january2011 Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 From experience, I've found that the following points hold true: allowing himself to be vulnerable and show emotions in front of her (for example, feeling things that he's never felt before or not felt for a long time), perceiving her to be "different" from other women and feeling a "connection," plus sex and a full stomach (not necessarily in that order). 1
Woggle Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 If a person leaves their house unlocked and it gets robbed it makes them never leave it unlocked again. The same concept applies when men leave their hearts open and a woman stomps on them. We never want to leave ourselves in that position again.
Author mesmerized Posted June 23, 2012 Author Posted June 23, 2012 Women underestimate the emotional capacity of men with the right women or people they feel emotionally compelled with, like children, possibly family, etc.. I don't underestimate fatherly love though I sometimes wonder about that too. But my dad loves us to death and would do anything for us so I have first hand seen real love fathers have for their kids. From experience, I've found that the following points hold true: allowing himself to be vulnerable and show emotions in front of her (for example, feeling things that he's never felt before or not felt for a long time), perceiving her to be "different" from other women and feeling a "connection," plus sex and a full stomach (not necessarily in that order). What's with this feeding men? I prefer guys who cook and feed me. brb, going lesbian.
Sid6.7 Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 I get emotional when my favorite NFL team makes the playoffs. I get intimate in the bedroom with a female I am attracted to. Tell me. What do you have to offer me that I don't already have that would make me want to be with you forever, and ever and ever. And ever, and ever.
Author mesmerized Posted June 23, 2012 Author Posted June 23, 2012 If a person leaves their house unlocked and it gets robbed it makes them never leave it unlocked again. The same concept applies when men leave their hearts open and a woman stomps on them. We never want to leave ourselves in that position again. But this happens to women too, if not more than men...I feel like an average man needs real intimacy and emotions considerably less than an average woman so it's easier for them to be closed to it if they want to.
SJC2008 Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Good sex certainly can attach a woman. Great sex is rare to come by and once you have it, you tend to fall for the guy. That was kind of my point in the thread too...At least a man knows that if he gives amazing sex he can spark feelings in women but as a woman, great sex probably won't get you anywhere because men don't look at sex as something emotional in the first place. It's just strange and makes me wonder what makes a man feel something then?? I don't want a woman to fall for me because I give her O's (if I ever get there),I want her to fall for ME. Treat a man like a human being and make it ok for him to be himself and to open up to you about things give him unconditional love. Accept a man for who he is and what's in his heart. Some women think a man is supposed to be some indestructible knight in shining armor or something and that we don't have emotions. 1
january2011 Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 What's with this feeding men? I prefer guys who cook and feed me. From what I've observed, the guys I've come across can't seem to function when they're hungry. Other than sex, everything else gets shunted aside.
Author mesmerized Posted June 23, 2012 Author Posted June 23, 2012 I don't want a woman to fall for me because I give her O's (if I ever get there),I want her to fall for ME. Treat a man like a human being and make it ok for him to be himself and to open up to you about things give him unconditional love. Accept a man for who he is and what's in his heart. Some women think a man is supposed to be some indestructible knight in shining armor or something and that we don't have emotions. It's funny...whenever I was too nice to a man and accepted them as who they are, they became lazy in the relationship, took me for granted and treated me poorly. So yeah, I can't quite agree with you. 1
Sid6.7 Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 It's funny...whenever I was too nice to a man and accepted them as who they are, they became lazy in the relationship, took me for granted and treated me poorly. So yeah, I can't quite agree with you. I noticed you can't answer my first question so, may I ask another? Lazy in the relationship? Explain please.
Author mesmerized Posted June 23, 2012 Author Posted June 23, 2012 I noticed you can't answer my first question so, may I ask another? Lazy in the relationship? Explain please. lol, I don't know you, I don't know what you want from your life and what you have and don't have. How would I respond to you? You seem to be an example of men I talk about anyway. From your posts it seem like you don't care about real intimacy and just want/need women for sex. They put less effort in everything, from sex to spending quality time. When you keep them on their toes and challenge them is when they are all over you.
