Necris Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Just wondering is dating (dating/relationships in general this really isn't too much about interracial dating) different if you are of a different race? Yesterday I was having a discussion with my dad about my lack of dating success and he just told me "remember you are black." Which is true but I'm not certain of what he meant anyway he then went on to say because of this I need to have more swagger/charisma then someone of a different race. I did have a woman make fun of me before saying I "didn't act Black", she was Black herself and I thought that sounded a bit foolish but maybe she had a point.
ThaWholigan Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 It's hard to know unless we can see you in action to be honest. In a lot of ways I am different from the "stereotypical" image that is often portrayed of black men, but at the same time, it's painstakingly obvious in my behavior and mannerisms at times that I am a black man. I have the walk, I dress a certain way, I even talk with a minor dialect that most people would associate with a young black man. When I was younger, I was always very well spoken, and I still am, but I was more uptight and nervous in my posture, movement and expression. I was also very clumsy and spatially unaware. I was a bully's dream . Fortunately I always had friends who were stronger than them, and through those friends I was allowed to flourish, despite often being teased regardless. I think as a black man, you are expected to be more masculine and stronger in your expression and the way you deal with dating. It's tough if you struggle with that, but I wouldn't worry about it. You have to find a style that's comfortable with you, and be comfortable with yourself in general. Don't worry about "acting black" or anything like that, you just have to make sure that you are happy with how you are and attempt to augment that as best you can. You can develop charisma of your own accord if you truly believe you can, and relax about it . 1
january2011 Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Like any attribute that may be a differentiator between two (dating) partners, it's a source of potential friction or conflict. Conversely, it's also an attribute that can indicate shared culture, interests and histories/backgrounds. So it's also a source of cohesion and compatibility. Though given how internationally mobile we can be in this day and age, I would try to avoid making too many assumptions either way, even though I know it's probably going to happen due to stereotyping.
Sanman Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 At the end of the day, it will play a role in dating. It also depends on the circles you are in socially. For example, if you are an educated, well-spoken black man working with mostly white colleagues and friends, it will be hard because you do not identify with the black stereotype that many women attracted to black men are looking for. However, you also don't fit the clean cut (usually white) image that many of the women you will see day to day will bring home to their parents (even some black women). Hence, that leaves you in a bit of a quandary. It simply means you will have to work a little harder to find the right type of person for you. At least, this is what I have found being a minority and somewhat atypical for my background.
MrCastle Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Does race factor in regards to what? In regards to success? I suppose it depends. I'm hispanic and I live in a middle class community that is probably 98% white. There are some women who simply won't date me just based on my skin color, and I'm fine with that. You just have to focus on the ones who *do* want you. For every girl that won't date me because I'm not white, is another girl waiting to take on a latin lover. I pay no mind to those with a racial bias and focus on the girls who are open minded. 1
mortensorchid Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 I really do not understand that statement that your dad said "Remember you are black". What does that mean?
luvinthesun Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Not sure what this meant. Thanks dad- I had forgotten??? I think it does play a role- I mean mixed couples used to get all kinds of terrible treatment and I am sure it still goes on. I had a freind that I did know her kids - but not know her husband and they coupldnt find a place to rent. I offered help ... she said everything is fine until he shows up to sign lease- then the place is gone/rented. (At this point I am wondering if her husband is someone famous and a jerk/lawyer or shows up some kind of weird idiot way? Drunk and on drugs- I don't know.) She says her husband is black. I can only apologize for people being that way. Tell her I am sorry- and I know it must be hard on their relationship. Turned out the children were her first husbands who abandoned them and husband had adopted, I didn't know. Don;t worry about acting any other way than they way you do ... hths.
kaylan Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 I really do not understand that statement that your dad said "Remember you are black". What does that mean? ^It basically meant "look this is the real world kid...and some people wont date you simply because of your skin color....you are black, and should know a good amount of chicks wont be into you." truth 2
Jane2011 Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Yesterday I was having a discussion with my dad about my lack of dating success and he just told me "remember you are black." Reminds me of a male friend of mine who I talk with about dating/relationships occasionally. Often he says to me something similar: "Also, you've got to remember, you're not white, so you're at a disadvantage." 1
jobaba Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Just wondering is dating (dating/relationships in general this really isn't too much about interracial dating) different if you are of a different race? Yesterday I was having a discussion with my dad about my lack of dating success and he just told me "remember you are black." Which is true but I'm not certain of what he meant anyway he then went on to say because of this I need to have more swagger/charisma then someone of a different race. I did have a woman make fun of me before saying I "didn't act Black", she was Black herself and I thought that sounded a bit foolish but maybe she had a point. More culture than race... African Americans do have a certain type of culture and thus a black man might want to marry a black woman because he felt they had more in common. For instance, I'm Asian and some of the things my family eats would just gross white people out. So it does affect dating in a way. In the same way, black women expect black men to have more swagger I think because black men usually aren't shy. In the same way that Asian guys are usually more passive than other guys. I'm generalizing of course. But that's what we do at LS. But I'd say it's mostly only applicable if you are interested in black women.
AD1980 Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Thats only important if somebodies looking for a walking stereotype
shayla Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 It doesnt really factor into anything for me, but it may for others. Men approach me, I don't care what race they are. If they speak to me in a respectful manner, then we have something to talk about. If they don't, then I cannot hear a word they are saying. Race doesn't come into that at all.
