Racist or am I being too sensitive..

[kaylan]

"Crazy latino traits" originate in the country Spain, where all hispanic countries trace their heritage from. No one says that all latin cultures are all the same, but there is certainly a great deal of similarity.

 

Also, seeing how there is no "latino race", how can I be accused of racism? You sound like a typical leftist dweeb who finds racism everywhere.

Wow you make my head numb.

 

First off, just because latinos have similar hispanic heritage doesnt mean they all have some crazy trait...which is what your previous post seemed to imply. As if "normal" hispanics folks are generally crazy to regular white people. Anyways, within each hispanic country is a number of different cultures that vary based on race, tribe, region, heritage seperate of their spanish roots etc. Get a clue.

 

Secondly, you might want to do something to enhance your reading comprehension. My last post was saying that you have the habit of either saying something that is racist, sexist, or a generalized stereotype. Key word is "or". So re read my last post. I know hispanic is not a race...but I labeled you as someone who typically says racist, sexist, or stereotypical things...and most posters here know thats true about you.

 

And in this thread you were basically running with some stupid stereotype about "crazy latinos"....so my assesment of you was not off the mark. And no where did I call Hispanic/Latino a race. So in this thread I am calling you out for stereotyping, while calling to attention that you have said racist, sexist, stereotypical things in the past.

Edited June 20, 2012 by kaylan

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Racist or am I being too sensitive..

 

 

 

Since there is no "racism" in the words you offered, it must be the latter.

[mortensorchid]

You seemed to build up to this before you even mentioned some of his comments which you considered to be racist, did you notice? You said you first felt that something was amiss when you asked him why he had been single for five years before meeting you. Well, I am here to tell you that it happens for whatever reason. I was single for five years, not that I never got together with someone (whose contact was either made online or in real life). I/they were simply not interested enough in one another to continue it. That is probably what happened to him.

 

As for the other comments ... Up in the air. Save for the one about Tia Maria. That was not cool.

[Ninjainpajamas]

I shake my head every time someone say "really good looking/good looking" when they're describing someone they are interested in...this makes it seem like they'd be willing to look past a whole slew of important relationship factors just to pat themselves on the back for being someone good looking...and not only that it's totally irrelevant to any advice someone would give...If you were really good looking yourself does it matter? or does it only matter because you think this guy is better looking than you so you think he's some kind of prize for that alone? I don't know...just seems a little bit teenagerish to me...If someone is really good looking then fine, deal with it though and get over it there's still a relationship to be had or do you just stay smitten over this fact and keep pushing other things like your feelings to the side?

 

Anyway, a few things here throw up a few flags;

 

- He's very short in his answers and he sounds like subtlety condescending kinda guy..but I don't think you've really picked this up right away or tried to forgive it because "he's really good looking"

 

- He doesn't express his opinions and when he does I have a feeling that it's always something thats going to have a bit of negativity towards it...so I think he's much more judgmental than you may realize

 

- He also sounds a bit immature, bottles up when it comes to communication, doesn't really know how to handle the interaction and I don't think he thinks much on an adult level

 

- Sounds like he has issues with entitlement and boundaries...meaning that he'll test boundaries, cross them but feels entitled to have them and figures you should be delighted to be graced with his intelligence

 

- His expression of "I'm a big man, I can take anything" leaves a bit of suspicion because it's not genuine...all through your interaction he makes plenty of assumptions, to the point where he doesn't even feel the need to communicate and express..leading me to believe there will be a disconnect with this guy..he doesn't seem interested in communication or that it's required...he probably already thinks he knows what you're going to say or think

 

This is just my analysis based on what you have said...these are the things that stand out to me based on what I know about men. You've really got to dig into this guys personality and see what he's about...there's too many questions and blank/empty/disenguine answers which makes me wonder where his sensitivity level as at...everyone is saying here that you are way too sensitive...well guess what? a lot of women are sensitive and even IF you were not If he was meant to be in a relationship with you he wouldn't expect you to change but be able to manage it with compatible qualities...which honestly doesn't seem like he has from what's said...also I doubt he was single because he was 19, in fact you don't know what or who he was doing inbetween....he may just not be interested in a relationship, men always lie or give half-truths when they give you reasons why they are single...I wouldn't believe that BS either If I was a woman based on what I know about men.

 

He doesn't sound compatible and like relationship material, I don't think you guys are on the same wave-length and this doesn't sound like someone you've felt you've known for years, great chemistry, etc..this sounds like a forced interaction based on superficial qualities you deem important in your fantasy relationship yet you lack the experience of what is compatible with you and who you are as a person. Be careful how much you bend for this guy or any guy for that matter, If you can't get more communication out this relationship you're going to end up being surprised by this kind of a guy...you better start getting him to spit it out and speak up more and find out who he is and what's he's about imo...all men spill the beans if pressed hard enough and cleverly...use your intuition and trust it as you filter things through your BS meter, remind yourself that you don't know anyone as well as you always think you do.

