nineyearsgone79 Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 (edited) From time to time I pop by the boards to read others stories and how others are progressing. I just thought I'd post tonight.. i think i thought of my ex because tomorrow is his birthday. We were together 9 years.. and he broke up via email with me almost 3 years ago and vanished. He asked me to not contact him .. i tried .. i failed. I feel so lucky to find myself today in a happy relationship for the past 2 years to a great guy. We've traveled the world, live together, and just make each other laugh. Me and my ex were LD for many years but talked daily.. it was hard to get him to open up talking about the future with me.. he never made plans with me.. he never seemed to have that same yearning to be together i had for so many years.. he was always "confused". however, he never wanted to let me go. i was very patient.. and then one day he dumped me and started dating a new girl literally days later. i found all of that out eventually through mutual friends on facebook. he never took a minute to even miss me. i sometimes wonder did i even really know him. sometimes i just look back at the past.. and feel as if i never even knew that person who supposedly loved me. are there really people out there like that.. cold, heartless, lacking any heart? i'm glad my boyfriend isn't like that.. very thankful. I think i appreciate his positive qualities even more so having had that negative experience. i'm just babbling tonight.. just looking back and thinking how lucky i am to have had him set me free .. so that someone who actually loves me was able to come along. sometimes i wonder does he really love the girl he is still with that he left me for.. do people really change? Edited June 22, 2012 by nineyearsgone79
Sugarkane Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 Hello sorry but I'm not familiar with your story. Sounds like a classic case of Mr Unavailable. I think you could've been too patient. Were you LDR the whole time? 9 years is a long time to waste on someone. Especially someone you never got to see. Why did you stay?
CopingGal Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 Your past situation reminds me a little bit of mine. My ex was never committed to me. He only pretend to be. I lived on crumbs for three years because there was so much going on in his life, much of which was a lie. I've learned...if the bf doesn't make time for you, leave, NO matter what his excuse is...leave, because most likely, he's purposely not making time.
Sugarkane Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 If he was "confused" for that long sounds like he wanted you to be his fallback girl.
CopingGal Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 If he was "confused" for that long sounds like he wanted you to be his fallback girl. Same with me, but I thought it was normal since my dad always treated my mom like that. I realize now, it is not.
Sugarkane Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 OP that is a long time to be in an unavailable relationship. Why didn't either one of you move at some point?
Author nineyearsgone79 Posted June 22, 2012 Author Posted June 22, 2012 Hi.. thanks for writing.. we met in college when i was a junior and him a senior. We were together all of the time for 1 year .. then he graduated. He wanted to stay together.. even though it was long distance. We stayed together because he said he loved me and i loved him very much. He would always blame it on his financial situation.. yet he never did anything to try to actually get his career going. He lived at home up until 6 months after he started dating the new girl (his sister in law) and then finally decided to move out of his parents and get a regular job. He's now 33 and so am i.. so he finally decided to get his life going at 30 or so when he met the sister in law. I tried to make us work.. i moved to nyc offered to have him stay with me.. he said he didn't believe in living together until marriage.. i talked about breaking up in the past a few times.. he said it made him cry. He didn't want to break up.. yet he never seemed to want to put in the effort to make it work either. .. such a confused individual. What was perplexing was after meeting this girl he decided to finally get going with his life.. get an apt. a job etc. I just wonder what was it about her that made him "grow up?" She is 3 years younger than him. I sometimes felt like i was dating a little boy at times.. but i loved him to bits.
Author nineyearsgone79 Posted June 22, 2012 Author Posted June 22, 2012 Coping Gal.. you are absolutely right.. if they don't make time.. it is indeed on purpose! I sometimes mentally compare him to my current boyfriend and it is night and day. I feel like my current bf wants me to be there.. not like i'm waiting out there to be let in. I just regret having wasted all those years.. that was what hurt the most. .. the fact that it was all for nothing. He didn't even have the heart to tell me over the phone or pick up when i got the email. I just don't understand how he was able to justify it to himself.. I could never do that to someone.
jquest1280 Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 I have a male relative, quite the player when he was young. Now happily married with a teenage daughter. He related giving her this advise: if you have to be the one to go to him, to find ways and means to meet up with him, and always at his convenience and not yours, if it's always you calling him....get out of there. Hahaha...he should know. But you see, some men are serious with you and some are not. You can learn to tell the difference, and accept what you have to do. (Congratulations, btw on your happiness, glad to hear it all turned out well).
Author nineyearsgone79 Posted June 22, 2012 Author Posted June 22, 2012 Yah.. that is surely the truth! .. with him he did call me and visit me and me him etc. It was just taking it to the next level that he seemed to drag his feet with.. whenever I tried to talk about the future he would shut down. Now I know better but in the moment I just thought he was a bit nervous and needed time .. I didn't want to push. In retrospect I should have left him because he didn't want to include me in more of his life.. but that's ok it's his loss in the end really.
CopingGal Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 Coping Gal.. you are absolutely right.. if they don't make time.. it is indeed on purpose! I sometimes mentally compare him to my current boyfriend and it is night and day. I feel like my current bf wants me to be there.. not like i'm waiting out there to be let in. I just regret having wasted all those years.. that was what hurt the most. .. the fact that it was all for nothing. He didn't even have the heart to tell me over the phone or pick up when i got the email. I just don't understand how he was able to justify it to himself.. I could never do that to someone. Yeah, me too. Three years with someone who turned out to be a monster and tell me making me that sick and stomping on my heart was worth it to me so that he could cheat. I'm guess I'm lucky. I could have been married to this bastard and wasted ever more than 4 years. I'm so glad I got out after 4 years. F him. It's been over for almost a year now. Thank goodness. Thank goodness. I know what the devil looks like because I dated him.
StarlaStardust Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 I was dumped in email and then never spoken to again, also! How can these guys DO that?? I still feel shocked to this day. I can't help but feel like there is some untold story, like he got abducted by aliens or something, haha (he didn't) or someone told him I cheated on him (I didn't and that wouldn't have happened). I feel so hopeful after reading about your great new relationship!! Thank you for the update.
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