Pod81 Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Right now, I am on day 6 of NC with my ex (2 if include a short e-mail explaining why we can't be friends anytime in the near future and wishing her luck in the future). I'm almost certain the reason why we broke up was because as soon as our honeymoon phase was ending, the seriousness of her relationship was causing her to run for the hills. Here were the warning signs that I blindly ignored...Keep in mind that everything in quotations were taken from her online blog (which she didn't know I read so these are unfiltered emotions) 1) Took us 4 months to become official since meeting her. According to her, “leaps like these are terrifying” and that “all the resistance and tension was being held back by her own denying self” 2) About 4 months into the official relationship, she “thinks she’s falling in love with me” and that the “butterflies and jitters” makes her “want to rip off her steering wheel and cry at the same time”. 3) Yet, it took another 4 months (so 8 months into the relationship) for her to say “I love you.” I was also the first boyfriend she has said that to. 4) She was very hesitant about having me meet her parents. 5) She has mentioned that she’s a commitment phobe a handful of times, both in person and in her blog. 6) Her dad is rarely in the picture as he works in a different country. Plus, she admitted to me that her mother didn’t love her father until after they got married. 7) At the height of our honeymoon phase, she didn’t find herself WORTHY of me. 8) Everytime she “reached the brink” (of letting herself fall completely in love), she would “back away and start to think of reasons why she shouldn’t just so she could keep herself level-headed and free.” And it’s not like I was smothering her either - we only talked once every other day and saw each other once a week. The more I think about it, the more her excuses of “my immature jokes” and my “lack of Christian faith” was just her grasping at straws. 9) She admitted to never giving her all and not putting 100% effort into our relationship because she was scared to let me into her heart. 10) As soon as I even brought up the possibility of marriage (about 13 months into the relationship), she cowered in fear. 11) She feared any transitions in life - for example, transitioning from school to work. 12) Her longest relationship before me was 10 months - on and off. She never said anything positive about that guy (seemed to have major incompatibility issues) other than he was physically attractive. All her other relationships never lasted more than a few months. So here are my questions... 1) How long did it take for you to overcome your fear of commitment? How so and at what age? 2) Did you ever regret one of your break-ups simply because of your fear of commitment knowing that the ex indeed was a great catch? Did you do anything about it or try to reconcile? 3) Is this one of the rare occasions where it's NOT that "she didn't want a relationship WITH ME" but rather "she didn't want a relationship at all"? 4) What kind of petty excuses did you make to convince yourself to break up? I'd like to hear some more stories!
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