Setback, Trying to push through....

[confused2385]

Having a very rough Day. All I want is her to come back. Everything is just so sad at home without her...very hard morning and still no sleep. I fear I may never see or hear from her again. I cracked on my goal of trying to avoid her on social media and that has made me feel worse, but I also noticed that she is still checking mine regularly. Any advice as to what to do to feel better, pick myself up or generally cheer up?

 

NC 8 days, last checked her social media 10 mins ago (made it 4 days without) So ashamed just want to feel better. Tired of being alone

 

Just a lot of emotion today as I am starting to realize I won't be getting any good morning texts from her or have a great day. Hate waking up and not seeing her and kissing her goodbye before work or even more so just having plans with someone to do nothing or everything. Got me thinking of waking up to her and realizing that I am thinking about her constantly and hurts to think she already has someone to love. Someone to be emotional with and intimate with. I just miss her so much and she doesn't deserve it and that is probably what hurts the most is knowing I have to say goodbye and eliminate her from my life as she has already done. Why do I even miss her or want her if she was able to cheat on me the last 4 months of our relationship and then leave me for him all the while still lying and stringing me along for a month?

I know she still cares and loves me as she is checking up on my social media and the emotion she showed over the month long breakup and even to the extent of playing all of the music that reminds her of me, but all in all she still runs to this other guy instead of for once in her life addressing her feelings. Apparently she is just more physically attracted to him...I don't know. No one likes to be rejected and have feelings of worthlessness and what you could have done different. Just really had hoped she would have at least reached out a branch of communication that for once I could ignore and feel something instead of emptiness. I don't know how she can just put it all to bed.

 

I have started taking the steps to better myself and rebuild. To find out why I allowed it to happen, but why I also would even want to be with someone who can be so malice with something as strong as the heart. The thing is at this point I never want to be angry with her which I know I need to be in order to get over her. I love her and want the best for her even when she can crush me.

 

Yesterday was terrible. I had very deep dark thoughts and feelings and then today I have had the strongest pull to just contact her, but right before I do I think has she called you yet? What good could come out of this given the best case scenario? Needless to say I haven’t communicated, but every time the phone or doorbell rings I am hoping it is her….

 

This will only make me stronger and allow me to see things a little more clear. Trying to keep busy and luckily she doesn't have FB anymore, but she uses her sisters all the time to check up on me and the other guy. She tries to act like she doesn't, but she uses her sister instagram, twitter and fb to keep track. That's why she deleted me from instagram after i removed her from twitter, but knew immediately when I had posted a picture out and about with a new friend. Why look up on me if you are past me and don't want to be with me?

 

I just so badly want to text her saying "come over. this isn’t right & you know it. I miss you...us", but I know for once I need to let her come to me, but I feel it will never happen although I have never truly allowed it since the very begging when I didn't want it. Why can't she just feel her feelings? I think that is what is crushing me is that she is already in a relationship... what i felt takes two people to feel. Such a cold cold game. Hate not having control of myself and being so thoroughly distracted.

 

Sorry for the length just looking for some advice, guidance or basically an online shoulder to help get me through the rest of the day.Thanks

[confused2385]

I'm literally shaking right now and just do not feel like i can make it. All can think about and want is her. I Keep hoping to hear from her, but I know I never will. Will she ever? Do the dumpers really ever try and fight for the RS? My brain is creating fantasies that are haunting me right now of the two of them and I am trapped. I just want to make it through today as I have an appointment with a psychiatrist tomorrow who can hopefully help me. She has to be feeling this too if you guys were only there to watch her crack time and time again only to put her walls up because she is scared and how hard it was for her to actually leave every time. One time she inched all the way down the block crying hysterically saying it was wrong to do…that is torturing me right now thinking of it. Why? ...I wish I could have been stronger I wish at the onset of the break up I would have just left her alone because i know for a FACT she would have been back, but I was led on with breadcrumbs that I couldn't move forward on without some understanding.. I hate this **** why do I see her as the only one who can save me right now? I just can't see her badly even after all the horrible things she did to me and I think it’s because she still did so much more good. She truly made me a much better person and in that time everything become complete and started clicking in my world...I saw a great future with her and I now feel robbed of it. Look at what's it done to me whining and crying like a little girl. This.is.not.me.

 

Worst time of my life right now. Feel like a collapse is coming or in the process. Hello rock bottom

[Philosoraptor]

All I can say is I sympathize with your situation. I can tell you from being at rock bottom before that you can get better as long as you are willing to work at it.

 

I hope your appointment goes well and it helps you get on the road to recovery.