kaylan Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Well, if you are sure that his lack of faith is a reason not to marry him, you should probably not start / continue a long-term relationship with him. On the other hand, do you really want to exchange the happiness of being with the right, real person against the sadness of being alone, crying and praying? I agree with Raptor Jesus...lolz irony? (note his avatar haha) Anyways, OP youre only 21, and im no future teller, but your views may change as you get older. I wouldnt throw away a great thing right away. I was raised by religious parents but found a different path myself as I got older. Im all for love. I wont forsake it because of some contradictory religious teachings about who I can associate with or date. (my opinion)
thatone Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 But I don't want to be married right now and I don't want children, ever. If I knew marriage was in the cards for me, this issue wouldn't be so hard, but it's still very much up in the air. Like I said, if it happens, it would be a good 10 years down the road. I've just never had fun like this before, and I don't want to give it up especially if we can find common ground. so don't give it up then. you're 21, you're supposed to be learning about the world, not trying to make it fit in with notions you already have. 1
2sunny Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Did he say he had NO faith? Or just not the same faith as yours?
thatone Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Did he say he had NO faith? Or just not the same faith as yours? she said none, came up after he made some christian jokes that he was atheistic.
2sunny Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 she said none, came up after he made some christian jokes that he was atheistic. And even "judging" him by that isn't very christian of YOU... To the OP.
kaylan Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Sounds to me though that she's worried about a) the future with this guy and b) the offensive remark he made about burning a church or somesuch. Believe it or not religious compatibility is a huge factor in the survival of a marriage. That don't mean you gotta be the same religion but you gotta be able to respect each other and each other's opinion even if you disagree. And if this guy applauds burning churches, she's gotta make sure he actually does respect her and her beliefs. In my life I don't belittle my wife for fasting during Ramadan and she doesn't belittle me for thinking Jesus was nailed to a cross and rose three days later. That's what you gotta be able to do. Having been Christian and Muslim in the past is part of why I feel I ended up being able to accept peoples faith no matter what they were. Im an atheist and may thing theyre wrong...but it is what it is
aj22one Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Having been Christian and Muslim in the past is part of why I feel I ended up being able to accept peoples faith no matter what they were. Im an atheist and may thing theyre wrong...but it is what it is That's all I'm saying. Maybe he was fooling around when he made the comment maybe he wasn't. She's gotta talk to him and find out.
Bristolius Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 I cant understand how spiritual religious folks, whos teachings tell them to be tolerant and accepting of others, are often more close minded to others beliefs than us non spiritual types. It makes no sense to me to throw away a great thing all because someone doesnt believe the same thing as you regarding supreme dieties. Why throw away something good based on a belief or disbelief in something which cannot be proven or disproven. Its just dumb...religion cannot be shown to be real or unreal...its all about faith...so why not just accept that you two get along great and will have a great time together despite not believing in the same thing. We arent getting any younger and this seems minor to me. I mean, Im an atheist, and I could date a religious person so long as they accepted my point of view, because Id accept theirs. Why kill a good thing over what cannot be proven or disproven? The bolded part is not true in my experience.
FitChick Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 If Mlaysj18 is going to spend the weekend with him and she never wants kids, she can't be that Christian. Sex before marriage is a sin and the Bible says "Go forth and multiply." I know many marriages where the spouses had different faiths or one was atheist and the marriages lasted, even with kids. But only because one person wasn't as invested in his or her faith and let the other do what they wanted with the kids. If both people think their way is the only path to Heaven, then they've got problems.
