daisy088 Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 (edited) After almost 2 months of NC, my ex reached out to me telling me he still loved me, missed me, cared about me and could no longer retrain himself from contacting me. He did this through email and text. He told me he thought of me everyday nonstop and felt he made a mistake breaking up with me. He told me no matter where we are location-wise, he wants to be with me and he wants a second chance. He said he understands that I dont trust him and that Im confused. He also said that he was only thinking with his head before and not his heart, and that he had tried to move on but couldnt (not interested in other women, missing me). Naturally, I was very angry and telling him how hurt I was. I told him how much he broke my trust and how much the breakup affected me. I may have implied it didnt matter to him and invalidated the things he was going through but I was still listening to what he had to say. I started replying and talking more than he did via email and text- still upset (although nothing too offensive and insulting). He basically started saying "this is too broken" or "theres no hope here, I cant fix this" even though I wrote him and told him I still loved him and I was sorry about being angry. Within 24 hours he changed his mind replying robotically and out of character (the way he did when he first broke up with me, which he says he did largely because others were telling him to). He changed his mind and said its best we both move on a day after saying the very opposite. I am SO confused. Did he expect me not to be upset and confused after he broke up with my abruptly and hurt me? Are other people telling him what to do again? I feel like I am back at square one and I am so hurt. Will he come back for reassurance? Why did he do this?? DONT BREAK NC PEOPLE!!! Edited June 19, 2012 by daisy088
LovelyDaze Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 DONT BREAK NC PEOPLE!!! Exactly. Some exes will get a sense of nostalgia & then quickly retreat when they realize that they could very well get back in a relationship with you. It's insulting. Don't chase dangling carrots from an ex. Stay NC until you are autonomous.
Ruby65 Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 WOW. That is truly scary. You poor thing!!! I have to agree about never breaking NC though, I've been pulled into breaking it several times through years and there's never been a single time I haven't regretted it. I'm really sorry he put you through this. I hope the next time he contacts you, you can use this experience to strengthen yourself and not give in! No matter what was said and what happened between the two of you.... I hope you'll forgive yourself and love yourself enough to remember you were coming from a good place, and you're not responsible for your ex's behavior. Stay strong -- you're doing great! 1
Author daisy088 Posted June 20, 2012 Author Posted June 20, 2012 Thank you guys for the encouragement. I plan on cutting him completely out of my life indefinitely. Its so weird because he was so kind in the relationship/when we lived together. He was totally smitten, more so with me than I with him. What I want to know is why an ex would do this? I dont believe he is a bad guy at heart so I am so confused? I am afraid he will come back for reassurance at the same time as a small part of me is hoping he'll come back also...
Svet74 Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Wow what an ass! He was just testing the waters to see if you still want him back.. what an ego stroke! Never believe a guy who texts you stupid **** like that. Begging someone back should be in person not over the phone. GO back to NC and this time move on.. And dont reply if he tries again 1
sweetheart5381 Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Ya, go cold turkey honey. He just messed with you when you were wide open. He cant handle hearing your feelings at all, while he busted your heart and knew it. He is stroking something, and I bet its more than just his ego. He isnt worth your time.
AlexanderJames Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Sorry to hear you fell back into the trap Daisy I do have to disagree however with almost everyone who has commented on this thread. You cannot understand what is going on in someone elses head. Not without being told for yourself. His reasons for coming back are unknown to us all and we shouldnt point the finger. What we can be sure of though, is that he walked out of your life, and that he gave up on making things right too easily. He claimed you meant so much to him, which may be true, yet he didnt even attempt to work WITH you to break down the walls and work with your negativity and hostility. He said himself he knew you would have trouble trusting him, and you would be hurting. He didn't try to earn your trust or respect back, therefor he isnt worthy of your heart. In my opinion.
AlexanderJames Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 I should probably add that my reasoning behind this is because I broke my ex's heart and left her. It took me 6 months (None of which involved NC) to realise that I messed up and wanted her back. I did much the same thing as the ex bf in question here, but I did it in person, and I did make the effort because I truly loved the girl and wanted to make things right. The only difference is that she accepted, and we got very romantic and passionate once again, only to have her turn around and reveal that it was all an act and she wanted to make me feel the pain I caused her. All in all it was a waste of time and caused me more pain than the break up itself. I initiated NC, and I dont intend to break it. The moral of the story here is NC is for good, if you feel its necessary, it probably is, so stick to it no matter what.