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Good sex certainly can attach a woman. Great sex is rare to come by and once you have it, you tend to fall for the guy. That was kind of my point in the thread too...At least a man knows that if he gives amazing sex he can spark feelings in women but as a woman, great sex probably won't get you anywhere because men don't look at sex as something emotional in the first place. It's just strange and makes me wonder what makes a man feel something then?? I honestly feel like this is something I've always been in denial about to a degree...since women are so emotional it seemed confusing that they would attach over such a physical act depending on how good the sex is. Compliments in the sexual arena have always been taken with a grain of salt, I don't entirely believe them, almost like most women say they can't believe men who call them beautiful...I had always assumed women told men they were great or amazing in bed just to make them feel better about themselves, like a poke to intentionally boost a mans ego so I've always been indifferent to those types of feedback. You know when you're doing a lot of things right, but you don't realize the importance of lack of in that quality with different women. Although I've never met a woman that didn't appreciate good/great/amazing sex, whether she had a high sex drive or not. And I do agree with SJC2008 to a degree...just because you want to love a woman right and make her as satisfied as she can possibly feel, doesn't mean you solely want to be judged and valued for your capabilities in the bedroom alone...so yeah I'd say for someone reason I'm a little sensitive to that because I feel it's a little superficial If that level of sex can be compelling to women, I don't necessarily want to be given that kind of credit for it...ultimately sex is a psychological and emotional combination with the physical...I'd rather know there is also something there on those levels to make the sex even stronger of a connection since that's the ultimate a goal...a bonding. It just feels that If you're concentrated solely on the sexual/physical just because it was great/amazing and what not, it takes away from the other personal elements, not just based on who I am and what I have to offer otherwise, but how I am being valued as a partner. So you give a woman great/amazing sex because you're just being you and you get an automatic pass? What's the point of even continuing the relationship then? It may entice a man to keep it at just a sexual level and cut you off emotionally, rather than be taken as a compliment. Because if you can impress probably most women in bed, wouldn't giving great/amazing sex be detrimental to your goal If you wanted something more deep (don't laugh) and significant? I know what you're thinking! but I do NOT have a vagina... 1
Sid6.7 Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 (edited) lol, I don't know you, I don't know what you want from your life and what you have and don't have. How would I respond to you? You seem to be an example of men I talk about anyway. From your posts it seem like you don't care about real intimacy and just want/need women for sex. Hi, I'm Sid. I am a confident man, and I know what I want and when I know what I want I go for it. I accept failure as a challenge and a learning experience in which I don't repeat the same mistakes twice. I am successful in regards to fiscal endeavors and I live modestly. I am an excellent cook, in fact it is possible that I am much better than you. I do not like long walks on the beach, I prefer to sit and have the waves approach my feet as sun sets and the tide rolls in while the stars shimmer off the sand. I dress to impress and wear a tailored suit and a power tie, for power days. Other days it's just me and casual shorts this time a year with a fancy for a good beer on a hot summer day as the refreshing bubbles quench my thirst. I tend to have an affection for the finer things in life and so far my ambitions have provided such desires. I also have a home that is mine, and not one toilet has those fuzzy cloth thingy's on it. They never will. Now, mesmerized. Tell me, what can you offer me that I don't already have? Let's theorize and say you wanted to go out with me, let's go so far as to say you wanted a relationship. What could you offer me that I don't already have? Not only you, any one else up to the task of answering? Edited June 23, 2012 by Sid6.7
Pyro Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 If a person leaves their house unlocked and it gets robbed it makes them never leave it unlocked again. The same concept applies when men leave their hearts open and a woman stomps on them. We never want to leave ourselves in that position again. we're not all paranoid men.
