How long is too long??

June 19, 2012

I have done this. You actually stole the words I used exactly "I deserve better. I love you, but I can't do this. Something's gotta give, you have to choose. I'm not gonna sit here and wait forever." But then he doesn't respond (I haven't told him this in person as I'm afraid of his reaction, and the next time I see him/talk to him it's like nothing happened! Like I never said anything! Should I say it in person? Would it make a difference?

His nonanswer, is your answer. You have made it clear that you are not happy with this arrangement. He knows this, but he's going to use you for as long as you are willing to be used.

You are waiting for him to make a decision, but that's not going to happen. You are the one that is going to have to make a decision, because he will let this drag on for as long as you are willing to offer yourself up.

You are caught up in their web of dysfunction. This is not about you and him. It's about him and her, and you are just the current weapon he is weilding in their effed up dynamic. From his perspective, this affair dynamic isn't "I love Ducky" but "F*ck you, wife".

You do deserve better, but you need to get to the point where (instead of just saying it) you actually believe it. You are allowing yourself to be disrespected, and it is up to you (not him or her) to stop this.

June 19, 2012

You do deserve better, but you need to get to the point where (instead of just saying it) you actually believe it. You are allowing yourself to be disrespected, and it is up to you (not him or her) to stop this.

Exactly. This is the key, imo.

June 19, 2012

Anyway you look at this its not right or normal. Why don't you just tell her so she also has a choice.If you could have a man that had no wife no other commitments and could give you all of his love and not have to hide do you think you might be happier? You could be with someone like that if you wanted and have friendship with him also. Really think about this you deserve more and so does she.I hope you decide whats best for everyone. Get out of this and find someone else.

1 on 1 =2 so much better.Good Luck and wish you happiness.

June 19, 2012

I'm talking out both sides of my mouth...? I only think I know what that means. I don't know that I want him to leave her for me. I know that I love him and I want him to be happy. I know the A is wrong. Every part of it. I never set out to be a homewrecker. The woman who stole my husband never gave a second thought to me.

When me and MM met it was through a mutual friend trying to 'set us up' so he'd get over his 'horrible wretch of a wife' as she put it (this woman is no longer in our lives in any way and it was by my choice). So I always knew he was married. But I didn't know they were still together. That wasn't his fault. He was always honest with me. He actually initially tried to set me up with his best friend so he would be able to see me, knowing he was married and an affair was wrong. I wasn't looking for a R or anything. At all. But I found myself getting butterflies around my MM and I allowed my emotions to grow because I was under the impression he was in S because of what the mutual "friend" told me. It wasn't until the first time we had sex that he told me "my marriage is over, my wife just doesn't know it", that's how I found out he was still actively M.

In the earliest stages of the A I questioned him about counseling to save his M, what she could do to make it work, ect. (before I ever met her), and his response was always the same "it's over, the damage is done, there's no fixing it. I don't want to."

I personally don't care much for his W, and not just because I'm involved with MM. she's just not the kind of person I would choose to lose time on. But I know she loves him dearly and she honestly doesn't understand how she's damaged their relationship. He married her out of convenience when he joined the service and deployed. I believe that he doesn't want his marriage to work. But I also think I would feel horrible if I just said "btw, W, I was in an affair with the hubby (this is how I address him to her as a running joke about me being 'her' or 'their' girlfriend) since before I met you." how do you break that news?

June 19, 2012

I'm talking out both sides of my mouth...? I only think I know what that means. I don't know that I want him to leave her for me. I know that I love him and I want him to be happy. I know the A is wrong. Every part of it. I never set out to be a homewrecker. The woman who stole my husband never gave a second thought to me.
When me and MM met it was through a mutual friend trying to 'set us up' so he'd get over his 'horrible wretch of a wife' as she put it (this woman is no longer in our lives in any way and it was by my choice). So I always knew he was married. But I didn't know they were still together. That wasn't his fault. He was always honest with me. He actually initially tried to set me up with his best friend so he would be able to see me, knowing he was married and an affair was wrong. I wasn't looking for a R or anything. At all. But I found myself getting butterflies around my MM and I allowed my emotions to grow because I was under the impression he was in S because of what the mutual "friend" told me. It wasn't until the first time we had sex that he told me "my marriage is over, my wife just doesn't know it", that's how I found out he was still actively M.
In the earliest stages of the A I questioned him about counseling to save his M, what she could do to make it work, ect. (before I ever met her), and his response was always the same "it's over, the damage is done, there's no fixing it. I don't want to."
I personally don't care much for his W, and not just because I'm involved with MM. she's just not the kind of person I would choose to lose time on. But I know she loves him dearly and she honestly doesn't understand how she's damaged their relationship. He married her out of convenience when he joined the service and deployed. I believe that he doesn't want his marriage to work. But I also think I would feel horrible if I just said "btw, W, I was in an affair with the hubby (this is how I address him to her as a running joke about me being 'her' or 'their' girlfriend) since before I met you." how do you break that news?

