CajunBound Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Would you move 1600 miles to be with the love of your life? 26 years ago, we were 15, met at the lake and spent the summer together. After a couple of years we lost contact. I've been searching for her since the Internet came around. Finally, on Christmas we found each other. We are both 42. After my last break up, I met a very wonderful woman who is good to the kids and I. But, she is 55. She has been my friend and lover for 2 and a half years, but admittedly, not in love. I hate to break her heart, but I, for some reason am completely in love and very very much attracted to my summer love. I feel complete when I am with her. My kids are moving back to PA to be with their mom, I currently live in CT, and my love lives in LA. Everything is set to go. The job, the move, everything, but I can't seem to pull the trigger 100%. I don't want to hurt CT gal, she lost her husband a year before seeing me. For my own selfish reasons I believe she deserves a better life ahead, including retirement. I would still be working. I also feel that when I retire, she won't want to or can't travel. I have it made here in CT. But is that fair if you're not in love? Is it fair to me knowing that the one I have loved for 27 years is waiting for me?
That Special One Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Follow your heart. I know it's easier said than done, but this reply seems appropriate. ' If you're not completely happy, and you're not in love with your gal in CT, then you're not completely devoted to her. This is not just unfair to you, but for her as well. Let her find someone that will fall in love with her and make her happy. You're still young, (yes I believe 42 is young) and you have a whole life ahead of you, and if right now, your heart is pointing to LA with your summer love...go for it!
no_more_tries Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 I did. I followed my heart, moved a great distance, left everything behind (a life, but not romantically involved with anyone at the time). It didn't end well. In fact, it led to the greatest heartbreak of my life. (We were friends since kids, and decided to give a relationship a go in our late 30s). That being said, under the same circumstances, and knowing what I now know... I would still make the same decision. I took a leap of faith in something I truly believed in. I will never look back wondering, "What if..." I don't know if that helps or not. But, ask yourself these two things: Will I always wonder? And, can I live with it if it fails? (That doesn't mean you go into it thinking it will fail, but you can only control your part of it...) 1
Author CajunBound Posted June 20, 2012 Author Posted June 20, 2012 I'm A sucker for romance and love, passion and making love. I also know a good thing when I see it. I have it f'ing made here in CT. I really don't have to do anything. She irons everything, takes care of me. I don't want to sound pompous. I do all the manly things. Again, not fair. She is my "safe", I am her "wild". We do not fight, we are happy, but for me, there is no romance. It's get it on and get it off. For LA and I, it's pure romance and passion. I made this jump once. Left PA to come to CT for a girl. Although I saw red flags in her from day one, I lied to myself and did it anyway. I was in the middle of a custody battle and divorce and it proved too much for her. She went "safe" Witt someone else, and she's regretting it. I decided to maintain my stand from here and got custody. Ct stayed by my side, but has walled up over the last 8 months. To me, it was a sign that I've seen before and prompted me to look for LA. She's held my heart and desire for all these years. Seeing her back in Feb proved it. My heart is heavy because I just don't like hurting people. But, if I don't do this, I will always have the what if, I have already created doubt and mistrust in CT, so it's probably a matter of time before this is over anyway, and my window would have closed in LA.
DMS Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 I moved 800 miles from Florida to Texas to be with the woman I loved and if I am honest still do. We lived together for 3 1/2 years after being a ldr for a year before she left me for a guy she met online. That said if knowing then what I do now I had it to do again I probably would. Maybe I would be able to do a better job and get her to stay, maybe not but I have no regrets for trying just hurt that it didn't go as I had planned and hoped it would.
Author CajunBound Posted June 20, 2012 Author Posted June 20, 2012 I'm surprised at the amount of responses who said they would do it again.
norajane Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Summer love girl is a fantasy. She was 15 then, 42 now, a whole different person. Chase your fantasy if you want, but know that is what it is. You don't seem to be concerned about moving so far away from your children. Does being near them not matter to you at all? 1
daisy088 Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Are you sure you still know this woman? That is my only worry. Have you two talked, gotten to know the new you's? If yes- I believe you should "follow your heart" no matter how cheesy that sounds. As long as you maintain a relationship with your children and are able to be there for them when you are needed- you should move. The CT woman deserves someone who is in love with her- the way that she is in love with you. While you may break her heart in the short term, you are allowing her to find someone better for the future. If things dont work out with your summer love, they dont work out but at least you gave it your all and listened to yourself. They say theres more regrets about what you didnt do than what you DO do at the end of your life.
Author CajunBound Posted June 20, 2012 Author Posted June 20, 2012 My kids, 16 and 13 were given the opportunity to decide where they wanted to live after they spent the year with CT and I. They both chose to return to PA. They will be 425 miles, a 7 hour ride away from me now. If I go to LA, they will be a 4 hour plane trip away. Granted, those trips have to be planned out. Summer girl and I talk for hours every single day. We visit each other once a month. I don't see any red flags with her.
flitzanu Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 i skipped reading any realistic responses here. all i wanted to read was the first line. dude, if you feel it's your one true soulmate that you've waited for all these years...maybe you just need to give it a shot. on the other hand, it could be the stupidest move of your life, placing all your cards into one summer spent while you were 15.
Author CajunBound Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 Trigger has been pulled and bridges are burning.
flitzanu Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Trigger has been pulled and bridges are burning. i'm intensely curious to see just how this adventure turns out.
Author CajunBound Posted June 22, 2012 Author Posted June 22, 2012 i'm intensely curious to see just how this adventure turns out. Ya, me too.
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