whoknows11 Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Its only my first day going with no contact. It seems real hard already. I was the one who was dumped. She still wanted to talk alot, but it was always me who initiated contact. If i didnt, i wouldnt hear from her. Id also get mainly one word responses. Its fustrating me.Im just seeing if she contacts me finally. But i cant help but look at my phone alot. i do want her back. Is this the right move to go NC? P.s. whats this breadcrumbs thing?
barese1 Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 If you're trying to move on then yes, no contact. Don't try and use it as a tool to win her back. Plus if you did want her back its more likely to happen if you aren't contacting her all the time anyway. I would delete her number personally. Its early days so you will be checking your phone all the time. Nearly a month of NC and when my phone goes I still think it might be her, but those thoughts are fading. Breadcrumbs basically is when the ex contacts you but its nothing like "Hope you're well" etc
Author whoknows11 Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 If you're trying to move on then yes, no contact. Don't try and use it as a tool to win her back. Plus if you did want her back its more likely to happen if you aren't contacting her all the time anyway. I would delete her number personally. Its early days so you will be checking your phone all the time. Nearly a month of NC and when my phone goes I still think it might be her, but those thoughts are fading. Breadcrumbs basically is when the ex contacts you but its nothing like "Hope you're well" etc Im not really using it as a tool. Idk. Im just hoping itd help get her back. Especially if she contacts me. Either that or i contact her, but not all the time. I feel i was getting the breadcrumbs treatment. Thats why im trying not to contact her, well wait for her to contact me. Its just been a real confusing 3 weeks so far.
Jose11 Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 NC isn't there to help you win her back. If you in NC thinking she will miss you and want to comeback to you, then you are doing it for the wrong reason. NC is suppose to help you move on. Your suppose to use this time to focus on you. Its hard cause I just broke it if you read my thread, but it does help a bit. Breadcrumbs are attempts your ex will make to contact you. It may be a text or an email saying she misses you, but its only to reassure her that she is not alone. When she starts to feel lonely she'll contact you as the back up plan to make her feel better, but thats it. she'll see you response back then cut you off entirely. Also if you are the one who is doing all the contacting, then you need to stop. I don't know your relationship or your ex, but this usually applies to all break ups. she will use you contacting her as an ego boost/emotional security blanket. She knows where you stand in the relationship. It should be up to her to make contact if she wants back.
Author whoknows11 Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 NC isn't there to help you win her back. If you in NC thinking she will miss you and want to comeback to you, then you are doing it for the wrong reason. NC is suppose to help you move on. Your suppose to use this time to focus on you. Its hard cause I just broke it if you read my thread, but it does help a bit. Breadcrumbs are attempts your ex will make to contact you. It may be a text or an email saying she misses you, but its only to reassure her that she is not alone. When she starts to feel lonely she'll contact you as the back up plan to make her feel better, but thats it. she'll see you response back then cut you off entirely. Also if you are the one who is doing all the contacting, then you need to stop. I don't know your relationship or your ex, but this usually applies to all break ups. she will use you contacting her as an ego boost/emotional security blanket. She knows where you stand in the relationship. It should be up to her to make contact if she wants back. Yeah youre right. Im going about it all wrong. I figured no contact would help make her miss me or contact me. I do kinda get the breadcrumbs. Itll be the i love yous once in a while. But my story is in the second chance section under need a miracle any advice. Could give everyone a better perspective on how my situation is.
Author whoknows11 Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 * " needing a miracle. Is there any hope?"
Jose11 Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 I tried using NC at first to think she would come running back after a week or two how she missed me and loved me and it was stupid of her to want out. but 2 months later nothing. I don't know how long you guys where going out, but she probably made this decision a long time before she told you she wanted to break up. So she is ahead of the healing process than you. I'd like to say you'll have a happy ending and she'll come back, but i am two months in and thats when i realize there isn't going to be a miracle phone call of her saying she has been dumb and wants to try again. You'll realize eventually whether you get your phone call or not. I do hope everything works out for you. But remember think about yourself and your needs and wants first.
Author whoknows11 Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 I tried using NC at first to think she would come running back after a week or two how she missed me and loved me and it was stupid of her to want out. but 2 months later nothing. I don't know how long you guys where going out, but she probably made this decision a long time before she told you she wanted to break up. So she is ahead of the healing process than you. I'd like to say you'll have a happy ending and she'll come back, but i am two months in and thats when i realize there isn't going to be a miracle phone call of her saying she has been dumb and wants to try again. You'll realize eventually whether you get your phone call or not. I do hope everything works out for you. But remember think about yourself and your needs and wants first. Thank you. Im really hoping as well. But idk if i should keep in contact like i have. Or just even drop a text saying hope everythings good or something. I feel nc would just make her move on much quicker seeing as she left me. I fear that.
Jose11 Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 I'm not sure if going nc or not is best for you and your relationship. No one here can decide that but you. We can give you our best opinion and what we think is best, but you should be the one to decided how your life goes. It takes a while but it does get a bit better. You should just put you as the priority here. What do you really want? remember you can't make, force, pressure someone to be in a realtionship. They have to be in willingly.
DMS Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 I share many of the same fears. However in your case she is sending I love yous at which point you have to ask yourself if she loved you why would she end the relationship instead of working through whatever her issue was with the relationship. I would submit that she is sending these because she knows you will respond which let's her know you are still there waiting just like a good little back up plan. As has been said in other areas of the forums, NC is not always easy but is the way to go and if she suggests getting back together then the choice is yours but you may find that you have moved on
Peanut9330 Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Hoping that NC will get her back might really hurt you in the long run and really set you back. True sometimes the dumpers miss you and try to contact you but most times it because they need a boost. They will check in tell you they miss you or they made a mistake, see how miserable you’re doing and not contact you again. However I’m sure there are times where NC might have worked to get an ex back but sadly that's the exception not the rule. You have to look as NC as a tool for you something that will help you heal and move on. Any type of contact at this point can really hurt you and bring you right back to square one. I been there trust me I know the feeling but after you give yourself some time things will get much easier.
Author whoknows11 Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 Thank you guys. It means alot to get this help. I wish i knew how to post my story i have in the second chance column. Cause i was wondering how everyone felt about it. And if theres still hope or what do i do. She was perfect for me, so it seemed. She doesnt drink,smoke,party or sleep with random guys, none of it. She works hard in school and work. Doesnt really have friends now. Except maybe two. She hasnt flirted or done anything with anyone since the breakup. But idk what to do.
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