ThaWholigan Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 That happened to me on another thread the other night, but by morning it was fine. my apologies for my contributions to the usual.:laugh: It's cool I have no experience to speak of so I shouldn't really be in this thread , but as far as I understand my own emotional life, being intimate doesn't always equal having sex. I think that sex and intimacy are separate entities that intertwine at varying points in a man's interpersonal relationships as I have clocked in a number of males I know in relationships over the years. What makes a man bond is when a woman is able to allow a man to become comfortable with the idea of vulnerability. At this point, intimacy becomes possible because he is open. It will take the right woman for that individual, and not every woman will be that right woman. This is how I understand it anyway..... 1
Pyro Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 What makes a man bond is when a woman is able to allow a man to become comfortable with the idea of vulnerability. At this point, intimacy becomes possible because he is open. It will take the right woman for that individual, and not every woman will be that right woman. This is how I understand it anyway..... and to find out if that woman is the right woman means that the guy has to open up. If a guy is not ready for that then he shouldn't be in a relationship. Spot on though with your post. 1
Woggle Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 :rolleyes: You speak as if men are all such great people. We probably go through much worse and still not find that man:lmao: Anyways, I need real responses regarding my original question, please don't make this a woggle, SD or verzhen thread, thanks! These are real responses as to why many men these days just are not eager to try and connect with a woman. If you want a brutally honest male perspective then ask me because I will not sugarcoat it and the only we will ever heal the rift between the genders is if both sides are brutally honest. Did you ever notice how in cultures where misandry is not rampant men are much more willing to try and commit to a woman instead of just viewing her as a walking sex toy? Did you ever notice how during times when it is in vogue to hate men that porn and things of that nature become more popular with men? Look at how porn was huge during the 70s which was also when feminism was at it's most radical and look at how internet porn is very popular during the SATC era. The point is that when women like to tell men how unneeded and unwanted they feel we are it doesn't exactly make us want to have meaningful relationships with them. Why would anybody want to with a person who hates them like that?
Pyro Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 These are real responses as to why many men these days just are not eager to try and connect with a woman. If you want a brutally honest male perspective then ask me because I will not sugarcoat it and the only we will ever heal the rift between the genders is if both sides are brutally honest. Did you ever notice how in cultures where misandry is not rampant men are much more willing to try and commit to a woman instead of just viewing her as a walking sex toy? Did you ever notice how during times when it is in vogue to hate men that porn and things of that nature become more popular with men? Look at how porn was huge during the 70s which was also when feminism was at it's most radical and look at how internet porn is very popular during the SATC era. The point is that when women like to tell men how unneeded and unwanted they feel we are it doesn't exactly make us want to have meaningful relationships with them. Why would anybody want to with a person who hates them like that? you are not a representative of the attitude that is needed to 'heal the rift' between genders. :lmao: You may want at least six more months of counseling before that is considered.
A O Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 I think that sex and intimacy are separate entities that intertwine at varying points Tend to see things the same way. What makes a man bond is when a woman is able to allow a man to become comfortable with the idea of vulnerability. A person is either comfortable with vulnerability or they're not. They can open up to any man/woman or a dog. Its like a funny person will be funny regardless of who they're around. Finding someone who appreciates this trait is the name of the game. These are real responses as to why many men these days just are not eager to try and connect with a woman. If you want a brutally honest male perspective then ask me because I will not sugarcoat it and the only we will ever heal the rift between the genders is if both sides are brutally honest. We'll get an honest perspective from someone who's been hurt, that much is true. So it is an honest, but unfortunately skewed perspective of the world. Your experiences should be noted because they are very, very real, but they also need to be kept in context, that being that there is a whole world of women out there who know how to treat men/people well.
Woggle Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 you are not a representative of the attitude that is needed to 'heal the rift' between genders. :lmao: You may want at least six more months of counseling before that is considered. If you want to cure a disease you have to first acknowkedge there is one and then by honest about the nature of it. Sticking your head in the sand and pretending everything is just great between men and women will not get anybody anywhere.
joystickd Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 His 'history' is written all over him. Men only think they can hide it. Most don't even try. They wave it around like a badge of honor. And about my history... you must be confusing me with someone else. My history is pretty straightforward. I don't have sex with men I'm not in a relationship with, and nearly all of my relationships have lasted a minimum of five years. I've punted a couple in much shorter periods than that for lying or if I find out something about them I can't manage... Sounds like you deal with thirsty men and not real true to the game players. Players play the role and are flexible. Thirsty men are just focus on the end result. Funny thing with men and women when it comes to players and golddiggers you all spot the wannabes and not the real deals. Usually with these two types the real deal sneaks under the radar.
Pyro Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 If you want to cure a disease you have to first acknowkedge there is one and then by honest about the nature of it. Sticking your head in the sand and pretending everything is just great between men and women will not get anybody anywhere. I am not pretending that 'the disease' doesn't exist but everyone has the power to make themselves 'immune' from the disease. You purposely look to make contact with the disease.
Woggle Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 I am not pretending that 'the disease' doesn't exist but everyone has the power to make themselves 'immune' from the disease. You purposely look to make contact with the disease. Nobody has the power to make themselves immune. I could not have prevented my childhood no matter how hard I tried and my first marriage caught me by surprise.
Pyro Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 Nobody has the power to make themselves immune. I could not have prevented my childhood no matter how hard I tried and my first marriage caught me by surprise. You can immune yourself (yes you Woggle) by stop looking online for all that crap you read. No one is shoving it in your face. You choose to read it. That is the only thing that gives you any proof of your fears. 1
Woggle Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 You can immune yourself (yes you Woggle) by stop looking online for all that crap you read. No one is shoving it in your face. You choose to read it. That is the only thing that gives you any proof of your fears. I don't look for it. I like to keep up with world events and I see it on mainstream sites like Daily Mail and Huffpost. It's not like I go on the Daily Misandrist or something like that.