[Feelsgoodman]

My last post was saying that you have the habit of either saying something that is racist, sexist, or a generalized stereotype.

And you have a habit of saying things that suggest you suffer from a persecution complex. Honestly, you sound like some kind of a cyberpunk, internet generation version of Al Sharpon. Except Al, to his credit, makes a lot of money on race baiting; you don't...

[Feelsgoodman]

I shake my head every time someone say "really good looking/good looking" when they're describing someone they are interested in...this makes it seem like they'd be willing to look past a whole slew of important relationship factors just to pat themselves on the back for being someone good looking...

The fact that you "shake your head" at this betrays a profound lack of understanding of the human nature. No matter what anyone says, looks are, by far, the most important factor when it comes to chosing a mate. Many people are willing take all sorts of sh*t from their partner if he/she is higher than them of the attractiveness scale.

 

It's basic human instinct to try to procreate with someone who is attractive, thereby securing the best possible genes for your offspring.

[Pierre]

"Crazy latino traits" originate in the country Spain, where all hispanic countries trace their heritage from. No one says that all latin cultures are all the same, but there is certainly a great deal of similarity.

 

Also, seeing how there is no "latino race", how can I be accused of racism? You sound like a typical leftist dweeb who finds racism everywhere.

 

Many hispanics are of African heritage. No different than Americans. Most hispanics are of indigenous origin. No different than Native Americans. Other hispanics are of European heritage. You need to go to Argentina where 50% of folks are of Italian ancestry.

 

Many other hispanics are mulatos. No different than what you are seeing nowadays with white American women mating with other racial groups.

[Ninjainpajamas]

The fact that you "shake your head" at this betrays a profound lack of understanding of the human nature. No matter what anyone says, looks are, by far, the most important factor when it comes to chosing a mate. Many people are willing take all sorts of sh*t from their partner if he/she is higher than them of the attractiveness scale.

 

It's basic human instinct to try to procreate with someone who is attractive, thereby securing the best possible genes for your offspring.

 

Coming from the "captain obvious" of the forums based on what I've seen you write, you merely grasp the fundamentals but lack the experience and insight to elaborate further.

 

What I was referring to in regards to her post, rather than a mere simplistic observation that humans are attracted to other humans and highly regard attraction as a desirable quality in a mate...I was skipping the obvious and observing the psychological pattern and behavior within the action....I realize that placing forth the superficial qualities before more pronounced relationship qualities reveals a certain opinion and regard that she has for this individual. It also reveals a compensating factor when someone is about to imply negative attributes within a partner but wants you to first consider the "positives" and possible potentials and "perks"...without judging solely based off the negatives...it also reveals how she views this relationship..from A to B to a degree.

 

However If we were caveman I'm sure that all would matter is mating, hell IF all she wanted to do was merely screw the man and get pregnant your point alone might even be valid in that context...however I'm sure her standards are a little higher than simply procreating, demonstrated by her frustration that she is not so primitive in her desires...and it's possible that one day she may have the understanding...although maybe not this early on, to determine like a grown-up whether this person is truly compatible or is this someone she's going to throw away years of investment trying to make it work...also how longs does looks and qualities that don't really affect the interpersonal qualities of a relationship hold it together?

 

In this day in age where we have options and individuality that is like unprecedented due to global travel and communication...I doubt that will hardly keep a couple together very long.

 

Understanding that something exists in an equation is one thing Feelsgoodman, understanding how it works in the big picture is a whole other deal altogether.

[kaylan]

Excuse me OP. This will be the last time I address this dude in your thread. I dont mean to derail. In regards to your situation though, Id advise you to voice your concerns to your guy. He needs to learn some cultural sensitivity, because the last person who he should be culturally offending is his girlfriend. Just be honest with him and tell him you find his comments to be annoying and unnattractive.

 

And you have a habit of saying things that suggest you suffer from a persecution complex. Honestly, you sound like some kind of a cyberpunk, internet generation version of Al Sharpon. Except Al, to his credit, makes a lot of money on race baiting; you don't...

You know, what you said might have some merit if it wasnt for the fact that many posters on this forum have seen your garbage posts. People here have seen the things youve said about women, certain ethnic groups, certain religious groups, and people of non straight sexual orientation.

 

Dont get mad that I call you out frequently on your bs and your posting history. It wouldnt take me long to post links to your past posts as perfect examples of my previous points about you. But itd make no sense to derail this thread. Regular posters here know how you are...so you can sit in denial and throw out "race bater" and "feminist" accusations if it makes you feel better. You always do that when called on your bullplop.

[angie2443]

He sounds like a great catch for a confident, centered woman. You sound like you have low self-esteem and feel you aren't good enough for him. Why not date a Latino who understands you and your culture?

 

So, the OP must not be very confident and centered because she was offended by some things this guy said??

 

 

I think there might be some red flags here and the OP is right to be concerned.

 

OP, there are plenty of men out there from all races and cultural backgrounds who are not as inept as this guy sounds. Good luck, whatever your decision.

