stupidgirl22 Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 think I want to leave him as I am rapidly losing respect and think I have fallen out-of-love with him. We got married two years ago after 10 years together - I am 38 he's 36. Had no reservations about hooking up officially we were meant to be together, we never rowed and are both pretty laidback. I have a daughter from a previous (13) he has a son (11). No huge issues, we get on and we respect each other. Sure helps they had time to get used to 'us'. For the last two months my husband and I have rowed about another woman. They have known each other since they were kids but she's having problems at home too and is always ringing my husband who gives her advice. I have met her but she lives in NY now so we don't see her so much which is why she is on the phone. However, husband told me thtat she is visiting and staying with us for a couple of weeks to get her head together and I hve no say in this! I don't want this woman hanging around being sad and victimized and having my husband paw all over her. I have seen the r/ship between them before. We hung out when she lived closeby and even at dinner with her husband there and me there they flirted outrageously and embarrassed their spouses by 'joking' about what they were going to do to each other when they got back! I'm not happy about this visit and i don't want her to stay. Husband says I'm overreacting and being selfish and the rows have not stopped. I feel unheard and pushed aside and his excitement about her visit is tearing me apart. Any ideas? I am aslo thinking divorce is the next step as I cannot take all this on much more :-(
wow04 Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Your husband sees nothing wrong with this. Have you asked him how he would feel if the roles were reversed? I don't blame you for being upset. It should be a mutual decision. As for the divorce, think long and hard about that. If that is what you want then let him know that. 1
That Special One Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 think I want to leave him as I am rapidly losing respect and think I have fallen out-of-love with him. We got married two years ago after 10 years together - I am 38 he's 36. Had no reservations about hooking up officially we were meant to be together, we never rowed and are both pretty laidback. I have a daughter from a previous (13) he has a son (11). No huge issues, we get on and we respect each other. Sure helps they had time to get used to 'us'. For the last two months my husband and I have rowed about another woman. They have known each other since they were kids but she's having problems at home too and is always ringing my husband who gives her advice. I have met her but she lives in NY now so we don't see her so much which is why she is on the phone. However, husband told me thtat she is visiting and staying with us for a couple of weeks to get her head together and I hve no say in this! I don't want this woman hanging around being sad and victimized and having my husband paw all over her. I have seen the r/ship between them before. We hung out when she lived closeby and even at dinner with her husband there and me there they flirted outrageously and embarrassed their spouses by 'joking' about what they were going to do to each other when they got back! I'm not happy about this visit and i don't want her to stay. Husband says I'm overreacting and being selfish and the rows have not stopped. I feel unheard and pushed aside and his excitement about her visit is tearing me apart. Any ideas? I am aslo thinking divorce is the next step as I cannot take all this on much more :-( I'll have to say...go with your gut on this. You need to put your foot down, and tell your husand you dont like the idea of this woman coming into your home. Like the previous poster said, ask him how he would feel if the roles were reversed? You're not overeacting, as I can see myself feeling the same way if i was in your situation. Your husband should respect YOUR feelings as it IS after all YOUR home, not just HIS. You bringing a guest into your house to stay, is BOTH of your decision, so of course you have a say in this. 1
TaraMaiden Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 "If she comes here even for a while, I go for good. Put that in your agony aunt folder." But if she comes for even a while, then you DO have to go for good. ...So how does that prospect sound in your head?
Author stupidgirl22 Posted June 20, 2012 Author Posted June 20, 2012 Yes i have asked him that he just grunts and goes to the bar or golf, anything to avoid the question. He spends alot of time 'avoiding' me and his family so he can spend time with anyone who isn't me. I think I'm depressed and seriously mulling the divorce road as it's clear he's not interested me and sooooo happy that she is coming soon. I can already imagine myself getting angry. I may have to leave before she gets here.
