Ruby65 Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 I'm really sorry this happened. But something good can still come out of this -- I bet the next time you won't be so quick to pick up on those breadcrumbs! Breaking up is a process of gradual acceptance..... it's a shock to your body and your mind, and it comes in waves so you can handle it better. That's why you have sudden intense emotions or painful dreams.... and panic attacks unfortunately. Intensive daily exercise is really good for handling the anxiety. Also cutting down on coffee if you drink it. And there's a really great and safe herbal supplement that helps with panic and also sleeplessness called valerian -- you can get it at any drug store or health food store. Google it and check it out! Fish oil is another great supplement for depression and anxiety -- I took it during my big breakup and it really helped. Please don't blame yourself for what happened, it's really hard to resist a text from an ex. But at least this experience should make it a bit easier to stick to NC next time! Forgive yourself and move on. You're doing GREAT. 1
BB7 Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 So I took the breadcrumb. She text me and I fell for it. I texted her back today and she did it again. She left me hanging. I really need to hit rock bottom so I can start digging my way out. I actually lost it today at a concert. I started having a panic attack thinking of her and how we'll never get to goto another concert together. I started hyperventilating. Before the breakup, I never had this before. I left and as soon as I got to the parking lot alone, I started crying like it just happened. I cried all the way home. I lost feeling in my left arm, like it was asleep or something. And half way there is when she texted me. She was probably just feeling lonely on a Friday night and figured I could make her feel better. Well I fell for it texted her. She replied a bit, then just left me hanging. I feel so stupid. I told myself when it happened that this is different than everyone else's breakup. She'll come back and not do te breadcrumb thing. She is no different. I can't seemed to get that through my head yet. I hope I do soon. Really mate, don't be too hard on yourself. It's hard, really hard and you're doing well. It's hard not to get excited by a phone call or text from an ex, everyone goes through that. I've responded every time my ex has contacted me but I have only just started NC. They keep you on the 'hook' (How I met your mother fans out there?) by giving you a little bit of attention, just enough to feed their ego. I feel crap today too, so you're not the only one. I know that isn't that comforting but we are going through the same pain and we all know that it is unbelievably hard. But we will get through this and be better people because of it. I know that regardless of what happens in my situation that I will come out of this a better person and you will be too.
Author Jose11 Posted June 23, 2012 Author Posted June 23, 2012 Thank you both for your responses. I just wish I could stop caring. At least to her level. So I could just blow her off like she does me. So she could at least feel like I do. But if I did that I know she would just get mad instead of sad. What bothers me most is how she has changed. How she can just do that now to me. Before she would have never just blown me off, she would have said something like hey I'm sleepy or I'm busy and Ill text you later (later of course being never) but at least end the conversation. Now she just leaves me hanging. I just don't know who she is anymore.
Ruby65 Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Jose, she has no reason to feel sad because as long as you're not NC, she doesn't have to feel the loss of you in her life. NC isn't an act of revenge -- it's an act of self-protection. IF you can stay strong and ignore future breadcrumbs like this you're going to get past this breakup much faster.... and SHE'S going to have to face the loss -- finally. If there's no kids involved, there's never a reason to be in contact with an ex. All it does is cause you pain and stroke their egos -- and trust me, 99% of the time that's all contact is for them, an ego boost.
Author Jose11 Posted June 23, 2012 Author Posted June 23, 2012 Ruby you are right. That's what everyone tells me. And I see the logic. She hasn't felt the loss cause I keep letting her get to me. It's just really kind of hard for me. There's no kids involved so there is no reason to talk to her. Honestly I think what I have to do is block her number from my phone. I know that will be the only way I will know I won't let her contact me. If she just can't. I dont think I'm that strong yet to do it, but I think I'm getting there.
Ruby65 Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 I understand how hard it is for you to take that step. Believe me, NC isn't easy for ANYONE. It's very difficult and takes a great deal of self-control to stick to. If you can block her calls and her emails, go ahead and do it. Protect yourself. You're not keeping her from contacting you -- you're just not making it EASY for her to contact you anymore! If she wanted to get back together or had something TRULY important to say, she'd find a way to say it! Protect yourself. You don't need this.
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