nofool4u Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 ...their affair partner having to pay their STBX half of the marital assets, child support, etc.? My x-wife gets child support, and thats fine. They are my kids and I don't mind as long as the money I give her IS used for their well being. She got a VERY small portion of my 401K because we were not married very long, unlike people who end up getting divorced and married for 20+ years. But I talk to the x-wife of her new husband, who did happen to be the OM in my situation. My X, according to her and other people who talk to my X, she basically foams at the mouth that her new husband has to pay child support and gives his X a hard time about it. But here is my bewilderment. If you cheated in the marriage, and that led to your X filing for divorce and getting custody, or you are the affair partner of someone who has to pay the X, my thinking is you should suck it up and be quiet about it. It amazes me about people who will do something so devastating and then are all surprised at what is required of them after the fact. Its like the affair partners expect everything to go their way when they just handed their X's, or STBX's, a sh*t sandwich. I had to tell my X that she needs to quit being a hypocrite, and that she made her bed, so lay in it and shut up. 3
Summer Breeze Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 I think it's human nature. At least some humans. I think that whoever is complaining about it after an A are the same people who would complain about it if the R hadn't started with an A. Sometimes it has to do with not having kids and sometimes it's plain greed. I don't see it being down to the R starting with an A, I see it all over the place. 1
Woggle Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Cheaters tend to be perpetual victims so no matter what they will feel persecuted if they are not being catered to 100% and somtimes even then they complain. 2
imperfectangel Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 I think when you make the decision to get involved with someone who has children surely the idea that if you two end up together child support is inevitable same as giving up weekends because it's his time with the kids I'd never expect a man to/or respect a man who put any woman before his own kids 2
Author nofool4u Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 I think it's human nature. At least some humans. I think that whoever is complaining about it after an A are the same people who would complain about it if the R hadn't started with an A. Sometimes it has to do with not having kids and sometimes it's plain greed. I don't see it being down to the R starting with an A, I see it all over the place. So do I, point is, if someone was one of the affair partners, either the married person, or the OW/OM that is now with the divorced AP, sorry, you don't get to throw lives in turmoil then complain about the fallout later. Yes, people will complain even if marriages fail for other reasons.
Author nofool4u Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 I think when you make the decision to get involved with someone who has children surely the idea that if you two end up together child support is inevitable same as giving up weekends because it's his time with the kids I agree. I was more making a statement about those who committed adultery, the marriage ended, then they complain. I think they should pay their support and shut it. That goes for their AP's especially. Of course, then you have guys like me, who were cheated on, and I'm paying support. I don't complain to pay it. I want my kids taken care of. Still doesn't irk me sometimes because I know they are better off with me. As much of a piece of crap as she is, she isn't crap enough in the eyes of the court. Oh well, it is what it is. There is one benefit to being the CS paying non-custodial parent, and thats that the custodial parent now has to step up and take responsibility. She thought initially that she could tell me that we need to split things like taking turns taking off work to take them to appointments. Sorry, I pay her to be the custodial parent, so thats what she is going to be whether she likes it or not. I told her this and that if the answer is she doesn't like it she can either give me custody and I'll be responsible for all those things, or she can shut up. She chose to shut up. She doesn't want to lose that CS. I'm convinced if CS wasn't there, she'd give them up to me in a heartbeat.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Possibly because people who are in affairs tend to be pretty myoptic anyway! It seems to me that it's a stretch at best to to be able to justify ones happiness at the expense of another unknowing individual. I guess AP's have a head start in that arena whether they are the wayward or the other.
MoneyWorld Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 There is one benefit to being the CS paying non-custodial parent, and thats that the custodial parent now has to step up and take responsibility. She thought initially that she could tell me that we need to split things like taking turns taking off work to take them to appointments. Sorry, I pay her to be the custodial parent, so thats what she is going to be whether she likes it or not. Just an opinion, but you may want to work on changing your views on that. You are sticking your kids in the middle of your issues with your ex. Taking your children to an appointment isn't a job of a custodial parent, it's the job of a parent. You take them to appointments because you love and care for them, not because it's a duty of one parent or another. 4
beenburned Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 nofool4you, Your x-wife is crazy if she gets mad just because her new H has to pay child support for his kids! How would she feel if you didn't pay her child support for your kids? I do agree with the people that said moaning and groaning is common after all divorces.(even in cases where there was no adultery) I think most people don't like having to live with the consequences of a divorce, especially financially.