Author mesmerized Posted June 23, 2012 Author Posted June 23, 2012 Hi, I'm Sid. I am a confident man, and I know what I want and when I know what I want I go for it. I accept failure as a challenge and a learning experience in which I don't repeat the same mistakes twice. I am successful in regards to fiscal endeavors and I live modestly. I am an excellent cook, in fact it is possible that I am much better than you. I do not like long walks on the beach, I prefer to sit and have the waves approach my feet as sun sets and the tide rolls in while the stars shimmer off the sand. I dress to impress and wear a tailored suit and a power tie, for power days. Other days it's just me and casual shorts this time a year with a fancy for a good beer on a hot summer day as the refreshing bubbles quench my thirst. I tend to have an affection for the finer things in life and so far my ambitions have provided such desires. I also have a home that is mine, and not one toilet has those fuzzy cloth thingy's on it. They never will. Now, mesmerized. Tell me, what can you offer me that I don't already have? Let's theorize and say you wanted to go out with me, let's go so far as to say you wanted a relationship. What could you offer me that I don't already have? Not only you, any one else up to the task? What now? You expect me to write an "average" dating profile like text for you to tell you what I'm gonna offer to you? Most people have those things you just wrote in their lives (and even more) and they still would want a partner to share the good/exciting moments of their lives with. To have someone that loves them and will be there for them...None of the stuff you just said would offer anything to me either as I also have all of them (except being a home-owner, not yet). What we can offer each other has not much to do with our "needs" but our "wants". If you don't want to have a woman in your life who you love, trust, and "enjoy" spending your time with, If having a special someone who share the same goals and feelings with you doesn't add any joy to your life, then by all means, stay single. 1
thatone Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 (edited) It's funny...whenever I was too nice to a man and accepted them as who they are, they became lazy in the relationship, took me for granted and treated me poorly. So yeah, I can't quite agree with you. i was gonna say, he doesn't really give a good example/impression with those statements. the first showing he doesn't understand much about women and the second showing that he doesn't know much about men either. maybe he's an amoeba. the answer to your question is as wildly varied in men as it is in women. i can only speak for myself. for me it's intellectual. as a female friend recently told me, i don't do well with the dumb ones. i'm not looking for a mirror image of myself, but someone with comparable intellectual capacity. similar interests is also a big thing. if i'm going to wind up in a relationship with someone, we have to like doing the same things. if not we're not gonna get along because i'm gonna wind up doing my own thing alone if she doesn't like whatever it is i want to do, and she's gonna feel abandoned due to that and get needy on me, and i'm gonna get annoyed by that, and we're gonna split up. seen that pattern more than once in my 35 years. of course there's always compromise on some things, but our primary hobbies and interests need to be a pretty close match, for me. and no, sex will not 'catch' me. taking my last 3, my current gf and i had sex for the first time the weekend we met. last girl i dated before her strung me along for a few months without (that's another, and common topic) sex, and there was a fwb in between that changed her mind and wanted a relationship but i didn't. sex had nothing to do with why i wound up in an actual relationship with the one i'm with now. it was that the other two were lacking in other areas. i agree that younger men, as someone else said, get attached easier than older men. the reason is, i agree, that sex is a big deal to them, they're just learning about sex and women in general. as men get older we pretty much get the various stereotypes that encompass most women figured out, and sex isn't as big a deal once the new has worn off of it. add those two together and you get men who just aren't as impressed with the average woman they meet as they once were. something has got to be different for one to catch the eye. and what that difference is will vary, it's not any one thing that can be described for all men. as big a deal as intellectual/personality compatibility is to me, just as many other guys could care less about such things. so with all of that in mind, the best advice men can give women is to stop thinking about relationships as if there's some magic thing that they can do themselves to make men think or feel xyz. that's never going to happen. what those women need to learn is that it isn't all about them, and they would be much better served learning how to observe and evaluate men, and determine what makes those men tick. Edited June 23, 2012 by thatone 2
SJC2008 Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 It's funny...whenever I was too nice to a man and accepted them as who they are, they became lazy in the relationship, took me for granted and treated me poorly. So yeah, I can't quite agree with you. You don't have to agree with me but nothing in my post said anything about nice. Don't be a pushover to men, they won't respect you. How soon are you expecting this deep of a connection? Mabye too soon and turning the men off? What is intamacy and emotion to you?? Elaborate! I would love to get to know a woman to the point where I can open up to her about things but there are things I've been through in my life that I won't open up about until marriage, if even ever. There's a respect/boundary factor too. Are you wanting your men to just spill thier guts or what??
