lostgirl77 Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 I am currently in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2+ years now. 1 year 2 months in the same city, then he moved to another state about a year ago for fellowship training. He's gonna be in the east coast until June 2013. He visited me about 4 times last year, and I've been going back and forth every 5 weeks or so since my schedule is more flexible than his. I work three times a week, he works over 80 hours a week, spending most of his time at the hospital for his training. He has been the sweetest, most romantic guy I have ever dated, until he moved and he got so busy that he doesnt have time or means anymore. He spends all of his salary (for training) for rent and food, and has almost nothing left for personal use. I have no doubt in my mind that he loves me. And I do love him too. And we have plans to move in together and have a family by the time he finishes his training and finds a real job as a surgeon in July 2013. My problem is that I have been stressing him so much because of my neediness. I feel lonely being out here in the west coast. We text each other everyday and maybe 2-3 minute phone call most days, facetime about once per week for about 5-10 minutes. Yet, I still feel like it's not enough. He told me that its only gonna get worse as he starts his last year of fellowship this coming July. I dont really wanna burden him. I dont want to stress him. But I do not know exactly what to do. I want him to miss me and talk to me and spend time with me, but I think he is consumed by work and has no time to really be attentive to me. How do I get myself together, not be needy, give him what he needs and yet not let our love grow cold? Oh, I need some attention too.
amantis Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 I know how you feel , it sucks to be far away from someone you love . Even if he is very busy he should call you more and show that he really cares for you , but you have to understand that he works alot , and no money = no fun . Take time for yourself and do things that you like . sucks to be far from him , but its a good time to enjoy your time alone
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 Dating a doctor isn't an easy way to have a relationship, that's for sure. And I don't see how you're ever going to even make it possible living so far away. His time is none, he has nothing to do but sleep, piss, then wake up and do it all over again. Unfortunately that leaves most of his energy and will sapped, I've seen my ex go through it and I've never seen someone so exhausted and I was used to working 60 hours a week doing hard physical labor and I could hardly stand in the shower some days... but for her it was more than draining and even at the time I couldn't quite understand her fatigue and sometimes acted out selfishly and angrily for her not concentrating on the relationship more...because I figured since it wasn't physical she couldn't be that tired right?. But then she'd fall asleep like an old lady whenever she seemed to relax even when we did have time together...I would get pretty pissed off that these hospitals that they would even work people this long. But mentally she was always drained and physically, up on her feet all day and working on call shifts staying over at the hospital meant sleeping alone at night, spending a lot of time alone. Luckily I'm a pretty independent person...I don't need a lot of reassurance or what not in a relationship...but this is even pushed me...I was feeling like I was living alone almost. It put a huge strain on a relationship that already had its problems. I don't think it's going to feel enough for you ever, until possibly he's settled in...then it might go down to what? 60-70 hours week? on call not included? I'm sure since you been with him this far you've already been going through this for some time. I'm sure he misses you and would love to spend time with you, but he's got so much on his mind and he's so busy trying to cram and overload of information and do well and stay focused on top of it that I don't think he has much time to really even think too much about the relationship and not intentionally. It's normal to be needy and want attention, but this is just the way it's going to be If you're going to be with him...I think it's going to get worse before it gets better (talking down the road), you've got to able to deal with a crazy schedule, unavailable time with your partner. He doesn't really have a choice to spend time with you. The best thing you can do is be supportive and understanding, that will help him get through this as well. I would visit my ex at the hospital sometimes, or have lunch..it was little things, you kinda got to be their anchor and it isn't easy because they emotionally miss out too.
TheFinalWord Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 I am currently in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2+ years now. 1 year 2 months in the same city, then he moved to another state about a year ago for fellowship training. He's gonna be in the east coast until June 2013. He visited me about 4 times last year, and I've been going back and forth every 5 weeks or so since my schedule is more flexible than his. I work three times a week, he works over 80 hours a week, spending most of his time at the hospital for his training. He has been the sweetest, most romantic guy I have ever dated, until he moved and he got so busy that he doesnt have time or means anymore. He spends all of his salary (for training) for rent and food, and has almost nothing left for personal use. I have no doubt in my mind that he loves me. And I do love him too. And we have plans to move in together and have a family by the time he finishes his training and finds a real job as a surgeon in July 2013. My problem is that I have been stressing him so much because of my neediness. I feel lonely being out here in the west coast. We text each other everyday and maybe 2-3 minute phone call most days, facetime about once per week for about 5-10 minutes. Yet, I still feel like it's not enough. He told me that its only gonna get worse as he starts his last year of fellowship this coming July. I dont really wanna burden him. I dont want to stress him. But I do not know exactly what to do. I want him to miss me and talk to me and spend time with me, but I think he is consumed by work and has no time to really be attentive to me. How do I get myself together, not be needy, give him what he needs and yet not let our love grow cold? Oh, I need some attention too. Have you tried skype? Not the real thing, but at least those 5 to 10 mins could be face time
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