Best friend initiates sex twice....is it all about sex or does he have feeling too?

[lonely4him]

Hello, I'll try to get right to the point. My best friend is a guy and I'm a girl. We have been getting closer over the past year, he had a bad break up. So I have been his companion through out this.

 

I do a lot for him he does alot for me. Sometimes we have our little fights and I've joked about when we will get married.

 

We have always said we loved each other but its been friendly love. We are very playful with each other constantly antagonizing.

 

A few months ago we had one of those nights that "just happened." There was no kissing involved but it was very enjoyable (for me) I mentioned the possibility of friends with benefits, but he doesn't want to ruin our friendship.

 

I care about him and wouldn't mind being with him but we would be risking our friendship and that worries me. But at the same time, would finding the love of your life be better than a friendship.

 

We never discussed what happened because he was a little uncomfortable. We made a few comments between us but would always change the subject quickly.

 

So i thought everything was fine, we continued are friendship without any more sex.

 

Well a few nights ago we had another one of those nights that "just happened."

I've been doing good about not wanting to be with him romanticly and just being friends. But the other night having sex with him again (and yes it was great too) makes me wonder what we're doing and what's happening between us.

 

Could he have feelings for me or is this all about sex? someone please help.

[supermom]

Maybe there is a future? I was friends w/ my Husband for 7 years before we got together, we did end up having sex before we were a couple, but the friendship we had and still have has made our marriage better because of our history.

 

I would let it ride for a bit...but if you do start feeling something definetly share it with him. You never know....

 

 

Good luck!

[CurlyIam]

Don't overanalyse it. Try to go with the flow and see what happenes next. Don't ask question, don't put any pressure on it.

 

I doubt things will remain the same for long anyway. Keep your eyes opened and your guard up! Maybe, maybe it'll turn into a nice relationship .

[Mr Spock]

What that means is twice he felt horny and twice you allowed him acess to you. It doesn't mean that he likes you he DOES like you, otherwise he wouldn't be attracted to you but if he's uncomfortable taking about it he probably doesn't want anything to change, except he gets to keep humping you.

 

 

So take steps to protect your heart!!!!

[CurlyIam]

Spock, you're way too harsh! She isn't a one night stand flirt, they have known eachother and they have been very good and intimate friends. You cannot simply erase the communication between them, the bond and say he is using her.

 

It is never that simple, things are never black or white. There are feelings involved, and hopefully not only hers.

 

I do agree she's risking her heart here, but it's a bit to late to change that . So act wisely, girl!

[lonely4him]

No, its not quite like that. I'm sure he's horny a lot and there is some self control invloved.....on my part too. Trust me there are many times i'd like to start something but don't.

 

I don't want to destroy our friendship but think we could be something.

 

Keep them coming I would like more comments.

[d.stevens]

Don't you think these are questions you should be asking him?

 

Wheres the communication here? You don't just dance a little bit, either you are or you aren't.

[Mr Spock]

No, not too harsh. I'm not commenting at all on her strength of character-in my honest opinion, he wanted sex and you gave it to him. He's uncomfortable discussing it, which to me is a BIG indicator he doesn't want anything more than friendship and now the occasional lay from you, so if you like this guy (and since you're a woman, you probably do or you wouldn't have slept with him)please protect your feelings and heart and demand more from him that friendship with the occasional lay, or you really won't be friends anymore.

[lonely4him]

There's normally plenty of communication, but i don't think me telling him I may be in love with him would go over to well. Especially if he doesn't feel the same way.

 

It's great to talk to your best friend about your problems but with this one I can't cause he's the involved party. I'm pretty sure that's why I'm sharing my life with complete strangers.

[Mr Spock]

Ha!! I'm on here for a reason too

 

So what you're going to instead of telling him about your feelings is continue to torture yourself for the months and weeks to come, sleeping with him when he initiates it and wondering when he doesn't? Doesn't sound like much fun to me. You've already humped. There is no un-humping-sounds to me like you need to have a chat with him. Remember-men can hump without the same emotions involved....I hope you're not too too much in love with him but I fear it's a bit too late for that now. The boundaries of your relationship have changed, irrevocably.

[CurlyIam]

Remember-men can hump without the same emotions involved

 

and they all must be killed for it!!!!

