Scooter_95126 Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Here’s the details: Male, just turned 44 last Wednesday, wife 42. No children together, married only 8 months, together for over 2 years. Both of us unemployed, EDD suddenly stopped a month ago and I have not been able to find work (but am close to getting an assistant manager’s job), she is awaiting hearing and settlement for SSI in September. Ever since we have been together, she sometimes feels the need for a timeout and leaves, taking her stuff to her dad’s and stays a couple of days and returns home. Usually her return dates would correspond to paydays. Some other info regarding both of us. Both of us were married 2 times prior (hers both ended in divorce, my first marriage was a divorce and my 2nd ended when my 38 year old wife died suddenly). I left my 2nd wife to live with my current wife. I am a using alcoholic and my current wife had a problem with prescription drugs. When she could not get the prescriptions or ran out early, it turned into her using dealers and she occasionally used meth “to fight pain and be awake”. I also have a temper problem that I have curbed with 6 months in anger management classes. I have lost my temper with her however, and have a domestic violence conviction with her. On Saturday, everything seemed great and though we had run out of money, all was happy. We are living in a motel and have a deal with the manager to let us ride till I can find work and/or her settlement comes through in September. I have told her in the past that I feared she would leave me because I am the only one with anything to lose. Everything she has can fit in one carload, and though I bought the car (2nd Honda Accord- she totaled first one) it is only in her name. She has the ability to live with daddy, I have nowhere to go. Storage unit is in default and only contains my furniture and stuff (she has a BBQ and a portable air conditioner). The rest of her “real stuff” is at her dad’s. I have a cat- so homeless shelter is out of question. On Father’s Day I gave her my last 5 dollars and she loaded up her car and drove to dad’s on empty. She claimed she was getting some money and would be coming back. Later on Sunday, I noticed that some of my stuff: Keurig coffee maker, ironing board, mp3 cables, were also gone. When I brought it up to her she changed subject and said she needed them there. She then went to a text only communication (on her terms and timeframes) and refuses to speak to me directly. I know she is at her dad’s as I have called over there a couple of times and she gets on phone for a second to say she will talk to me in a minute. On Tuesday, she suddenly started texting me that she was not coming back here. She also claimed that we are no longer together and that she just doesn’t feel it for me right now. She has gone through this depression before, but I have always been able to get her on the phone and talk her through things and have her return. This time feels different. It is the first time that she has really claimed she wants a divorce, she also mentioned it to my storage unit facility manager. I called him on her request today and he started with “I’m so sorry to hear about your upcoming divorce.” I was like, WTF????? I am freaking out and don’t know what to do. She won’t answer phone or texts. My friends that I have consulted have told me to forget her and move on. I would but like I said, I am not in a position to do this right now (no income, no job), Not only that but I still love her dearly and want to know how I can get her back. I know the marriage can be saved. Last week on my Birthday she was lovey dovey and a week later Divorce?!? Out of the blue?!?! WTF???? Any suggestions?
M30USA Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Sad truth: women have a hard time loving a man who doesn't have much money. We live in a world of material needs. It sucks but that's life.
stupidgirl22 Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 I can't read her mind but the anger management you speak of - did you hit her recently and yell at her?? maybe she needs time out, maybe she's frigthened, confused. If she doesn't want to speak to you it sounds like she's scared of what you might say. maybe she wants no distractions. Has she had therapy for substance abuse? Interesting your friends want you to move on without even trying - is there a reason for this? Why don't they like her? In my opinion friends only say this if they believe the relationshp wasn't a happy one.
Author Scooter_95126 Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 I am sad to say that early in the relationship when drinking after 2nd wife's death an arguement insued and I pushed her back on the bed and grabbed her throat. We also got into a pushing match while on vacation in Nov. 2010 (which led to my Dom Vio arrest and case). Since then, I have done what I can to curb drinking- AA, meetings, friends, counselling. I will admit that it has not been 100% abstinance. I have been sober for 1 week today however (although with no money- no beer). I did get upset with her a week ago after she was practicing some button pushing. I lunged towards her and shouted at her, but grabbed the car keys from her and left for a while. She sent a text while I was out saying don't lay hands on her again, but loves me, come home and we will make dinner together. She went through treatment once when getting off fentenyl in early 2010. I originally met her then, I was in detoxing from alcohol. Since then, she hs only detoxed herself. Recently, after we ran out of money and my adderall pills. She should be on day 12 clean.
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