Feelsgoodman Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 you are correct. I always pay the check. I also pay the check if I have lunch with a male friend or lunch with my sister and mother. I simply like to pay and it has nothing to do with trying to get women. I already have a woman and she is pregnant with my kid. Why do you like to pay for everyone? Does it make you feel like an important man? In any event, trying to convince the OP that the guy lost interest and put her in the FZ because she paid for herself is asinine. Only someone who is totally f*cked up in the head would hold that against a woman. It's not the 1950's anymore.
snug.bunny Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 It's not the 1950's anymore. Not according to your quote. Hmph!
Feelsgoodman Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Not according to your quote. Hmph! Which quote?
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 If he hasn't made a move by now and instituted any flirtation or tension then he either has no idea what he is doing (less likely I think) or isn't very interested and has kind of putting you in the friend zone at this point. He probably does this with several woman could already be having sex with someone else on the side, which is why he wouldn't be as aggressive or feel the need to...plus since he put his possibility of seeking "friends" he doesn't feel obligated to turn up the heat...but I would take this is a sign of just not being that interested and attracted...however, the majority of men will sleep with you anyway If the offers on the table regardless of intent....he probably doesn't know you are ok with hooking up and not getting any pressure after the fact since he's moving along anyway. I don't think his demeanor of passivity is due to any gentlemanly behavior and experience of knowing the pressures of a LDR because If he was he would be openly communicative about his intentions and cover the topic...It wouldn't just be up in the air, he'd be treating you like a friend. I think he's a very slow mover from being inexperienced and doesn't know how to handle things like progression from one step to the other which would lead to sex, and isn't exactly having to pay for all of these dates just his own...and doing the "friend" version of what men do, leaving it all the table to see what happens but isn't going to make the first move possibly and do something that might make him feel awkward or embarrassed...I'd have to say he's either semi-interested and just seeing what happens or just waiting for you to make the first move out of the friend zone so he can place the blame of "it just happened on you" then start the back-pedaling process soon after when it comes to moving since most men are communicative and honest about their intentions. So ask questions, don't just sit there like an innocent dove...find out what this guy is about, all men have their agendas.
Pierre Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Why do you like to pay for everyone? Does it make you feel like an important man? In any event, trying to convince the OP that the guy lost interest and put her in the FZ because she paid for herself is asinine. Only someone who is totally f*cked up in the head would hold that against a woman. It's not the 1950's anymore. Nice straw man. I did not say that.:laugh: Straw men are not allowed.:eek:
Feelsgoodman Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Nice straw man. I did not say that.:laugh: Straw men are not allowed.:eek: So why do you have such intense liking of paying for other people, including total strangers? Is it some sort of a religious thing (feeing the hungry)? Please explain, I'm really curious.
RedRobin Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 For what it's worth... a good friend of mine dated her now husband for a month and he hadn't made any physical moves. He was from a rather conservative background. So, one night she just grabbed him and kissed him. Flash forward... They have been happily married now for over 10 years with two kids. He's a wonderful husband and father from what I can tell. Not every man is out to get a piece of *ss ASAP... and some have their own reasons for waiting. You probably won't know until you ask though. (with my own ex-H, I was the one who dove in for the first kiss... so there ya go Well, it was more like I grabbed his tie and yanked him in for a kiss. He got a big kick out of that.)
Author mostlyclueless Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 I agree with what Pierre said above. - ask him if he is seeing others. - ask him about his concept of physical intimacy are where he feels it belongs in the concept of dating. Does it really matter if he's seeing others? I assume he is, and it wouldn't bother me.
Pierre Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 So why do you have such intense liking of paying for other people, including total strangers? Is it some sort of a religious thing (feeing the hungry)? Please explain, I'm really curious. I do not like to see anyone pay for me. It is highly embarrassing and I will avoid that awful feeling. I also find that splitting the bill when you just met someone is extremely awkward. I like to pay to avoid those moments. If I am with a long term woman and she wants to pay that is OK. But that will only happen if we are a long term couple and I had paid 5000 times before. But, I actually enjoy picking up the check.
