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Never multy dated. Care to elaborate?


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Posted

Is our ability to multi date, to do with who we are and how we are wired; a product of our enrivonment ( for instance, living in NYC or places that are fast pased with plenty of multi daters, where it is the norm), or is it also a product of your OPTIONS ( pretty, clever, and brilliant people who are great fun, need to see many people at a time, otherwise they will never get to see ALL that is on offer to them)

 

For me, I started dating when I was very good looking ( have since gained 20 + lbs...) and had many options, yet I was shy, had mental issues despite being very fun and likable, I came across great online, but was a shy, nervous wreck in person. Even though I had a stunning body and was extremely attractive back then.....

Regardless of my personality, I was good looking, had options, talked to a lot of quality guys, but it ever struck me that " oh, I have a lot of options, therefore I need to date as many men as possible, so I ca see the endless options out there, so I can find the right guy and KNOW that compared to all the rest I can attract, HE is the one..." LOL....

 

I just wanted to make friends in my new town, and have some casual sex with one guy I be - friended ( I was horny but I need to be friends and be liked and respected by a guy before sexual things occur, although I was NOT looking for a relationship, just a FWB)

 

In spite of my looks, I could not multi date. I met my boyfriend, he was interested and I felt something that made me want to see him again. We kissed the first time and touched, and I felt glad to hear from him and saw him the next day.

After that - I just did not feel right meeting and dating others!

Although, I DID stay on the dating site and I did meet up with another guy, who I thought was a much better match for me.

I did not have anything in common with my boyfriend at first, and there was another guy that was very much like me, who I met up with. I thought he was such a GREAT match, as did he.

That said, I would never have done anything with the other guy, I was still " seeing what was out there", but when it came down to it, I had to either pick him or my boyfriend.

I would never have been able to kiss the other gu, whilst still seeing my boyfriend.

My boyfriend made me feel like, hey, I was hanging out with him almost every day except for weekends ( he partied, I didn't), he was ivesting his time in only getting to know me and no other girls ( he was not the multi dating type) - therefore, it onl felt natural to cater to his needs.

 

I was not THAT desperate to multi date, that his feelings felt like a burden - it just felt easy and right to stick with getting to know ONE guy at a time:)

In my scenario, a lot of people who multi date, would have; met a guy that just has something about him that you like, but not much in common with, and a guy who you have A LOT in common with, but you cannot leave the first guy just yet; so, you multi date.

Logically, I ASSUMED ( because I am the type who can have FWB and not get attached unless it is exclusive - I always have been like this), I THOUGHT I would be able to simple see both men, not have sex, but just meet up and get to know them.

 

I assumed I could multi date, but then again, I think it comes down to the guy your seeing. My guy is lazy with girls and got action occasionally through mutual friends, and out partying...

He did not need or want to see another girl why he focused on me. I did not feel that burdened to meet his needs - in spite of my doubts about him.

Had it been a guy who also multi dated, I can see myself being comfortable with it -in fact, I expected the guy to have other girls on his mind, and was surprised that my bf only wanted to focus on me.

Multi dating felt comfortable, in theory, because I know it is down to who I am, and if that compells him enough - seeing other people in a way, would make me secure, in that he was actively seeing what was out there, and yet realized he felt very strongly about me ( I would not settle for a guy who was not very into me, so he would have had to pick me above and beyond other girls he was seeing.. not just because " the others sucked, I will settle for her"

I actually feel LESS secure, that my boyfriend has not dated around and seen what is out there!

He has only ever really liked ONE girl before me, who was amazing; the rest were not worth his time in the end, just people he had sex with for a few weeks and who he did not think were that awesome.

I take comfort in; he has travelled a lot, so he has seen the great girls in other countries, who are into travel ( which indicates a cool, open minded person to me).

Lastly, he was always in the popular group at school and was constatly around girls - hot, average, cute - he did get a taste of what was out there. Then again, not as an adult, in his mid 20's, besides one other girl.

 

I think I could do both; not be able to multi date in some circumstances, and yet do it readily and easily with a certain type of guys.

I think it pays to be confident enough to multi date - because your trusting your character to bring you the right guy, and you simply know your not right for all men, and you learn to not take it personally when they pick another girl over you - you are still awesome, but better suited to a guy who truly sees that, and becomes crazy about you.

That said, in theory I would multi date, but if it felt wrong, I would stop. Luckily, I am not desperate to go after a guy who is not into me, and needed to see other girls if I was more into him:sick:

 

From what I have heard on loveshack, people either are multi daters, or their NOT; I am undecided, I have never multi dated, but I am guessing it was because my guy created the situation, where it was not appropriate to date around, because he didn't and would have gotten hurt, and it was easy to respect his feelings.

