Notforever Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 To get over someone. During my break up a lot of friends gave me this advice. At first I questioned it and thought it was horrible advice but after time I began to see why it can be somewhat therapeutic or helpful in moving on. What do you think?
Winning Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 It CAN help so long as you're not hurting the other person, leading him/her on. But it could be a rebound and you could get too rapidly invested emotionally, OR keep from getting invested emotionally and thus potentially lose out on a good relationship. It is really best to date when you feel more stable. To not indulge in excessive drinking or casual sex....as either can cause regret and the latter can cause death or hurt feelings.
skyisfalling Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 To get over someone. During my break up a lot of friends gave me this advice. At first I questioned it and thought it was horrible advice but after time I began to see why it can be somewhat therapeutic or helpful in moving on. What do you think? im kind of lost? what do you mean getting on top of someone..? Like beating them at their own game?
Snakechammah Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 Not necessarily having sex with the new person - that could backfire. Emotionless sex could leave you more shattered then before. I agree that you feel less for your ex as soon as you develop natural feelings for someone else. I say 'natural' because it can't be forced or faked - many a times, people project such feelings onto someone new because they are desperate to forget the old. It doesn't work like that. It has to be a natural affinty for the new person - then it works like a charm. When someone better comes along, you tend to compare with the old (and the one who hurt you) and you realized the world is bigger than that one person you were pining for. And so you pine for a new person. A new crush. The hot guy who just moved in next door, etc. Hopefully, this new person is a healthy pine and not toxic like the previous one. To me, falling in love with a new person is the BEST remedy to get over an ex. You get distracted with the fantasy and thoughts of this new person - there is no space for the old bum anymore!
Author Notforever Posted June 22, 2012 Author Posted June 22, 2012 Ah I meant having sex with a new person, just to clarify! In all honesty, when I first heard it I thought it was ridiculous but I did try it at some point. I had a casual one night thing with an old friend (maybe not the best idea because I could definitely see where it would backfire) but it was the most freeing thing. Knowing that I don't have so many 'lasts' with my ex is so nice, and that was a key thing to me moving on, although I wouldn't necessarily recommend it, I just wanted to hear others thoughts:) Thanks guys for responding:)
AlexanderJames Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 Dont know how to feel about this one. When I first broke up with my ex I used rebound sex as a means of forgetting about it. With a few different women, one of which I got emotionally caught up with. It was only brief but it did cause me un needed stress and anxiety. From experience heres what happened: Broke up with ex, blocked off emotional trauma by going out partying and sleeping with rebounds. Felt great, didnt think much of the breakup or anything. Got caught up emotionally with one of the rebounds, had to deal with mixed feelings towards her. Got passed the partying and rebound stage, started feeling lonely and missing having that special someone. The novalty of being single had worn off. Then BAM all of the feelings that you feel immediately after a break up came rushing in and I was at square one. All I had done is postponed confronting the feelings I've had to since. I guess the moral to this is that everything we feel after a break up, the guilt, sadness, loss, resentment. EVERYTHING that is talked about every day by people on here we have to feel at one point or another, its innevitable. Rebounds and things like that are fun and do take your mind off of it, but not forever. When we lose someone we love, through our choice, theirs or neither, we are going to feel all of the hurt and all of the hardship that everybody does. Sooner or later anyway. But thats just my opinion of course. 2
AlexanderJames Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 Dont make fun of me for commenting again >< but I left something out. I slept with rebounds shortly after my break up as a means to block feelings out. Which in turn caused my ex a great deal of pain, and is probably a big contributing factor to her going to such lengths to hurt me back. I regret it. It would be different if you had already dealt with the hardset parts of breaking up, like you have Notforever, and you have accepted that you WANT to move on. In that case I dont think there is a problem with it at all. For example if I was to go out tonight and sleep with someone I would not consider it a rebound because I've made so much progress within myself and am content with moving forward with my life. If that makes sense? There's no spite involved, no cruel intent and I wouldnt be using someone else as a means to forget. It would be fun and healthy for me, I would look at it as a way of enjoying single life again and being happy with being by myself and enjoying the perks that come with it
Author Notforever Posted June 22, 2012 Author Posted June 22, 2012 Any excuse to talk to me, huh Alexander? Just playing with yaa;) It's much better to be in a good place (mentally- not couch, count etc haha) and if you are then it can be enjoyable and relieving, otherwise it can definitely just end up being a place holder, something that tucks away your true feelings, but never for long. I wasn't in an ideal place when it happened but it really did free me in a way.
AlexanderJames Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 Any excuse to talk to me, huh Alexander? You know it haha. It's a good way to give yourself a break from dealing with everything I suppose. Like a timeout.
CaliBabe Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 I think it does help. And like another poster already mentioned, having natural feelings for someone else helps tremendously. It reminds you that you can love again. Just go slow and really think things through and don't do be with somoene just for the novelty of having a person in your life. It's a great feeling to have again, but just be smart about the whole thing. 1
Ruby65 Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 I'm for anything and everything that helps in the long-term or the short-term..... alcohol, sex, television, chocolate, sleep, therapy, exercise, hanging with friends...... anything!
january2011 Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 Nope, tried this and it didn't work for me. It actually made me feel worse and I was sent into a bigger tailspin from the emotional fallout afterwards. Having said that, I think it's because I met my transition man way too soon and I hadn't spent enough time getting over my ex. In my opinion, a transition person can help if it's more a case of being afraid of getting out there again rather than trying to get over someone for whom you still have feelings.
CaliBabe Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 YES, I agree with January. A transition period where you've had some time to heal and rediscover yourself is essential for this to be beneficial to you. Otherwise, too soon could be detremential. 1
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