Onlyjonley Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 I feel like my boyfriend will distance himself/withdraw every once in awhile. Maybe I'm imagining it because he always says "nothing is wrong, everything is fine" whenever I have asked about it in the past. It has happened 2 or 3 times in the 13 months we've been together. Is this normal? Our relationship is otherwise incredibly healthy and is going absolutely wonderfully. I couldn't be happier. During these times though, I just feel like he is less talkative, makes less of an effort, doesn't contact me as much, doesn't go out of his way to say the sweet, cutesy things he normally does. Nothing has ever come out of these short periods in the past. He has had a little extra work lately at work but hasn't really seemed stressed about it. He started a new diet/workout plan over the weekend, so part of his time has been consumed with that. Otherwise ..not much is different. Again ..maybe I'm imagining things. Just curious to see if this is normal behavior.
Pyro Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 2 or 3 times in just over a year is not normal IMO. Perhaps he suffers from some sort of social anxiety. It also sounds like it could be something that you are imagining. Glad to hear things are going good. Bring this up to him next time you see him and see what he has to say.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 It's normal. Some relationship books talk about how men are like rubber bands. They pull away from time to time, and if you let them have their space without trying to yank them back, they usually spring back to you.
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 IMO, it's probably okay and just part of who he is. As long as he comes back ...
FitChick Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Some people are more independent and others are more needy. I am the type who needs a bit of space now and again or I feel smothered. Nothing personal. When your boyfriend acts like that, just back off. The worst thing you could do is cling tighter. Find some interests of your own. It will make you a more interesting person.
veggirl Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 I think it's a thin line. I agree with Pyro that 3x in a year doesn't seem quite normal. I'm not a fan of the "men are rubberbands" thing--seems to be a cop out for poor behavior. Does he explain himself, like "hey I need a couple days to decompress from XYZ" or does he just fade? The former I could handle on occasion, the latter is unacceptable in a LTR. How long do these bouts of distancing himself last?
Author Onlyjonley Posted June 20, 2012 Author Posted June 20, 2012 I think it's a thin line. I agree with Pyro that 3x in a year doesn't seem quite normal. I'm not a fan of the "men are rubberbands" thing--seems to be a cop out for poor behavior. Does he explain himself, like "hey I need a couple days to decompress from XYZ" or does he just fade? The former I could handle on occasion, the latter is unacceptable in a LTR. How long do these bouts of distancing himself last? They usually only last a few days. I brought it up later the last time it happened..as in "You were acting kind of funny/stand-offish a couple weeks ago .. was something bothering you?" and his response was "What? Really? How was I acting? I didn't even notice." So I'm not sure if I'm making something out of nothing.
Author Onlyjonley Posted June 20, 2012 Author Posted June 20, 2012 Some people are more independent and others are more needy. I am the type who needs a bit of space now and again or I feel smothered. Nothing personal. When your boyfriend acts like that, just back off. The worst thing you could do is cling tighter. Find some interests of your own. It will make you a more interesting person. He is very independent. We definitely have our own interests/lives outside of one another, so that's not the problem. The last thing I want to do is suffocate him.
veggirl Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 They usually only last a few days. I brought it up later the last time it happened..as in "You were acting kind of funny/stand-offish a couple weeks ago .. was something bothering you?" and his response was "What? Really? How was I acting? I didn't even notice." So I'm not sure if I'm making something out of nothing. Hmm yeah you could be making something out of nothing for sure. I guess maybe next time it happens bring it up at that time (hey you seem to be backing off, is everything cool?) and see what happens? A few days isn't bad, but it would be unsettling to me. It would make me feel like had I done something wrong. Which is confusing if everything is going so well up until then.
Author Onlyjonley Posted June 20, 2012 Author Posted June 20, 2012 Hmm yeah you could be making something out of nothing for sure. I guess maybe next time it happens bring it up at that time (hey you seem to be backing off, is everything cool?) and see what happens? A few days isn't bad, but it would be unsettling to me. It would make me feel like had I done something wrong. Which is confusing if everything is going so well up until then. Exactly! I automatically think "What did I do? Did I say or do something wrong?" and then over analyze everything. And I hate becoming THAT girl. I want to be secure in our relationship.
FitChick Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Men aren't like women. They'd don't need to discuss every thought, word and deed. I think that's why men tune women out. We tend to chatter on about nothing all too often! I recall reading something about why kids pay more attention to their fathers than their mothers. The mothers are constantly babbling on and become background noise, so when dad speaks, it must be important! 1
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