Pyro Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 I don't look for it. I like to keep up with world events and I see it on mainstream sites like Daily Mail and Huffpost. It's not like I go on the Daily Misandrist or something like that. then click off the website. It's really not that difficult. 2
ThingsAreComplicated Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 So we all know about how common it is for women to fall for guys they are having sex with, even if casual and we also know that (correct me if I'm wrong, and no, virgins can't comment) most men are very much able to have sex with a woman tens of times without getting any kind of deeper feeling for her. Now my question is, if intimate sexual acts doesn't make guys feel bonding/loving emotions, then what does??? giving them a 3 course meal? :lmao:I'm kind of confused about men and their emotional side, specially men older than 25. To me it seems like younger guys are more affected by emotions and are more likely to fall for a woman. The older they get, the less they care and feel. Thoughts? I'd rather hear from men with some kind of sex/relationship experience than guys without it. Intellect and deep personality. The last woman I met has so much "between her ears" that it literally made me weak. This combined with femininity (which is not just "pure" looks) is what obviously makes me really fall for a woman. And yes, sex alone definately won't do it. I disagree on the consensus (?) that bad sex early will lead to a bad relationship thus there will be no relationship at all. If I hear stuff like that from a person that is not a teenager and I'm seeing for the 2nd time in my whole life I'm happy to fulfill their expectation and move on quickly This is one point that might be perceived as less caring and stuff. 2
RedRobin Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 (edited) Sounds like you deal with thirsty men and not real true to the game players. Players play the role and are flexible. Thirsty men are just focus on the end result. Funny thing with men and women when it comes to players and golddiggers you all spot the wannabes and not the real deals. Usually with these two types the real deal sneaks under the radar. Maybe with the 20 somethings they do... or their targets are desperate themselves. I'm not desperate. Then again, it isn't good to be too proud or live life being suspicious. If one does manage to get under the radar, I'll survive. Live and learn. I expect he at least gave me a few good 'O's for me troubles (in my best Irish brogue). Edited June 24, 2012 by RedRobin
Jane2011 Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 Haven't read this thread, but I bet it's a great one. Just gonna throw in some thoughts. I think men fall for women based on time spent together doing activities that he likes to do. They don't fall for women based on sex, but if you spend time with him doing things he enjoys doing, he'll become attached to you more. One example I have for this (aside from generally thinking it plays a part) is the last guy I dated told me he was falling for me, and he followed it up with this: "Let's keep spending time together. I want to run with you" (I'm a runner). I remember thinking, at the exact moment he said that, a-ha! it's true - that does play a part of a guy's attachment to a girl. Platonic friendship time together. That being said, it's not just that. He simply has to be very attracted to you, too. That has nothing to do, necessarily, with how good a person you are or how intellectual you are. So when I hear men say "Be a good woman, be intellectual, be deep, and be caring and feminine" I have to think...yeah that matters, but that's not gonna do it. Men fall for who they're highly attracted to, and that is different things for different men. Men have thrown me over for women who were obviously less all of those things than I. Men have thrown me over for women who were giving them the run-around even. Why? Because they're just more attracted to that other woman. That person stirs their passion, and it may be because that person is mildly out of their emotional reach but there just enough to be satisfactory. I don't believe we're entirely attracted to "goodness" and "caring" and "kindness." If we were, and that's all it took, everyone on this board would have a partner right now. I try not to sweat too much what would make a guy fall for me instead of just want sex. He'll fall for me if he's highly attracted, and if he's not, I'm out of luck. But I can't control it, and it's too mentally exhausting trying to figure out what would make him burn with passion. I don't want to have to work, or play my cards a certain way, to make a guy fall for me. 1
SJC2008 Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 and they will pick up on the fact that you are hiding something. women aren't stupid. just as men have a gift for the rational and organizational, women have a knack for picking up emotional stability or lack thereof. you sound like the latter. You're saying this (1st bold part) in the wrong context. Not wanting to tell an so about some things I've been through until I reached a level of comfort/intimacy doesn't come off as having something to hide I don't know where you get that from. In the context of mabye lying to an so and cheating she may pick up on that vibe of hiding something. Sound like the latter?? Because I asked what intimacy and emotions meant to her and about boudaries and how soon she wants intimacy?? OK
SJC2008 Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 It's not that men don't want intimacy and emotions with women but more often than not when we try to have it women become unattracted to us. When a man finds a woman who we can truly breathe around and not have to dominate her all the time and be this emotionless rock that is when he feels in love. When a man sticks his heart out like this and a woman turns on him or friendzones him because of it it is very hard for him to open up like this again. When women stop punishing men who truly want a connection is when more men will seek a connection with a woman. Great point Woggle! I have only cried twice in my adulthood. Once due to a death in the fam and another crisis involving a family member. Now I'm not the type to want to cry in front of a woman or anyone for that matter the rare occurance it happens. But I would want to know the woman I'm with would embrace me with open arms and comfort me if need be.
xxoo Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 I don't look for it. I like to keep up with world events and I see it on mainstream sites like Daily Mail and Huffpost. Try npr.org 1
RedRobin Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 You can Google the BBC too. I live stream either NPR or BBC. You can also get an e-subscription to the Economist where they will send the articles directly to your email. 2
Woggle Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 I will check them out. I am just sick of seeing some misandrist crap no matter where I look and how on these board every misandrist comment gets a thumbs up and anytime a man defends himself it gets thumbs down and he is accused of hating women. It doesn't exactly make a man want to be all lovey and intimate with women.
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