I just can't cope and it's been a year...

[lady_jadie]

Hey everyone.

Yep, I'm still on here, still a wreck, possibly more than i was a couple weeks ago. I found out that my ex is seeing a new girl. His flatmate told me but said it'd only been a matter of weeks but I still feel so betrayed. It was only about four months ago my ex called my best friend up saying he missed me so much, he'd never gotten over me, every other girl he'd been with he'd known within a few months he wasn't into them but I was different, I was the love of his life. And now I've been replaced. I know logically that after a year he has a right to move on but I had the misfortune of going into his flat with his flatmate and saw them together. All I know is, when we'd been together over a year he still couldn't keep his hands off me, he was always kissing me, hugging me, grabbing me. With this girl they were just sitting on the sofa (with her in MY old place) in silence. They went out shopping and he didn't grab her hand like he always did with me.

 

I wake up every morning not wanting to wake up. My sleep is broken and filled with dreams of him. His flatmate said to me, just because he's having a casual thing with her, doesn't mean he doesn't talk about you ALL the time.

 

This guy's been giving me breadcrumbs all year, I got out of a Trauma healing clinic I'd been in for three months and the first day I was out (I didn't even tell him I was going) he texted me telling me I had constantly been in his thoughts. We met up a couple of times and got on so well. he always asks my best friend how I am (they live next door).

 

But the worst worst part of this is how much pain I'm in. STILL. after a year. I always knew he loved me slightly more than I loved him, so how is it he can move on while I'm still a total wreck?

 

If anyone has any kind words, advice or well, just anything to say, I would appreciate it so much. I've been taking valiums pretty much every two hours and that doesn't even ease the pain, it just means I'm not hysterically crying.

 

Desperation is not the word.

 

I just want to move on but it's like my mind or something won't let me. I want to not care, or even to be happy for him, I don't want to be that bitter ex that prays bad will on him.

 

And everyone says to me, just move on, like it's that easy. clearly it is for some, but there must be a way, I've tried putting on a brave face, trying to stay in the now, I've bent everyone I know's ears about it, thrown myself into college, but.....

[tryingtodiscoveranew]

 

This guy's been giving me breadcrumbs all year, I got out of a Trauma healing clinic I'd been in for three months and the first day I was out (I didn't even tell him I was going) he texted me telling me I had constantly been in his thoughts. We met up a couple of times and got on so well. he always asks my best friend how I am (they live next door).

 

(

 

If it's not too personal, I'm wondering why you were in a Trauma healing clinic? Was it from dealing with this break up?

[fucpcg]

A year hardly made a dent for me after my last relationship, then breakup of a woman I dated for a year. Yes for some of us, a year isn't that long since post breakup.

[sheithappens]

One day you are going to wake up and not feel anything towards your ex . I personally guarantee it! HANG IN THERE , it gets easier! It took me close to two years to move on!

[lady_jadie]

If it's not too personal, I'm wondering why you were in a Trauma healing clinic? Was it from dealing with this break up?

I was in the trauma healing clinic because I have deep seated issues and (they said) post-traumatic stress disorder from childhood stuff. The opportunity to go to it opened up about five months after we'd broken up, so although the reason for going wasn't specifically to deal with the breakup I hoped that might help it a bit. It was more to deal with the 'why' issues I had that basically caused the death of my ex and I's relationship (longer stories are in my other threads- but they truly are essays so be warned..

[lady_jadie]

One day you are going to wake up and not feel anything towards your ex . I personally guarantee it! HANG IN THERE , it gets easier! It took me close to two years to move on!

Thank you for your hope, I hope to God it happens soon, I know a year can be long or short and there's no set healing time, I just don't see how he could be over the love of his life and moving on- I just feel like she's going to be the one he marries now- is she really that much better than me?

[Irishman2384]

Just think, you'll be over the "love of your life" before long and moving on as well and ONE day, you'll likely be married to someone else.

 

Don't beat yourself up too much. Everyone here is going through pain. We're all here for that reason. This website is a means to share the pain because a pain shared is a pain halved. Obviously, pain experienced by people can be more or less severe. I'm in pain as I type this. I work with the girl I love and have to see her every day. However, I am getting better day by day. I can feel my strength returning.

