rubyrage986 Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 My boyfriend ( now ex-boyfriend)and I have been together for a year and 5 months. He just got out of prison in february from doing 10 years for armed robbery and i stood by him for a year and a half. Everything was great up until about 3 weeks ago when his attitude changed towards me. We got into an argument at the movie theatre because i needed totalk to him about something and he responded by saying "there is nothing to talk about" and it made me angry because everytime i want to tell him about something that bothers me, that is his response. From there, everything went down hill. His calls and texts stopped coming as much. The sweet language almost completely stopped, and he stopped making time to spend with me. His tone and language in how he talks to me got very disrespectful to the point that it wold manifest in front of his friends and he would get irritated everytime i would call and try and talk to him. I could ask him "do you miss me"? and he would blow up and get angry and respond by yelling " why you ask a stupid *** question!? I couldnt believe it. I told him not to ever talk to me like that I asked him if he wanted me to stop calling and leave him alone and he told me to shut up and if i ever said anything like that again, to dead my self and move on with life because the realtionship will be over with. Those words hurt like hell and the convo ended with him hanging up on me. The following day he ignored all my calls and texts and for the next 4 days after that I didnt hear from him. the fifth day i couldnt take it anymore so i went over to his house and he was just purely cold. Everytime i tried to touch him, he would tell me to get off of him, he didnt want me to touch him, kiss him, nothing, he even told me to fix my dress when i sat down because he didnt want to see that! All of this was shocking and hurtful. He told me that he wasnt going to call me and that he is acting like this because he doesnt want to talk to me and needs time away from me because he said that i ask him too many questions and argue with him to much. I asked him how he felt about me and he said " I care about you" I asked him if he loved me and he said " im not gonna answer that" I say why and he said "because I dont have to" All of these occurrences were like bullets to the chest. In the end, he said "lets just be friends" i asked him if he doesnt want to be with me and he said no. he said i deserve better and he has some f'd up ways and he doesnt want to end u hurting me..... I just dont understand how his feelings could go from loving me to death to hating me in just 3 weeks. If i didnt go over there, he would still be ignoring and not calling me. He couldnt even confront me about all this, i had to make him and the fact that he didnt want me touching him like i was poison really hurt and confused me. Please HELP ME UNDERSTAND AND MAKE PEACE WTH THIS, PLEASE! I was the only one there for him. Making sure he was comfortable with letters, money, food, and conversation. Being away from me and not hearing from me doesnt seem to bother him at all! Ever since the day he told me wanted to be friends, i haven't heard from him and its been 2 weeks already. How could you just go from talking to someone everyday and professing your love for them to complete distance. After the break-up he told a friend of his that we were ok and he just needed his space because he felt like he was still locked up. He said I was still his lady and he still loved me and wanted to marry me. On the other hand, he told his sister that he just wants us to be friends until he gets himself together, and then he told another friend that he just wants to be friends because I am acting childish. Isnt this confusing, please HELP! Did i do something wrong. He hasnt said hello, or even checked on me these last few weeks but he is flirting with other girls now that its over. 4 weeks later: I left him alone for a month until i spoke to a friend of mine and she insisted that I follow my heart and call him. I called and he sent my call to voicemail. I was so hurt because even after 4 weeks he still would not talk to me. It ate me up so bad that the next day i called again, private because i felt that if he heard my voice maybe it would be different. He answered and asked who it was, once he heard it was me, he hung up again. I am tying everything to get myself through this situation but i feel like i am going in circles. I wrote a heartfelt text to his sister asking her to give me advice as if i was her sister or daughter and she completely ignored me which made me feel worse. He obviously hates me by the way he is acting and I just dont understand why his sister would treat me like that especially when we used to be so close. I looked at her as my own sister, even helped he find a job when she got laid off and she just ignored me when i just asked her for advise. A former inmate of his that was locked up with him heard about what he had did to me and called to talk to me. He told me that i am a beautiful, educated woman and can have any man I want. He said that my ex is stupid because anyone in their right mind wouldn't let someone like me go or do wrong to the one and only person that was there at the lowest point of his life when no one else was. He says that he speaks to him all the time and he asked him about why he didn't want to be with me and said that he couldn't even give a reason. He said that my ex is having a hard time adjusting and wants the finer things too fast and he is moving to fast and sounds like he is loosing his mind. He told me that I am a good girl and I don't deserve that treatment and to not chase the rabbit. I'm not going to keep going about what he said but it made me feel batter but now i'm sad all over again because i really think he hates me. Why else would someone act like that? being with him while he was locked up wasnt easy at all and was very stressful at times but i never gave up on him. Now that he got out, it was so easy for him to let me go and give up on us just because of arguments and me asking him questions. I just hate it because it hurts SOOOOO much b/c he doesnt want anything to do with me and I still dont know what i did that was wrong. I am tired of making a fool of myself and i dont know what to do. Why is this soo hard? I still love him and it will not go away! Till this day i wonder if he still loves me, or if he ever did love me. Currently: I was doing pretty well, taking the advice from family and friends and taking it day by day, each day getting a little less painful up until yesterday when i heard from his cousin. She told me that she asked him about me but she said that she would let him tell me. I asked her why she couldnt and she said felt it wasnt her place to tell me what the news was. At this point my stomach was in knots because i wanted to know what it was. So i asked her to please tell me and asked her if he was still in love with his ex or something. he response was that she really didnt know about that but she said that him and I are done but with no explanation on why, she said every time she asks him about me its like world war 3 and whatever it is, left a bad taste in his mouth and he acts like its nothing. She said that if she said my name, he would respond by saying "who? dont ever say that name in my presence" she said he got real hostile. He has my name tattooed on his ring finger and she said that he was trying to get it covered up but doesnt know what to put there yet. I know you would say why do i care but in all honesty, hearing that really hurts me because he despises me, hates me and cant stand me from those statements and i did NOTHING to him. The fact that even with his own cousin, he did not have an explanation of why he broke up with me in the first place is another thing that keeps eating at me and i feel that she hasnt told me everything for whatever reason. Its like i'm back at ground zero again. The only thing i can think of that was done to make him upset was when my mother fussed him out when and made him feel low for all the pain she watched me go through because of him. He had us all deceived and had no remorse for anything that he did, said and lied about. But even that doesnt add up to the resentment he is showing towards me. I really don't know what to do anymore, why does he hate me, am i missing something??