So you were in an A with him before you even met her and then afterwards you decided it was a good idea to live at his and his W's place part-time, to sleep in their bed altogether? I thought maybe you were already friends with her and thought changing your interaction with her would alert her to the A, but now you explain that you only befriended her after you were sleeping with her H. That is just making things so complicated to befriend MM's W like that. It sounds like you have been making a number of decisions which are not in your best interests.

Anyway, as to your question of how to tell her now, keeping it simple and honest is usually the best way.

June 19, 2012

How do I make him see that I'm truly unhappy and don't want to keep this going??

You put action into your words. You say, I'm truly unhappy and don't want to keep this going, then you act on it.

Lass, he brings out the worst in you. You can't want that for your life. Well, you can and it seems you are.

June 19, 2012

Me and MM have been doing this A thing for about 16 months. He swears he loves me, wants to be with me, there is talk of buying a house, babies, marriage, the whole 9 yards. He's been with W for about 12 years now (high school sweethearts) and swears he's never cheated before he met me. He made all of the first moves, said ILY first, is very affectionate and forgiving(?) in our relationship(?). I got pregnant about 3-4 months in and we mutually decided to abort (I'm a 'single' mom with 3 kids already), and he stated then "we can always try later". He was waiting for W to get a job (she hadn't worked in over 2 years and is lazy), because he didn't want to leave her high and dry

I have done this. You actually stole the words I used exactly "I deserve better. I love you, but I can't do this. Something's gotta give, you have to choose. I'm not gonna sit here and wait forever." But then he doesn't respond (I haven't told him this in person as I'm afraid of his reaction, and the next time I see him/talk to him it's like nothing happened! Like I never said anything! Should I say it in person? Would it make a difference?

I'm talking out both sides of my mouth...? I only think I know what that means. I don't know that I want him to leave her for me. I know that I love him and I want him to be happy.

That's an example of talking out of both sides of your mouth - ie. saying contradictory things.

In the first two quotes, you talk about how you love each other, plan a future, even plan future children and how he wants to leave but is waiting for her to be self sufficient - but in the last one you talk about how you don't want him to leaver her for you - it seems like you do.

I understand that in affairs, the AP usually wants the MM to leave because he wants to leave and just happen to end up with the AP after that, but from everything that you wrote in your threads, it seems quite obvious that you do want him and you want him to leave her, and you want to be with him - so all that = leaver her for you.

Maybe you just don't quite really realize that - and that's totally ok. It is much easier sometimes for people to see the bigger picture more objectively when they are on the outside looking in & emotions are not involved.

I know the A is wrong. Every part of it. I never set out to be a homewrecker. The woman who stole my husband never gave a second thought to me.
When me and MM met it was through a mutual friend trying to 'set us up' so he'd get over his 'horrible wretch of a wife' as she put it (this woman is no longer in our lives in any way and it was by my choice). So I always knew he was married. But I didn't know they were still together. That wasn't his fault. He was always honest with me. He actually initially tried to set me up with his best friend so he would be able to see me, knowing he was married and an affair was wrong. I wasn't looking for a R or anything. At all. But I found myself getting butterflies around my MM and I allowed my emotions to grow because I was under the impression he was in S because of what the mutual "friend" told me. It wasn't until the first time we had sex that he told me "my marriage is over, my wife just doesn't know it", that's how I found out he was still actively M.

Ducky, how can you really say that he was honest with you if he kept the whole fact that he is M until after you slept with him. If he was honest at all, he would have told you that BEFORE sleeping with you - not after.