 

My attraction for her will never change, likely, nor will the love and care I have for her. I do know that one day I will be over the pain and even the best of memories of her will not instill pain. If I know this, so can you.

 

Time heals ALL wounds (those that don't kill you!) and although it may feel like at times, this might kill you, it won't. You can make it

[Sugarkane]

If your ex was the one, i doubt you would end up here.

[spiderowl]

It's really hard to help with this without knowing why you and your ex split up and who instigated it. It sounds like he did, whatever the issues were, because you still feel you want to be with him. If he didn't split up with you, then something isn't making sense. Can you summarise in one short paragraph why you broke up?

 

At some level you haven't accepted that the relationship is over. It's not completed for you. You don't seem to have the sense that it ran its course.

 

It may be that the things your ex's friend is relaying to you are giving you false hope. Why would your ex's friend say all these things when it's clear your ex is moving on? It sounds like his friend didn't want you two to split and so is trying to keep you hanging in there somehow in case his friend (your ex) changes his mind.

 

I think you need to ask yourself what motives your ex's friend has for keeping you in the picture. Maybe he likes you himself and the only way he can keep your interest and keep you talking to him is if he talks about the one thing that captures your attention, your ex!

 

Your ex is saying nice things to you and being caring because he once cared for you and you were his girlfriend. It doesn't mean he wants to be your boyfriend again. However, you are interpreting his friendly and warm behaviour as possibly meaning something more, especially as his mate is trying to fan the flames too. If your ex is not coming to see you to try to make it work again, he's not interested in doing so. Whatever anyone says, look at his actions. What are his actions really telling you? That's what you should believe. I think you will be perpetually confused if you listen to words rather than actions. It's hard to move on if you are feeling confused.

Edited June 23, 2012 by spiderowl

[Mr Scorpio]

A year hardly made a dent for me after my last relationship, then breakup of a woman I dated for a year. Yes for some of us, a year isn't that long since post breakup.

 

Agreed. I'm approaching two years and I still think about her all the time, everyday, like I have for the past decade.

[Yuzuki]

A year hardly made a dent for me after my last relationship, then breakup of a woman I dated for a year. Yes for some of us, a year isn't that long since post breakup.

 

Can I ask you how long it did take you to be okay? Or if you are still healing, how long has it been?

[Oncehadluv]

IME

 

your holding on still to hopes, let them go and set yourself free

[lady_jadie]

It's really hard to help with this without knowing why you and your ex split up and who instigated it. It sounds like he did, whatever the issues were, because you still feel you want to be with him. If he didn't split up with you, then something isn't making sense. Can you summarise in one short paragraph why you broke up?

 

At some level you haven't accepted that the relationship is over. It's not completed for you. You don't seem to have the sense that it ran its course.

 

It may be that the things your ex's friend is relaying to you are giving you false hope. Why would your ex's friend say all these things when it's clear your ex is moving on? It sounds like his friend didn't want you two to split and so is trying to keep you hanging in there somehow in case his friend (your ex) changes his mind.

 

I think you need to ask yourself what motives your ex's friend has for keeping you in the picture. Maybe he likes you himself and the only way he can keep your interest and keep you talking to him is if he talks about the one thing that captures your attention, your ex!

 

Your ex is saying nice things to you and being caring because he once cared for you and you were his girlfriend. It doesn't mean he wants to be your boyfriend again. However, you are interpreting his friendly and warm behaviour as possibly meaning something more, especially as his mate is trying to fan the flames too. If your ex is not coming to see you to try to make it work again, he's not interested in doing so. Whatever anyone says, look at his actions. What are his actions really telling you? That's what you should believe. I think you will be perpetually confused if you listen to words rather than actions. It's hard to move on if you are feeling confused.

 

In a short paragraph, I had mental health issues, deep insecurities and the manifested themselves in me not believing he loved me, despite him always telling me I was his world, the love of his life, the only girl he'd ever found that fit him on every level. We broke up because of one stupid argument, I'd tried to leave him twice before and he was literally on his knees, begging me to not go and just let him love me because it was too special to lose. In our final breakup I told him I couldn't go on with all the pain I was feeling and the pain I was causing him. He said inside he was screaming not to let me go, but that he had to because he'd never experienced such pain as seeing the girl of his dreams turn into a shell of my former self. I left and he made me come back, saying he couldn't believe what we were throwing away and that he felt he was losing everything. I left and went to my mums house and my best friend called me the next day saying she saw him in the pub on his own and he went straight over to her saying he was broken hearted and couldn't stay in the flat with all the memories of me.

