colombiana28 Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 I've been casually seeing a guy. We've had sex twice. We are both multidaters and have an understanding that this is 100% casual. We are very safe. The first time we did it, we were drunk, and we did it at his place. He only lasted 5-10 minutes, and seemed super embarrassed about it. He swore that next time, he would make me come. I'm a little confused after the last encounter. We have the hottest text messaging convos in between...he really knows how to get me going. All day Monday and Tuesday he's telling me what he's going to do to me, how much I'm driving him mad at work, etc. So today he shows up at my house, you know, to hook up for the second time. Unlike last time, we're completely sober. And he is SOOOO awkward. Uncomfortable hug, then immediately mentions the weather, and suddenly it's smalltalkchitchat for like 30 minutes. We're sitting on the couch, and I want to touch his thigh or something...but he seems so standoffish, unavailable. Whatever, I didn't want to have to make the first move, he seemed so take control over text, like he knows what he's doing, you know? Then, BAM, without a word, he starts making out with me (too? gently? never had that happen) and I pulled him toward the bedroom. literally 2 minutes into sex, a look of horror crosses his face and he mutters "****." he looked like he was going to blow. so we stopped, and he said something about the condom being too good, and he hadn't had anything to drink, so it was more difficult to last longer. We tried another position but it just felt like he was going soft. Then he says "**** it, that position won't work" and seems pissed at himself, and goes to open a new condom. "Too much precum in the first one," he says. Ok...he slips on a new one and we go at it some more, but I'm losing my turned-onness fast because he's just nowhere close to rock hard. Finally he stops, sort of apologizing and said he's really sorry, next time he'll be more "on." Both times we had sex, he has acted self conscious about his body (I kind of knew him back when he was 20 lbs leaner and played hockey, we were acquaintances, i was in a relationship), and he kept saying "Don't worry, I'll get back to my form soon enough."...he's also the smallest guy i've ever been with (6 guys). That doesn't really matter though...if he could just stay hard I'd be happy. Also he went down on me for about 5 minutes, which was nice, but then seemed confused as to why I "hadn't come yet." uh...dude, that's not exactly what a lady wants to hear 5 minutes into it. He hadn't even built up a rhythm, it all just seemed like foreplay...you know, kissing all around, but not actually *getting down to business*. I told him a steady rhythm on my clit can make me come in under 2 minutes. Anyone else ever think they were gonna get a sex god and then it turned out to be the most disappointing thing ever? I kind of get the vibe that maybe a lot of women have faked orgasms for him? He's a successful, educated, good looking guy who's admittedly VERY experienced. How can he possibly be this crappy in bed? Is he just not that into me? I mean, he acted like he really wanted to "hang out" again. Could he be having performance issues? I thought maybe we could have some awesome mind blowing NSA sexin'. I thought he could teach me things. He's 27 and I'm 23.
veggirl Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Yes girls have probably faked it for him if he is all that other than the sex. I wouldn't bother with a 3rd try, tbh.
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Kind of sounds like a douche that runs his mouth more than he can actually perform. Be wary of any man who tells you how much he can blow your mind, a man who knows what he's doing isn't going to feel insecure and feel the need to build you up, he's just going to do it...even surprise you. His experience seems limited and primarily based off one particular womans reaction to him...and some women are much easier to please than others. A lot of guys think all women work the same then are dumbfounded when it doesn't work...It's also a young mans mentality, If he thinks he did something good last time then surely the next woman will be blown away with the exact same method. My guess is he's been with someone who was much more easily satisfied...gave her an orgasm, possibly faked and made him feel like a prime time sex machine...but he's wreaking of performance anxiety just showing a total lack of psychological understanding of how to turn a woman on...unless you have some issues or barriers then he doesn't really have an excuse as to why not to be open and free to pull out all his special moves to blow your mind...so I'd label this girl a liar, maybe he's good with his words to a degree but he can't make the fantasy a reality...also he may need to be much more comfortable with someone before he can perform, a lot guys get anxiety (heard this a lot from men)and just generally scared but i wouldn't excuse him as he talked a big game and I look lowly on men who do this that can't live up to their own promises...If you can't do it, then stop bull****ting yourself and some woman who might actually believe it imo. I can tell you that 20 lbs isn't going to make a difference either, that's a flat out excuse...I'm an athletic guy and played sports myself, I've been in much better shape but it's never really affected my sex life regardless...you keep a lot of that muscle and physical ability for a while even after you stop..so that's a cop-out. I think he's built you up so much that that he got himself into a situation where it's too much pressure and he set the bar too high, and from what I've consistently heard from women, especially with experience...is that most of it is talk. If he knew what he was doing he would have made you come in a few mins through oral...for the more experienced..using his hands, and otherwise If not have you been so turned on and stimulated that you'd be like a volcano just waiting to blow by the time he started really getting down to business. If he was 23 I'd be more understanding, but he's 27...he should know how (especially If he claims experience) to do a much better job...he sounds awkward, lost, uncomfortable, therefore making you uncomfortable, biting off more than he can chew and good at typing out the fantasy instead of actually performing it...he's a script writer, not an actor. And I don't believe many men can do well at both, and If they can...well they're probably getting laid and not having performance anxiety.