 

I sort of wonder how fabulous I would be at multi dating! You know - I really LIKE the idea of stress free, just seeing people and waitig until there is a spark, having harmless fun and conversations in the process, and learning to be confidet that the right guy will be blow away by you, and want to stop seeing other women.

To me - if a guy was that into you, he would not see other girls, and dated them.... So, having fun with guys would be a no brainer, unless ou developed strong feelings, whereby you would simply go NC, or establish if he felt the same.

Posted

Well, it's a paradox...

We are programmed to have multi-partners because human beings by nature, are not monogamous.

But we are conditioned to be monogamous (that is, to only have one serious partner at a time).

 

It just depends in the individual which of the two is the stronger urge.

  • Author
Posted

Well, I really looked forward to meeting with different men, and I felt really empowered to simply be myself, and the right guy will want me very badly when they find me!

 

I was new to dating and sex, and wanted to have fun with various guys I liked - as I said, I have always seperated sex from emotions; I can tell when I like someone and need them to be monogomus to me.

 

I really think it was my boyfriends wishes that deterred me and how HE felt; it felt wrong to do something that would hurt him, and it was not exactly HARD to not multi date.

 

A lot of guys are not cool with multi dates; even the OTHER guy I met, besides my b.f, he met me, said he was very attracted, and said I either pick him or another guy....

He wanted to find a long term partner, and get to know them alone, before they saw others.

 

In a way, it COULD seam like; if a guy meets you, talks to you, and after the first meeting, he does not think your that unique or awesome - but he likes you enough to want to get to know you and sleep with you - it screams of " well, you were not that great at first, so I will keep my optioons open until I know if you appeal to me more than other girls".

 

YOu would sort of want a guy, the right guy, to meet with you and instantly feel compelled to just get close to you; although in reality, it might take some guys time to even realise their " soulmate".

I guess there is not always a " special feeling' instantly....

 

I Just would like to think that most guys, if faced with a really, really great girl, that if they were that into a girl, they would not bother with others. You CAN know if your that into a girl from a first date, I believe.

Then again- it can take to get to know a girl, who you may " like" at first, but come to realize is really amazing later on.

 

Is it really a matter of how long it takes to be into a girl? OR, are there gus that are into a girl, who still multi date? WHO knows hah.

 

I Just like to hear what other people believe to be the truth.

 

In my case, these days - guys seam to know from their first convo with me, wheather they are really into me. I am quiet different, and friendly, and really seam to strike a chord earlier on.

Guys around here in casual laid back Australia, NOT in a big city here, seam to NOT multi date; the are interested in me, and only me.

 

I tend to only go for guys who I hit if off with right away! You know - who clearly think I am a character, that they do not want to risk losing.

Posted

Even in this so-called enlightened 21st Century, "society" demonstrates double standards... it's ok for guys to sleep around and have loads of partners, even if they're casual, one-night-stands... but for women to do that, is a huge hang-up - as many threads along the lines of "Can't get over my GF's past..." will testify...

 

Guys have lots of partners, they're experienced studs with an admirable record...

Gals have lots of partners, they're slutty, cheap village-bikes with no self-respect and probably a pharmacy-load of STDs...

  • Author
Posted

Yet there is no obvious normal way to go about things that is " stero typed".

 

It is so obvious what the normal and respectable way to go about it is - you know,. you get to know a person and like one another and at least mae sure they think highly of you and respect you, before letting them into your pants.

 

It just feels wrong to give my body to any guy that thinks I am good looking - It is not a bad thing to talk to them for a week, then go on a date and fool around.

 

Just not every week with a new guy necessarily - although that is not even bad, if your ot having sex with a new guy every single week, and feel a compulsive need to HAVE to have sex every week with a new guy.

 

You know - it just seams that there is a logical ad dignified way to go about things - yet people are either traditional and hold out for a propper relationship before doing anything - OR, they are indiscriminate and sleep around too readily.

 

I have to make sure a guy is really into me, to just have a casual encounter, but it does not necessarily mean I want to date - just a casual fun sex scenario with a guy who is into me would be GREAT.

 

Some stress free sex inbetween relationships would be great for a lot of people who are capable of sex without a serious relationship - because a connection and respect are essential to me, but who needs a serious relationship?

 

I do think I could multi dateee... OH well I never got the chance:laugh:

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