Sid6.7 Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 What now? You expect me to write an "average" dating profile like text for you to tell you what I'm gonna offer to you? Most people have those things you just wrote in their lives (and even more) and they still would want a partner to share the good/exciting moments of their lives with. To have someone that loves them and will be there for them...None of the stuff you just said would offer anything to me either as I also have all of them (except being a home-owner, not yet). What we can offer each other has not much to do with our "needs" but our "wants". If you don't want to have a woman in your life who you love, trust, and "enjoy" spending your time with, If having a special someone who share the same goals and feelings with you doesn't add any joy to your life, then by all means, stay single. Fair enough, so in reality you shouldn't make assumptions about Men, emotions and their intimacy's. No, I don't expect you to write a dating profile at all. But what is really, really interesting to me is the fact that you, like many others, can't tell me (or other men) what you have to offer. It's as if we are the ones that are supposed to do the offering. Negative. Sure, if you want a poor sap to be a doormat to your every whim, they are out there. You said you didn't know me, I provided a very brief insight, I provided you with information you didn't have before. Yet, you can't tell me one thing, one thing. That would make me think you would be someone I would go out with. So, it's us Men that have problems with intimacy and emotions. Is that about right? See the discrepancy here? Perfect example of what us Men hear all the time. Excuses. I don't mean to pick on you mesmerized but, damn.
thatone Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 You don't have to agree with me but nothing in my post said anything about nice. Don't be a pushover to men, they won't respect you. How soon are you expecting this deep of a connection? Mabye too soon and turning the men off? What is intamacy and emotion to you?? Elaborate! I would love to get to know a woman to the point where I can open up to her about things but there are things I've been through in my life that I won't open up about until marriage, if even ever. There's a respect/boundary factor too. Are you wanting your men to just spill thier guts or what?? and they will pick up on the fact that you are hiding something. women aren't stupid. just as men have a gift for the rational and organizational, women have a knack for picking up emotional stability or lack thereof. you sound like the latter.
Author mesmerized Posted June 23, 2012 Author Posted June 23, 2012 Fair enough, so in reality you shouldn't make assumptions about Men, emotions and their intimacy's. No, I don't expect you to write a dating profile at all. But what is really, really interesting to me is the fact that you, like many others, can't tell me (or other men) what you have to offer. It's as if we are the ones that are supposed to do the offering. Negative. Sure, if you want a poor sap to be a doormat to your every whim, they are out there. You said you didn't know me, I provided a very brief insight, I provided you with information you didn't have before. Yet, you can't tell me one thing, one thing. That would make me think you would be someone I would go out with. So, it's us Men that have problems with intimacy and emotions. Is that about right? See the discrepancy here? Perfect example of what us Men hear all the time. Excuses. I don't mean to pick on you mesmerized but, damn. lol, I did, you just weren't sharp enough to pick it up. I said I would add joy to your life without going too much into details. If you want more details here are a few: -I can listen and I'm very trustworthy. Most people in my life feel safe telling me their insecurities, problems etc. Guys have often told me stuff that they said they would never admit to other women. -I'm smart and can be consulted with and be very helpful in certain areas. -I'm adventurous and independent. If a guy has the same attitude, we'd be able to share a lot of fun times! -I'd be there for you when you're sick or just having a hard time in life, making it easier for you to cope with them. -We'd be able to share responsibilities and thus have more free time to do to what we love. . . . or are you expecting me to say I'm gonna play beach volleyball with you and do your laundry or cook for you?
