Penguinloot Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 Hey everyone im just looking for another opinion on this. Last night my ex contacted me after me going almost 2 months no contact, the reason we broke up was because he left me for another girl, i am not sure when they met but i assume to go from one to the other and jump into a relationship the same day you dump someone that the person had to have been already in the picture. Apart from one slip up 2 weeks after the break up i have remained no contact, which will be about a month and a half full NC. I went to bed last night and logged into my facebook to find a message that read 'Hey, how are you?', i didnt reply at first i left it till the next day before i even considered replying to him because even thou i feel i am over him, i still hold some feelings of resentment for doing what he did to me. My reply to him was 'Hey, Im good thanks, yourself?', from that he replied a few more times and then told me his life is really good, he's working full time and he's moving up to the area where i live (which is also where his now girlfriend is from). I believe me and him living an hour and a half apart was the core reason for our break up, i couldnt afford to travel often and he was too lazy, the new girl does all the traveling. I ask him what brings you up this area? He say's he's moving in with his 'friend', he has no friends up here which means he's moving in with his girlfriend already and that he is also refering to his girlfriend as his 'friend'. Can anyone tell me what the purpose of his contact is? I was happy enough going on not speaking because i think what he did was pretty awful, my replies to him are very vague and not saying alot, hes making all of the conversation. If he wanted nothing to do with me why contact me now? For an ego stroke? If he's as happy with his girlfriend as they go about why refer to her as his friend? Doesnt want me to know he's with her? When he left he didnt tell me why, he just deleted me out of his life, i was left to find all of the answers out on my own, the story is that he left me and got with this girl the same day and they have taken off like a rocket. I am aware i probably should have ignored him because i doubt ill ever get the answers im looking for as he's still lieing about the fact he has a girlfriend, just like he did when he left me, he told me she was only his friend. I wont lie, part of me wants to speak to him because i spent so long with him, i dont feel i have any feelings for him because the thought of him with someone else doesnt bother me but i hold so much resentment towards him.
Reddice Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 He just wants to have his cake and eat it too. In my opinion, the fact that you still have resentment towards him means that you still have feelings for him. Indifference is the state of mind which indicates that you're over him. However, if you truly think you're over him, then tell him what's bothering you. Then block him on facebook for disrespecting you. After all, the outcome won't matter to you once you're over him...
Author Penguinloot Posted June 22, 2012 Author Posted June 22, 2012 Thats very true, the reason i changed my number was because i didnt want him to contact me, i also deleted him from Facebook when it ended. For me to reply to him then i must still feel something so im thinking i should just go on not speaking as i have been doing, as thats one place i dont want to revisit.
Stanza Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 Hi, yeah it does sound like you still feel something. Let me ask you this: say he is moving with a friend and not her (you should ask him somehow next time so you know for sure) and say he is making contact as he realizes he made a large mistake, what would you want him to show you in terms of change/being different? I would imagine some maturity so you know he wouldn't do it again? I think you should make a plan of where you need him to be if you would give him a chance and if he appears to be the same as when he left...you probably know that you'd done pretty good so far without him. You don't seem that upset that he's out of your life to me. I think to want someone back you should feel it from your core out. Hope I haven't been too black and white there.
KatZee Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 From my own experience, (backstory: three years ago met a guy. Didn't know he had a girlfriend. We became strictly friends for about three months, he finally confided he had a girlfriend, but had been unhappy for a really long time, and after being friendly for months he realized he had fallen for me, he ended his relationship with his gf and we began dating shortly there after.) I think this would qualify for, "My boyfriend left me for another girl" So i'll let you know what happened in the following months after their breakup and our relationship. After he left her, he would tell me how happy he was. That he hadn't been in love with her for a while, he was miserable, yadda yadda. So we're dating about 3 months at that point, and he tells me he loves me for the first time. We had a very blissful relationship (so I thought), he was everything the perfect boyfriend should be. Around our 4th month together, he runs into her at a mutual friends party. It brings up nostalgia and he starts talking to her again (behind my back). He eventually confessed all of this to me, saying that seeing her again after months of no contact brought back old feelings, and he became confused. He actually started hanging out with her behind my back at this point too. For him, I don't think it was an ego stroke. I think it was because they had history, she knew him better than I did at that point, and he was not really communicating to me effectively that he was having some issues with our relationship, and instead, went to HER. He started communicating with her, and thought for a second he might have wanted her back. In the end, no, he didn't want her back and realized what we had was better, but he still tried to keep her around as a friend. He did care about her, and missed her on a friendly level, but she interpreted this as him wanting her back, and this wasn't the case at all. He might be reaching out because this girl isn't as great as he thought she was. It's usually during the first three months where the infatuation wears off, and they start missing what they had with their ex. That could be why he's sniffing around. It might be because he's confused, and not sure what he wants, but I wouldn't throw yourself into that situation thinking he wants you back. It could just be a friendly message, or he may want someone to talk to that has a deeper connection to him, and he's reaching out to you. I think only you can decide what to do from here. My ex's ex decided to see him. Talk to him. Discuss their relationship, and if wound up in her getting hurt because he decided he didn't want her. Again. Not sure if you want your ex back, but I've also read that if the dumpee remains in the dumpers life as emotional support, it will actually strengthen their new relationship.
