somedude81 Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 I just hope you don't end up being a virgin at 55 and optimistic that things will work out.
Anela Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 Who is to say that a happy person doesn't see the world as it is? I dislike this argument, as it puts forth the idea that anybody who is remotely happy is naive or ignorant to "the reality of life". Such BS in my opinion. I may choose to be happy, but that doesn't mean I choose to be ignorant of the dark side of life. In fact, I'm more drawn to it than most people I know. A few years ago, a man said that something depressing he'd said, had most likely gone right over my disney head. Guess who had a large hand in helping me to get so depressed and down on myself? I held back at the time, because he had been in a very low mood, but I just happened to have a good attitude at the time. I really do miss that. I hope nobody manages to damage that part of you. 2
Author ThaWholigan Posted June 19, 2012 Author Posted June 19, 2012 If you can look at this world and feel good about it going beyond dating and relationships then you have some rose colored glasses on. All idealism does is set people up for disappointment. It's better to expect the worst then those rare moments of happiness are actually pleasant surprises. Disappointment happens to everybody. How you deal with it is central to your progression and your happiness in life. Now excuse me, I have to put back on my glasses 1
Woggle Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 Disappointment happens to everybody. How you deal with it is central to your progression and your happiness in life. Now excuse me, I have to put back on my glasses Sure they happen to everybody but if you expect the worst every time you are prepared for it. If you expect the best prepare to be brutally knocked back to reality.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 I learned something really cool from this badass bouncer I dated a while back. Basically, even arguing was fun with him. We had some disagreements along the way, and we both encouraged the other to express the anger, sadness, fears, and get them out. Then we'd deal with them, and move on, usually working out the last of the angst through hot, teasing makeup sex. This wasn't a relationship for the long term, but one of many important lessons I learned from him is that disagreements and fighting don't have to be storm clouds that ruin your day. They can actually be fun, challenging, and sexy. I've never been afraid of confrontation. I think sometimes it's necessary to bust through an issue and progress. But now I feel totally fearless about confrontation with anyone - a friend, a client, or a lover. 2
Author ThaWholigan Posted June 19, 2012 Author Posted June 19, 2012 Sure they happen to everybody but if you expect the worst every time you are prepared for it. If you expect the best prepare to be brutally knocked back to reality. I don't expect the best, I expect to be happy regardless of the outcome. Sure, I'm not always happy, sometimes I am expressly disappointed about things, or even blind with unadulterated fury. Been there. Difference is that it never lasts too long. The way I view life has never changed. No matter what happens, I will always prevail in the end. 2
Woggle Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 Disagreements are one thing but look at how this country is pretty much splitting apart at the seems over disagreements. Look at how some people even kill over them. I would love to be optimistic about the state of this world but it looks like things are getting darker.
AD1980 Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 Well, there's nothing wrong with being sad, especially about something you think you can never do. But you can't be sad all the time . Like i said im a pretty positive happy person in aspects outside of dating..as long as i dont think of women in a sexual way and trying to attract one my lifes pretty decent
Ruby Slippers Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 A few years ago, a man said that something depressing he'd said, had most likely gone right over my disney head. Guess who had a large hand in helping me to get so depressed and down on myself? Misery loves company. It was the same with my cynical, fearful ex. He could not stand that I wouldn't let anybody keep me down - because it made him feel inferior. So he tried to chip away at me and bring me down to his level. Well, screw that! I've got rose-colored eyeballs. 2
Woggle Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 This is why I truly do value people like my wife, my true friends and the one or two blood relatives worth a damn. You will not find too many people like this throughout life so the few ones I do have are priceless.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 Disagreements are one thing but look at how this country is pretty much splitting apart at the seems over disagreements. Look at how some people even kill over them. I would love to be optimistic about the state of this world but it looks like things are getting darker. Life is always a fight between light and dark, and always will be. Which side are you on? Every person who chooses to focus on the darkness is contributing to the problem. We all have the choice.
Woggle Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 Life is always a fight between light and dark, and always will be. Which side are you on? Every person who chooses to focus on the darkness is contributing to the problem. We all have the choice. I am on the side just trying to survive and stay sane in these rotten times.
d'Arthez Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 Who is to say that a happy person doesn't see the world as it is? I dislike this argument, as it puts forth the idea that anybody who is remotely happy is naive or ignorant to "the reality of life". This is exactly why I'd like to date a person who is politically aware, but does not want to discuss matters endlessly (not in the conventional sense, but in a geopolitical sense). There is only so much reality a relationship can handle. Discussing child porn as a way of making a living in Thailand, and detailing it as just an "expression" of the wonders of capitalism, gets sickening after some time. Or in a similar dark mood, when you consciously think about the jeans you are wearing, and imagine the child who was slaving away in a sweatshop to produce said jeans. That is too much reality for a relationship. The cynics would shrug their shoulders and say "That is life". To me, such a position is not something I want to be associated with.