 

Since then I've been pretty distant with him, apart from the two times I went to his house to see our chinchilla, a couple of months ago.

 

The friend is my friend, and a girl, so I don't think she's giving me false hope to get in my pants but both his flatmates went out with her last night, and were saying how boring dan (the ex) is and how he's never been the same since we broke up. they also said he just sits in the lounge smoking weed and playing video games while she sits there (she doesn't smoke or play video games) and that he just didn't show nearly as much interest in her and no affection (as i said before, the entirety of our relationship he never took his hands off me, used to just stare at me and when i caught him looking he's say, you're just so beautiful. He does none of that with her.

 

I don't know that in hindsight he had all intentions of trying to build up a relationship again when I got out of the clinic, that he was 'testing the waters', but i was just so distant, ignored his texts etc.

 

I know in most case scenarios people have moved on, but to me and other impartial observers, it just seems like every other relationship he had before me, into the girl for a few months, then gets bored and realises they aren't for him.

 

I know i just sound like a desperate hanger-on, but yes, i do feel like the relationship never truly ended, it wasn't like either of us fell out of love or cheated or anything like that. He wanted a long, loving relationship, he bought us a chinchilla and they live for twenty years!

 

I can't help but hold on hope that this isn't over. I would love him to do the whole romantic winning me back, but maybe he just hasn't got it in him. I wouldn't want to go back into our old relationship, but I would like to work on my demons and try again one day. we were so happy and compatible, I KNOW i was the love of his life. even his parents told me.

 

I want to move on and let go, it's just so horrible, for him AND me, that it all ended in such a tattered, wounded and dragged out way. I don't know he doesn't still harbour feelings for me, I was seeing someone for a bit a few months ago, but I still have feel strong feelings for dan.

 

URGH people are so complicated, i hate the games everyone plays, why does love even exist

[rAFC]

So, if I'm reading this correctly, you broke up with him three times and the last time he didn't chase you to get you back? When he did call and text you, you ignored him?

 

If this is the case, you should have been the one to chase him and ask him to come back to you. It sounds like you have low self esteem and breaking up with him and having him chase and beg for you back was an ego boost for you. That really isn't a healthy way to increase your self esteem and is completely unfair to him. I apologize if I have this all wrong but from your post above, that is exactly what it sounds like.

Edited June 23, 2012 by rAFC

[lady_jadie]

rAFC, yes. I do have very very low self esteem. I guess the being off with him/ not replying to his texts was, in a way, me hoping he would try harder, text again, etc. I think the fact that he pursued me SO hard when we first met made me feel like he really thought I was worth it, and it turned out he did think so because he spent the next two years pretty much worshiping me. It was when my demons of insecurity came out, and my obsession with thinking his past girls gave him a much better time than I did (which he constantly stressed was not true and all in my head, the evidence was right in front of my eyes, he asked me to live with him within weeks, told me he loved me two weeks into us seeing each other, blah blah (I won't go over these things ad nauseum) and I admit, I was pretty horrible to him at times, he always said it was like a demon had taken me over and it upset him a lot.

 

However I went to the trauma place, am still in therapy and slowly and hopefully fighting off my demons. Maybe I should have chased him but in the back of my mind was always the gut wrenching fear that he'd just turn around and say 'I'm not interested b*tch, get the point and leave me alone. All the signs seemed to say he wanted to see how it went but you're right, I messed it up maybe. I guess I wanted the full on pursuit he gave me the first time round, but after the sh*t and the tears, maybe I was expecting too much.

 

I still hold out hope. People get back together years down the line, right? And I know, much as it hurts, that I should probably be on my own while I fight these mental issues.

 

I just wish the sickness and anguish and constant thoughts of him would go away. I'm going to check out some threads on here to help with distracting myself, I'm sure there are a few.

