Oz619 Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 My boyfriend and I have been dating for 9 months, we live together, and our relationship is really great...except his best friend is a woman. It isn't so much that he has a female friend, I'm okay with that, it's the dynamics of everything that has been really hard. They've discussed dating each other in the past, they are almost always texting, he wants to include her and her family in almost every activity we do, she bought him a father's day present (the same one I was going to get him...ouch!, I know she didn't know, but it really hurt!), is always posting on his or his family's Facebook, and he confides in her about our relationship issues and she in him about her marriage. While it should help ease my insecurity that she is married and has children, I can't curb feeling jealous. It's a tough situation on top of that because she dated my boyfriend's brother in the past and his mom cares for her sick uncle, so she has a lot of ties to his family, and we live RIGHT next door to her. His family also has invited her to get togethers, and my boyfriend also always wants to hang out with them and says how much he and his family love them. I'm feeling like there isn't a lot of room for me in his family nor that I carry the same importance to him. I've told him that I enjoy time with our friends and family, but it'd be great to have time alone together too, like a date night once a week, but he doesn't share my feelings about this suggestion. I feel like he always wants her or someone else around, almost like my company isn't enough. It's ridiculous, I know! But I cant help feeling this way. I don't want to interfere in their friendship, and I'm glad that he has a close friend, I'm just feeling like it's really involved. Are am overreacting?
yankees51988 Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 You guys really should spend time alone without them, and I understand how it's hard not to be jealous, but I don't think you have anything to worry about. That's the best part about close opposite sex friendships- you can talk about things regarding the opposite sex and relationships that you don't really have a clue about. I have a really close female friend and all that emotional stuff is not something that guys talk about with each other since you'd just rip on each other. A good female friend is a great place to confide in about girl problems etc, and vice versa. I mean, nobody knows how a girl's mind works like another girl, so anytime I had chick problems or my best girl friend had problems with her boyfriend we would get each other's advice. Honestly it means he cares about you otherwise why would he bother to talk about her with that stuff? Hell, I've gotten some of the best girl advice from my closest girl friend, and she has gotten plenty of good advice from me about her boyfriend. So yeah, I don't think you've got anything to worry about, it may be hard but try to look past it.
CarboniteCammy Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 how does his best friend's husband handle the relationship?
NervisPervis Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 I'm going to lose guy karma points for letting out this secret, but any guy that spend more than minimally required time with a woman wants to get in their pants. Unless this chick is butt-ugly, he has the hots for her. She may not even know it, but I'd bet my right nut on it. Sorry.
baguette Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 I'm not sure about the family issues, but it seems like a couple spending a healthy amount of alone time is the foundation to any relationship. At least once a week if circumstances allow (geographic distance, etc). Maybe your priorities just don't line up?
january2011 Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 I've told him that I enjoy time with our friends and family, but it'd be great to have time alone together too, like a date night once a week, but he doesn't share my feelings about this suggestion. I feel like he always wants her or someone else around, almost like my company isn't enough. No, you're not over-reacting. Even if you take his behaviour regarding this woman out of the picture, the main dealbreaker here is that he doesn't want to spend time alone with you. I'd walk away. He's made his choice. I'm sorry, he's not emotionally available to you or to your relationship, because he's too invested in his female BFF and her family. 2
freestyle Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Even if the friendship IS truly innocent--it's detracting from your quality time with your boyfriend. And it's happening with his blessing. I've known a number of guys like this---who have a super close female friend--and it almost always gets in the way of a relationship, eventually. Unless the female friend has the instinct & insight to back off, and make sure she's not usurping, or upstaging the romantic interest. Often times, the female friend has zero romantic interest in the guy---but she still doesn't want the status quo to change (hey, he's supposed to be at HER beck & call) so she'll undermine her male friend's love life. I've seen it happen, many times.......... 1
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