Headintheclouds Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 I've been doing great lately, and have no urge to contact my ex in any way, but heres the situation I'm dealing with... We still have a main mutual friend who happens to be one of my best friends. She is an amazing musician and plays out regularly. I try to go to her shows whenever I can. Tonight she played a show and I had planned on going with a friend of mine. I found out from her that my ex was going to be there. Apparently she had texted her and told her she was coming. What did I do? I didn't go. I seem to be stuck in this situation. I am doing well but I DO NOT want to see my ex. She could be there with her new man, or alone. Either way it wouldn't be good for me. It pisses me off because my ex knows damn well that there is a good chance that I would be there, but seeing me wouldn't even phase her. I just hate that I feel like I am still at her mercy in a way. I want to hang out with my friend and see her play, but I always have to look over my shoulder and wonder if or when my ex will show up. Is this something I should just suck up? Am I being immature? I don't know how I would act if I saw her and I'm scared to set my progress back.
Sugarkane Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 I don't think you are being immature at all. It's tough and you are probably the dumpee? So it's not like you had the upper hand being the dumper. I have been struggling with a similar situation myself. I joined a music meetup but it's possible I could run into the ex and all the people who betrayed me. Who wouldn't be anxious? If you do go I'd Paltrow it. Paltrowing- like the actress is when you act everything's ok no matter what. Like the fake it till you make it saying.
ihateslowjams Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Honestly, your threads have been very interesting and I've kept up with them. I don't think you were being immature either. You're just trying to make sure you heal as fast as possible. seeing her in an uncontrolled state would affect your healing and may make things awkward in that kind of group setting. I would have done the same thing to be honest.
skyisfalling Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 I've been doing great lately, and have no urge to contact my ex in any way, but heres the situation I'm dealing with... We still have a main mutual friend who happens to be one of my best friends. She is an amazing musician and plays out regularly. I try to go to her shows whenever I can. Tonight she played a show and I had planned on going with a friend of mine. I found out from her that my ex was going to be there. Apparently she had texted her and told her she was coming. What did I do? I didn't go. I seem to be stuck in this situation. I am doing well but I DO NOT want to see my ex. She could be there with her new man, or alone. Either way it wouldn't be good for me. It pisses me off because my ex knows damn well that there is a good chance that I would be there, but seeing me wouldn't even phase her. I just hate that I feel like I am still at her mercy in a way. I want to hang out with my friend and see her play, but I always have to look over my shoulder and wonder if or when my ex will show up. Is this something I should just suck up? Am I being immature? I don't know how I would act if I saw her and I'm scared to set my progress back. It must be so awkward being put in a situation like this. I think NC means just that. NO CONTACT. As much as I know you want to see your friend play, I think right now, you should focus on yourself and be selfish. You've come so far (which Ive been following your threads also) and it'd be such a shame to set yourself back. I think you should give yourself some time to heal until you're ready. If you feel like she's going to hinder your progress, then chances are, she will. The wound will be opened, and that's going to suck as*. Give yourself some time, avoid your ex in all possible situations and distance yourself for awhile from anything that would prevent you from moving on. Hang in there, we're all rooting for you!
Author Headintheclouds Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 Thanks for the comments and support! Part of me thinks I should have just gone and sucked it up. I only say this because I dont know how long I can hold back from going out. I mean, I don't know if Ill ever feel "ready" to see her in a social situation. I feel like I'm giving her control by not going. Whatever the case I'm sure I feel better right now then if I had gone last night! Maybe this sounds bad but if I had another girl with me I would probably feel better about facing this situation.
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