veryblah Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 I was in an almost 5 year relationship with my ex, and we lived together for the last year of it. We split up because, a while back, we took some space from each other for one week, and he broke the news to me 2 months later that he cheated on me. I loved him so much that I tried to forgive him, and he really did do everything he could to be a better bf, but I just couldn't get over it. We fought more after I found out, and I was just so hurt because I never even thought about other men the entire time we were together. I moved out on my own, and the first 1.5 months were so unbelievably hard. But I made it through, and I was happy after! Then last week I realized that I haven't met anyone in the slightest bit interesting. Every man makes me yawn, and I started to feel really empty again. Of course, my ex decides to contact me at that time (he must have sensed my vulnerability). He tells me that he misses me, and that he dreams about me and hates it because when he wakes up, he realizes it's not real. It made me feel like I'm back at square one again. So last night around 2 am I texted him asking why the hell he did that. I let him know that it left me so confused, and then he replied that he gets really excited to talk to me, but then sad because he still has feelings for me. I wish we could be friends (bc I miss him terribly), but I realize that I'm still hurting. The worst part is that I am still in love. After 4 months, I feel like I should at least understand that its not going to work, and that I shouldn't feel love for him. He blew it. Also, I'm almost positive he's messing around with this one chick... perhaps a rebound. I am seriously contemplating having random flings with guys to see if it helps me move on. Part of me says that is an irresponsible way to cope, but the other part ponders whether this can genuinely speed up the healing process. I've slept with one guy since our breakup, and I pretty much kicked him out the minute he started talking about himself. I want nothing to do with it. I'm 26 and I feel like i'm decaying inside. This whole scenario has me drained, and I just want to feel good about ME. It was hard enough doing that in the last few months with NC, but now that he contacted me, I'm feeling horrible. Seriously, what can I do to make me feel better? I want all suggestions that are more creative than working out bc I already do that.
norajane Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Sounds like Ross and Rachel on Friends..."we were on a break!" Do you want to get back together with him? Can you forgive him for having sex with someone else while you were taking "some space from each other?"
Author veryblah Posted June 20, 2012 Author Posted June 20, 2012 Sounds like Ross and Rachel on Friends..."we were on a break!" Do you want to get back together with him? Can you forgive him for having sex with someone else while you were taking "some space from each other?" Hi NoraJane, To elaborate, he confessed that he cheated on me right as we were moving in together. So, I really did try to forgive him. I lived with him 9 months, and we had someone take over the rest of our apartment lease because the pain was giving me severe anxiety. I guess I never had a chance to really confront the issue because we had just signed a lease together, and I was so looking forward to our lives together. After he told me that, everything felt tainted and I no longer felt like myself. I'm not sure I can ever be with him again for doing that to me. We had the ross and rachel talk.... He did cheat because we never broke up and ended things. He knew I was waiting around for him to call me and let me know how he was feeling. I was never let off the hook, and the intention was to get back after some time apart.
norajane Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 the pain was giving me severe anxiety. Ok, well that's a hard boundary. You know you can't move past this. It takes longer than 4 months to get over a 5 year relationship. I think you're expecting too much of yourself if you expect to process the break-up in just 4 months. You lost something very special to you; that takes time to deal with in your head and your heart. Don't be so hard on yourself.
Author veryblah Posted June 20, 2012 Author Posted June 20, 2012 I was hoping that the grieving process was almost over. It came back in a major way, and I'm definitely being hard on myself. Needed the reality check. I just have to deal with this :/ Thank you.
fucpcg Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 I am seriously contemplating having random flings with guys to see if it helps me move on. Part of me says that is an irresponsible way to cope, but the other part ponders whether this can genuinely speed up the healing process. That will only make things worse, I promise. How to move on? If there was a way to just, we all wouldn't be in here. You were with him a long time, it's going to take a long time.
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