In the earliest stages of the A I questioned him about counseling to save his M, what she could do to make it work, ect. (before I ever met her), and his response was always the same "it's over, the damage is done, there's no fixing it. I don't want to."
I personally don't care much for his W, and not just because I'm involved with MM. she's just not the kind of person I would choose to lose time on. But I know she loves him dearly and she honestly doesn't understand how she's damaged their relationship. He married her out of convenience when he joined the service and deployed. I believe that he doesn't want his marriage to work. But I also think I would feel horrible if I just said "btw, W, I was in an affair with the hubby (this is how I address him to her as a running joke about me being 'her' or 'their' girlfriend) since before I met you." how do you break that news?

It takes courage - that's how.

It all comes down to a choice to do the decent thing.

Ducky, I do understand what its like to not want to go into an affair and be someone's side piece, and then choose to believe what we want to make it easier because we do have feelings for the MP and really want that connection and want to "win" them and be happy forever - I do understand that it takes a great deal of selective hearing/seeing to make it that far.

You may not see it all now, and I'm not trying to beat on you and be harsh to you - when people are in the fog they justify the silliest and most hurtful things to keep going and to stay in that high - but honestly, the way I see it, you are putting up with so much crap, you don't fully want to admit to yourself what you truly want from him, and you will be wasting your time on this man.

My wish for you is that you see clearly soon and find your peace.

June 19, 2012

I got pregnant about 3-4 months in and we mutually decided to abort (I'm a 'single' mom with 3 kids already), and he stated then "we can always try later".

They live in a different town and I regularly travel for work, and if I'm in their town working and will be there 2+ more days I stay over with them. The A is right in front of her face and it's horrible but we giggle like school children over it at times because she's clueless.

Is something big coming?? Or is it time to cut and run?

He's good. He's real good. I would give him the manipulator of the year award.

He f*cked you raw, bred you, then gave you a Nay vote and a promissory note. I know he was extra happy on sunday.

How long is too long... when you giggle like school children.

Nothing big is coming you have all the facts in front of you. I don't know why you would cut and run. He's your man right. I say don't waste anymore time make your demands. He loves you. Time to stop being cheap and get a hotel room of your own.

I read your other posts, didn't interest me. Your first one seemed more uniformed.

Hurry up and make those demands. Your eggs are aging. Best of luck.

June 20, 2012

Thank you everyone. I've been texting him, asking about trust, his plans, what he wants, why should I stay? He only tells me that the M is coming to an end and that he only needs me to bear with him, to think of the time I put in as an 'investment' into a savings fund where in the end we get each other and our lives together. He calls me the 'rock' in his life and I'm telling him 'sink or swim'. I need to talk to him in person when I go tomorrow.. This is eating me up and tearing me apart. I was helping her in her classroom today and almost told her about the A. I know what that pain feels like. I think I'd honestly prefer she be clueless, more than know that her H has been a cheating SOB for over a year, and with a person she perceives to be her 'closest friend'.

June 20, 2012

Me and MM have been doing this A thing for about 16 months. He swears he loves me, wants to be with me, there is talk of buying a house, babies, marriage, the whole 9 yards. He's been with W for about 12 years now (high school sweethearts) and swears he's never cheated before he met me. He made all of the first moves, said ILY first, is very affectionate and forgiving(?) in our relationship(?). I got pregnant about 3-4 months in and we mutually decided to abort (I'm a 'single' mom with 3 kids already), and he stated then "we can always try later". He was waiting for W to get a job (she hadn't worked in over 2 years and is lazy), because he didn't want to leave her high and dry ("I don't wish anything bad on the woman I just don't want to be with her" he says) and he wanted to make sure A) she didn't screw him in D and B) she was set so that she was self-sufficient. Last year (she's a schoolteacher) she got a contract, started working, and things were looking up. Then it was "paying down debt" and "make sure she contracts for a second year". They live in a different town and I regularly travel for work, and if I'm in their town working and will be there 2+ more days I stay over with them. The A is right in front of her face and it's horrible but we giggle like school children over it at times because she's clueless. My relationship(?) with MM has been wonderful, to say the least. He makes time to spend time with me, loves hanging out with my kids, he's my best friend, and we talk almost every day. But sometimes I feel like he's withdrawing a bit..? He hasn't been saying ILY lately like he used to.. When we're in person he's the same, huge grin twinkly eyes, madly in love.. But via text (our main means of communication) it's usually either ignoring me outright or ignoring when I say ILY (like before bed, when he's done something awesome, ect.), and I don't know what to think.. He says he's my biggest fan ("season ticket holder. Hopefully life member" he says), and I truly honestly believe that he loves me. But his sudden aloofness(?) I don't know even.. He was 'gone' from his W for 3 weeks but still managed to sneak away and see me even when he 'couldn't' get time off to see her.. Has got me confused. Is something big coming?? Or is it time to cut and run?

