Scooter_95126 Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Here’s the details: Male, just turned 44 last Wednesday, wife 42. No children together, married only 8 months, together for over 2 years. Both of us unemployed, EDD suddenly stopped a month ago and I have not been able to find work (but am close to getting an assistant manager’s job), she is awaiting hearing and settlement for SSI in September. Ever since we have been together, she sometimes feels the need for a timeout and leaves, taking her stuff to her dad’s and stays a couple of days and returns home. Usually her return dates would correspond to paydays. Some other info regarding both of us. Both of us were married 2 times prior (hers both ended in divorce, my first marriage was a divorce and my 2nd ended when my 38 year old wife died suddenly). I left my 2nd wife to live with my current wife. I am a using alcoholic and my current wife had a problem with prescription drugs. When she could not get the prescriptions or ran out early, it turned into her using dealers and she occasionally used meth “to fight pain and be awake”. I also have a temper problem that I have curbed with 6 months in anger management classes. I have lost my temper with her however, and have a domestic violence conviction with her. On Saturday, everything seemed great and though we had run out of money, all was happy. We are living in a motel and have a deal with the manager to let us ride till I can find work and/or her settlement comes through in September. I have told her in the past that I feared she would leave me because I am the only one with anything to lose. Everything she has can fit in one carload, and though I bought the car (2nd Honda Accord- she totaled first one) it is only in her name. She has the ability to live with daddy, I have nowhere to go. Storage unit is in default and only contains my furniture and stuff (she has a BBQ and a portable air conditioner). The rest of her “real stuff” is at her dad’s. I have a cat- so homeless shelter is out of question. On Father’s Day I gave her my last 5 dollars and she loaded up her car and drove to dad’s on empty. She claimed she was getting some money and would be coming back. Later on Sunday, I noticed that some of my stuff: Keurig coffee maker, ironing board, mp3 cables, were also gone. When I brought it up to her she changed subject and said she needed them there. She then went to a text only communication (on her terms and timeframes) and refuses to speak to me directly. I know she is at her dad’s as I have called over there a couple of times and she gets on phone for a second to say she will talk to me in a minute. On Tuesday, she suddenly started texting me that she was not coming back here. She also claimed that we are no longer together and that she just doesn’t feel it for me right now. She has gone through this depression before, but I have always been able to get her on the phone and talk her through things and have her return. This time feels different. It is the first time that she has really claimed she wants a divorce, she also mentioned it to my storage unit facility manager. I called him on her request today and he started with “I’m so sorry to hear about your upcoming divorce.” I was like, WTF????? I am freaking out and don’t know what to do. She won’t answer phone or texts. My friends that I have consulted have told me to forget her and move on. I would but like I said, I am not in a position to do this right now (no income, no job), Not only that but I still love her dearly and want to know how I can get her back. I know the marriage can be saved. Last week on my Birthday she was lovey dovey and a week later Divorce?!? Out of the blue?!?! WTF???? Any suggestions?
thatone Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 just go do something non violent that will land you in prison, then you can sort out your issues there.
Stevenn Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 I am so sorry about this. I feel really bad, i have been around divorce my whole life growing up with my mom. It may feel like all hope is lost and that there is no way out of your situation. But i want you to know that there is help. Divorce is such a heartbreaking event that only the people involved can explain how hard it really is. I came across a site that has helped me get my ex girlfriend back into my life and I feel like it would help you out. I felt that the information contained in this site was so essential in getting the girl I loved for 2 years back into my life. Don't give up, there is a way through this. I hope it helps you as much as it has helped me. Relationships Forum |
Author Scooter_95126 Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 First of all, Neal my friend, not cool. Like I said, I have problems, I also am man enough to not only admit them, but also face them and attempt to correct them. Most people in my situation only get 12 sessions of Anger Management. I REQUESTED 52. I knew that I needed to establish a positive pattern, be with like-minded people, and have a forum to vent and look for help. I also knew 3 months was not enough time. I go to a place where the sessions are only $5 per session for those with limited income. The counselor is amazing and vey helpful. Since I have encountered a fiscal setback he is even letting me go for free because he knows how important it is for me. Also if I don't have transportation, I can call him and he will take me to and from class. It is on his way. So you see we don't need to go to prison .
