callaberry Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 (edited) My boyfriend and I broke up for a second time 3 days ago. We were both each other's first love and it's been a good 4 years. A little history...we met in end of senior year high school, were together for 3 months before he had to move away (military), so we did a long distance relationship until he saved up enough money and tried to convince his parents to move out. When we had our FINALLY moment, it was amazing and spent every second with one another. Then, I started nursing school, not only was I stressed out about that, my parents had a divorce. I had so many things going on with my life that it took a toll on our relationship. I became very insecure and our relationship got somewhat abusive emotionally. That's when we broke up for the first time. After a week, we got back together and started over again. It was great until we started fighting about the littlest things that it became exhausting, overdone, and it really wasn't worth it. I have to admit, though, that it was me who initiated most of the fights. Leading up to the breakup, even he started to have his own insecurities because of work, not being able to start school, finances, and not giving his all because of all that. He felt as though his life was at a standstill. Even I started to question our relationship. So, we broke up again. I was devastated, and felt as though it wasn't necessary. He insisted that it was. I cried hard, but I later realized as I was talking to him that it was no use. We then agreed that it was the best. Weird thing is, we were holding hands as we were breaking up. Towards the end, we hugged for a long time and kissed. We then said that we should still be friends and keep contact. I still love him and he said he still loved me, but it just doesn't make any sense. I became confused when the next day, he texted me. He still wrote babe on the text, but I thought nothing of it. He even asked if we can talk, so we did. I felt it was a mistake answering his call and texts, but I did it anyway. I tried to initiate no contact, but he said he didn't want to and asked if I can keep contact with him every once in a while. I haven't called him since then, nor do I want to. I even told him to give me time before I see him again because he also said that we can trying hanging out again one day. He said he'll call me soon, but I don't know if I should answer it or ignore it. I even asked if I should get my clothes back from his house, but he said no. It sounded like he was scared for some reason when he said that, but again, I didn't think anything of it. He kept saying sorry I called and apologizing every time he said something. He also said that he missed me, but I pretended I didn't hear him. I'm trying to be as brief as I can with him, but when he called, I couldn't help but ask him why it went wrong. I really need to learn to shut up. He said that he needs to concentrate on his life, and that he shouldn't be in a relationship right now. It just doesn't make any sense to me because he also said that this break up is for real. But then he goes and says maybe when we got our lives figured out we can start over again and that you can never lose your first love. He proceeded with telling me a story about how his dad is still hung up over his first love. It makes me so confused and he said he was confused too. Also said that I should date other people for the meantime, but I really don't want to. Even his facebook status says in a relationship... For some reason I'm hoping that there is still something there, but I'm trying so hard not to think that way...I can't help it. I love him so much and he's become a large part of my life. I really don't want to lose him because when we weren't fighting, he was everything I wanted in a guy. What should I do? Should I keep contact and stay friends with him? Does no contact work or keeping contact works better? Is there any chance that maybe some time it's going to work again? How can I make him want and miss me still during this time? sorry for long post... Edited June 22, 2012 by callaberry
MooBear Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 No contact always works best. It's really really hard in the beginning but it does get easier and is better than getting upset each time you talk. NC also works well when it comes to the ex missing you. He will definitely notice the loss a lot more without you being available to him. Just give him some space, and use that time for yourself. It'll get easier, promise
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