natyhm2012 Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 (edited) I have known my baby’s daddy for almost 3 years… Had our only son when we were both 16. My problem isn’t that he was or is a bad father…Its how our relationship is that’s taking a toll on me. He kissed his ex-girlfriend a week into our relationship. I got over it. He looked up his adult entertainment alone in the bathroom. I let it go. And then there was that one night where i left with my parents to Colorado for one of my dad’s friend’s graduation and my boyfriend ended up sleeping with our next door neighbor. Why? As far as he says, I wasn’t there for him when he needed me the most. I forgave but never forget. Even though I forgave him..on the inside I couldn’t stay with him. He drew my last patience. So when the moment came for him to go to Job Corp, I started thinking if he was the kind of guy i wanted to be with or not for my baby. I made my decision almost 10 days after he left. So i left him, which made it more easier for me to break it up. Things happened in my life that i can’t dicuss here but what happened with my boyfriend is that we are back together now..My feelings for him are different than they were before. I lack emotions toward him and I rarely kiss him. I keep telling him that he needs to be patient with me..he says he loves me and regrets everything he did in the past. I can’t say i love you back. My issue is that i don’t love him..He's a smoker and I don't know if my son has asthma. I told him honestly that i want to try to work things out. But the harder i try, the less I’m interested in him. I was always the one that showed my love toward him and he neglected me. Now, Im the one that lacks emotion and he’s the lovy dovy one. I don’t do this to get back at him. I really did try, but it really sucks when he tries to force me to open up. Its something you can’t just force. Yes I did talk to him about it. And i think I’m ready to break up with him again. We live together with our son. The hardest part of telling him that I’m done is that he had threatened me that if i break up with him, he will try to fight custody for my son. and he won’t accept any break ups and still live together fro our son’s sake. I am trying to find a place of my own, but its hard when he gets upset even because I want to talk to my friends about it. He gets mad because he says thats his business. So I stopped talking to all my friends all together. Now I talk to my only true friend behind his back so he won’t get upset or jealous. What I do need to say about why I went back with him, was because I am still involved with CYFD because of something an ex bf did to my son. And so I can’t leave him until my case closes or he’ll go to them and extend their stay. That, or he'll try to kill himself which will leave me thinking it'll be my fault. Wouldn't be the first time he's tried that. CYFD wants to make sure that my boyfriend and I can be more compatible for my son. Sounds ridiculous I know. So what should I do? Should I leave him now or wait it out till its all over? I hate being with him and Im secretly getting a place for my son and I with a friend's help. I just want what’s best for my son, but I don't want to be miserable. I know I wrote a lot, but I thought this would help in getting advice. ~Natalie Edited June 19, 2012 by natyhm2012 misspelled words.
Philosoraptor Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 Is today soon enough? He seems to have zero respect for you and displays a ton of controlling characteristics.
olddirtyspatula Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 i left with my parents to Colorado for one of my dad’s friend’s graduation and my boyfriend ended up sleeping with our next door neighbor. Why? As far as he says, I wasn’t there for him when he needed me the most. NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO He's twisting your emotions so before you know if you're apologizing to him for a ****ed up thing he did, a great way to distract from him and put you in the submissive position he wants you in. In no universe is this okay. He gets mad because he says thats his business. So I stopped talking to all my friends all together. Now I talk to my only true friend behind his back so he won’t get upset or jealous. Philosoraptor is right, super controlling. bad news. In no world is it okay for him to control who you talk to, your relationship is your business too and only a narcissist would think that you getting support from your closest friend is an affront to him. That, or he'll try to kill himself which will leave me thinking it'll be my fault. Wouldn't be the first time he's tried that. He knows you'll think that and he's using it to manipulate you. I don't want to be misconstrued to be understood that all suicide attempts are that, because I certainly don't think that, but highly manipulative people use that all the time because they know it makes decent people snap to attention immediately. CYFD wants to make sure that my boyfriend and I can be more compatible for my son. That doesn't sound possible. The good news is you're far from the first person to be impregnated by a crazy person, and I'm sure your child is the best thing that will ever come from him. There have to be other options.
sally4sara Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 CYFD actually said they won't close the case till they are sure you and the guy who hurt your kid work things out and stay together? OR are you saying you and the kid's dad split up and you fell in with yet another loser guy who hurt your son and that is why CYFD is on your butt? If it was a different guy that the kid's dad, I'm going to have to suggest that maybe whats right for your son is for neither you or his suicidal cheating father should raise the kid right now. He clearly isn't in his right mind and you seem prone to choosing very poor relationship partners. Is there a stable family member that can step in?
Author natyhm2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Author Posted June 20, 2012 This CYFD case worker is a real bitch.. She's so much like my bf. they agree on almost everything and I feel so left out with no one to talk to. this case was primarily because my x had hit my son while I was at work. And the father of my son and I had a not so happy past. They just want us to co parent for our son. But i don't know of I can keep up with that any longer. If I leave him, I have no where to go right now. If I stay, my son is happy but I'm miserable. I have this Mexican culture that I've been living on without realizing till I started talking to a counselor. That Mexican women tend to do everything and anything for their children before themselves. I put up with this guy because it makes my son happy. If I leave him, i don't know what CYFD might do. I have some skeletals in my closet that I can't open up to. And he threatened me with that. So he's got leverage on me. So basically, I'm a sitting duck untill CYFD closes ther case.
Author natyhm2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Author Posted June 20, 2012 I am currently secretly talking to my best friend and help me get a place of my own... It'll help, but idk if he'll try to get child support. I have a lot of fears about this relationship. I just want to be happy
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