I want my family back. It seems impossible but I'm holding onto hope.

[Contumacious]

My ex and I were friends with benefits for a year and a half. At this time we drank and did a lot of drugs. We finally dated for a month and then broke up and he didn't want to ever talk to me again. Then I found out I was prego. So we got back together and moved in together. The whole time I was pregnant he would always go out with his friends and want me to go but I was changed. I didn't want to go hang out with his friends while they were drinking and doing drugs. So I didn't go. (I quit smoking, drinking, and drugs as soonas I found out I was prego). So the pregnancy was rough. I'm not sayinng we didn't have good times, because we did. Then I had the baby and he "cut back". Instead of going out every night he went out 3 or 4 times a week. Most of those times I would be up at 2 am crying because he hadn't called and wouldn't answer his phone. He kept saying he cut back and I was a completely different person. Well yeah, I was a mom. I nursed my son for 14 months, I couldn't really go party nor did I want to. I tried to kick him him out multiple times. He would never leave. He always said he wanted us to be a family. Well the final straw came one morning when he came home around 6am and puked all over our apartment and just wanted to go to bed. We got into a huge fight and he choked me in front of our son. I called the cops and he was arrested. I went to the emergency room because my throat popped when I swollowed. He got out of jail the same day on bail and was ordered no contact with me until we went to court in a week. I contacted a lawyer in regards to our son. She advised me to file a Pfa and for child support. So I did. I wasn't really afraid of him. I was just concerned he would go get our son from the sitter and not give him back. He never touched me before this. So I did what my lawyer said. After his court hearing we wanted to work it out. It was going good but he would come over but he alway had other plans after. I was concerned because I knew that there was this girl that he worked with that him and his friends hung out with. So we still argued and then one day we had a huge fight and he said he was done. That was 2 months ago. Then I find out that he has been seeing this girl since that day. He refused to tell me about it. I found out from someone else. Then he finally admitted it. Well now after 2 months he says she makes him happy, and he hopes to marry her. We are 27. She is 20 with a five year old. He takes our son around her and her son all the time. He told me there is no chance that we will ever get back together. And asks me if I can build a time machine because we have way to much **** in our past for us to ever be together. After the Pfa he told me he loved me and wanted more kids with me blah blah. Just about a week ago he came over to change my brakes and told me that he wasn't totally over us being a family one day. That he really liked this girl but time would tell and no one knows the future. Then we kissed and he was very flirty. Well two days later he said he didn't remember saying any of that and that he didn't want me and to move on. We would never be together he wanted this other girl. Before he choked me were we're going to move from pa to tx for a new job for me. We were planning this for months. So now he has moved on in such little time. I feel like he just threw me away. He still wants to be involved with our son. This girl has been with like 4 of his friends in the the time he has known her in the past five years. I want him back but I feel like there is no way. I hope that this new relationship is in its honeymoon phase and his true colors will come out. But he seems so different with her. I also am hoping that she will be 21 next week she has plenty of time to find a new guy. But he wants to party and so does she. Has anyone ever gotten the father of their child back when it looked impossible? If I could just never see him again it would be better but I see him 4 days a week!!! Help please. I want my family back

[FitChick]

You never had a family. He knocked you up. He never wanted to be your husband or a father but became a father by "accident."

Edited June 20, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Ninjainpajamas]

Are you insane or just out of your mind?

 

It's kind of hard to beat on you because you've got enough crappy things in your life going on and you seem like the type of person that might not ever learn.

 

You're just thinking of this all from an emotional stand point, you both sound pretty crazy...it's a good thing that you at least are responsible enough to take care of your child.

 

Not really sure why you trust this guy or even want to at this point (but that would be logical thinking which I know is useless to you because you you would have already used it)... but this is the kind of guy that will play you like a yo-yo for the rest of his life until he finds someone better. You're not in his first choice, but usually guys like this aren't really worth a damn and can't really get the kind of girl they want anyway...this guy seems to be beyond a loser but I don't think that's something you really even mind or care about, do you even think you deserve anything good in this world?

 

This really says a lot about you, you're dreadfully insecure for putting up with all of this and the fact that you still want this guy back after all of this. So I don't know If you're ever going to snap out of this unless by some miracle you start working on yourself and basically following this guy on your knees for the rest of your life or until you wise up and stop allowing yourself to get hurt...you said its the last straw but there you are again, guess you got some more straws?

 

And you'd actually believe anything this guy says or does? Fool me once shame you, fool me twice shame on me...as the saying goes and you should really learn something from it...you've allowed this guy to treat you like dirt and keep you as an option, is this what you think true love is? is that you always wanted out of life? or have you just convinced yourself with every excuse that you find that you just aren't good enough and no one would want you?

 

I hope that you learn to treat yourself with more respect, I hope you choose to build your life into a stable, responsible and one that you control instead of letting some man control you with your own emotions...at this point he doesn't control you, you let him control you...nobodies putting a gun against your head (well..yet) to stay with him...so he gives you the most pathetic lies and stories and you believe it because you want to, you want him back and you don't want to lose him so you allow him to turn you into this crazy person and go against everything you've probably every believed in about love, marriage and a family...you'd sacrifice anything just to be with this pathetic man...and that is truly the saddest part of this all, because you choose to let your emotions for someone, give that power to wreck you.

 

You've got to start thinking about what kind of life you want to give your son...what happens when he chokes your son when he pushes him over the edge? what happens when he takes your son to all these random women that he "falls" for over the course of this circus that you're in with him? what do you think this all tells your son, and what kind of man do you think your son will be looking at mom and dad as an example of how to live? I guess it's about cheating on someone you love/marry, I guess it's about learning all of these women are like other moms, i guess It's about seeing dad as a player and irresponsible, immature douchebag...Now you've not only ****ed up your own life...you can potential **** someone elses mind over...because kids ultimately don't care what you say...they see what you do, and how you live life...that is what becomes ok to them...you've got to be an example to your kids of what to do, how to be responsible, treat women with respect, etc...not what not to do.

 

Reassess your priorities in life, kids see and take in a lot...It's not going to do you any good when 18 years from now you're apologizing and telling them "you weren't perfect" for all the stupid decisions you made in your life, and what you put them through.

 

Just pisses me off because kids are the biggest victims of this horse ***** that people call relationships and love.

[KathyM]

Don't bother trying to get this loser back in your life. You don't need that, and your baby doesn't need all this chaos in his life. Just let him go be with this other girl who is a match for his drinking, druggy, partying lifestyle. You, on the other hand, need to get your life straightened out for the sake of this child, as well as for yourself. Time to move on so you can provide your child with a more stable life. Let this loser go, but be sure to file for child support regardless.

[sweetheart5381]

Get the hell out now and take your baby too.

 

He choked you (strangulation, a form of murder)

 

Seriously, get the hell out now.

 

My abusive ex did the same.. has 25 prior charges of domestic violence.

 

I am now fighting in court for our 6 yr old daughter. Our relationship ended 4 yrs ago.

 

Get out while you can. I am now bankrupt, fought through incredible emotional damage in the last few yrs and now fight for both my daughter and myself to be safe and secure.

 

Walk away.

[Contumacious]

I do have low self esteem. And the fighting became normal. I feel like he is going to be the man I wanted him to be for our family for this new girl because he says how perfect they are together. It kills me to think they will have the life I wanted. I also feel like I pushed him to choke me. Not that it's right. But infeelnlime it's my fault. I just can't stop thinking it would have or could be different. I hate that he is happy and I'm miserable. I went out wit a nice guy past week and couldn't stop thinking about my old ******* bf.