Philosoraptor Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 There is zero you can do to control someone else's emotions. I really doubt he hates you though, and if he does he wasn't worth knowing anyways. He sounds all sorts of messed up though and you'll eventually see that you were quite lucky to get out of this situation. He was quite controlling and abusive and you were playing the caretaker. I'd gamble you thought you could make him better and turn his life around but it's just out of your control. Nothing we can do can change others. He would need to make a personal choice to fix himself and his life and it certainly doesn't seem like he wanted to do so. Accept him and the situation for what it is. Neither are good for you. 1
stillafool Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 I think you turned him off because you sound kind of needy. I think after being imprisoned for 10 years he needed to adjust to being out and felt stress from you. He obviously doesn't know how to communicate. Also after being locked up so long he may want to date around or sex around and not be tied down to one person. It sucks that you were there for him and now he treats you like this. It's over and IMHO you should be glad. He would hold you back. 1
Radu Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 10yrs for armed robbery ? Seriously, are you out of your damn mind ? About the rest. He cut you off like that because he used you and doesn't need you anymore. You said you started dating while he was locked up, he had you in his mind as a goal to reach 'get out and be with her'. Now that goal is completed ... the truth is that he probably has no real good reason for breaking up with you other than his low self-esteem or his need to cut loose with you as an obstacle in the way. His sister is probably brainwashed with his propaganda. His cousin is probably not this close to him, so she received less brainwash. The real question in all of this is why do you cry over a guy who's a walking, talking red flag and who will abuse the crap out of you when he gets the chance. When you move on, he might come back to try and put you on the backburner. Be prepared to get a restraining order, he sounds like a nutcase. 1
Chi townD Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 Personally, I think you can do better than a ex-con that did 10 years for armed robbery. I realize that people make mistakes, but armed robbery? He knew what he was doing. I think that you can find a guy that is on the up and up. That works for a living, has a career and respects people. I think you deserve that, and deep down? I think that you know it too... Time to heal and move on. 2
Author rubyrage986 Posted June 27, 2012 Author Posted June 27, 2012 He was quite controlling and abusive and you were playing the caretaker. I'd gamble you thought you could make him better and turn his life around but it's just out of your control. Nothing we can do can change others. He would need to make a personal choice to fix himself and his life and it certainly doesn't seem like he wanted to do so. Accept him and the situation for what it is. Neither are good for you. I didnt think i could change him because in all honesty, i didnt think that there was anything that needed to be changed. but thank you so much for you reply and i just wait for the day that i get through this pain even though many dont understand why i hurt anyway
Author rubyrage986 Posted June 27, 2012 Author Posted June 27, 2012 I think you turned him off because you sound kind of needy. I think after being imprisoned for 10 years he needed to adjust to being out and felt stress from you. He obviously doesn't know how to communicate. Also after being locked up so long he may want to date around or sex around and not be tied down to one person. It sucks that you were there for him and now he treats you like this. It's over and IMHO you should be glad. He would hold you back. If needy was me requiring him to spend time with me when he really wasnt, then so be it. He lives right around the corner from me and i would see him maybe twice a week if that. everyone and everything came before me. Now when he was locked up, i was used to his constant attention, once he got out and got mad at me, he didnt gradually pull away, he did it all at once and expected me to just be okay with it and as he would say, "play the part" The stress was that i required him to treat me with respect and he obviously didnt want to do that. Like you said he has communication issues. If he had talked to me about wanting to go about his business, then it may have ended up different but he chose to demean me and do other vindictive things. It came down to the fact that everything he said while he was in prison was a lie and everything he said he wasnt going to do, he did. he would get mad at me if i asked to spend time with him which is something i shouldnt have to ask. seriously., what man doesnt want to spend time with the woman they love. he's been away from me for a year and a half when he was locked up. I never felt he was needy when he was calling me 8 and 9 times a day running up my phone bill. I thought he would understand why i would want to be around him now that he was finally free but when he got out, its like he forgot all about me...
Author rubyrage986 Posted June 27, 2012 Author Posted June 27, 2012 The real question in all of this is why do you cry over a guy who's a walking, talking red flag and who will abuse the crap out of you when he gets the chance. Honestly, because im still having a hard time accepting that this is what he is really like. I always find myself blaming myself for his change towards me. He was still the same man i fell in love with for the first month after he got out and then after the argument, he just changed... thats why, its just so confusing because i figured, if he just used me, why would he act sweet for a month and plan an engagement ring with my parents for me, or better yet, get my name tattooed on his ring finger... you see where im getting at?
Author rubyrage986 Posted June 27, 2012 Author Posted June 27, 2012 Personally, I think you can do better than a ex-con that did 10 years for armed robbery. I realize that people make mistakes, but armed robbery? He knew what he was doing. I think that you can find a guy that is on the up and up. That works for a living, has a career and respects people. I think you deserve that, and deep down? I think that you know it too... Time to heal and move on. Thank you, i agree that i deserve that too!
Recommended Posts