 

And thankyou for all your replies, hearing any feedback or encouragement really does help, even the smallest amount. It's a shame we're all in this boat, but at least we have company to support us xx

[rAFC]

I think I understand exactly what was going on. A person can only take so much rejection before they give up, not necessarily because he didn't care about you, but at some point he needed to protect himself. You know how difficult it can be to put yourself out there and risk rejection, hopefully you can understand why he might have been reluctant to do it for a third time.

 

I do agree that you need to get yourself sorted out before you get into a relationship again. It simply isn't fair to either of you to continue a cycle of breakups. People do sometimes get back together years down the line, and sometimes they don't. If any of us could predict the future, we'd all be billionaires by now.

 

He obviously thought you were good enough to be his girlfriend, he was with YOU and not his ex's or some other woman. You just need to start believing in yourself and not seek validation through unhealthy means.

[lady_jadie]

thank you all for your feedback. As well as having MH issues, I am also an extremely impatient girl, (a symptom of borderline personality disorder, but also just me maybe being a stroppy moo) i just want things to HAPPEN and happen NOW

 

I'll keep everyone posted on whether the hypnotherapy thing works for me. It's a scary thought that if it doesn't work, I'll never be able to have A 'normal' relationship with a guy.

 

Another thing that is strange is that my other two serious relationships, whithin a couple of years both my other exes are saying they love me, they never stopped thinking about me, no other girl was ever like me.

 

I guess there's always the hope that he'll wake up and feel the same, however long it takes... but hopefully then I'll be in a position to turn around and say, well, a few years ago, I would have loved to hear that, but sorry, too late!

 

(the bitch part of me emerging again )

[Exit]

Something about this story just strikes me as weird, the way you mention "I always knew he loved me a little more than I loved him" and knowing that you were the one who always broke up with him yet wanting him to beg for you back, I just don't see what you're so broken up about because I don't think you really love this guy. I think this is mostly bruised-ego stuff at work here, you're upset hearing that he is with someone else, you're all wrapped up in the thought that he sits there and plays videogames and ignores his new girlfriend whereas he always had his hands on you, etc. You point out the way he used to worship you and I dunno, something about it just strikes me as... creepy. I feel like you look at this guy as an object or something and you're totally upset that he didn't come running after you this time. Focus on yourself, keep going with your therapy, if he is sitting there playing videogames in front of his girlfriend, good for him, it shouldn't matter. Also the way you mention that all your ex's eventually profess that they never stopped loving you and you're waiting for the day you hear it from him... you say you have low self esteem issues but you seem pretty proud of yourself to me lol. Honestly nothing I've said here is meant to be malicious or hurt feelings I just felt the need to be honest and express my feelings about the way this thread struck me. A lot of red flags popping up. I hardly saw you say anything along the lines of "this guy is the love of my love, my sweetheart, I miss him so terribly", it was all about how he used to worship you and the rumors you've heard about him and his new gf and that you can't get over it. I don't think a lost love is the issue here...

[lady_jadie]

Something about this story just strikes me as weird, the way you mention "I always knew he loved me a little more than I loved him" and knowing that you were the one who always broke up with him yet wanting him to beg for you back, I just don't see what you're so broken up about because I don't think you really love this guy. I think this is mostly bruised-ego stuff at work here, you're upset hearing that he is with someone else, you're all wrapped up in the thought that he sits there and plays videogames and ignores his new girlfriend whereas he always had his hands on you, etc. You point out the way he used to worship you and I dunno, something about it just strikes me as... creepy. I feel like you look at this guy as an object or something and you're totally upset that he didn't come running after you this time. Focus on yourself, keep going with your therapy, if he is sitting there playing videogames in front of his girlfriend, good for him, it shouldn't matter. Also the way you mention that all your ex's eventually profess that they never stopped loving you and you're waiting for the day you hear it from him... you say you have low self esteem issues but you seem pretty proud of yourself to me lol. Honestly nothing I've said here is meant to be malicious or hurt feelings I just felt the need to be honest and express my feelings about the way this thread struck me. A lot of red flags popping up. I hardly saw you say anything along the lines of "this guy is the love of my love, my sweetheart, I miss him so terribly", it was all about how he used to worship you and the rumors you've heard about him and his new gf and that you can't get over it. I don't think a lost love is the issue here...