jaymz Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Doesn't sound good TBH and he sounds passive aggressive in his attitude. I think you need to actually do what TaraMaiden suggests, give him two options: Option 1) The woman coming over is cancelled. You two go to counselling together and work on your marriage. Option 2) The marriage is over and he leaves, immediately. 3
freestyle Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Based on your description , this woman is NOT a friend of the marriage. Flirting with your H in front of you is beyond disrespectful, both on her part, and his part for allowing it. You are NOT overreacting, given the circumstances---that's just your H attempting to "shame" you into complying with what he wants. If you're not firm about this---he's going to walk all over you.Put your foot down, before it's too late. 2
whichwayisup Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Yes i have asked him that he just grunts and goes to the bar or golf, anything to avoid the question. He spends alot of time 'avoiding' me and his family so he can spend time with anyone who isn't me. I think I'm depressed and seriously mulling the divorce road as it's clear he's not interested me and sooooo happy that she is coming soon. I can already imagine myself getting angry. I may have to leave before she gets here. Tell him the choice is his. If she comes to visit and stays at YOUR house, then the marriage is over (be prepared to follow through on it though) and he can pack up his stuff and get out. Let him know that you WILL be talking to this woman's husband too, letting him know that you think their 'friendship' is totally inappropriate and he should talk to his wife too. Don't leave. You tell your husband that if she wants to visit, then she can stay with someone else or rent a hotel and HE can join her, and not bother coming home. Make it CLEAR to him that it's HER or YOU/the marriage. Your husband is a fool. 5
darkmoon Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 she is being selfish in imposing herself on you both you're dealing with an adult acting like a teen be prepared to throw her out if she treats you badly out + clothes in a bag
Author stupidgirl22 Posted June 20, 2012 Author Posted June 20, 2012 He has gone. All you all said was dead on. Said he's going to NY to see her and has packed his bags! I've sunk some brandies. Guess I know where I stand. Thank you for your help. Tomorrow is s clearer day. Rock on. X I am with friends x wanted to let you know I am doing good. Thank-you
freestyle Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Gosh---I'm so sorry it turned out this way. It's a painful blow---but at least you can find support here, as you need it. It's not a marriage if another woman's emotional needs are given higher priority than yours. 2
Ninja'sHusband Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 He has gone. All you all said was dead on. Said he's going to NY to see her and has packed his bags! I've sunk some brandies. Guess I know where I stand. Thank you for your help. Tomorrow is s clearer day. Rock on. X I am with friends x wanted to let you know I am doing good. Thank-you Wow...I'm really sorry. If he feels that strongly about being with this woman...there is something horribly wrong. And I sense you know that. Take care of yourself. 1
2sunny Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Hs actions show where his alliance is... You take care of YOU now! Change the locks and tell him he's not welcome to return! It was all his fault when he packed and left for HER over YOU! File for D and have Luis served ASAP. Move joint money TODAY so he can't spend it on HER! Put it your name only. Close credit cards in your name today!!! Hurry! 2
TaraMaiden Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 I honestly don't think I've ever seen a thread move and develop as fast as this one has....
Author stupidgirl22 Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]not such a quick development a we have been yelling about this for months. I asked him to leave if he was so excited about seeing her so he did!!! I wasn't even prepared to talk it over and said he had tolerated more than he should have with my stupid attitude! Stupid man. I expect they will fall into each other's arms and the inevitable will happen.[/FONT][/sIZE]
standtall Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 SG22, I 'm with the other posters here..your husband has no business carrying on a relationship of that nature with another woman. Make sure that he knows what he is risking....mean it, otherwise, he will be stepping on you for the rest of your marriage. 3
TaraMaiden Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 not such a quick development a we have been yelling about this for months. I asked him to leave if he was so excited about seeing her so he did!!! I wasn't even prepared to talk it over and said he had tolerated more than he should have with my stupid attitude! Stupid man. I expect they will fall into each other's arms and the inevitable will happen. There was no implied criticism; I just honestly have never seen a thread jump so fast from "I'm thinking of leaving!" to "He's left!" Advice to remember (Trust me on this): Keep your head, act logically, rationally and don't let emotions make your mind up for you. They're not "mind-housed", they're "heart-housed". If you see what I mean. Heart decisions are invariably going to be wrong. 2
Author stupidgirl22 Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 No criticism taken tara I'm still in shock and haven't slept since he left. The OW called to ask why we had separated but I hung up on her. I will probably be using these boards in the future. thanks for your friendly and welcoming ears xx
2sunny Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 No criticism taken tara I'm still in shock and haven't slept since he left. The OW called to ask why we had separated but I hung up on her. I will probably be using these boards in the future. thanks for your friendly and welcoming ears xx Boy - I commend you for not giving her an earful! I would have told her that SHE had NO BUSINESS being so involved in MY marriage and INTENTIONALLY lured my H into her chaos, which I want NO part of! And that SHE can HAVE his sorry a$$! 1
freestyle Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 My prediction-- She's going to use him as an emotional crutch/tampon. When the reality sinks in for both of them....... He's going to try to come crawling back to you. Do you own a pair of golf shoes to kick him with? 1
Author stupidgirl22 Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 Freestyle. Thanks. A friend said exactly the same to me today. Still hurts that he ran to her but Thanks so much all of you for your support. I'm.stunned and Feeling numb and weird. He hasn't got in touch. X
Author stupidgirl22 Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 Thanks 2sunny. I .love this place. You are all wonderful. Xxx
2sunny Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Thanks 2sunny. I .love this place. You are all wonderful. Xxx Stay strong, you're doing great! Don't drink - that adds more depressed thoughts ! Eat right, exercise and stay busy! 2
freestyle Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 I want to add to what 2Sunny said before--I know you're probably not in the mood to deal with this right now----but you may regret it if you don't.... take your name off of any joint credit cards, close accounts, do whatever you have to do to protect your assets. Five minutes ago.
Author stupidgirl22 Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 SG22, I 'm with the other posters here..your husband has no business carrying on a relationship of that nature with another woman. Make sure that he knows what he is risking....mean it, otherwise, he will be stepping on you for the rest of your marriage. Thank you. X
Recommended Posts