[angie2443]

He needs to learn some cultural sensitivity, because the last person who he should be culturally offending is his girlfriend. Just be honest with him and tell him you find his comments to be annoying and unnattractive.

.

 

 

Going by the OP's posts, I'm assuming the guy is at least in his mid twenties. If so, I doubt he's that interested in learning cultural sensitivity at this point. I don't know the guy, though. Maybe I'm wrong. My experiences in life have shown me that once people hit the mid twenties range, their personalities are pretty much formed and will change little as they grow older.

[Pierre]

I went back and looked at the initial post:

 

 

 

 

But then..sometimes I notice he makes certain comments that, although perhaps joking, kinda sound like he feels I should be thanking my lucky stars for being dating him...for example I asked him what he was looking for in a girl, thinking he may be picky, which is why he's been single for so long...

He answered with.."Dont worry, I like you, you are my type"

 

 

I think he sensed your insecurity and wanted to give you reassurance. However, you took it the wrong way.

 

Another time he messaged me and I asked him how he was. He said he was tired and then said " But dont worry!! I will stay to chat for a bit!". It made me feel like he was insinuating I was waiting on bathed breath for him to talk to me all day...it irritated me.

 

His statement suggests that you are clingy and insecure. He wanted to let you know everything is fine.

 

"crazy Latino families...dont worry, Im too strong to be affected by it " !!

 

 

This one could have merit as being insensitive, but if you were Italian it would not be a big deal to you. So this is more insecurity from your part.

 

 

So...yeah Im still pissed and kind of hurt. It makes me sad to think that he feels my culture is something he has to be strong against, and ofcourse it made me wonder if this is the reason I have sensed he feels superior to me. Am I being too sensitive about this??

 

You may have a point here. Maybe this guy feels like a trophy dating you. He assumes you should be thanking your lucky stars for having him. He is the equivalent of the white woman that dates black men to feel like a trophy.

 

Deep inside his comments may be based on his own insecurities. With you the insecurities are lessened because he is the trophy and you should be thanking your lucky stars.

[Feelsgoodman]

Coming from the "captain obvious" of the forums based on what I've seen you write, you merely grasp the fundamentals but lack the experience and insight to elaborate further.

I'd love to make each one of my posts a 5,000 word essay, like you tend to do, but I simply don't have the time for that. If I am "captain obvious", you are "captain doesn't know how to make his point without engaging in unnecessarily lengthy, tangential discussions on ephemeral topics".

 

My experience, "lacking" as it may be, suggests that women can talk for hours about things they want in a man but in reality, their requirements are actually pretty simple (and surprisingly uniform). Ideally, every woman wants a man who is good looking, physically strong, good in bed and displays alpha male qualities (charisma, charm, leadership). All other things are, at best, secondary requirements that most women will easily overlook provided the primary criteria are satisfied. If that seems "primitive" to you, that's because it is...Human psychology is less complicated than some people like to imagine.

[luvinthesun]

I don't think he is racist or - he would not be dating you.

 

I am "white" - Italian/Irish mix - mutt.

 

I think you are just sensitive to comments. I mean- i am sensitive to comments about this or that. (Some people are sensitive to body part comments - even if they are NICE comments.)

 

I guess if a man said oh- that is your crazy Italian family or must be mob influence- or something like that it wouldn't bother me a bit. You can pick and say - that's your crazy caucasian (fill in blank) ... for you.

 

BUT- I think he is also being judgmental for lack of a better word. He doesn't seem to be trying to understand your culture- like if you mention your nephew saying TIA- maybe he could say teach me some Spanish sometime- I'd like to meet him - are you close ... things like that.

 

AND I also don;t like people talking about my family members- giving opinions when they have never met them or don;t know them.

 

 

So no- I don't think he is being racist - as I think he has not been very understanding of his dates in the past and has wanted to feel inferior for one reason or another... I hope this makes sense.

[luvinthesun]

and this--

 

im enjoying the posts where people suggest she get it on w/ "her own people".

 

sigh. i did always want to go back in the 60s.

 

I completely agree is wrong ... wow.

[serial muse]

I think Ninjainpajamas summed it up quite nicely, particularly the bits below, which I'll call the highlights version:

 

 

he sounds like subtlety condescending kinda guy..

 

I think he's much more judgmental than you may realize

 

I don't think he thinks much on an adult level

 

His expression of "I'm a big man, I can take anything" leaves a bit of suspicion because it's not genuine...all through your interaction he makes plenty of assumptions

 

He doesn't sound compatible and like relationship material, I don't think you guys are on the same wave-length

 

In other words, whatever else he may be (racist, good-looking, whatever), he just sounds like a jerk. Subtle put-downs are the worst; they will drive you crazy over time, because those insults invariably come with a large helping of "don't be so sensitive, I was only joking" and then you find that you don't trust your very natural instinct to get out and away from a jerk who enjoys putting you down. Bah; don't fall for it.

Edited June 20, 2012 by serial muse