johncolorado Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 Cliffs- -met a 30 year old girl at a club. im 26. -first date we go out and it goes ok.. and then i go for the hug, and she goes " i dont want to kiss" and pushes me away. i wasnt even going for the kiss, so i was like whatever we can be friends. no big deal. - i went out with her again, and this time it was a great date(date 2). at the end of this date, she goes while in her car " i dont want to mess up your move this time tehehehe". and then when she drops me off, she gets out of her car and walks to mine because she wanted to see it... -anyways, i just hugged her because i felt awkard after she called out me making a move before hand. -we go out a 3rd time, a 10 hour date. she was the one who prolonged it that long. i was just going to keep it simply and kiss her at the end when its expected. but at the end of the date she goes "the last two dates ended really awkward, lets just keep it simple and hug this time" - we had set up a 4th date while on the 3rd date for a few days later. -however, since she did the hug b.s. at the end of a 10 hour 3rd date. i didnt want to continue "dating" someone i didnt feel was genuinely interested. so i just texted her, "i really like hanging, but lets just be friends and nothing else moving on" -she responds " i can be friends for now. but lets not label things and see where life takes us" - i pretty much just said "no, if thats what you want, bye" and we argued a bit and then didnt talk for 6 weeks. i texted her one day on a whim "sorry for how i acted, it would be nice to stay on friendly terms" she responds " apology accepted. i think its worth a shot trying to stay on friendly terms." and we text back and forth and set up a catch up day the following weekend. we hang out for 5 hours on the catch up hang out. -she text me the next day " i had a great tie hanging out with you as always :)" -" i respond " i had a nice time too. lets go to the art museum sometime. im glad we are hanging out again" -she responds "pick a day and we will go :)" i respond "friday?" she responds " i think so. let me see if i can move things around". and then two days later she text me she is free for friday if i am. and that is tomorrow. my question is, is she into me? are we just friends?
Author johncolorado Posted June 22, 2012 Author Posted June 22, 2012 Try to kiss her and you'll have your answer. well when we were hanging out on the catch up date, she mentioned the following in passing--i forget how they got brought up. "i like to start off as friends first. Thats how all good relationships sstart, how can you be in a relationship if you arent friends?" " i dont hook up with someone untill i really know them. I cant be attracted to someone i dont really know" so now i feel even more gunshy about making a move then before after those
mortensorchid Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 Well ... If you like her and want to pursue things, no reason you can't be with her for more dates until she gets to know you a bit better, right? No reason to give up at this point, she explained herself.
Author johncolorado Posted June 22, 2012 Author Posted June 22, 2012 Well ... If you like her and want to pursue things, no reason you can't be with her for more dates until she gets to know you a bit better, right? No reason to give up at this point, she explained herself. well, she didnt say those quotes in direct reference to us. but just in general. I dont mind waiting for anything physical. as long as its genuine interest on her part in pursuing something more. i feel like im pissing in the wind to be honest
ThingsAreComplicated Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 It's just not natural. The second she said something like "don't want to mess up your move" I would have been gone. Luckily I experienced the dating scene before "Dating 2.0" it's awkward how the internet imposes rules on people and they actually follow it. Going with the flow seems to be old school... And talking about interest. Both have not contacted each other for 6 weeks after meeting a couple of times... But on a positive note I agree to her in one point: " i dont hook up with someone untill i really know them. I cant be attracted to someone i dont really know" Looks like at least one female on this planet didn't read all the papers about "friendzoning" lol
SJC2008 Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 well when we were hanging out on the catch up date, she mentioned the following in passing--i forget how they got brought up. "i like to start off as friends first. Thats how all good relationships sstart, how can you be in a relationship if you arent friends?" " i dont hook up with someone untill i really know them. I cant be attracted to someone i dont really know" so now i feel even more gunshy about making a move then before after those If she wants to take things slow and go from there thats fine but she should of told you that on the first mudda fuggin date. Are you paying for these dates??
Author johncolorado Posted June 22, 2012 Author Posted June 22, 2012 She's playing you. but to what end? im not paying for the hangouts. So what does she gain by burning her friday and saturday nights with a guy she isnt into?
Author johncolorado Posted June 22, 2012 Author Posted June 22, 2012 If she wants to take things slow and go from there thats fine but she should of told you that on the first mudda fuggin date. Are you paying for these dates?? after she kiss rejected my hug, she mentioned flustered that the first few times we hang out she doesnt want to kiss. I took that as her being flustered and not a genuine i go slow statement though. could of been.
Author johncolorado Posted June 22, 2012 Author Posted June 22, 2012 It's just not natural. The second she said something like "don't want to mess up your move" I would have been gone. Luckily I experienced the dating scene before "Dating 2.0" it's awkward how the internet imposes rules on people and they actually follow it. Going with the flow seems to be old school... And talking about interest. Both have not contacted each other for 6 weeks after meeting a couple of times... But on a positive note I agree to her in one point: " i dont hook up with someone untill i really know them. I cant be attracted to someone i dont really know" Looks like at least one female on this planet didn't read all the papers about "friendzoning" lol i admittedly acted like a douche after that 3rd date and we had a decent argument. thats why we didnt talk.
Eddie Edirol Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 (edited) but to what end? im not paying for the hangouts. So what does she gain by burning her friday and saturday nights with a guy she isnt into? Because men use women for their bodies, and women use men for their time. If she isnt getting an emotional tampon from anyone else, you will be the tampon. SO next time, go for the kiss, otherwise all this garbage about "i like to start off as friends first. Thats how all good relationships start, how can you be in a relationship if you arent friends?" is just a ploy to keep your hands off her so you will be safe to hang out with indefinitely. If you can wait to be physical, you will be in for a very long wait. I say assume she is friendzoning you, and do NOT get attached to her, and dont be so available for her, that way you have some social value away from her. If by some slim chance she really is into you and is just testing you to earn your way to her heart, you might be in for a treat. But assume youre not. Keep it platonic, dont do anything special, treat her as a friend, as if you friend zoned her. If you turn into the challenge, you could turn this around. Dont get attached until you see some clue that she is ready to take it to the next level. last thing you need is to get all worked up, lead on, and attached to a potential attention whore because she tricked you into being "friends first". Edited June 22, 2012 by Eddie Edirol
Celtica Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 My apologies if this is blunt, but if it is that awkward and uncomfortable on the first few dates, I don't even want to know what it would be like if you two were in an actual relationship. I'm a little confused as to what your question is about the situation. I can't speak for her awkwardness or her reticence, so when in doubt, that's your cue to be comfortably curious and to ask her questions. If you aren't naturally curious but just uncomfortably confused, maybe you want to listen to that intuition. I take the same stance as her regarding getting to know a man before becoming physical. Not only do I find it more savory physically when you get to know someone prior, but it also allows me to be aware of any major red flags before hand. Of course, depending how long she draws it out, you have to use your intuition to decide if she's worth the investment. You have every right to ask her questions if you disagree or don't understand her logic. Makes more room for conversation and honesty as well.
somedude81 Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 but to what end? im not paying for the hangouts. So what does she gain by burning her friday and saturday nights with a guy she isnt into? LOL, you expect a logical explanation about something a woman does?
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