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 "if something feels right I should just go for it." I'll never understand people who live by this motto...that's how I got myself into so much trouble! doing things that "felt" right...at the time with my naivety. Anyway, regarding your post... I have issues with my family as well regarding this...to the degree that some are very religious, to moderately religious and lightly religious. I'm not one to shun god or any other god, I feel If it makes you a better person than do it. Just respect my beliefs, not to believe and I'll leave yours alone. Personally I do not subscribe to religion, I just try and do the right thing and follow my own morality and question life without limits and regard for someone knowing better than I necessarily, I feel It is my responsibility and duty to find my own truth...for without religions, bibles etc..how would I find my own way? doesn't it already have to be inside me? Of course as my family being apart of the christian faith (I've spent 4 years in private school in my youth as well) I realize that it's almost part of the creed to convert people...or better yet "save" them, and try to indulge them in your own self absorption in your faith, I realize that it's hard for believers not to do as It's such a fundamental part of their lives. My father being a moderate believer doesn't try to tell me much, we weren't very close and he was gone for a good chunk of my life so I think that has something to do with it as well, but he does have his own views and I have mine...we clash a little bit but we try to be understanding and for the most part we are, we got a long and it doesn't get in the way of our relationship. However to actually be with someone in a relationship where you do not share the same faith does seem to be a little bit of a time-bomb. You seem like a sweet girl and very understanding and he seems willing to compromise but further into the relationship and as marriage and kids come to the table it's going to really test those boundaries...plus most people who do not believe seem to view religion in a condescending manner...it just seems to work out that way because words of faith can be so infuriating and illogical that for someone who lives their lives based on to what they accept as their reality...things that make logical sense to them, with faith it doesn't have to meet that criteria, it's just filled with hope, versus and hymms of what is a pious life...as all things must be right through the eyes of God. It's a completely different, separatist mentality and way of thinking and typically this is taught by believers to be scorned upon as they are not supposed to be individuals but children of god set out to follow the work of god...do you see how conflicting these ideals can be and on the serious topics cause serious problems? I'm not going to say to abandon your relationship, I like your post and the things you think about, I think you have a good head on your shoulders and a decent relationship from what I can tell not considering the emotional aspects...but be realistic and really try to find out the tough answers to these questions, before you keep progressing down this road...go in with a plan not just a hope that it will work itself out...practice that communication and compromise and develop a relationship of respect and considering for one another feels regardless of the differences you may see the world in...it's gotta be done that way and it's going to start and end with communication and compromise, you have to trust each other and be bonded not divided about issues...find a middle ground to the best of your ability, it might require both of you to open your minds and emotions up if you really want this relationship to work not just now while it's all young and great, but down the for the long haul.
TheFinalWord Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 (edited) So I've been friends with this wonderful guy for years now. Since May, we have been practically inseparable and are starting to form a long-lasting relationship. He really is everything I could possibly want. He treats me wonderfully, is very genuine and affectionate, and we have wonderful chemistry. I feel all giddy all the time and I love it! We are actually going on a small vacation this weekend, just the two of us. Here's the ONLY problem and it's not something we've really talked a lot about: I'm a devout christian and he is not. At all. In fact, there have been two occasions where he's said things regarding christianity that were so offensive my mouth dropped. This was way before we began "dating" and I told him that I really don't appreciate that and it was hurtful. He apologized and understood. I'm not the type of person to push my beliefs on someone and I really do respect how he feels. It doesn't impact our daily lives, but I know that one day it might and where I'm so crazy about him, I don't know if it's worth the risk. So has anyone been in this predicament before? How did you handle it? I've made it clear that my spiritual life is important to me, so he knows and as for now, I'm okay with keeping that part of our lives separate. I just couldn't marry someone who didn't have any sort of faith whatsoever, but that is a long way down the road, so should I even worry about that now? I really want to talk about it with him, but I'm not sure how to go about it I am not sure how many others posting in here are Christians, but I am and have been in your situation so maybe I can give you advice Get out. I'm sure you know the verses about being unequally yoked. If not, just let me know. The man is supposed to be the spiritual leader in the relationship (not dictator, please don't flame me LS:D). This man cannot guide you in his current condition. There are verses about what to do if you get saved during a marriage, but before it you should not even entertain the idea. The husband is supposed to be representative of Christ and the wife the church. He has a rebellious heart. At best, you will stay neutral and will continue to have spiritual unrest. At worst, you will stay with him and he will turn away your heart from God. What I would recommend is have your dad step in if he is around. I know I would, "what are you plans with my daughter". . I have never had a meaningful relationship before and that's why it's going to be so hard to give this up. Yes, it is hard to give it up. But you need your relationship with God to be right. Seeking love in a man who hates God is not a good place for you to be. You can PM me if you want. Most of this thread will be filled with people bashing God, the bible, religion and telling you to compromise. Edited June 22, 2012 by TheFinalWord
MaxNoob Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 I'm an atheist and I've been in a LTR with a Christian, a Shinto, and a Hindu. I'm happy that we were able to be respectful of each others beliefs and to be free of scorn from others us despite differences in race and religion. There's the view that the scientific perspective is cold, heartless, and absent of morals, such that believing in it would make you incompatible with a person of faith. But there's nothing inherently cold or cynical about it - that we're made out of elements that were formed in dying star, which were blasted out into space and later formed into our solar system. What an extraordinary and extremely unlikely series of events, billions of years in making, that led to us being born. In his earlier books, Stephen Hawking said God was beyond the realm of science, but he later changed his mind to embrace the idea that the universe was spontaneously created. His efforts to understand how the universe was created does not in any way make him cynical or immoral.
