Author Squishy_Belle Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 I think this is where the lines between shallow and picky start to get blurred. We all have physical preferences and that's fine, but why does he *have* to be tall? You're limiting your market now to a specific height range. Makes your goal of finding the right match for you a little harder. You're right. I should have put the differently, i would like him to be a little taller than me. I'm 5ft 6 and find so many guys that message me are the same height. I just find it awkward if a guy is smaller or the exact same height as me
USMCHokie Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Not shallow. Physical attractiveness is no different from other characteristics.
Bob_Funk Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 (edited) Yeh i would, it isn't like everyone who messages me has to be a 10 for me to respond. I don't believe you. I've used various guys' pics on those sites and only got responses as an 9 or 10. Even male 8's aren't good enough for female 5's on pof. You could be a rare exception, but I doubt it. Edited June 21, 2012 by Bob_Funk
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 I don't believe you. I've used various guys' pics on those sites and only got responses as an 8 or above. Even male 7's aren't good enough for female 5's on pof. You could be a rare exception, but I doubt it. This is not true. I respond to 5s on regular basis if they have a nicely written profile... 1
Author Squishy_Belle Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 I don't believe you. I've used various guys' pics on those sites and only got responses as a 9 or 10. Even male 8's aren't good enough for female 5's on pof. You could be a rare exception, but I doubt it. I guarantee you most the guys i talk to on their are between a 5 and a 7. Anything below that i really don't reply to and anything above that hasn't really existed lol
MrCastle Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 (edited) Not shallow. Physical attractiveness is no different from other characteristics. That's true, but shallow is when your demand for specific looks or the importance you place on looks outweighs everything else. Let's stick with the height thing. If she's passing on good looking, quality men with personalities that mesh with hers because they don't meet her heigh requirement, that's shallow. She's overlooking all of their positive traits and judging them on one physical trait. If instead, she goes into it looking for a certain height requirement and meets a guy that, although not as tall as she was hoping for, delivers in all the other ways, and she gives him a chance, that's not shallow. I'm a total ass man. Ideally, I'd want all my dates to have kim kardashian's booty. But if they don't that's cool. I'm not gonna limit myself to only dating girls with awesome butts. As long as there is a level of attraction between us and she's a good person, I will give her a chance. I'd never judge a person on one singular physical trait they can't even change. Edited June 21, 2012 by MrCastle
Bob_Funk Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 I guarantee you most the guys i talk to on their are between a 5 and a 7. Anything below that i really don't reply to and anything above that hasn't really existed lol You must live out in the sticks then. Because when I made a fake profile of an average skinny-fat girl, I was bombarded by messages - many from good looking guys with fitness model physiques. I couldn't even keep up.
Author Squishy_Belle Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 You must live out in the sticks then. Because when I made a fake profile of an average skinny-fat girl, I was bombarded by messages - many from good looking guys with fitness model physiques. I couldn't even keep up. Well looks like im doing something wrong then
USMCHokie Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 That's true, but shallow is when your demand for specific looks or the importance you place on looks outweighs everything else. Let's stick with the height thing. If she's passing on good looking, quality men with personalities that mesh with hers because they don't meet her heigh requirement, that's shallow. She's overlooking all of their positive traits and judging them on one physical trait. If instead, she goes into it looking for a certain height requirement and meets a guy that, although not as tall as she was hoping for, delivers in all the other ways, and she gives him a chance, that's not shallow. I'm a total ass man. Ideally, I'd want all my dates to have kim kardashian's booty. But if they don't that's cool. I'm not gonna limit myself to only dating girls with awesome butts. As long as there is a level of attraction between us and she's a good person, I will give her a chance. I'd never judge a person on one singular physical trait they can't even change. What if you replace height with a characteristic like kindness...or intelligence...or humor...? Would someone be shallow if they refused a person that didn't meet a certain standard of kindness or intelligence...? I understand that society has established what "shallow" means...but I don't think its very compelling... And shallowness, like attraction itself, is in the eye of the beholder. It's subjective. People without a characteristic tend to be the ones who accuse those looking for said characteristic of being shallow... 1
MrCastle Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 What if you replace height with a characteristic like kindness...or intelligence...or humor...? Would someone be shallow if they refused a person that didn't meet a certain standard of kindness or intelligence...? I understand that society has established what "shallow" means...but I don't think its very compelling... And shallowness, like attraction itself, is in the eye of the beholder. It's subjective. People without a characteristic tend to be the ones who accuse those looking for said characteristic of being shallow... Well I don't subscribe to the shallowness is subjective thing. That's a cop out shallow people use to defend their shallow ways. Fact is, shallow people do exist. It's just the way it is. There is a difference between having physical preferences and being flexible on them and having physical preferences and blocking out anyone who doesn't match it to a tee. The latter, being shallow behavior. As far as changing the physical traits to something personality based, that's not shallow. Personalities are what build, and maintain relationships. If you're the intelluctual type, you don't want to date an airhead. If you have a sense of humor, you don't want to date someone that's serious, and brooding all the time. Having a nice ass or being tall is not affecting the relationship at all. Nice to have, sure, but it has nothing to do with how people mesh with each other on a personal level.
Bob_Funk Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Well looks like im doing something wrong then Well, you could always just message the male 9's and 10's yourself. Or approach them in person. It's not like a guy's going to turn down a sure thing from a mildly attractive girl.