Pierre Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Does it really matter if he's seeing others? I assume he is, and it wouldn't bother me. it should be a concern to you. You have stated he does not initiate sex with you. What if he does not initiate sex with you because he just had sex with his other date? And here you are wondering how come he does not get physical with you. You have no right to control who he is sleeping with; but you may want to ask if he is seeing someone else so you can have an explanation and decide whether you want to date in celibacy or move on.
Author mostlyclueless Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 What if he does not initiate sex with you because he just had sex with his other date? Then it sounds like he didn't plan his dates very well. I don't see any reason to plan 2 dates per night? Unless you are dating >7 women and just run out of evenings? Seems unlikely.
Pierre Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Then it sounds like he didn't plan his dates very well. I don't see any reason to plan 2 dates per night? Unless you are dating >7 women and just run out of evenings? Seems unlikely. The issue is: The guy does not initiate. There are many possible explanations and you need to ask. One of the reasons could be multidating. Whether he had sex in the morning or the night before is none of your business, but you are in a situation where you woud want him to initiate and he does not initiate. Will you continue to date this guy if you find out he is sleeping with another woman?
Author mostlyclueless Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 Will you continue to date this guy if you find out he is sleeping with another woman? Of course. It seems silly to expect him to stop being interested in other women the moment he meets me, especially with no possibility of a long term relationship.
Pierre Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Of course. It seems silly to expect him to stop being interested in other women the moment he meets me, especially with no possibility of a long term relationship. OK, you do not mind. Why did you ask the question? He may not be initiating because he is getting sex elsewhere. Even thought that is none of your business I think you need to know. Sounds like a contradiction, but if there are other women they are affecting how this guy interacts with you.
Feelsgoodman Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 I do not like to see anyone pay for me. It is highly embarrassing and I will avoid that awful feeling. I also find that splitting the bill when you just met someone is extremely awkward. Wait, but we are not talking about paying for yourself. You said you always pay for other people too, such as your coworkers. By your logic, these people should be highly embarrassed as a result of you paying for them. What a bizarre way of thinking.
RedRobin Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Then it sounds like he didn't plan his dates very well. I don't see any reason to plan 2 dates per night? Unless you are dating >7 women and just run out of evenings? Seems unlikely. There is another thread about multi-dating where the person does line up two dates in one day. I imagine it wouldn't be that tough on a weekend to manage two, or even three a day for a resourceful fella.
RedRobin Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Does it really matter if he's seeing others? I assume he is, and it wouldn't bother me. Alright... are you expecting all of us to read his mind if you can't be bothered to even ask him any questions? Here's another thought. If it bothers you that much that he isn't initiating (and it seems like you don't care if he's sleeping with other women while sleeping with you), then here's another plan... - you initiate and see what happens. - you stop seeing him if he doesn't initiate in the time-table you have set in your mind. That way you don't have to ask any questions and you get some kind of resolution.
Pierre Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Wait, but we are not talking about paying for yourself. You said you always pay for other people too, such as your coworkers. By your logic, these people should be highly embarrassed as a result of you paying for them. What a bizarre way of thinking. I try to pick the check for everybody in the table. That is my nature and I am comfortable with that. I have been in situations where someone else in the table wants very badly to pick up the check. So yes, some people are as embarrassed as I am when someone else pays. I don't expect anything I simply grab the check and pay.
Feelsgoodman Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 I try to pick the check for everybody in the table. That is my nature and I am comfortable with that. I have been in situations where someone else in the table wants very badly to pick up the check. So yes, some people are as embarrassed as I am when someone else pays. I don't expect anything I simply grab the check and pay. So you guys have a competition over who grabs the check first? And you think that's less embarassing than splitting?
Pierre Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 So you guys have a competition over who grabs the check first? And you think that's less embarassing than splitting? You have to control your straw men to make your points look good. But, this is what I do to avoid conflicts about who pays. If I think there is someone else in the table that wants to pay I leave the table before the check arrives. I go out and find the waiter and give him my credit card. In that manner the check never arrives to the table and no one is embarrassed.
Pierre Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 You have to control your straw men to make your points look good. But, this is what I do to avoid conflicts about who pays. If I think there is someone else in the table that wants to pay I leave the table before the check arrives. I go out and find the waiter and give him my credit card. In that manner the check never arrives to the table and no one is embarrassed. Actually, it was not a straw man this time. Your point is well taken.
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