iambookworm Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 After a 2 year LDR, my ex broke up with me last Sunday because he said I asked too many questions, then NC from him. I have been trying to cope by doing NC myself but there have been a lot of questions that have been left unanswered in my mind. Was he really married? Why did he give me a fake address? So, fast forward to today and I still had questions. So my friend helped me google and find out information about him. Turns out the address is fake because his real address is registered to him and a lady. Further investigation revealed that he married her 2 months before opening his online profile and starting his relationship with me. *********! Thus, because I found his landline, and cellphone online, I want to call and tell his wife what he's doing and to refer her to his online profile. What do you guys think?
Ruby65 Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 I can understand how this might be construed as an act of revenge, and so I can see how some people would urge you to just move on and forget about the whole thing. However, just purely my opinion, I think that if I was married to someone who was doing what this man did, I'd definitely want to know about it. I dated a cheater once and was contacted by some woman he was dating while supposedly exclusively dating me. It was shocking and really painful and I ended the relationship immediately.... but I'm still so grateful to have found out, because that man was trying to convince me to move in with him at the time and I was really considering it! So I vote for telling the wife -- for her sake!
lovinglife21 Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 I think you should do it. He could keep this up with other girls. The woman needs to know. xx
CaliBabe Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 I have to agree in this case. Tell her. If it were me, I would want to know.
Author iambookworm Posted June 23, 2012 Author Posted June 23, 2012 I did, and it was scary! I can still my heart beating fast right now.
StarlaStardust Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 I did, and it was scary! I can still my heart beating fast right now. Wow! Did you speak to her?
Snakechammah Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Update please! Tell us everything! Ahat did you say - what did she say? This is like a soap opera! You did a huge favour for the woman, she should thank you! 2
Author iambookworm Posted June 23, 2012 Author Posted June 23, 2012 Update please! Tell us everything! Ahat did you say - what did she say? This is like a soap opera! You did a huge favour for the woman, she should thank you! Hmmm, I don't know about that. The thing I am sorry about is that his kids were there. I think they heard what I'd been saying and one of them wanted to talk to me. I declined. Wait, let me start at the beginning. So I called and asked if she was C and if she was married to D. I gave his full name. She said "I cannot confirm or deny as I do not know you." So I told her that D and I had been dating for about 2 years now. (Back story, I am from country A, he is from country B, and we are currently in country C, both foreigners working in another country. He goes home every 3 months.) Then I told her that we had met online. She said she thinks unless she saw the profile, it may be someone else using his pic or profile. Then asked me if I had met him. I said yes, we have met and meet each other once a month. I gave her the site and his username, but I don't know if she will check. She asked for my name and I gave her my first name. When she asked for my last name, I hesitated and asked for a minute. I didn't know if I should. She said why didn't I know my last name. haha. I said I know, I just don't know if I should give it to her. Anyway, I told her what I knew, like his appearance because she still had doubts I think. And then I heard conversation in the background. There were 2 males, I think. I asked her, did she marry him July 2010, she said yes. I said, we started dating Aug 2010. And then the boys wanted to talk to me! Yikes! I said no. And I said, I just wanted to apologize as I did NOT know he was married. I thought we were in love! So I said goodbye and that's it. I think they will try to call him and let them know what happened. Update: Just got a text from him to leave his family alone. Wow. hehe. Well, at least I now have closure haha.
StarlaStardust Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Nice. I'm happy for your closure. Obviously, you can do better than him.