Author daisy088 Posted June 20, 2012 Author Posted June 20, 2012 Thanks Alexander for that point. Im so sorry about what happened to you. She must have really been hurting to go that much out of her way to hurt you back after you broke up with her. No one deserves to be punished for their decisions- Im trying to remember that. I suppose youre right- I have no idea why he did that. It seems many people's exes have reached at to them at some point for one reason or another. Its also definitely helpful to have a man's perspective in this whole thing. I do believe he still loves me (Id had friends telling me how upset hes been about the breakup before he even broke our NC), but dont know why/how he can toy with my mind this way and don't know why he'd reach out to me at all asking for me back if he didnt intend to actually try and get back together... strange. Do you think he will come to regret this as he did the last time he let me down/gave up? Do you think he will be back? I agree- he doesnt deserve my heart and I am doing everything in my power to move on and make my life better
AlexanderJames Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Thanks Alexander for that point. Im so sorry about what happened to you. She must have really been hurting to go that much out of her way to hurt you back after you broke up with her. No one deserves to be punished for their decisions- Im trying to remember that. I suppose youre right- I have no idea why he did that. It seems many people's exes have reached at to them at some point for one reason or another. Its also definitely helpful to have a man's perspective in this whole thing. I do believe he still loves me (Id had friends telling me how upset hes been about the breakup before he even broke our NC), but dont know why/how he can toy with my mind this way and don't know why he'd reach out to me at all asking for me back if he didnt intend to actually try and get back together... strange. Do you think he will come to regret this as he did the last time he let me down/gave up? Do you think he will be back? I agree- he doesnt deserve my heart and I am doing everything in my power to move on and make my life better Thanks Daisy, it's never fun to be hit while your down, or at all really.. But its a lesson learned It's quite possible that he still loves you. I can honestly say that I still love my ex even after what she did. Love is a strong feeling that doesnt just disappear over night. But from experience you learn to live with the love. I still love a girl who cheated on me 2 years ago, but beyond all the hurt and suffering she put me through (the hardest, darkest 8 months of my life) I look back when I think of her and remember the good times and good memories, its strange. I smile when I think of her, but I have no desire to be with her. It was a good love for the most part but it was the wrong love. Im happy I am able to allow myself to be vulnerable and feel what I do, even though its hurt me before. In my honest opinion though, if he truly wanted to be with you and was your "Soul mate" then he would be next to you right now. Dont let an amazing, wonderful man miss out on treating you the way you deserve because of someone who seems to come and go when it suits him. I dont know if he will regret it, but most people do in time. What's important is to make sure you keep moving on with your life. Chances are he will regret it and try to come back only to hear you say you have moved on and are a happier, stronger person without him. Thats your goal so keep it in your sights Stay strong Daisy 1
BB7 Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 I do believe he still loves me (Id had friends telling me how upset hes been about the breakup before he even broke our NC), but dont know why/how he can toy with my mind this way and don't know why he'd reach out to me at all asking for me back if he didnt intend to actually try and get back together... strange. Do you think he will come to regret this as he did the last time he let me down/gave up? Do you think he will be back? I agree- he doesnt deserve my heart and I am doing everything in my power to move on and make my life better Hmm...it's a strange one but it looks like he was after some sort of validation that you still want him and/or need him. Having said that, I don't really understand why he would go to the lenghts of actually telling you that he wanted you back in order to do so. My feeling is that something negative happened to him and he freaked out and started questioning his decision and legitimately wanted you back for that moment, maybe just for comfort. It's all guess work though and really if he truly loved you and wanted you back he wouldn't have back flipped and freaked out again. I have a feeling that when you begin NC again, he will come back with a similar notion of wanting you back and that's just not fair on you. Maybe before starting NC again, confront him (depending on what you want yourself - do you want him back?) and try to find out where he is actually at. But if he gives you nothing, tell him that you don't want him to contact you at all and begin strict NC. My first post so hope it was helpful...my story will come out soon enough lol.
AlexanderJames Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 My first post so hope it was helpful...my story will come out soon enough lol. Welcome to the forum BB7. Dont be afraid to share your story with the community. There are lots of people who would like to read it and help you out Thanks for joining up and supporting others in their time of need 1
BB7 Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Welcome to the forum BB7. Dont be afraid to share your story with the community. There are lots of people who would like to read it and help you out Thanks for joining up and supporting others in their time of need Thanks mate, already poured my heart out in a new thread. It's strange that you can find more comfort in an online community than some of your actual friends. My mates are hopeless when it comes to my situation, but have no trouble talking about their own issues! Appreciate the support already. 1
Author daisy088 Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 Thank you both so much. I mean it, I appreciate it. I wrote him when he told me its best we move on and told him to never speak to me again, that I was disappointed and shocked by how callous he could be, and said "goodbye." I am both hoping he will contact me- and that he wont at the same time... BB- I will definitely read your thread in the AM. Its been a long day- oy! I know things will get better for all of us- just takes some hard work and willingness to let go.
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