utterer of lies Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 Yes, it is hard to give it up. But you need your relationship with God to be right. I get the impression that her relationship with God is right for her? What's wrong with it? Seeking love in a man who hates God is not a good place for you to be. Most of this thread will be filled with people bashing God, the bible, religion and telling you to compromise. He doesn't seem to hate God, at all. If you read her messages, he simply isn't as interested in religion as she is. But if he actually hated her religion, I doubt they would have spent such a nice, peaceful time together until now.
TheFinalWord Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 (edited) I get the impression that her relationship with God is right for her? What's wrong with it? He doesn't seem to hate God, at all. If you read her messages, he simply isn't as interested in religion as she is. But if he actually hated her religion, I doubt they would have spent such a nice, peaceful time together until now. Thanks for your concern. I shared my opinion about the OP dating a non-Christian, which is causing her spiritual unrest. This purpose of this forum as I understand it is to provide a variety of opinions. As a Christian who has been in her shoes, I thought mine was relevant. Edited June 22, 2012 by TheFinalWord
Author maysj18 Posted June 22, 2012 Author Posted June 22, 2012 I would like to defend myself a little bit: In no way am I judging him for how he feels. If I turned my nose up at his atheism then we wouldn't be having this conversation. It's just that my faith is important to me and IF I decide to get married one day, I want it to be with someone I can positively share that side of me with; however, FOR RIGHT NOW it doesn't bother me, but I still have to think about the future. I'm very worried that my talking about it is going to come off like I'm forcing my beliefs on him. I don't want that, which is why I asked how to go about it as objectively as possible. His hurtful comment was swept under the rug, but it does show his animosity towards Christianity which might be a problem. Again, these things are why I wanted different opinions. I never said he had no morals, he just doesn't care about religion vs science. He doesn't buy into the scientific theories nor the religious ones and he seems okay being where he's at. That's fine, he's still a wonderful person. A lot better than some Christians I know in fact. All of this still doesn't take down that barrier we have between us and having not been in this situation before, I don't know how to deal with it.