Author mesmerized Posted June 23, 2012 Author Posted June 23, 2012 (edited) You don't have to agree with me but nothing in my post said anything about nice. Don't be a pushover to men, they won't respect you. How soon are you expecting this deep of a connection? Mabye too soon and turning the men off? What is intamacy and emotion to you?? Elaborate! I would love to get to know a woman to the point where I can open up to her about things but there are things I've been through in my life that I won't open up about until marriage, if even ever. There's a respect/boundary factor too. Are you wanting your men to just spill thier guts or what?? I don't think I've even turned men off by demanding emotions too soon, in fact, I'm pretty picky, not one of those women who just want a relationship. no way! It just seems to me like most men (maybe it's the type I go for) are all just about sex sex sex...having as much sexual fun as they can and postpone the idea of having anything with substance. Edited June 23, 2012 by mesmerized
Sid6.7 Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Ok, now we are getting somewhere and you are not going to like this. Well, someone probably won't anyway. haha -I can listen and I'm very trustworthy. Most people in my life feel safe telling me their insecurities, problems etc. Guys have often told me stuff that they said they would never admit to other women. I have best friends for this kind of thing. By the way, the are probably just telling you that to enable a response. Emotional. -I'm smart and can be consulted with and be very helpful in certain areas. I have no doubt you can, but when I want consultation I contact and attorney. -I'm adventurous and independent. If a guy has the same attitude, we'd be able to share a lot of fun times! Adventurous!! I love that! Would you like another girls tits as much I might? Intimate. -I'd be there for you when you're sick or just having a hard time in life, making it easier for you to cope with them. I have caring family that can easily accommodate an issue such as that. So far, I haven't had the need for such an occasion. Loving. -We'd be able to share responsibilities and thus have more free time to do to what we love. By responsibilities, you mean sharing MY responsibilities and doing what you love. Financial. or are you expecting me to say I'm gonna play beach volleyball with you and do your laundry or cook for you? Topless volley ball, yeah. Cook and laundry, I got that covered. So, in my case I have all the accounted for. I guess you are just going to have to settle, much like the pussy boys do. It seems we have come somewhat full circle and you are a bit correct in regards to some women. Now you know why.
Author mesmerized Posted June 23, 2012 Author Posted June 23, 2012 By responsibilities, you mean sharing MY responsibilities and doing what you love. Financial. lol, not really. But it's your choice to go after women like that or think of women like that. It seems we have come somewhat full circle and you are a bit correct in regards to some women. Now you know why. I exactly knew you wanted to say those things so I didn't really care to write much back to you... And honestly, it's so dumb. If you have those all covered, then don't go for a woman. Apparently you don't feel like having an emotional connection with a woman in your life will add anything else to it. Most of the other things can obviously be covered by other people, sometimes until you get old and ugly and your parents are dead and your friends are too busy to care about you. Some men and women do want that love/connection and good things that come with it or we would never see that happening. I'm aware a lot of men has the same mental/emotional capacity that you do and thus why I created this thread. But as you can see, there are men who would disagree with you, each to their own.
Sid6.7 Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Much more logical than I expected. Whoa.. As far as getting old and that kind of thing. There is no guarantee anyone will ever grow old together. Let alone die together. That is the card women like to pull to criticize men like myself when their arguments have run out. At least you didn't deny the volleyball topless part. I like you.
Author mesmerized Posted June 23, 2012 Author Posted June 23, 2012 Much more logical than I expected. Whoa.. As far as getting old and that kind of thing. There is no guarantee anyone will ever grow old together. Let alone die together. That is the card women like to pull to criticize men like myself when their arguments have run out. At least you didn't deny the volleyball topless part. I like you. I didn't criticize you, I just said that it is something you have not accounted for which in fact is a big reason for a lot of people to get partners and have children. Pros and cons differ for everyone, it's your choice to make. Again, you didn't tell me anything I didn't know....I have met men like you before or I wouldn't have made this thread. If a man doesn't feel like he "wants" a woman and can't see (or care about) the benefits of having one in his life, no argument can truly change his mind. He is better off single, for him and for the women he meets.
Woggle Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 But this happens to women too, if not more than men...I feel like an average man needs real intimacy and emotions considerably less than an average woman so it's easier for them to be closed to it if they want to. It's not that men don't want intimacy and emotions with women but more often than not when we try to have it women become unattracted to us. When a man finds a woman who we can truly breathe around and not have to dominate her all the time and be this emotionless rock that is when he feels in love. When a man sticks his heart out like this and a woman turns on him or friendzones him because of it it is very hard for him to open up like this again. When women stop punishing men who truly want a connection is when more men will seek a connection with a woman.
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