 

I'm guessing you haven't read my other posts (don't blame you, they're long) But I did really love him, loads. Yes I have issues... but I know him and I what I was trying to put across is that when we were together, we'd be interacting all the time, laughing, playing videogames together (a shared interest), playfighting, him hugging me... I've gone on enough about how I felt for him in previous threads, I loved him and he loved me too, and I only said the thing about him sitting smoking pot on the sofa while this girl who doesn't even smoke just sits there not joining in, 'looking bored' as his flatmate said to my friend, because it just seems like a strange thing to me considering how hands-on he was with me and how affectionate we were.

 

I don't know Exit, I just can't get my head around it all. I'm sorry if I come across as conceited but the other two exes thing, I just find it wierd myself. I'm certainly not proud of it, I only ever put all the information out there in case someone else on here has been in a similar situation and relate and maybe give advice.

[todreaminblue]

Hey everyone.

Yep, I'm still on here, still a wreck, possibly more than i was a couple weeks ago. I found out that my ex is seeing a new girl. His flatmate told me but said it'd only been a matter of weeks but I still feel so betrayed. It was only about four months ago my ex called my best friend up saying he missed me so much, he'd never gotten over me, every other girl he'd been with he'd known within a few months he wasn't into them but I was different, I was the love of his life. And now I've been replaced. I know logically that after a year he has a right to move on but I had the misfortune of going into his flat with his flatmate and saw them together. All I know is, when we'd been together over a year he still couldn't keep his hands off me, he was always kissing me, hugging me, grabbing me. With this girl they were just sitting on the sofa (with her in MY old place) in silence. They went out shopping and he didn't grab her hand like he always did with me.

 

I wake up every morning not wanting to wake up. My sleep is broken and filled with dreams of him. His flatmate said to me, just because he's having a casual thing with her, doesn't mean he doesn't talk about you ALL the time.

 

This guy's been giving me breadcrumbs all year, I got out of a Trauma healing clinic I'd been in for three months and the first day I was out (I didn't even tell him I was going) he texted me telling me I had constantly been in his thoughts. We met up a couple of times and got on so well. he always asks my best friend how I am (they live next door).

 

But the worst worst part of this is how much pain I'm in. STILL. after a year. I always knew he loved me slightly more than I loved him, so how is it he can move on while I'm still a total wreck?

 

If anyone has any kind words, advice or well, just anything to say, I would appreciate it so much. I've been taking valiums pretty much every two hours and that doesn't even ease the pain, it just means I'm not hysterically crying.

 

Desperation is not the word.

 

I just want to move on but it's like my mind or something won't let me. I want to not care, or even to be happy for him, I don't want to be that bitter ex that prays bad will on him.

 

And everyone says to me, just move on, like it's that easy. clearly it is for some, but there must be a way, I've tried putting on a brave face, trying to stay in the now, I've bent everyone I know's ears about it, thrown myself into college, but.....

 

 

I feel for you Jadie, its hard dealing with the replacement girl.....i know i speak from experience mine was a different situation to yours but the fact is my replacement is where i always wanted to be ........I have to ask do you want to be there with him and why are you feeling betrayed? Have you dated anyone since the breakup?can you give me a background about the break up and what are your hopes for the future then i can hash with you if you would like......I havent been with my ex for over five years now and i have never seen the replacement in person i have gone the nc route with her......i do know that you should try hard not to run into them together or even discuss their relationship with his flatmate i dont think it helps.......chin up girlfriend......debxo

[lady_jadie]

I feel for you Jadie, its hard dealing with the replacement girl.....i know i speak from experience mine was a different situation to yours but the fact is my replacement is where i always wanted to be ........I have to ask do you want to be there with him and why are you feeling betrayed? Have you dated anyone since the breakup?can you give me a background about the break up and what are your hopes for the future then i can hash with you if you would like......I havent been with my ex for over five years now and i have never seen the replacement in person i have gone the nc route with her......i do know that you should try hard not to run into them together or even discuss their relationship with his flatmate i dont think it helps.......chin up girlfriend......debxo

 

 

Thanks Dream, for the chin up.

