I can't decide, having mixed feelings...

[ccaitlinelizz]

Im 18 he's 20. We broke up a month ago, my decision, i wasn't feeling the same anymore (we dated for 5 months). I regretted my decision almost immediately so we decided to just be friends but try to work things out. We never really worked anything out, we just kept on texting everyday like we normally would, just less flirting. I started having panic attacks over what we were going to do. I was scared of getting back with him and then hurting him again and loosing him for good, and I was scared of staying his friend and him getting with someone else and just being miserable. I would think of him with other girls and get extremely upset. I know I am very emotionally attached to him because we were each others first for nearly everything, except that one big thing, we never did that. he was the first guy i was ever really comfortable with.

 

after crying with my friend for a good 3 hours the other day she finally helped me come to the decision that maybe we should just be best friends with the possibility of getting back together some day. he agreed. he told me that if it was the only way for me to be calm and not panic then it was best. we agreed to not give up on each other.

Now, I feel like I have after my past few breakups but its worse. I'm so upset to the point that i cant eat... I miss him, but everyone keeps saying "do you miss him or do you miss the relationship?" and that makes me second guess myself. I finally talked to him last night and I asked him when he thought he would get in another relationship and he said he didn't know... i then asked him if whenever he did if he could not do the things we did or go any further... at first he said "I'd have difficulty..and no one else can be you" I kinda restated myself and added that I wouldn't be able to and that if he did i might look at him differently (because I wanted to be his first, and I still do, and I want him to be mine)... he then said "I'm not gonna do anything..."

 

I know I still like him, but it's not strong enough to get right back into a relationship. I feel like I might be having that whole "you don't know what you had until it's gone" thing, I've had that before...

 

should we just stay friends and give each other room to grow a bit for the rest of the summer and see what happens when we start college, like should i ask him if we can just make this a break? (we're going to different schools, same city) or am i just plain kidding myself....

 

advice please, if you have other ideas.....

[AlexanderJames]

Firstly welcome to the forum, posting on here is a big step in the right direction.

I want to remind you that you broke up with him, dont let your mind trick you into thinking that your relationship with this man was perfect, because it wasnt. If it was you wouldnt have made the decision to leave.

 

Staying friends when you still have feelings will be extremely difficult. A lot of people on here can vouch for me here. You wont be able to settle your feelings and just be friends while you spend time with him. You'll discuss memories and share stories no doubt and youll be strung on. Then if he finds someone else and you're still hanging on you will be absolutely devastated. Friendship can and does happen between ex lovers, but for it to happen there must be sufficient time apart to let go of the hurt, resentment and feelings of love to allow a mutual friendly bond to be built.

 

I often thought about my ex being with other men, Sometimes I didnt have a choice she actually told me about sexual encounters. I used to get so destraught that I would vommit. It was terrible. But I turned my thoughts not to her finding someone else, but to me finding someone better.

 

Having experienced the worst and been where you are my advice to you would be, as much as you probably dont want to hear it or agree with it, to completely cut the guy out. Take some time to yourself, it will be much easier for you to figure out what you want and what you miss if your given time away from him. Do you miss him? Or do you miss companionship? Are you scared of having to put yourself on the line and get to know someone else in the future? These are all questions youll be faced with and many more but trust me when I say the answers come much sooner if you cut contact.

 

NC = The hardest, but most effective way of discovering who you are, what you want and moving on with your life.

 

It's your life, your story and your journey. Most people will agree with me on here I think, but you have to do what you feel is right by you. No matter what you chose we are all here for you. Keep us posted with that you decide to do and how it makes you feel.

 

Good luck.

[ccaitlinelizz]

I can't cut contact with him. I just can't. I've done it for all of my past relationships but with him its different. I can't explain it. For the past two days I have not eaten a single thing. My mom forced me to eat lunch today and I immediately got sick and threw it all up. We agreed to be best friends for now and my friends all honestly believe we will get back together one day... a friend of mine said that maybe once we start college and settle into our new routines it might be easier for us if we try again.... I honestly loved him at one point but that feeling scared me so I hid it because because of the fear that if I told him I would just scare him off and lose him...

[AlexanderJames]

Sounds like your strill struggling to come to terms with the fact that you are over.

The wound is still very fresh and like you said you're feeling lots and lots of mixed feelings, emotions and confusion.

 

I guess your best bet would be to allow yourself to feel all the feelings you are feeling. Identify what it is and let your body experience it. The first part's to a breakup are by far the hardest. Slowly but surely your mind will start to make sense of everything, youll identify what you are feeling and why and you will start putting the pieces into place. I cant tell you what you want or what is best for you, only you can.

 

Give yourself time and patience for now, allow yourself to figure everything out. You'll get there. It wont happen overnight but everything you are going to feel, and all the challenges you may be faced with are necessary. It's all part of the journey.

[nana841121]

when you do not know what to do next , do nothing.