irc333 Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 (edited) Yeah, I'm seeing a trend of Christian women who are dating non-believers, must be a bad boy thing or something similar. Or she's so physically attracted, she was willing to overlook this, so I can see how it can be tempting. So here they are, rejecting every single guy in their singles ministry, only to date a guy like this. FOR RIGHT NOW it doesn't bother me I think that's part of your problem. Just curious, how many Christian men that had shown interest in you, or even asked you out when you were dating him? Would you break up with him, if a person who shared your beliefs came into your life? So I've been friends with this wonderful guy for years now. Since May, we have been practically inseparable and are starting to form a long-lasting relationship. He really is everything I could possibly want. He treats me wonderfully, is very genuine and affectionate, and we have wonderful chemistry. I feel all giddy all the time and I love it! We are actually going on a small vacation this weekend, just the two of us. Here's the ONLY problem and it's not something we've really talked a lot about: I'm a devout christian and he is not. At all. In fact, there have been two occasions where he's said things regarding christianity that were so offensive my mouth dropped. This was way before we began "dating" and I told him that I really don't appreciate that and it was hurtful. He apologized and understood. I'm not the type of person to push my beliefs on someone and I really do respect how he feels. It doesn't impact our daily lives, but I know that one day it might and where I'm so crazy about him, I don't know if it's worth the risk. So has anyone been in this predicament before? How did you handle it? I've made it clear that my spiritual life is important to me, so he knows and as for now, I'm okay with keeping that part of our lives separate. I just couldn't marry someone who didn't have any sort of faith whatsoever, but that is a long way down the road, so should I even worry about that now? I really want to talk about it with him, but I'm not sure how to go about it Edited June 22, 2012 by irc333
TheFinalWord Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 I would like to defend myself a little bit: In no way am I judging him for how he feels. If I turned my nose up at his atheism then we wouldn't be having this conversation. It's just that my faith is important to me and IF I decide to get married one day, I want it to be with someone I can positively share that side of me with; however, FOR RIGHT NOW it doesn't bother me, but I still have to think about the future. I'm very worried that my talking about it is going to come off like I'm forcing my beliefs on him. I don't want that, which is why I asked how to go about it as objectively as possible. His hurtful comment was swept under the rug, but it does show his animosity towards Christianity which might be a problem. Again, these things are why I wanted different opinions. I never said he had no morals, he just doesn't care about religion vs science. He doesn't buy into the scientific theories nor the religious ones and he seems okay being where he's at. That's fine, he's still a wonderful person. A lot better than some Christians I know in fact. All of this still doesn't take down that barrier we have between us and having not been in this situation before, I don't know how to deal with it. Hi maysj18, The important thing is you don't have to defend yourself to any of us Have you asked God? He's the one you want to listen to b/c He has your best interest in mind. What did He say to do? I recommend this series for you: God Bless. 1
Author maysj18 Posted June 22, 2012 Author Posted June 22, 2012 Yeah, I'm seeing a trend of Christian women who are dating non-believers, must be a bad boy thing or something similar. Or she's so physically attracted, she was willing to overlook this, so I can see how it can be tempting. So here they are, rejecting every single guy in their singles ministry, only to date a guy like this. I think that's part of your problem. Just curious, how many Christian men that had shown interest in you, or even asked you out when you were dating an atheist? I've never dated an atheist before. Geez and it's not about the bad boy image..he genuinely is an awesome person. I do look for more than just similar beliefs, although we have everything but that.
irc333 Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 I've never dated an atheist before. Geez and it's not about the bad boy image..he genuinely is an awesome person. I do look for more than just similar beliefs, although we have everything but that. Oh okay, sorry I thnk I read that wrong. That being said, had another man a bit more on the same page of your beliefs came into your life, would you transition from your current boyfriend to that new man? Anyhow, I have a friend that wants to find a woman that's of the same political affliiation as him, he's not entirley strict on that, but he's on the conservative side. And it usually takes some remark during a conversation for it to be a deal breaker for him. He said if the person was a big Obama supporter or if the political belief was that of Obama's thinking, he wouldn't date her. Sounds like his remarks were disturbing you, funny how you still considered dating him after even knowing this about him. I think if its starts bothering you this much to post about it, it's time to move on to someone who shares the same ideas as you do.
TheFinalWord Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 I've never dated an atheist before. Geez and it's not about the bad boy image..he genuinely is an awesome person. I do look for more than just similar beliefs, although we have everything but that. I can understand your predicament. I have dated an unbeliever myself and understand the temptation. Every time it ended up in heartbreak. I kept thinking there was some way I could get through to her. But guess what? God never asks us to put our heart on the line for Christ. God knows we can't handle it. We're only dust. I would advise that you just tell him how you feel. But more importantly, pray about it and seek God's counsel...the main thing is don't be afraid to receive what God says.
LelouchIsZero Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 I want it to be with someone I can positively share that side of me with; however, FOR RIGHT NOW it doesn't bother me, but I still have to think about the future. What does sharing ones spiritual side generally consist of?
utterer of lies Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 Thanks for your concern. I shared my opinion about the OP dating a non-Christian, which is causing her spiritual unrest. This purpose of this forum as I understand it is to provide a variety of opinions. As a Christian who has been in her shoes, I thought mine was relevant. Of course it is. I was just wondering how you came to the conclusion that her bf hates God, and why her relationship to God was not right. I'm asking because I did not get this impression from her posts. Could you ... enlighten ... me ? Every time it ended up in heartbreak. Did you have relationships with christians that did not end in heartbreak? Previous relationships implies that it didn't work out, so the probability that heartbreak was involved is quite high regardless of the beliefs of couple. I kept thinking there was some way I could get through to her. Why didn't you?
