confuzzled1 Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 If someone you've been on a few dates with (kissing but nothing else) and generally seems keen and interested in you logs onto the dating site you met on at least once a day, would you assume their interest levels are not at a premium? I only ask because I got burned a few months ago with someone I was seeing for a couple of months who ultimately decided to choose another guy for something more serious whom she'd been seeing all along (I was completely oblivious to other guy at the time). Current date logs onto dating profile a lot (I can see without being logged on myself - bad I know but as I mentioned, I got burned before) so I'm pretty sure it's not to see how often I'm online as I don't log on all that frequently. This has made me think of what happened to previous person I was seeing and how crushing it was, which I don't want to happen again. Is there any way I can find out how many other guys are on the radar without seeming needy? Probably way too early for exclusivity talk, but I'd like to know roughly where I stand.
oaks Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 How many other guys are there? Sure, you can approach this a few ways: Are you dating anyone else? How are you finding the site? Are you finding a lot of guys want to date you? What do you tell them? I'm not really interested in multi-dating. How do you feel about it? So tell me about the other guys you're dating? (yes, use that as a conversation starter!) Basically just ask.
Pistol pete Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 I find myself in a similar situation.. you can never really fully know what's going on. Girl that I've been seeing for a week now (2 dates) seems to be on the dating site we met on a lot.. but then, if she logged on, she would always see me quite high on the search page.. because I log in regularly. I generally log on out of habit and curiosity and to see if she's been using it So maybe she's doing the same. As Oaks suggests, talking about it is the only way to know for sure.. think of a way to drop it into a fun/jokey conversation. As you've got the first couple of awkward dates out of the way and gotten kisses/touchy feely... it potentially could be going somewhere, I don't think this line of questioning is totally unwarranted.
utterer of lies Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 If someone you've been on a few dates with (kissing but nothing else) and generally seems keen and interested in you logs onto the dating site you met on at least once a day, would you assume their interest levels are not at a premium? A few dates with only kissing but nothing else - that's the problem. You are the backup solution for when she's bored and can't get a date with someone interesting. 1
Author confuzzled1 Posted June 22, 2012 Author Posted June 22, 2012 A few dates with only kissing but nothing else - that's the problem. You are the backup solution for when she's bored and can't get a date with someone interesting. Nice troll.
utterer of lies Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 Nice troll. Its not. Its my honest impression to what you wrote.
Author confuzzled1 Posted June 22, 2012 Author Posted June 22, 2012 (edited) Its not. Its my honest impression to what you wrote. All our dates (3) have been out in public and away from where either of us live. So becuase I didn't finger her under a table or we didn't go and have sex in the toilets somewhere means that i'm an uninteresting back up plan? Hmmm. She is definitely still looking..... Edited June 22, 2012 by confuzzled1
utterer of lies Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 All our dates (3) have been out in public and away from where either of us live. So becuase I didn't finger her under a table or we didn't go and have sex in the toilets somewhere means that i'm an uninteresting back up plan? Hm, are you a teenager, or are you two inexperienced? Maybe then it's different...
Author confuzzled1 Posted June 25, 2012 Author Posted June 25, 2012 Hm, are you a teenager, or are you two inexperienced? Maybe then it's different... I'm not a teenager and I'm not inexperienced, I just fail to see how not having sex with someone within a few dates = being put in the uninteresting, backup plan category.
Emilia Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 I'm not a teenager and I'm not inexperienced, I just fail to see how not having sex with someone within a few dates = being put in the uninteresting, backup plan category. Because many of us prefer to move faster.
Author confuzzled1 Posted June 25, 2012 Author Posted June 25, 2012 Because many of us prefer to move faster. So you consign people into the dating dustbin even if you genuinely like them a lot if they don't sleep with you within the first couple of dates? I can understand that if you are looking for a casual hook up, but if you are after something a bit deeper and genuinely like the person a lot, why would it matter if they didn't put out by Date 1, Date 3, or Date 5?
Emilia Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 So you consign people into the dating dustbin even if you genuinely like them a lot if they don't sleep with you within the first couple of dates? I can understand that if you are looking for a casual hook up, but if you are after something a bit deeper and genuinely like the person a lot, why would it matter if they didn't put out by Date 1, Date 3, or Date 5? I'm not scared of having sex with men I like, I'm not paranoid that they will want to dump me after therefore I don't see the benefit of 'holding out' - except for building anticipation. That part is definitely fun However, if I don't feel there is chemistry building up between us, I lose interest because I don't genuinely like someone as a potential partner unless I want to have sex with them pretty quickly. If we do have chemistry and want to ravish each other, why wouldn't we? We are adults. I have plenty of friends, don't need more therefore I would lose interest probably after date 3.
Author confuzzled1 Posted June 27, 2012 Author Posted June 27, 2012 Getting a bit annoying now. 4/5 dates. Definite physical chemistry though we haven't had sex yet. She's still logging on to the dating site at least once a day, often more (it has become a sort of spiral now, the more she is on there the more I check). She seems interested in every other respect, proactive in texting/calling, keen to meet, seems like she's having a great time when we do. So why keep looking around? I don't get it. I don't know what to do now. I REALLY like her and she's one of the rare women I meet who I have an instant mental connection with, but frustration is building. I can't really ask her about it because it will make me seem needy and desperate
veggirl Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 I agree with Emilia, ask her. After 4 or 5 dates she should know if she likes you enough to quit dating / scoping out others.
WeAllMightBeNuts Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 You're too available and needy. My experience is that one of women's super powers is that they can detect these traits from a mile away and will avoid it like the plague. She'll kiss you and rub your c#@# through your jeans, but she can detect your weakness and therefore will continue to look behind your back. Only chance you have is to have zero communication with her for around a week or so. ZERO. Try it. What have you got to lose? You're already losing with your current trend.
FitChick Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 She's still logging on to the dating site at least once a day, often more (it has become a sort of spiral now, the more she is on there the more I check). Don't you think she can see you logging on as well, so perhaps thinks you are dating other women?
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