jobaba Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 I've had the grand and grave fortune to have men fall in love with me when they had never been in love previously. I tend to attract men who are inexperienced and/or love avoidant--'not knowing' what being in love feels like, or consciously avoiding it. I'm not sure why this happens to me so much. Even the guy I'm currently seeing has admitted to never being in love. Being the first in that way does make me feel special, and when it's good it's great, but it's hell when it doesn't work out. A good example would be the harassment citation I filed against my most recent ex. Sigh. :lmao: Yep. 'Love' at work, definitely...
RedRobin Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 I have. Three times. My first BF in high school. I told him I thought he didn't love me back. He sobbed on his car and he broke up with me shortly after that. I'll never forget that. My ex-H. My life revolved around him, but he was not a nice person when it was all said and done. I still remember swimming in the total immersion of love for him and us when things were good. My last LTR. Still hurts too much to talk about. Not negative. Very positive in fact. That's all I can say. Losing myself completely and totally with a man is why I'm so careful. And why I get angry at people who take dating and relationships lightly and carelessly. It is said way too often, but they say you can't fully love another until you love yourself. Being able to share your whole self and trusting that is the key.
FitChick Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Most people mistake infatuation, lust and obsession for love. Once you've been in love, mature love, you realize the difference. 1
jobaba Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Most people mistake infatuation, lust and obsession for love. Once you've been in love, mature love, you realize the difference. I agree and that is what I am looking for. I have definitely never had that. Why don't you explain to us what it is?
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted June 20, 2012 Author Posted June 20, 2012 I think that I am looking for both in one person but am not yet sure if that's too much to ask. Most of my friends had strong infatuations with guys that went nowhere and ended up marrying guys with whom they had a more practical relationship. They seem to be happy enough. I want more than that though :/
RedRobin Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 When I was younger, I'd associate 'love' with infatuation and lust, yes. Being the practical person I am... and always have been... my love for them was also thoroughly grounded in reality. I've never expected perfection from anyone. Just honesty and willingness to keep trying. These days, I look for peace and calmness as my indicator of 'love'. I have that with friends and family... which is another reason why I find it difficult to enter into what some people call 'relationships' these days. Too many people seem to associate angst and drama with 'love'. I'm done with the roller coaster ride. I have other ways to get my thrills these days. Someone wants to calmly take my hand and take the walk of life with me... I'm game.
Woggle Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 I have been in love twice. With my ex wife and I am very in love with my current wife. I have dated a lot and while it is very rare for me to be in love when I am I tend to want to take it all the way.
OliveOyl Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 I think the "in love" feelings you are talking about are mainly the infatuation and honeymoon stages. It does settle down -- thank god! I can't imagine feeling that way ALL the time. But when it settles down, in my opinion, you should still feel a "warm glow" and there should still be some level of emotional attachment/attraction/sexual interest. Some of the spark may lie temporarily dormant but can be stirred up in the right environment (going out on date if you're long-term living together/married, etc. ) It's when there never was ANY spark or attraction or lust OR the infatuation was based more on the situation (e.g. "I finally found someone, yay!" ) vs. the person themselves... this is when it doesn't bode well for the long term, IMHO.
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