SteveC80 Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 What if you replace height with a characteristic like kindness...or intelligence...or humor...? Would someone be shallow if they refused a person that didn't meet a certain standard of kindness or intelligence...? I understand that society has established what "shallow" means...but I don't think its very compelling... And shallowness, like attraction itself, is in the eye of the beholder. It's subjective. People without a characteristic tend to be the ones who accuse those looking for said characteristic of being shallow... Amen..I find it funny the people who complain about shallowness are usually the unattractive ones who get shot down by the attractive people. When i was at my peak in my younger days i dont know how many ugly women hit on me and i politely turned them down and they threw a sh*t fit told me i was a shallow pretty boy full of myself i was called nasty things yelled at meanwhile they wouldnt touch my buddy next to me who was more in their league and would have gladly accepted their advances As i said in the thread i created i think all of us want an attratcive good looking partner and the ones who cant get it are bitter and angry about it
USMCHokie Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Well I don't subscribe to the shallowness is subjective thing. That's a cop out shallow people use to defend their shallow ways. Fact is, shallow people do exist. It's just the way it is. There is a difference between having physical preferences and being flexible on them and having physical preferences and blocking out anyone who doesn't match it to a tee. The latter, being shallow behavior. Subjective is anything that could be subject to interpretation. If it were truly objective, there would no disagree as to whether someone is shallow. And I think calling someone shallow is just a cop out for those who don't fit the "required" characteristics to feel superior; it's a bit of an ego thing, I feel.. "Oh, I'm not 6' tall? Well at least I'm not shallow like you! Nanner nanner..." As far as changing the physical traits to something personality based, that's not shallow. Personalities are what build, and maintain relationships. If you're the intelluctual type, you don't want to date an airhead. If you have a sense of humor, you don't want to date someone that's serious, and brooding all the time. Having a nice ass or being tall is not affecting the relationship at all. Nice to have, sure, but it has nothing to do with how people mesh with each other on a personal level. Alright, I'll buy this.
MrCastle Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 As i said in the thread i created i think all of us want an attratcive good looking partner and the ones who cant get it are bitter and angry about it Of course everybody wants that. But there is a difference between having physical preferences and judging someone based purely on physical traits without giving any room to negotiate. One is shallow, the other isn't.
Author Squishy_Belle Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 Having a nice ass or being tall is not affecting the relationship at all. Nice to have, sure, but it has nothing to do with how people mesh with each other on a personal level. Your right but it would affect my relationship if im 5ft 6 and im seing someone who is 5ft 4 i would honestly feel umcomfortable. Been there, done that..and i didnt like it.
USMCHokie Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Your right but it would affect my relationship if im 5ft 6 and im seing someone who is 5ft 4 i would honestly feel umcomfortable. Been there, done that..and i didnt like it. Great point. What if sex stopped happening because of a physical characteristic that went south...? She has to stay or else she's shallow...?
MrCastle Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 And I think calling someone shallow is just a cop out for those who don't fit the "required" characteristics to feel superior; it's a bit of an ego thing, I feel.. "Oh, I'm not 6' tall? Well at least I'm not shallow like you! Nanner nanner..." I'm sure there are some like that. But that doesn't make the person being accused of being shallow, not shallow. I think when it comes to shallowness, there is very little grey area. We've all met people who, after getting to know them, can make the distinction on whether or not they're shallow. Girl 1: Well I was hoping to find a guy at least 5'10 or 5'11, this guy is 5'9 and he's really attractive, has a great personality, and we have a lot in common. I'll give him a shot. Girl 2: I was looking for 5'10 or 5'11, he's 5'9. Next. Girl 2, in my opinion, is shallow. She didn't budge at all and maybe consider just because he's an inch shorter than what she wanted, he could still make a great mate. When you take your preferences and amplify them to the point where you're not even taking the person's character into consideration. That's shallow, by definition.
MrCastle Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Great point. What if sex stopped happening because of a physical characteristic that went south...? She has to stay or else she's shallow...? I don't understand why sex would happen in the first place. Surely if she didn't want to date a man shorter than her, she wouldn't go after him in the first place. And that's an extreme example. Before she clarified her statements she said "he had to be tall", before she clarified that meant at least taller than her, I assumed she needed a guy that was tall by definition, someone taller than 5'9. She then said they just needed to be taller than her. That's a preference. Shallow is if she wanted 5'10, and turned down someone 5'9. The rigidity and unability to wiggle on that one inch is what makes it shallow.
MrCastle Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 (edited) Again; having preferences isn't shallow. shallow is when you don't wiggle on those preferences. You're still looking to ball park your target. Let's say I'm looking for a latina girl in the 5'3-5'6 range with a slim, toned body and a bubbly personality But I get approached by a 320 pound 5'7 black girl. Am I shallow for rejecting her? No, because she's nowhere near my physical preference. Suppose I get approached by a latina with a bubbly personality and slim body but she's not in the 5'3-5'6 range. She's 5'1. And I reject her even though she meets everyting else. That's shallow to me. The unability to accept all of her positive qualities because of one physical aspect, is shallow. Or back to the ass thing--If a girl possessed all the personality qualities I liked, as well as fit every other physical quality I look for (pretty face, in shape, etc) but it just so happened that her ass was flat, and I turn her down. That's shallow. None of her other traits mattered, just her ass. And then a shallow person wouldn't assume responsibility but rather blame it on the girl. I'm not shallow, she's just bitter because she had a flat ass, that's all. Not my problem. I prefer girls with nice asses. She's just mad. Now maybe she is and maybe she isn't, doesn't take away from the fact that what I did was shallow. Edited June 21, 2012 by MrCastle
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