SimbaApollo Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Hi, I have been with my boyfriend for about 3 years, the last year was on and off dating. When we first started dating I was very attracted to him, I couldn't get my mind off him and every other male meant nothing to me. He is physically fit and what people would call attractive or sexy, but recently I have been feeling less attracted to him, I don't want sex as often and he doesn't turn me on like he used to. The sexual relations are great, I really have no complaint, but why would I feel this way. I love him and I love being around him, everything else is great. He treats me like a queen and loves my children like hthey are his own. I need to know, is there any way I can feel more attracted to him like I used to be? He is a great man and id hate to lose him...
mortensorchid Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 I was about to say one thing, then I realized I was reading something from an older woman (at least old enough to have children, which you do). Though I don't know your story, have you ever been in a long term relationship before? Because if and when you are, to tend to loose that initial something for the other person. That is infatuation. Once infatuation wears off, then some people are like "what now?". Think about your family and friends. Did you or have you always gotten along with all of them? Chances are you haven't, but they are still around right? That's another example of a long term relationship that has ups and downs. Remember that infatuation is something that wears off, and it's something that cannot be restarted so easily. Also remember what it is that you do love about the man that will make you either stay or leave.
Cyberpunk Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 The longer you're with someone, the more that initial attraction fades away. This is why human beings aren't inherently monogamous. That is a social institution that is in conflict with our own nature.
kaylan Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 ^Monogamous doesnt mean one person for life. So yes some people can be inherently monogamous. They can be serial monogamists or people who have several LTRs in their life. Or they can end up with one person till death. But again, monogamy doesnt mean youll never break up with someone.
Cyberpunk Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 ^Monogamous doesnt mean one person for life. So yes some people can be inherently monogamous. They can be serial monogamists or people who have several LTRs in their life. Or they can end up with one person till death. But again, monogamy doesnt mean youll never break up with someone. Sounds counter-productive.
Author SimbaApollo Posted June 26, 2012 Author Posted June 26, 2012 I am 24years old and I was married for 5 years previous to this relationship, ill admit the initial wow has worn off. But I can't help feeling like I need something more in my life, something different. I haven't been single but for more than a couple months in the last 8 years (I was married when I was 16) and the thought of being able to meet new people and flirt and date is very appealing to me. However, I don't want to lose what this man has to offer. I doubt ill find someone as loving and caring as him, but he is also very clingy and certain things I just can't get over. We have broken up 4 times in the last year and I tried dating another person with bad results but the initial new feeling was great and I find myself thinking about that initial feeling when your first with someone and I want to feel that way again. The butterflies, the smiles, the mystery of that person.
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 I think that attraction has to be there on different levels rather than just superficial...there's got to be something about that person that turns you, whether it's their looks, their attitude, body language...there has to be that spark and chemistry otherwise I can't imagine who things would last. I think you love your partner in these situations but definitely are in love with them by any means...so I've noticed the type of people (honestly women I hear it mostly from ironically where as most would assume it would be coming from men) tend to love men for other reasons that create a security net, safety, companionship, caring, loving...they base the reasons they stay with these kind of men on those less than romantic type feelings, which I think will last for a little while but will eventually wear on you and you'll become uninterested or bored, like it's just kind of not getting anywhere but then you'll back up your decisions with all these reasons you shouldn't break up, instead of the real reasons you should be with someone. I also think that a man that treats you too well may be a bad thing...I'm not sure about all this Queen/Princess treatment...I like a more balanced relationship where I feel like someone is a partner/teammate than something to be worshiped. It doesn't mean you don't do nice/romantic things for your partner.
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 a man who trats a woman too well a bad thing? cant believe a man is buying into the baloney that self entitled women put out. maybe he shoulda cheated on her or slapped her around. yea. thats it. Hell yeah...I be back slappin dese hoes and I'm like "you better not burn my pancakes again!" 2
FitChick Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 The longer you're with someone, the more that initial attraction fades away. This is why human beings aren't inherently monogamous. That is a social institution that is in conflict with our own nature. No, that is why you have to make an effort to spice up your love life. Become more adventurous. There are plenty of books and websites telling you how. Make use of them.
SJC2008 Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 I am 24years old and I was married for 5 years previous to this relationship, ill admit the initial wow has worn off. But I can't help feeling like I need something more in my life, something different. I haven't been single but for more than a couple months in the last 8 years (I was married when I was 16) and the thought of being able to meet new people and flirt and date is very appealing to me. However, I don't want to lose what this man has to offer. I doubt ill find someone as loving and caring as him, but he is also very clingy and certain things I just can't get over. We have broken up 4 times in the last year and I tried dating another person with bad results but the initial new feeling was great and I find myself thinking about that initial feeling when your first with someone and I want to feel that way again. The butterflies, the smiles, the mystery of that person. It only took you a couple/few months to get over a 5 year marriage? Strong woman! He's great but clingy ok. Is he clingy or is this a default excuse because there really seems to be nothing wrong with him from what you have said. Judging by how fast you got over your marriage and how you are no longer attracted to your BF it sounds like you are in love with the feeling of being in love and may have a problem connecting with men on a deeper level.
pteromom Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 IBut I can't help feeling like I need something more in my life, something different. Does this "something more" have to revolve around romance? There are many passions to be had in life, and some of them have nothing to do with romantic love. Building a strong social group, having fun hobbies, volunteering, doing something you feel is meaningful... there are many ways to feel fulfilled. However, since you say you've only been single for short times, and want to know what it is like, you have a choice to make. You have to decide how important having that experience is to you, knowing you'll be sacrificing your boyfriend if you do it. BUT - the butterflies and swooning feeling is never going to be long-term. Even if you are fortunate enough to get with someone you have a wonderful connection with, the love is going to mature into a great friendship - hopefully with many benefits.
Recommended Posts