Author nofool4u Posted June 22, 2012 Author Posted June 22, 2012 Just an opinion, but you may want to work on changing your views on that. You are sticking your kids in the middle of your issues with your ex. No, thats what she is doing by expecting me to bow down to her every demand, then trying to use them to shame me because she simply doesn't want to do something. Taking your children to an appointment isn't a job of a custodial parent, it's the job of a parent. I still take them now and then, she just thinks she has a right to tell me when I should take off work to do it. It IS the job of the custodial parent. They wanted custody, then the burden lies on them. Not that I don't want to and never do. I just will NOT be told by her what to do. I told her she doesn't get to order me around anymore.
Author nofool4u Posted June 22, 2012 Author Posted June 22, 2012 Does your x-wife work a full time job? She did in the beginning and she got to use sick time for them.
Spark1111 Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 If people are selfish and self-entitled, like many a cheater, it seems to me they may be very resentful of any arrangement that forces them to be....well, less selfish and self-entitled. Me, me, me and I, I, I, have little bearing or import when it comes to the laws of divorce and child custody. I also believe and have seen IRL where people refuse to divorce because they want the other spouse's health benefits or part of the pension plan while they live like a single person dating everything in sight. Separating, but fighting divorce. Cake-eaters are cake-eaters: Living the single lifestyle partially funded by the spouse they threw out. Selfish, selfish, selfish.
Author nofool4u Posted June 22, 2012 Author Posted June 22, 2012 My thinking is that people should equally support their children. Sometimes this means that one person will have to fork over more for support because their income is higher. As for when people divorce their assets and liabilities should be divided equally irregardless of infidelity. As for alimony, that can be quite complicated but I don't think infidelity should be a factor in that either. I agree on all accounts. Except alimony. It should be done away with, with the exception of situations when its clear the paying party forbid the other spouse to hold down a job in some way, or gave up a career that somehow can't really be gotten back after years of being together. However.......I think ideally that there should be a separate damage clause/$$ awarded for the bs of an unfaithful spouse. Although that would be sweet , I wouldn't even really support that as a feasible idea. I do think infidelity should play a part in custody, while not being the sole factor, I think it needs to be considered for two reasons: First, the BS didn't ask to be betrayed, then to add insult to injury, have their kids taken away (and yes, thats what it can feel like to people turned into every other weekend parents) This reason is more emotional and less pertinent, but still should be a consideration somehow And second, and more of a relevant reason, that the one doing the cheating isn't setting a good example for the child. Yes I know, some will say that cheating isn't an indication of a bad parent. And actually I can agree...a little. But being void of scruples, not caring enough about the child in the first place to go out and screw around can't be good principles on which to raise a child. Granted I know that these two things may not be feasible in all cases, but I do believe in some, like my X, who robbed my kids of family time so she could go out and party, should be factored in. But nope. The only thing that seems to matter these days is, whoever has the penis loses. You have to prove they are a drug addict or beat the kids. Being promiscuous and having misguided priorities do not matter to the courts.
beenburned Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Actually it matters very much if you live in the 13 states that still recognize adultery. If adultery is proven, assets are divided 60/40 instead of 50/50.
GLDheart Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 ...The only thing that seems to matter these days is, whoever has the penis loses... Back when I was secure in my relationship I used to make fun of the system. I'd say "if a man cheats on his family with the new hot secretary at his work, Society will teach him a lesson and he pays for it. He loses time with his kids, he pays the alimony, he loses the house, he pays the child support, etc etc." BUT "If the wife gets it on with another man, The husband STILL pays for it. He loses time with his kids, he pays the alimony, he loses the house, he pays the child support, etc etc." Here I am years later and the jokes on me.
Author nofool4u Posted June 25, 2012 Author Posted June 25, 2012 Actually it matters very much if you live in the 13 states that still recognize adultery. If adultery is proven, assets are divided 60/40 instead of 50/50. I'd love that if Illinois were one of them. I think it should play a role. 1
Author nofool4u Posted June 25, 2012 Author Posted June 25, 2012 Back when I was secure in my relationship I used to make fun of the system. I'd say "if a man cheats on his family with the new hot secretary at his work, Society will teach him a lesson and he pays for it. He loses time with his kids, he pays the alimony, he loses the house, he pays the child support, etc etc." BUT "If the wife gets it on with another man, The husband STILL pays for it. He loses time with his kids, he pays the alimony, he loses the house, he pays the child support, etc etc." Here I am years later and the jokes on me. Exactly. Men get screwed in more ways than one. And people wonder why alot of men don't want to get married.
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