When we were together, towards the end of the relationship I admit I felt a bit trapped and bored.... he's six years older than me and it was like when he met me he decided I was the one, and he went into 'settle down' mode, turning down invites out with his mates to stay in with me in front of the telly, things like that. I was only 23 when we got together and by 25 I was feeling like I should be living my youth, going out, I wanted him and me and our group of friends to just have barbecues and get drunk a bit, just have more fun. I wanted badly for us to get back together when I got out of rehab, but even though he made moves to get back in contact with me (he never bothered speaking to any of his exes after he dumped them before me), and told my best friend he'd 'never gotten over me' that he still fancied me and wanted me whenever he saw me, told his flatmates how depressed he was without me etc (this was about ninemonths after our breakup), he never came out and said these things directly to me so I never had the guts to ask outright if he saw a future for us. I feel betrayed because I feel like he didn't say these things to me. Everyone who knows him feels like he doesn't really give a monkeys about this girl so why doesn't he try to get back the girl he felt a connection with on every level (his words to me) ??

 

I'm the sort of person that would think it f-ing stupid to let something like that just go. But maybe he's just trying to 'move on', and that's one part I cannot understand, because this girl is very much different to me, and from what I saw of the girls he was seeing before me, very much like them and he always got bored of them after a few months.

 

I don't know. Maybe I should have had the balls to just try and win him back when he was showing signs of wanting to be back in contact with me.

I'd love for us to try the relationship again now I've had some heavyweight therapy. In my mind, I'm still the girl he adored and the one he'd waited all his life for, so why waste time and life trying to move on with someone who, from all I've heard, is not his perfect partner.

 

And I became close friends (with benefits for a while...) with my ex-ex, so i know I shouldn't even feel like he's doing wrong, but it just still hurts.

 

What's your situation if you don't mind me asking?

 

Jadie xx

[fucpcg]

Can I ask you how long it did take you to be okay? Or if you are still healing, how long has it been?

 

I'm still coping with losing this woman who we had talks of marriage and a child, who then ended it all basically within two weeks of an argument we had, by sending me an email listing everything she hated about me and our relationship, and telling me she would never speak to me again. I lost our relationship, and the relationship I had with her three children, which was every bit as deep as the relationship I had with her. For a year in length, it was as deep as any relationship I've ever had.

 

It is now 15 months out from her email, she kept true to her statement that she would never speak to me again. While avoiding me all that time, she was glad to be very vocal about what a horrible person I was. I asked my friends to be nice to her and not end their relationship with her, and she used that as her opportunity to tell them about how horrible I am. So they quit talking to her.

 

My situation post breakup was a mess, is a mess. Time really hasn't healed much. I would say I was about 10% healed a year out, maybe 50% healed now. I am more healed in that I recognize if after all this time she can be bitter and hostile, she realy has some issues that are deep seeded and will most likely last a lifetime. I see that I am far enough out that even though it hurts missing her and her children, should she want me back I think I can say no. Every last ounce of me would want to say yes, but I am smart enough to recognize that if shw wanted reconciliation, the perosn she is probably couldn't ever go the distance in the relationship, and I'd be smashed to pieces again.

 

Sometimes the healing isn't even the absence of missing them anymore, but the realization that you were with a person who just wasn't a good person to try and have a long term relationship with. Her behavior since we split had been a train wreck in many ways, while I keep to myself trying to recover from what happened. I love her, I miss her, but 15 months of watching her actions thru the occasional run in, and the steady stream of stories I get from my friends has led me to acceptance I just NEED to move on. The person who stole my heart is no longer a real person.

[stillafool]

The first thing you need to do is stop all contact with his friend. You do not need to hear what is going on with your Ex and his new girlfriend. Tell his friend to stop telling you these things because it will keep you in pain and prevent you from healing. No Contact means to remove him from your life. You will never get closure from your ex and you must settle this in your own mind or with the help of a therapist. Talking to your ex to get closure will just create more questions in your mind. Get up, get out and get busy with your life is what will bring about healing and closure. Stop talking about him.

[todreaminblue]

Thanks Dream, for the chin up.