 

Women can not put feelings in too, you know?

 

HE comes from a nasty break up, he shared it all with his best freidn whom he feels attracted to. Of course he isn't quite sure! That's why my advice is to let things come naturally. If he totally redrows emotionally and you see that indeed he's only using you for sex you can always leave !

 

LEt me tell you a bit about my bf: I was also just out of a long and serious relationship. He was extremelly cautios and with his guard up as some time ago he had his very nasty break up fromanother long and serious relationship. We were so uncomfortable with the idea of dating that we bith decided to not name them. Simply go out, have a nice time and be friends. Sure, feelings came in too, but even after we made love, we were still something like "I can walk away tomorrow if I'm uncomfortable with anything".

 

I'm not gonna lie, I was falling inlove with him. And making love to him for the first time was quite a disapointment (I don't mean sexually, I mean he was doing all that he could to restrain himself emotionally). Now imagine myself pouring "love" in it. My bf would have run away as far and as fast as he could.

 

 

I'm not saying I didn't risk it. I'm not saying I did the right thing. What I am saying is the fact that I did what I felt right, without any pressure, without thinking: "he's using me for for sex!". I was simply enjoying the ride and seeing where it gets me.

 

I am absolutely sure, positive 100% that things won't remain unsettled. Something, at some point, will happen and he'll give himself off - weather FWB or bf/gf.

 

 

 

 

My pov it that ther's no need to scare him off, to pressure him and to make him handle her feelings. Because he comes from a break up, he probably resents the idea of a relationship right now, but needs it. Like he needs to be loved, etc... I don't know, maybe I'm just thinking the best of people and I'm wrong... I say let your instincts do the talking. 'cause usually a girl can tell if her bf is involved emotionally or not.

[Mr Spock]

No, and I agree curly-no need for pressure, but if she keeps humping him when she's in love with him and not getting any sort of comittment from him he'll end up breaking her heart.......

 

PS-My outlook stems from my "men are horrible pigscum bastards" POV right now. I'm sure your friend is a very nice guy, I just think men inheritly resist forming relationships that start out like that.....

[CurlyIam]

men are horrible pigscum bastards

 

ROTFL !!!! I can totally relate to that - I remeber at the beginning, my bf used to drive me out of my mind - that's how I found loveshack, browsing for articles on why are women attracted to jerks .

 

There is a lot of truth in that saying though, and you are probably right to give her that piece of advice. I don't know, I'm always the one to give my heart away quite easily and to risk it all for love. I know I was very luck not get burned really bad...

 

 

 

What I hope for her, is that even if let's say he's using her for sex, he'll let her down easy, caring for her feelings. They were best friends, though... I keep my hopes high for them!

 

 

Curly

[confused21]

You said he's never kissed you right? I am in very similar situation.. I've been FWB for 10 months now with my best guy friend who I've known for 2 years, we've done everything except sleeping together and he's never kissed me either. Plus the only time we actually talked about what we were doing was months ago when he actually stopped it and said he didnt wanna lose our friendship but that convo didnt last long since the next time I saw him it happened again and continues to happen. I always let me initiate it though.. we've done this close to 10 times now!

 

He has a silly nickname for when he asks for it so its like hes not even addressing what we are actually doing. I've been trying to figure this out for months now and I've yet to come to a conclusion! My friends have thought the whole lack of kissing thing was a little strange and could mean and confirm what he said a long time ago that physical stuff is just physical. I fell for him a long time ago of course I've been going along with it b/c I want to be with him so badly and I'm getting this much of him though of course I wish it was more.

 

So I dont really have any advice for you... but I definitly know what u r going through!!!! If you want to talk about it more.... you can PM me anytime.

[lonely4him]

Yes my friend is a very nice guy. We are not having sex regularly, i just see a pattern devoloping.

 

He's even mentioned being a long term sort of a guy. I don't intend to pressure anything because i value our friendship more than I value sex.

 

I don't think he'll hurt me to bad he's pretty good at reading me, I think he knows a little more about my feeling then he lets on.

[Girlie]

I think the bottom line is that the two of you need to talk about this. If it's just sex, fine. But that needs to be established one way or the other and if you can't handle just sex, exercise the self control as best you can. Communication is key. The best way to ruin a friendship is to not communicate with each other about what's going on between the two of you. Good luck!