Jane2011 Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 I'm pretty much open to fall for whoever I happen to fall for, but I've drawn some conclusions over the years, which is only natural. I'm convinced I'll never seriously date a white guy. I'm attracted to them occasionally, but I almost invariably have bad experiences with them. There are attractive and very nice white guys out there, I know that. But I tend to like the jerkier variety when it's a white guy. (Eh, not so much jerky, but mildly cocky and/or just...not a good guy). When it comes to other races (almost any other), I tend to fall for the good guys. Which is why I believe I should be with someone who isn't white, i.e. because I want to be with a good, respectful guy. The other thing is that only non-white-guys have fallen for me. White guys have been attracted to me initially, but none have fallen for me. This is kind of interesting to me because I'm Asian and supposedly Asians and Whites just flock to each other in mutual harmony, especially the Asian female/white male combo. Not even! Not for me, anyway.
TigerCub Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 ^It basically meant "look this is the real world kid...and some people wont date you simply because of your skin color....you are black, and should know a good amount of chicks wont be into you." truth Do you really find that to be true even nowadays? I'm not saying that racism doesn't exist. I know it does. But my question is - if some girl turned you down, how do you know its because you're black and not because of some other factor?
pink_sugar Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 I think it is different if they are not born in the same country and hence different customs and cultural expectations. Otherwise if they are born and raised in the same culture as you, then I don't think so.
aj22one Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Yeah it could be important. Been important lots of time in the pools I swim in. Or used to swim in. haha
USMCHokie Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 More culture than race... African Americans do have a certain type of culture and thus a black man might want to marry a black woman because he felt they had more in common. For instance, I'm Asian and some of the things my family eats would just gross white people out. So it does affect dating in a way. In the same way, black women expect black men to have more swagger I think because black men usually aren't shy. In the same way that Asian guys are usually more passive than other guys. I'm generalizing of course. But that's what we do at LS. But I'd say it's mostly only applicable if you are interested in black women. I disagree. I think it's more about the physical appearance associated with a particular race...a lot of younger women in this generation aren't themselves cultured enough to be aware of or even care about culture...but I have my own experiences to feed my opinion on this topic... Thats only important if somebodies looking for a walking stereotype Stereotypes are based in truth. And perception may not be reality, but perception is real.
jobaba Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 I disagree. I think it's more about the physical appearance associated with a particular race...a lot of younger women in this generation aren't themselves cultured enough to be aware of or even care about culture...but I have my own experiences to feed my opinion on this topic... No. I agree with you. The biggest barrier from more interracial dating is physical attraction, but I don't think that's what the OP was asking. He was talking about it dating was different if you are a minority in how you have to approach and how your game has to be ... I think.
SteveC80 Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Your fathers probably right,women are attracted to black men because they look at them as the most masculine most agressive and know what they want type of guys if u dont fit the mold it might be harder to date outside of your own
USMCHokie Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 No. I agree with you. The biggest barrier from more interracial dating is physical attraction, but I don't think that's what the OP was asking. He was talking about it dating was different if you are a minority in how you have to approach and how your game has to be ... I think. I don't think the "approach" or the "game" is any different. You just have to bring extra qualities to the table that "make up" for your appearance. It's up to her to decide whether she can deal with it.
mesmerized Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 I don't think the "approach" or the "game" is any different. You just have to bring extra qualities to the table that "make up" for your appearance. It's up to her to decide whether she can deal with it. It's not even about appearance. They can even be fully attracted to your looks, but just the idea of you being asian, indian, middle eastern etc be a turn off for them.
USMCHokie Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 It's not even about appearance. They can even be fully attracted to your looks, but just the idea of you being asian, indian, middle eastern etc be a turn off for them. In regard to initial attraction, it's predominantly, if not completely, about the physical characteristics generally exhibited by members of that race. Here's a simple test: when someone describes a person to you as "black," what's the first thing you think of about them? I seriously doubt you wonder about his African heritage...or his cultural cuisine...or whether he knows any African languages... No, you picture the color of his skin. Appearance. Now, if you are physically attracted to them, then perhaps there's a deeper dislike that goes beyond skin deep. But I would venture to say that as long as there's physical, mental, and emotional attraction, most people would be open to dating different cultures.
mesmerized Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 In regard to initial attraction, it's predominantly, if not completely, about the physical characteristics generally exhibited by members of that race. Here's a simple test: when someone describes a person to you as "black," what's the first thing you think of about them? I seriously doubt you wonder about his African heritage...or his cultural cuisine...or whether he knows any African languages... No, you picture the color of his skin. Appearance. Now, if you are physically attracted to them, then perhaps there's a deeper dislike that goes beyond skin deep. But I would venture to say that as long as there's physical, mental, and emotional attraction, most people would be open to dating different cultures. Sorry but I don't agree with you. I know women/men who can be very attracted to someone but not want to date them because they are from some heavily streotyped race/culture. They think that it lowers their social status if they end up dating those people. I used to think like you do but then I was told/proven otherwise.
sid3 Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Sorry but I don't agree with you. I know women/men who can be very attracted to someone but not want to date them because they are from some heavily streotyped race/culture. They think that it lowers their social status if they end up dating those people. I used to think like you do but then I was told/proven otherwise. Yep, I have to agree with this, she is spot on.
kaylan Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Do you really find that to be true even nowadays? I'm not saying that racism doesn't exist. I know it does. But my question is - if some girl turned you down, how do you know its because you're black and not because of some other factor? ? Where did I say that anytime a woman turns me down that its because Im black? I didnt say that. I said that racial preferences are simply a reality we have to deal with. And yes Ive had a couple of women tell me straight up that they arent into black guys in the past. Ive had a couple show disinterest and find out later that they werent into brothers either. Its part of life. Anyone who has honest discussion with their friends or just reads about these topics online, will know plenty of people have certain racial preferences . Many people have them so Im not going to act like its never reasoning for me getting shot down.
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