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Missing her - lend me your support


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Posted

Good morning from SW Florida!

 

Despite all of the advice about being strong and focusing on key aspects of the breakup, I've been giving on LS over the past few days, I have my weak moments too and today is a bad one.

 

Unfortunately, I have to work with the girl I care for so much. Normally, seeing her isn't a big deal but somehow I was struck with a pain deep in my heart this morning when I saw her...not quite sure why. I have prepared myself for these and I am considering contacting her but really want to refrain from reaching out too much so some support from LS members would really help right now. I made it nearly a month of NC until she sent me an e-mail. I made it through that period pretty well, only having a few instances of serious pain. Today is another one of those moments and it just happens to be on a work day where it's more tempting than ever to reach out to her (all other instances were late at night or on a weekend).

 

I reminded myself this is her choice and if she can go without talking to me, I can do the same, right? I mean, we still take the occasional break at work together or exchange e-mails, but of course I still long for something more, which I know I will get past as I refrain from the type of chatter that leads one to fall deeper into these feelings (I've made serious progress). Honestly, it's not the kissing or romantic aspect I miss the most. It's the conversations we had and the laughter we shared and I know I can find that via another woman but she made me feel...different. Her companionship and just having her around me is really what I miss the most. She really is special.

 

Please just tell me to be strong. If you want to get violent, slapping me around some is okay too (verbally?? :p). Tell me I don't need to talk to her. I don't need to reach out to her. Give me words of motivation please...

Posted

It's all about managing expectations. What do you want to contact her for? What do you want to say and why? And what do you think the outcome will be of that contact? In my case, I know nothing good will come from it. So I stay as far away from her as possible and don't reply to any of her breadcrumbs. I'd rather go through that suffering than through a false sense of hope, only to get back to square 1 after the contact. False hope is the worst there is. It will cloud your judgement, will play with your emotions and will ultimately make you feel stupid for giving into it. Learn to recognize it.

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Posted

I just want to say hello and see how her day is going. I guess I have expectations beyond what they should be. The outcome wouldn't be bad in a sense that she was angry that I contacted her but it might instill additional feelings or prolong getting over them those feelings.

 

Thanks Reddice, you're right. I think there may be some false sense of hope that was instilled in me this morning when I saw her and the smile that I got. That's something that I need to shrug off first if I really want to move on to the next step of healing. My decision will be there will be no second chance, that's MY choice. She's not right for me and I really am too good for her.

 

If anyone has anything else to add I'd love to hear it please!

 

Thank you again Reddice

Posted

I understand what you're going through. Those weak moments are the worst. I'm still experiencing them but they are getting less and less painful. I had one last night and I just cleaned up(kept myself busy) and went to bed. I want to go back to his class(the guy I like/used to like) because that's how it was through out last year. I saw him about 3 to 4 times a week and now it's like I just disappeared. He didn't expect this and neither did I. He thought he would always be my teacher and I would always be his student. I thought so too but life can be really tough sometimes. Going back will only cause me more pain.

 

He is loyal to his gf. They are pretty much like two peas in a pod. Whatever we had just seems so insignificant compared 2 what they have and I've actually said I think he wld be crazy 2 leave her. I know that the best thing 4 me is to move on. I've been working very hard since the beginning of this year(going 2 school and training 2 dance professionally is not easy at all) but I haven't been at peace and when I'm not peaceful, I'm not happy. But there's one thing I know 4 sure, after the rain comes the sun and when the sun comes, it comes with a smile:) Your suffering won't last 4ever. It has to end at some point. Don't worry, just keep doing what you're doing and DON'T LOOK BACK. Keep staying strong and trust me one day, u'll realize that u've finally moved on.

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Posted

Thanks for the words of support LoverofDance.

 

Honestly, I wish she would disappear sometimes. It would make this entire thing easier. Seeing her every day makes things harder than they need to be. I thought I could cope with it and I still think I can, just as long as I don't have many days like this.

 

It seems stupid but if I see her on the phone talking to someone, that instills feelings in me like she shouldn't be talking to anyone else but that's stupid and irrational. If she wasn't here, I wouldn't see it and I wouldn't feel those emotions. It's little things like this that I hate.

 

I'm going to do my absolute best to avoid any interaction with her. I really think NC is what I need to return to. If she e-mails, I will reply but I'm going to hope she doesn't. If I run into her I'll remain pleasant but short & sweet but I don't think I am strong enough for this yet!!

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