mostlyclueless Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 We met on a dating site although he said he was looking for both friends and dating. We have gone on 4 dates, and he still hasn't made a move of any kind. The dates have been great, lots of easy conversation and no awkward pauses or anything. I know he is plenty experienced. What is going on? What should I do? I definitely like him but I figure if he hasn't made a move he probably isn't into me?
SJC2008 Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 How old are yall?? There are men out there who believe in taking it slow. But sometimes when we do the women think that they are not interested. Has he flirted with you, put his arm around you or held your hand or anything. Not even a peck on the cheek? How often does he make contact?
Author mostlyclueless Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 We are mid-late 20s. I don't really feel like he has flirted much? No real physical contact, just hugs hello/goodbye. We have talked a couple of times per week, usually just to make plans to hang out.
SJC2008 Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 We are mid-late 20s. I don't really feel like he has flirted much? No real physical contact, just hugs hello/goodbye. We have talked a couple of times per week, usually just to make plans to hang out. By date 4 there should of been at least one kiss attempt IMO. Is his lack of making a move making you think he's not interested or that he's shy? Is he asking a lot of questions? If he is my quess he's really looking for something serious and is taking the approach that the physical stuff will come eventually so there's no need to rush it. I say do it to try something different. People jump into relationships too fast and good things don't always happen. Are you looking for something serious??
Author mostlyclueless Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 I'm thinking maybe he just wants to be friends? It's fine I guess. There aren't exactly a lot of questions, the conversation seems to be flowing so naturally there is no need. Maybe this is relevant, he is moving away in a few months, so I know there is no possibility of anything serious, but that is totally fine with me.
SJC2008 Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 I'm thinking maybe he just wants to be friends? It's fine I guess. There aren't exactly a lot of questions, the conversation seems to be flowing so naturally there is no need. Maybe this is relevant, he is moving away in a few months, so I know there is no possibility of anything serious, but that is totally fine with me. He's moving then who cares?
musemaj11 Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Stupid guy. After all the money he has spent on the four dates. He should at least try to go for something that he deserves to get anyway.
Author mostlyclueless Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 Stupid guy. After all the money he has spent on the four dates. He should at least try to go for something that he deserves to get anyway. I don't understand, we split the bill each time. Why does he deserve it?
mysteryscape Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 He may just be a good guy, especially with the business about him leaving soon. May not know what to make of the situation himself. Is he going away for good? You might try to make it more clear to him that you're "interested" in a little more, if that's the case.
Pierre Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 I don't understand, we split the bill each time. Why does he deserve it? Sounds like you are in the FZ. He would at least pay on the 1st date. OTOH, some men only sleep with women when the woman makes it obvious that she wants it real bad. This game is sometimes a bit of fun.:laugh: Particularly if he is dating another lady that is already giving him all sex he wants.
FitChick Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 You ASSUME he is experienced. As we have learned on this forum, that often isn't the case. If you want more than just friendship, tell him. If you only want to be friends, tell him because he may want more.
Author mostlyclueless Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 You ASSUME he is experienced. As we have learned on this forum, that often isn't the case. If you want more than just friendship, tell him. If you only want to be friends, tell him because he may want more. Not assuming, we have discussed past experiences at length.
Author mostlyclueless Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 Sounds like you are in the FZ. He would at least pay on the 1st date. I thought guys got mad when they were expected to pay? I don't mind paying my share, I have plenty of money.
Pierre Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 I thought guys got mad when they were expected to pay? I don't mind paying my share, I have plenty of money. Men that are broke get mad about paying. Like you--------most men with money pay for the date and don't really care. Furthermore, they don't expect anything in return. 1
Author mostlyclueless Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 So what, do I just stop paying and then he'll kiss me? Haha.
Pierre Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 So what, do I just stop paying and then he'll kiss me? Haha. These are the possible situations: He is serious. So it is up to you to make the first sexual maneuver. He has put you in the FZ. However, not likely if he keeps asking to see you. He is getting sex elsewhere and is playing a game. Waiting for you to go in heat and enjoying the act of making you wait. You know him better than us. Which one is it?
Author mostlyclueless Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 I guess the fz? I didnt think that happened to girls!
Pierre Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 I guess the fz? I didnt think that happened to girls! Maybe he is multi dating. In this instance his dating energy is diluted among many women and he cannot make up his mind.
RedRobin Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 I agree with what Pierre said above. I might be ok with a multi-dater who didn't have sex or have physical intimacy with the people he/she are seeing before they decided whom to be exclusive. The problem is that there is no way to really know. 4-5 dates seems to be the cutoff for alot of people to make a decision about whom they want to go forward with. OP, seems like this is an opportunity to ask questions. - ask him if he is seeing others. - ask him about his concept of physical intimacy are where he feels it belongs in the concept of dating. You mentioned you weren't looking for something serious. If he is, then it is quite possible he's not the type to jump into bed just because a woman offers it... even if he enjoys her company. Some men get attached with sex pretty straightforwardly and won't get involved that way with a woman he perceives isn't serious. He also may be experienced enough to understand the complications involved in a LDR and doesn't want to start something he can't finish if he plans on moving soon. Not everyone is into casual sex or STR, no matter how attractive or appealing the person might be. 1
Vintage79 Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 I guess the fz? I didnt think that happened to girls! I've friendzoned many women...some get it, some get very confused (i.e. they probably haven't experienced it much). To be fair, though, I probably play the dating game different than a lot of guys - at least in the beginning, women are usually chasing me (if they don't come to be, I usually don't go to them), so chances are they're more invested than I am, which can easily migrate to FZ for them...
Feelsgoodman Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 So what, do I just stop paying and then he'll kiss me? Haha. I suggest you check Pierre's posting history before deciding to take his advice seriously. He's obsessed with paying for women because he feels that's the only way he can attract them. Splitting the bill is perfectly normal (and is in fact standard practice among people under 35).
RedRobin Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 I suggest you check Pierre's posting history before deciding to take his advice seriously. He's obsessed with paying for women because he feels that's the only way he can attract them. Splitting the bill is perfectly normal (and is in fact standard practice among people under 35). If memory serves, Pierre likes paying for everyone. Not sure why he prefers that, but it is his style. I've met other men like him. It would only bother me if I felt I was being 'bought' or there were strings attached. I never got that impression of him. I always offer to pay half. Every time. Have ever since I started dating. However, if a guy insists on paying, I won't argue. There are plenty of other things to argue over. Pick your battles.
Pierre Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 I suggest you check Pierre's posting history before deciding to take his advice seriously. He's obsessed with paying for women because he feels that's the only way he can attract them. Splitting the bill is perfectly normal (and is in fact standard practice among people under 35). you are correct. I always pay the check. I also pay the check if I have lunch with a male friend or lunch with my sister and mother. I simply like to pay and it has nothing to do with trying to get women. I already have a woman and she is pregnant with my kid.
RedRobin Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 I already have a woman and she is pregnant with my kid. Congratulations! Is this your first child?
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