Author Penguinloot Posted June 22, 2012 Author Posted June 22, 2012 The reason I'm not so upset about it is because I was forced into grieving the relationship and I've pulled myself from a state of heart break to where I am now. I don't believe he wants me back, what I do believe is that he's playing a game, and I'm a little suspicious it's to make his girlfriend jealous, it's what he did to me when we were together. I find it rather amusing that is what he's doing, he was also wanting to get his ego stroked. He brought up us and what happened, I explained to him, no matter what his opinion is, i still believe what he did is horrible, then said I'd prefer we didn't talk about it as I'm over it and happier for that. He kept questioning me about been happier, then asking about the guy I vaguely dated after we finished, he says I knew you liked him all along. Then says he didn't wanna bring up the past, that's not why he messaged me, then why being it up? Common sense, he lacks it. Then he adds me back to Facebook and the first thing he does right after i accept, is stick up a status about how much he misses his girlfriend. Then we talked a little and we got on the topic of him been easy to annoy (he was playing video games), he says not anymore, (apparently his girlfriend is a miracle cure) I told him that's good to hear you got that sorted, he says, well I've got nothing to piss me off and annoy me anymore, oh how that hurt. We only*briefly talked then I told him I had to go, left him too it. Looked on his page and noticed he deleted everything to do with me off, so the girl he's with currently has no idea how much of an ass he is. Although he has this front on of been this newly changed man, under all of that he's still the horrible nasty cheat that did what he did.* He's well come to stay on Facebook, I'm sure he was so let down to discover I didn't write anything about him during the break up. If he wants to talk, I'll talk back but I won't go to the effort to talk to him. I am better off without him, he hasn't changed one bit.
janetadeline Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 You are very sure about what the situation is now. You know he seems is not wanting you back but he wants to get back into contact with you. He even brought up you had feeling with your current date all along? To me, this is just the way he is trying to make him look less "buster", also he said that was not the reason he left you, but he actually wants to get this idea into you that you had feeling with another guy when you were together. You have to make up your own mind what to do now. Since you feel much better without him in your life, then keep it.
EgoJoe Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Why do you ladies even want these idiots or tolerate this behavior? Your sex is so backwards sometimes that if I had half an incling I'd start swinging for the other team.
Author Penguinloot Posted June 23, 2012 Author Posted June 23, 2012 Why do you ladies even want these idiots or tolerate this behavior? Your sex is so backwards sometimes that if I had half an incling I'd start swinging for the other team. They know the right words to say and we're stupid enough to fall for them, thats the only explanation.
gmoore Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Why do you ladies even want these idiots or tolerate this behavior? Your sex is so backwards sometimes that if I had half an incling I'd start swinging for the other team. Dude, for the record men fall for this **** too.
Leigh 87 Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 ... this guy is not into his current girlfriend, nor was he into you. And yuck - he is one of those boyfriends who posts soppy, lovey dovey cr@op about missing their girlfriends:sick: Sorry, but you can love a person a great deal, and not post messages on a public forum about how much you love them, how you miss them, and etc. It is obvious he cares about what you think; he cares what you think about him and his new girl. If he was totally into her and falling in love or in love or anything groundbreaking, he would NOT feel the need to add you o facebook, and post about missing his girlfriend:sick: He sounds like a sad loser. Come on, man... happy, cool, high quality people do not need to go around writing lovey dovey things about their girlfriends, just after they add their EX...... If he was honestly that happy and in love - WHY would he feel the need to broadcast it over facebook? I know a few people who are lovel dovey by nature, but they do not do it to make exes care or jealous of it........ And they are not the cheating types.. He is with her so soon after you, and possibly during your R, so ........... He could not have genuinely been in love with you if he had feelings for another girl. The fact he is a loser who posts about his gf o facebook just makes it even clearer that you should not bother with him....... Go and gind a guy one day; a guy who does not need facebook to convice people of how in love he is with you.
favoritepills Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 He kept questioning me about been happier, then asking about the guy I vaguely dated after we finished, he says I knew you liked him all along. Then says he didn't wanna bring up the past, that's not why he messaged me, then why being it up? Wow. What a conceited d-bag! You're right, he's looking to stroke his ego -- he was hoping you'd be all devastated and longing for him, and he's disturbed that you can manage to be happy without him. Just ignore him from now on. He's not worthy of attention.
BDranger Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 You shouldn't have replied at all - we all make mistakes, no harm no foul. This guy just proves he is a huge D-bag and his attitude will catch up with him. Just block him completely and don't look back. Real men don't play BS games like that. You can do a LOT better.
Author Penguinloot Posted June 24, 2012 Author Posted June 24, 2012 Thanks for the replys everyeone, im guessing he didnt get what he wanted when he contacted me as he hasnt spoke to me since, in future i wont be replying to him, nothing but a selfish man who cant accept the wrong he does.
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