When we were together, towards the end of the relationship I admit I felt a bit trapped and bored.... he's six years older than me and it was like when he met me he decided I was the one, and he went into 'settle down' mode, turning down invites out with his mates to stay in with me in front of the telly, things like that. I was only 23 when we got together and by 25 I was feeling like I should be living my youth, going out, I wanted him and me and our group of friends to just have barbecues and get drunk a bit, just have more fun. I wanted badly for us to get back together when I got out of rehab, but even though he made moves to get back in contact with me (he never bothered speaking to any of his exes after he dumped them before me), and told my best friend he'd 'never gotten over me' that he still fancied me and wanted me whenever he saw me, told his flatmates how depressed he was without me etc (this was about ninemonths after our breakup), he never came out and said these things directly to me so I never had the guts to ask outright if he saw a future for us. I feel betrayed because I feel like he didn't say these things to me. Everyone who knows him feels like he doesn't really give a monkeys about this girl so why doesn't he try to get back the girl he felt a connection with on every level (his words to me) ??

 

I'm the sort of person that would think it f-ing stupid to let something like that just go. But maybe he's just trying to 'move on', and that's one part I cannot understand, because this girl is very much different to me, and from what I saw of the girls he was seeing before me, very much like them and he always got bored of them after a few months.

 

I don't know. Maybe I should have had the balls to just try and win him back when he was showing signs of wanting to be back in contact with me.

I'd love for us to try the relationship again now I've had some heavyweight therapy. In my mind, I'm still the girl he adored and the one he'd waited all his life for, so why waste time and life trying to move on with someone who, from all I've heard, is not his perfect partner.

 

And I became close friends (with benefits for a while...) with my ex-ex, so i know I shouldn't even feel like he's doing wrong, but it just still hurts.

 

What's your situation if you don't mind me asking?

 

Jadie xx

 

we have similarities jadie for sure .....heavyweight therapy pschoanalysis shrinks with really creepy eyes who ask you "so how does that make you feel" i have suffered acute depression over the years and have had to stay in psyche wards a few times.i had a breakdown when my ex split up with me over five years ago i say similarities in therapy heavyweight style....he is still with the same woman he left me for i have gone the nc route with her ......i dont want to speak to her at all.....i speak to my ex on a daily basis.....and he has told me personally he f.....d up we have three girls together i have gone a step further in sending him a letter saying that i will always love him and he has always wanted to be there for me when the calls get flirty however i steer them away to safer ground.......are you a patient person? If all his friends feel the relationship is not going to last let it run its course...... and while you wait do something for you something you have thought about and haven't gotten around too,date guys you are single that doesnt mean you have to bonk yourself happy it wont happen that way anyway......surround yourself with people who can make you laugh have a wild girls night out and dance yourself ragged.....don't sit at home waiting it slows things down.......you deserve to have fun and remain friends with your ex but dont make him the centre of your hopes ....... i have a mantra that i often say you may know it.....god grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change and to change the things i can.....I love the serenity prayer. We can only change us and what we do.

 

I understand the betrayal you feel he needs to act instead of talking to others and that is why I asked if you were patient? Because he might just take his time......

[lady_jadie]

I love the serenity prayer too - Gad, grant me the courage to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

 

The only shame is I have a really strong disconnection with my logical part of my brain and the emotional part- so although I could say it over and over, I still wake up feeling like sh*t in the mornings, being depressed, wah wah wah... I feel like all I do on here is whinge and probably come across as some silly b*tch that just needs to get over it. Easier said than done.

 

Another bummer is when we were together he managed to convince me we didn't need friends, just 'us against the world', so now I have enough friends to count on one hand and they're not always around. So I have a lot of bummed out nights knowing he has someone sleeping next to him, no matter if she's just someone to keep the bed warm..

 

Also I'm pretty impatient, but I suppose if I'm faced with no choice I'll have to be..

 

Thankyou for your input, it does sound like we have similar MH issues which I'm always sorry to hear someone say because I know how it hurts and f*cks with your mind. You say you speak with your ex and he gets flirty- how do some people even think that's ok?! sounds like his 'new' woman should be felt sorry for IMO, and you should def think you're better off, I mean would you rather be her knowing he still feels like that for you?!!

 

I'm not even sure if I've screwed up our chances of being friends now, and maybe he doesn't feel he needs me as one now he's seeing someone else... so many chances to be hurt