Author Scooter_95126 Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 Stevenn- thank you for the information. There has been some positive signs this morning (texts, a phone call) There is obvious irritation from her but.... I am working on it.
2sunny Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Go get working today! Get busy! So busy that you don't have time to even think about having a drink today! Ask for help! Get to an AA meeting! Being with your druggy wife is NOT a good choice! Tell her to stay away forever.
Author Scooter_95126 Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 Thank you for that advice 2Sunny. Getting a job is harder than it seems. I live in an area that has a plethora of fast food, restaurants, grocery stores, and drug stores (CVS, Rite Aid, Walgreens, etc). However, the positions have all been filled by college kids when school let out (this was about 2 weeks prior to me and my wife's unemployment being suddenly cut by the US Dept. of Labor deciding CA had reached economic recovery- YEAH RIGHT STATE IS BROKE! Unemployment down cause everyone cut from EDD system, Unemployed people is up). Jobs in my normal industry of Risk Management are non-existent. I have applied everywhere and continue on a daily basis. I have no money and no transportation but I get out and walk when I have to for applications, interviews, follow-ups (I prefer face-to-face; even for fast-food, over phone follow-ups). I do also walk to AA meetings- 2.5 miles each way, I do not even think about having a drink and couldn't buy it anyways (I refuse to panhandle), and know in my heart I do not need it and must not have it. Before my wife passed away in 2010, I was sober 5 years. I made a dumb decision to do "research" as to whether alcohol will numb pain instead of making a call. I have been out researching way too long and destroying my life and those of others. I can and will turn my life over to my higher power and remain positive that things will get better. I love my wife too much to just kick her to the curb. The way I look at it, running out of money has been a blessing, she has been forced to be clean for about 2 weeks and me for a week. It will be a LOOOOOOOOONG road, but doable and worth it in the end.
Author Scooter_95126 Posted June 23, 2012 Author Posted June 23, 2012 There was an update from yesterday through today. First of all, at about 4:00 pm my time yesterday my wife started texting me that she was on her way home. She got here and things seemed good. I of course was on good behavior and helpful and attentive. She did accuse me of being testy and snappy. I was apologetic and tried to maintain a moderate demeanor (neither overjoyed nor aloof). We laughed and seemed to have a good evening and went to bed. In the morning, her attitude seemed to have shifted. She was short, indicated she was going back to her dad's and try to find a way for us to get items to pawn or sell (I have many of my and my late wife's possessions at her dad's). At 11:30 am this morning, I had her drop me off so that I could take care of some business and was going to have a 2.5 mile walk home. She kissed me on the lips, I said I loved her, she loved me back, I told her I loved her more and that has been the last time I saw her. We have texted and talked several times since, however, I don't know what to make of things. She has indicated that she feels like a loser and is depressed. I told her not to worry, things will work out and I find her very beautiful and was proud of the efforts she is making while we are in a bleak situation. She is still questioning me as to what I talked to her dad about the other night. I never called him and don't understand what she is talking about. Unfortunately, my spidey-sense is tingling.
2sunny Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Announce in a meeting you need a sponsor to do step work with you. Also ask at meetings if anyone has work for you to do.
Author Scooter_95126 Posted June 23, 2012 Author Posted June 23, 2012 Thanks again for the input sunny. I have a sponsor thank you very much. He is currently on a business trip in Europe for the next few weeks. When all of this went down I tried to reach him, but time differences and whatnot have made this difficult. We have talked a bit here and there, hence I was looking for advice here. Which by the way, in my next post there is a twist that has my heart and stomach hurting. I literally feel as though I have been kicked by a horse.I have asked about work, but NOTHING is available. You also have to understand, I HAVE TO TREAT IT AS THOUGH I HAVE NO TRANSPORTATION!!!! With no money, can't get on the bus, no wife, no car. Yes I have asked in meetings if someone could help me with a ride if I need it for an interview (Yeah that is possible, but not to go to work everyday). So therefore, I have to look at places that are within reasonable (1 hour each way) walking distance.
Recommended Posts