Author ThaWholigan Posted June 19, 2012 Author Posted June 19, 2012 I learned something really cool from this badass bouncer I dated a while back. Basically, even arguing was fun with him. We had some disagreements along the way, and we both encouraged the other to express the anger, sadness, fears, and get them out. Then we'd deal with them, and move on, usually working out the last of the angst through hot, teasing makeup sex. This wasn't a relationship for the long term, but one of many important lessons I learned from him is that disagreements and fighting don't have to be storm clouds that ruin your day. They can actually be fun, challenging, and sexy. I've never been afraid of confrontation. I think sometimes it's necessary to bust through an issue and progress. But now I feel totally fearless about confrontation with anyone - a friend, a client, or a lover. This I used to be apprehensive about confrontations a lot when I was younger, but that was more to do with a fear of my own self, as much as of anyone else. It's true though, disagreements can actually be very stimulating 1
d'Arthez Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 I am on the side just trying to survive and stay sane in these rotten times. Then you are already losing the battle for your sanity. 1
Woggle Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 Then you are already losing the battle for your sanity. Not really. I have't flipped out and gone crazy and I don't numb myself with substance abuse. That is more than many people these days.
Author ThaWholigan Posted June 19, 2012 Author Posted June 19, 2012 I am on the side just trying to survive and stay sane in these rotten times. you sound like a British rapper
Nohbody Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 Optimism and pessimism are just lenses to view reality. It seems like Optimism is a brighter lens. I'm trying to be more optimistic, myself. 4
Cracker Jack Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 There's absolutely nothing wrong with being optimistic. Ever since I developed an optimistic point of view, I feel many things have slowly but surely been opening up for me. I simply see things more clearer than I ever have. Of course we all have our crappy days, but optimism really helps pass those days by quicker. I feel like it's important for everyone to do their best to embrace a positive outlook on life. Negativty slows your growth tremendously, as I've known for the past few yrs. I'm still striving for a more comfortable mindset than I currently have, but I know it won't be long before I'm where I want to be. 5
Author ThaWholigan Posted June 19, 2012 Author Posted June 19, 2012 This is exactly why I'd like to date a person who is politically aware, but does not want to discuss matters endlessly (not in the conventional sense, but in a geopolitical sense). There is only so much reality a relationship can handle. Discussing child porn as a way of making a living in Thailand, and detailing it as just an "expression" of the wonders of capitalism, gets sickening after some time. Or in a similar dark mood, when you consciously think about the jeans you are wearing, and imagine the child who was slaving away in a sweatshop to produce said jeans. That is too much reality for a relationship. The cynics would shrug their shoulders and say "That is life". To me, such a position is not something I want to be associated with. I have 2 very close and old friends who are indeed very cynical about pretty much everything. They believe in the illuminati and stuff like that, and they pretty much live to play computer games these days as a form of escapism. I can't spend too long around them sometimes because they can be really rather miserable. So on some level, I can understand that. I would much rather be with a positive person. I have the propensity for cynicism, but never at the expense of my overall happiness. There has to be a balance somewhere in life.
LittleMissSatin Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 Why did the person think you were delusional for being optimistic? I dont understand their side of it. Could you explain why they thought that?
Pyro Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 I'm curious about this, as it seems that since I have been here, and especially in the last few days, I've encountered some interesting views about things. This might be a bit of a ramble, but I have to get something off my chest. I'm a naturally optimistic person. Even at my darkest hour, I will see the silver lining in things. Does that make me overly-positive? No, it doesn't. I am well aware of pretty much every dark element in life and in dating, in fact I am often drawn towards it with fascination. I am realistic in that I expect bad things to happen every now and then, or conflicts and clashes etc. This is a given, and not to be scoffed at and to be taken seriously if called for it. Now, there is this notion that if you subscribe to the viewpoint that one shouldn't allow negativity to color the majority of your view on life and yourself, it means you are too optimistic or too positive, and not realistic. What does this mean? I'm genuinely confused. I understand that one must be aware and have a level of caution in most things, but when did it become a problem to have a positive view on life and dating? Nothing wrong with being optimistic about dating......as long as (which you have mentioned ) you understand that s*it can happen and things don't always work out for the best. It has already been proven in this thread but I was going to say that those who are incapable of being happy are just going to tell you that you are not living in reality by thinking that way.
d'Arthez Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 I have 2 very close and old friends who are indeed very cynical about pretty much everything. They believe in the illuminati and stuff like that, and they pretty much live to play computer games these days as a form of escapism. I can't spend too long around them sometimes because they can be really rather miserable. So on some level, I can understand that. Such a withdrawal from the world is pointless, I would argue damaging to their own mental health. A bit of escapism is good, an excessive amount of escapism is dysfunctional. Omniscience (though we can't achieve that as human beings) can be paralyzing. Imagine you are well aware of the harsh realities of the world - would you constantly want to be reminded? I think not. As long as you don't see a way to affect meaningful change, you'd rather not constantly think about it. Perhaps insanity is the sane approach in an insane world?
Author ThaWholigan Posted June 19, 2012 Author Posted June 19, 2012 Such a withdrawal from the world is pointless, I would argue damaging to their own mental health. A bit of escapism is good, an excessive amount of escapism is dysfunctional. Omniscience (though we can't achieve that as human beings) can be paralyzing. Imagine you are well aware of the harsh realities of the world - would you constantly want to be reminded? I think not. As long as you don't see a way to affect meaningful change, you'd rather not constantly think about it. Perhaps insanity is the sane approach in an insane world? Possibly. Ironically, sometimes I feel like the only sane person around . But mind you, I see myself as being capable of changing the world. Maybe that is more naive than me actually being an optimist.
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