just wondering if anyone had some advice for me involving a long distance relationship that went bad. I am in the service stationed out on the oregon coast and While I was out here I started falling for one of my best friends back home in pennsylvania. The more I talked to her the more I started to realize how much I liked her. We got to know everything about one another and she started to like me as well. About six months into talking she ended up hooking up with her ex boyfriend from college and although this crushed me I had to be somewhat forgiving b/c I wasn't there and we weren't even together at this point. She apologized and we got through it and things started looking really well from this point on. I came home in feb to visit and we hit it off really well. We were both excited to see each other and we might have taken things to far by sleeping together and what not but I didn't care b/c I finally had her and I knew I was in love with her. She told me she loved me and then I had to leave to come back to oregon. She came out the following week to visit me on her spring break and things appeared to be really well. It wasn't until she went home and a few weeks had passed until she started freaking out about the relationship and started fighting with me. I'm not perfect and I'm sure I bugged her about ex boyfriends and her out drinking but I was worried about her being at school. She ended things a week before I was supposed to come home to visit her in april. I was upset but I still came home to see her. She said she didn't want anything when I came home but we still hooked up. It was going alright until I found out she was still talking to two of her ex boyfriends! We got in a big fight about the breakup and I returned to the coast brokenhearted and confused. She called for the next week or so trying to be friends but I just couldn't talk to her without getting upset about these other guys. After a few weeks she finally told me that she broke up with me b/c she didn't have any feelings for me and she basically fell in love over the phone and when I came home she realized I wasn't for her. We have grown pretty distant. Part of me really wants her. Part of me will settle for friendship to keep her in my life, and part of me thinks she treated me like **** and I need to move on. I always thought it was the distance that got between us but she says it is just me. She told me I did nothing wrong she just didn't have feelings for me. I guess I'm trying to move on but a part of me can't help to hold out hope for when my enlistment is up and I am living back in PA in ten months. We will write an email back and forth about once a week or so but her letters are very impersonal and she doesn't really seem to give a **** about me. I have now cut ties and am waiting to see where she goes with this whole situation. She hasn't written or called in two weeks. I know I should be moving on and I can do better but you all know what it is like to have strong feelings for someone. I could be overreacting but I just don't know. I would like to know we have a chance once I am acutally home and this was her way of dealing with the LDR and she doesn't really mean what she says. If anyone has any thoughts I would really appreciate it. Thanks!
sportsloving Posted July 2, 2004 Posted July 2, 2004 It doesn't sound like the distance is what drove you two apart, it sounds like it was the reason you were together at all. After a few weeks she finally told me that she broke up with me b/c she didn't have any feelings for me and she basically fell in love over the phone and when I came home she realized I wasn't for her. It is always difficult when one cares more than the other, but in your situation it just doesn't seem that she is interested in a relationship. Try to move on and find someone who will give you her full attention, and not be splitting it with you and some of her exboyfriends. Good luck to you ...
StartingAgain Posted July 2, 2004 Posted July 2, 2004 LDRs are the hardest kind of relationship to have. There are a number of problems with them that make them unsuitable for most people. They are best for busy professionals who travel frequently and are able to hook up with some regularity, though not necessarily in the town where the partners live. They are very expensive. They are emotionally hard if you have deep feelings for you S/O. They aren't really suitable for someone your age, since they require quite a bit of experience and self-confidence. She's told you she doesn't love you. Maybe she did this at first because of the sex and the excitement. But you have to accept that she's not interested in continuing. It's time to move on. P.S. You got pissed because she was talking to ex-boyfriends. You have to get over that kind of thinking before you go into another relationship. She can talk to whomever she wants and that's none of your business really. Just because a woman is involved with you doesn't mean that she can't talk to someone she used to date. Maybe she considered your attitude to be controlling and overly-possessinve. I can think of no better way to destroy a relationship than this.
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