TheFinalWord Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 (edited) Of course it is. I was just wondering how you came to the conclusion that her bf hates God, and why her relationship to God was not right. I'm asking because I did not get this impression from her posts. Could you ... enlighten ... me ? Well, okay, I gathered from your BSDM remark that you were just looking to mock. I apologize if that is not the case! I can't enlighten anyone, maybe the words of Christ can ..."No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other." another... "Jesus knew their thoughts and said to them, “Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand." I said her relationship with God is not right b/c the bible counsels against relationships with unbelievers. "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God." Did you have relationships with christians that did not end in heartbreak? Previous relationships implies that it didn't work out, so the probability that heartbreak was involved is quite high regardless of the beliefs of couple. Yes, one. It ended for different reasons and we both understood that we were not meant to be more than friends. It was a much different type of "heart break". With the two unbelievers I pursued (over the course of a few years and years in between), the heartbreak was unique to anything I else I felt...even before becoming a Christian. It was a spiritual emptiness which is hard to explain in words. The closest emotion I can relate it to is unrequited love. Why didn't you? Because I failed to recognize that I could not do it. No one can come to Christ, unless God draws them. In my folly, I thought I could do it and in the process I gave her my heart. Man's heart is not strong enough for that. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak as the saying goes Edited June 22, 2012 by TheFinalWord
utterer of lies Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 Well, okay, I gathered from your BSDM remark that you were just looking to mock. I apologize if that is not the case! I'm not here for trolling, but I'm snarky, so... I said her relationship with God is not right b/c the bible counsels against relationships with unbelievers. The bible also advises parents to stone disobedient children. Don't you think the message of tolerance and harmony in parts of the new testament is more important? It was a spiritual emptiness which is hard to explain in words. The closest emotion I can relate it to is unrequited love. And you think this is because of the difference in faith? Even before you became a christian? In my folly, I thought I could do it and in the process I gave her my heart. But you tried to change her, to make her give up her previous beliefs and accept yours. I don't think that's right. 1
BetheButterfly Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 That's what I'm wondering. By no means does he ever belittle me, but I've gotten that feeling from other non-believers. While I'm great friends with some of them, I still feel like they feel I am "narrow-minded" when the topic comes up. The conversation we were having when he made that comment was about some movement where churches were burnt as a form of rebelliousness and he said "I'm glad they handed it to those Christians" or something along those lines. My spiritual beliefs never came up until he said that, so that's why I didn't hold it against him. Hello Maysj, I am confused. Does he advocate violence towards Christians? Being a Christian includes making decisions based on Jesus' teachings. Even though Jesus does not specifically say to not date a person who doesn't believe in him, it is awesome to be with a person who loves Jesus too! From my personal experience, I have dated a Muslim, a Hindu, a nominal Catholic, a worldly Protestant, and a friendly Atheist. While all these men are wonderful men, I am glad that those relationships did not progress into anything further, because to me, the most amazing experience I have with a man is with my husband!!! My husband loves Jesus just as much as I do. He and I enjoy going to church together. Every night, we pray and read the Bible together. I sing praising God songs around the house and he enjoys practicing his guitar. We go to the beach together, go to friends' houses together, to his family's together, visit with my family together, and talk for hours together! We feel truly connected not only on a physical level, but on the spiritual level as well! Now, I think one of the reasons why you are confused is because maybe you have not personally seen a marriage working between 2 people who love God? Marriage can be difficult. My marriage is awesome because of communication though, and that's not because of me, but because of my hubby. Whenever I get upset, he comes and talks to me. We talk it out and before I know it we are laughing and kissing. I don't know what your goals are for your life, but I do know it is awesome to share those goals with a person who believes the same as you. If you wait, God can bring a wonderful man who loves Him into your life. That is what happened with me.
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