[Mr Spock]

Hi, and I'd like to also point out that lack of kissing can indicate lack of intamacy.....it's why lots of hookers don't allow it. It's much more intimate to kiss someone that to hump them-sounds funny but it's true. And it's one of the things that bothered meabout my last MM. Not a lot of kissing.

[lonely4him]

There's touching and carressing during sex, he messes with my hair and rubs my back.

 

Another thing, if it's just sex why does he make sure that I have a good time too?

[CurlyIam]

have you ever tried to kiss him? HAve you ever just touched him, without necessarily having sex? His phisical reactions may tell a lot.

 

I think most men are interested if their partner is having a good time with him. It's not only a matter of ego, but also it's self assuring. KEep you eyes opened for clues and be looking at what is there, not at what you wish it were there!

[Paradise]

Originally posted by Mr Spock

What that means is twice he felt horny and twice you allowed him acess to you. It doesn't mean that he likes you he DOES like you, otherwise he wouldn't be attracted to you but if he's uncomfortable taking about it he probably doesn't want anything to change, except he gets to keep humping you.

So take steps to protect your heart!!!!

That's just your assumption and I hope you're wrong.

Men DO have feelings...(OK well, some...). If two of them were friends for long time there are good chance that they can become long time lovers too.

[Paradise]

Originally posted by Mr Spock

Ha!! I'm on here for a reason too

So what you're going to instead of telling him about your feelings is continue to torture yourself for the months and weeks to come, sleeping with him when he initiates it and wondering when he doesn't? Doesn't sound like much fun to me. You've already humped. There is no un-humping-sounds to me like you need to have a chat with him. Remember-men can hump without the same emotions involved....I hope you're not too too much in love with him but I fear it's a bit too late for that now. The boundaries of your relationship have changed, irrevocably.

We all value everyone's perspective and their opinion. I'm also sometimes the guilty of being pessimistic, but lots of times negative perspective drives people into wrong direction. Spoke, I will agree however taking precaution is always good.....just tone it down a little.

[Paradise]

lonely4him,

 

Take slow transition from friends to lovers. I believe in love found through true friendship. Spoke believes from her experience that your friend is into humping you only to have sex, but I truly believe you can turn this into something much more than just friendship.

Keep seeing him as friends and give it time to develop into a beautiful relationship.

[Mr Spock]

It's SPOCK, paradise, not spoke....SPOCK

 

 

Don't tell me to tone down anything, by the way, last time I checked your word wasn't law- I believe my posts are quite calm. I'm only concerned about the fact this guy is having sex with her and she seems to be in love with him-and IMHO he doesn't appear to be in love with her. Who's going to buy the cow if you're giving the milk away for free? I worry that this will hurt her and destroy the friendship if she allows it to continue. And unless he's a completely ignorant boob, of course he's going to care if you have a good time.

 

I post because I care. I don't believe he can hump her and not like her-I'm just saying she's setting herself up for some major heartache by allowing him to continue to do so and still be "friends"-he's getting something he wants but she's not getting what she wants. And if you're pretty sure he can read your feelings, why not just ask?

 

 

Tell you what. Next time you see him, jump on him, kiss him and ask him if he wants to date. No more agonizing and wondering if he returns your feelings! If he doesn't, then at least you know and can put a stop to the sexual activity. If he does, then you are happy and I am happy.

 

I may be a little paranoid, sure, but I like it that way.

[lonely4him]

I've been going through agony for quite sometime before sex was ever an issue.

Then even after we had sex I just figured it was a one time thing. And now that's it a 2 time thing kind of made me wonder.

 

 

As far as being in love i've been trying to keep my eyes open, I've thought this whole time that we won't be together. I'd be ok with just friends and sex. He's the one that said it wouldn't be a good idea because then emotions would get involved.

 

 

No I won't be jumping him until something is official.....I'm shy...now that I think about it he kinda is too.

 

And Spoke (ha ha) Spook...there will be no stopping of what little sex there is. Do I look crazy?

[Mr Spock]

No, you sound like me with my past lover. I ended up getting hurt, just please be careful. If you find you are starting to torture yourself over this, end it or ask him to commit to something, or ask him what his feelings are.