Author colombiana28 Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 Thanks veggirl...yeah, I'm really tempted to give him one more try. I'm so physically and mentally attracted to him, outside of the bedroom anyway. Afraid you're right though, he just wasn't what I expected.
confusedheartlessbxt Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 If you like him, give it a try.. Otherwise, he is wasting your time.. Honestly he is either not into you or his dxck game is wack and he is all bark and no bite.. Who has to have a drink to fxck? And didn't it only last 10 minutes? Good luck..
Author colombiana28 Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 thanks guys...Ninjainpajamas I adore your posts, been lurking for awhile. Truly helpful.
ohmygoshistalk Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 yah it happened to me. it was very disappointing. thing was he told me how great he was w/ his ex, he did this, he did that, she did this, she did that.. but during the moment..i had to do everything. its like i was talking to a blank slate robot or something. i really still wonder up to this day if he just lied all the time. doesnt make sense.
Author colombiana28 Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 yah it happened to me. it was very disappointing. thing was he told me how great he was w/ his ex, he did this, he did that, she did this, she did that.. but during the moment..i had to do everything. its like i was talking to a blank slate robot or something. i really still wonder up to this day if he just lied all the time. doesnt make sense. ugh makes me wonder why guys talk so much when they know they're gonna have to back it up!
mortensorchid Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 You can hardly be too serious about this situation, on either of your parts. I'd ditch him.
FitChick Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 It sounds like he knows he's lousy. Having a lot of experience probably means he's slept with lots of women because they only gave him one chance.
Pierre Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Then he says "**** it, that position won't work" and seems pissed at himself, and goes to open a new condom. "Too much precum in the first one," he says. Ok...he slips on a new one and we go at it some more, but I'm losing my turned-onness fast because he's just nowhere close to rock hard. Finally he stops, sort of apologizing and said he's really sorry, next time he'll be more "on." What a sad story. Typical sex too soon among folks that do not have a clue about what sex is all about. The guy may be lousy, but OP is not exactly that good either. It takes two to have lousy sex. Perhaps if these two knew each other the sex would not be this bad.
Author colombiana28 Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 Just out of curiosity - do you think his inability to meet my expectations is turning him off? I'd assume that if a guy is really attracted to you, even if he's nervous, he's always be looking for another chance to prove his worth. You think it's possible he hasn't gotten "comfortable" enough with me to have a good sexual experience, and maybe he's psyched himself out and now he can't get it up for me? I'm so tired of awkward guys.
Author colombiana28 Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 Perhaps if these two knew each other the sex would not be this bad. Chemistry always seemed good! and believe me, I would know how to rock his world. He wouldn't let me touch his junk because it was after work and he hadn't showered.
fishtaco Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Sounds like he's got performance anxiety. Poor guy. Well from your perspective, if you didn't enjoy it, there's no need to continue with it. You're not obligated to give him a third chance.
Sanman Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Yeah, sounds like performance anxiety. After is happens once, it can be harder all the times after that because there is even more pressure to perform. When it has happened to me, I usually go down on the girl and give her the first orgasm. That way I get more relaxed and we can go at it for orgasm two and three, I feel a lot less awkward if I know I got the job done at least once.
amantis Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 colombiana28 , if you want to try again , you have to do things a bit different . The guy lost all his confidence , now you need to take the control , tell him what you want , and how to do it . He lost his confidence , he must feel like a loser . Maybe next time you and him can have better sex , if not just give me a call ahah ( kidding )
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