skyisfalling Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Hmmm, I don't know about that. The thing I am sorry about is that his kids were there. I think they heard what I'd been saying and one of them wanted to talk to me. I declined. Wait, let me start at the beginning. So I called and asked if she was C and if she was married to D. I gave his full name. She said "I cannot confirm or deny as I do not know you." So I told her that D and I had been dating for about 2 years now. (Back story, I am from country A, he is from country B, and we are currently in country C, both foreigners working in another country. He goes home every 3 months.) Then I told her that we had met online. She said she thinks unless she saw the profile, it may be someone else using his pic or profile. Then asked me if I had met him. I said yes, we have met and meet each other once a month. I gave her the site and his username, but I don't know if she will check. She asked for my name and I gave her my first name. When she asked for my last name, I hesitated and asked for a minute. I didn't know if I should. She said why didn't I know my last name. haha. I said I know, I just don't know if I should give it to her. Anyway, I told her what I knew, like his appearance because she still had doubts I think. And then I heard conversation in the background. There were 2 males, I think. I asked her, did she marry him July 2010, she said yes. I said, we started dating Aug 2010. And then the boys wanted to talk to me! Yikes! I said no. And I said, I just wanted to apologize as I did NOT know he was married. I thought we were in love! So I said goodbye and that's it. I think they will try to call him and let them know what happened. Update: Just got a text from him to leave his family alone. Wow. hehe. Well, at least I now have closure haha. What a f***ing douchebag! You totally deserve better than him and I hope his wife leaves his skanky as*. Im proud of you for doing such a bold thing, his wife definitely deserved to know what a c*** bi*** her husband was. I'm so sorry you had to go through this, I hope you are okay. How you feeling hun?
ladyabstrused Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 (edited) Good thing you told her. But I can't imagine how heartbroken she must be as well. :\ Sorry you got cheated like that. Edit: Sorry you AND her BOTH got cheated like that. Edited June 23, 2012 by ladyabstrused
Snakechammah Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Well done! I love it when the man gets angry! Did he think he will get away with it??? Do update us if she tries to contact you? I wished you had told her more - like incriminating details that would really send her spinning. She needs more info to decide if she still wants to be married to such a douchebag. For all we know, she could be a lady doormat... and forgives him for the "random phonecall"
Author iambookworm Posted June 23, 2012 Author Posted June 23, 2012 Nice. I'm happy for your closure. Obviously, you can do better than him. Yes, I think so too. I am glad I found out or I would've felt bad and blamed myself for the end of the relationship. Now I know that nothing I could ever do will ever work because he is already married. What a f***ing douchebag! You totally deserve better than him and I hope his wife leaves his skanky as*. Im proud of you for doing such a bold thing, his wife definitely deserved to know what a c*** bi*** her husband was. I'm so sorry you had to go through this, I hope you are okay. How you feeling hun? I am proud of myself too. Just scared of the consequences. I think he might call me tonight to shout at me hehe. I am doing ok, thanks for asking. That was painful, but cathartic too. Like a bleeding wound that just got cauterized. Painful, but necessary. Good thing you told her. But I can't imagine how heartbroken she must be as well. :\ Sorry you got cheated like that. Edit: Sorry you AND her BOTH got cheated like that. Yes, I am sorry for her as well. But I think he could talk his way out of it. I didn't give her my contact details and there is no physical proof, just what I said. Well done! I love it when the man gets angry! Did he think he will get away with it??? Do update us if she tries to contact you? I wished you had told her more - like incriminating details that would really send her spinning. She needs more info to decide if she still wants to be married to such a douchebag. For all we know, she could be a lady doormat... and forgives him for the "random phonecall" I don't know how angry he is. He MIGHT call me tonight to scream at me, but I wont accept the call. And I don't think she will as I did not give her contact details, not even my whole name. And yes, I am not sure she believed me 100% but I am ok with that. That is her life. I apologized to her for my part in it and that should be enough.
Author iambookworm Posted June 23, 2012 Author Posted June 23, 2012 oh, and by the way, after that text he sent me, he deleted his online profile. hehe.
Ruby65 Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Wow -- what a sad story! It's good that you let his wife know what was going on though.... as you say, whether she chooses to believe you or not is her decision. Good luck dealing with the fallout. Hopefully you won't hear from him again! Maybe the sheer awfulness of his actions will make your healing process easier?
Author iambookworm Posted June 24, 2012 Author Posted June 24, 2012 Wow -- what a sad story! It's good that you let his wife know what was going on though.... as you say, whether she chooses to believe you or not is her decision. Good luck dealing with the fallout. Hopefully you won't hear from him again! Maybe the sheer awfulness of his actions will make your healing process easier? I hope so too. And yes, I hope he doesn't contact me anymore.
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