steelgator Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 So I dumped this girl but kept in contact then took her back before we went on summer break and she said she's keeping her guard up and wants to go day by day for summer since were apart and wants no label. That the time apart will be good and we can regroup in the fall. I freaked out a week later got drunk because she didn't want to see me that weekend and got mad and said **** you. She said next day were better off as friends and doesn't know what the future holds. After 3 weeks of NC i asked her how she was doing. she responded immediately to my texts and was short but seemed eager. Next night i told her im still in the dark about us and need closure. She said I want to be friends. I said ok but do you still wanna see what happens in the fall? She said I just want to be friends in the fall. I said that's ok but will we ever seriously have a chance together because if so Ill be your friend. She says "Rob please, I want to be friends. I don't want to talk about this anymore." I said I can't be your friend and be on the sideline when I want to give you everything she said ok then don't talk to me anymore id be more willing to be your friend if you wouldnt insult me, but you're giving me an anxiety attack. So an hour and a half later she said I'm afraid you're gonna come and hurt me. I said why would I do that do you think im an abusive *******? She said no I think everyone wants to hurt me i have anxiety problems. I asked why do you want to be friends? She said I don't know that's a weird question. Next day I said talk to me when you're ready. She said about what? I said just in general. She said its better if we dont. Then I begged and said I want to be her friend so she can be in my life in some way. She said I will be your friend just not yet, you hurt me too much yet. Do you think if i give her space and time that she may want to reconcile in the future?
Author steelgator Posted June 22, 2012 Author Posted June 22, 2012 It's also important to know that she cried and begged for me when i dumped her. And once she dumped me she said now you know how I felt. Then said don't worry you're still going to be a part of my life.
Author steelgator Posted June 22, 2012 Author Posted June 22, 2012 It's also important to know that she cried and begged for me when i dumped her. And once she dumped me she said now you know how I felt. Then said don't worry you're still going to be a part of my life. but now idk she wants to just be friends but won't say yes or no when I ask about a second chance she just keeps saying the whole friend thing. I care for her so much but I think she's scared i'm going to hurt her again and needs to trust me as a friend first
Author steelgator Posted June 22, 2012 Author Posted June 22, 2012 she was the first girl ever to tell me she had feelings for me and I got scared. Told her next time i saw her she looked good and went back...then she got mad and when she dumped me after our argument over summer she said. "you took me back because you said i looked good, what do you expect?" I was really just trying to compliment her...but she took it the wrong way
d'Arthez Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 Your break up reason was not a good one. Nor one she will fully understand. Being faced with uncomfortable situations is part of life, and you have basically shown yourself to be undependable. You can't really win back the trust you destroyed with your breakup, because it will always be at the back of her mind. It seems you have ulterior motives to remain friends as well. Which is only a recipe for disaster. There are no guarantees in life, no guarantees in relationships, once trust has been broken. You can't rebuild trust with empty flattery. Better to move on. And quit playing such games in future relationships, since they will hurt you in the long run.
Author steelgator Posted June 22, 2012 Author Posted June 22, 2012 well we had broken up multiple times when we were in college together, we argued alot and that was the big reason actually. She knows i love her. She wanted to "not label things" for summer since she was taking summer classes and wouldn't see me for four months and always afraid of me hooking up with other girls. It bothered me that she woulnd't just say there's no way Im taking you back when i asked her. And just keeping to saying I want to be friends. Is this still part of the no label thing she wants?
d'Arthez Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 Where is / was the trust? If the two of you break up for fun, just because it is convenient, what are you even trying to save? The dozens of arguments don't help either, and probably point to some serious incompatibility issues. She is keeping the door open, because she probably feels that it would hurt you to give a definitive "no". Definitely don't assume that it is a break. Look elsewhere.
Author steelgator Posted June 22, 2012 Author Posted June 22, 2012 Yeah i'm not assuming it's a break. And she said we will be friends but she's too hurt for it now...we were crazy for eachother but we get jealous easy. I will move on. But since she is keeping the door open, you think i should reply if she makes any contact once I get back to school in August? Or just ignore the contact
d'Arthez Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 Do what you feel like, but I suggest forgetting about her, even as a friend. The jealousy will definitely not help, if you or her discover that the other has hooked up with others. Will create only more drama if the two of you keep hanging around each other.
Author steelgator Posted June 22, 2012 Author Posted June 22, 2012 Yeah that's what I'm going to do. It just bugs me that she said there's too much water under the bridge, then saying relax you're still going to be a part of my life. But if I go NC and heal and forget about her and she does contact me, I WILL HAVE THE POWER, NOT HER.
Author steelgator Posted June 22, 2012 Author Posted June 22, 2012 she has anxiety problems too, thinking after our last argument saying you got me all freaked out again that you're going to come and hurt me. I said do you think im some mean abusive *******? she said no I have anxiety problems i think everyone wants to hurt me. Does she mean me dumping her again? This just sucks how she could be so crazy about me telling me I'm different then all the other guys shes dated. Then just want to be friends. She says all I do is make her anxious, why would she want to be friends with me then? She said herself when I asked her why would she want to be friends with me. She said " I don't know, that's a weird question."
d'Arthez Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 If she has anxiety issues, dumping her for no good reasons will be even a bigger red flag against you for obvious reasons. No amount of analysis will get you back with her.
Author steelgator Posted June 22, 2012 Author Posted June 22, 2012 You really like telling me that there is no possible chance of reconciliation don't you? lol
d'Arthez Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 You keep throwing out lines in the hope that you get a more positive answer. You are really hoping against the odds, that somehow you have not considered something, that would warrant your optimism (/ desire). Sadly, I don't see any reason to give a more positive answer.
Author steelgator Posted June 22, 2012 Author Posted June 22, 2012 Well during the time of me dumping her she told me she kissed a guy and it made her sick to her stomach that it wasn't me, and that she couldn't stand the thought of me hooking up with other girls...even after she told me she needed space and kind of broke up with me. That gives me hope
Author steelgator Posted June 22, 2012 Author Posted June 22, 2012 She knows I care about her, she tells me I need to grow up and I get mad at her easily and I'm trying to work on that. I just think that if i fix my anger issues she may see a different me but who knows. She wants to be friends but said she won't be my friend yet because she's hurt and I think it's because i threatened to not be her friend before.
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