Well...seems like he has moving goal posts and is buying time. Every time he waits for X thing to happen so that he can leave, mysteriously when it does happen, he changes the goal to a new one. Wife needs job..she gets a contract, now it's wife needs 2nd year contract...now he's paying down debt ( most Americans have some kind of debt at some point or another, so I don't see what that has to do with anything, as if most people waited to be debt free to live their lives, they wouldn't)...

I'm sorry but this goes for OW and any woman really: just because a man looks at you lovingly, texts with you, cheats on someone else with you, hangs out with you, or even says he loves you...doesn't always mean it is true, neither does it mean he is planning to make a future with you. ALL those things are easy peasy things and someone could do them forever if given a chance, without ever having to step outside of their comfort zone or make some crucial decisions. A lot of people wrongly assume that someone wouldn't "waste your time or theirs" if they weren't serious..not true! Especially if they are married and have a life with someone else, they can easily have someone on the side and live on the fence as long as they are allowed. As you notice...once it comes time for him to stop with the sweet nothings and do real stuff, he gets aloof and ignores you. This is very common in all kinds of relationships, where that person wants you to lower your expectations. They turn it up hot and heavy sometimes then blow cold when you put too much pressure on them and start asking for more than THEY want to give. They stone wall you until you get so frantic you're gonna lose them that you back down, and then when you back down and stop asking for too much they get all lovey-dovey again.

The fact that you and him laugh at how clueless his wife is is really disturbing to me and I wonder if you think that makes him a great man? Or is it that you think he only laughs at his wife behind her back, but he won't laugh at you? I'm not trying to be mean, but the biggest joke may be on you...as you got pregnant and are currently waiting for a man who may have no intention of leaving...so at the end of the day, you may not be the one smiling at all. I think you should at least be the one to set a timeline and stipulations of what you'd like to happen and ask him to follow it OR you walk.

Edited June 20, 2012 by MissBee

June 20, 2012

ok so in one post you state you've had sex with her and in this post you state your MM doesn't want you to have sex with her and is keeping it from happening because she's 300lbs. So which is it, you have or you haven't? I see no boundaries of any kind here .......or lies.....which is it.

I only read the initial post, but as I read on, this is messier than I thought.

No one seems to have any boundaries in this situation which opened the door to a land slide of mess.

It's still bad what Ducky and the MM are doing and he probably still won't leave to be with you Ducky, but he and his wife also added you into their marital bed and that was a mistake obviously on her part and his...yours too.

June 20, 2012

So.. Maybe not a breakthrough, but perhaps positive..? I came to visit a day early because I had extra time and have really been struggling with this whole huge fat mess. After my conversation with him earlier my moods have been all over the place, I'm quite emotional and resorting back to passive-aggressive behavior to deal. (I know it probably isn't the greatest) things have been different. I told him flat out that I'm not only unhappy, but flat out miserable. There wasn't much consolation from him aside from 'the end is near, bear with me.' and I don't feel this is enough. The 'end' has been 'near' for too long I think. I've actively fought against him trying to wrestle and play (things we've always done) and tonight I'm on the couch while he and BW are in bed because she doesn't want me in bed after the last time I yelled her (understandable), but on his way to bed I actively blocked and walked away from his attempt to kiss me goodnight. Effectively shutting the door in his face even on my way out for my last cigarette of the night. I never realized how hurt I've become over/from the A and the ****ed up situation it's caused until reading through the posts that have been put up in response to mine.

This isn't me. It isn't who I am or who I want to be, and I've known that from the start. I had my husband taken from me and I never wished to cause that pain to anyone else. The A has taken it's toll and I want to fight it off, to make it go away or to fix it and have him for ME. I don't know what other steps to take. NC would be very suspicious because of how closely our lives have become incorporated and we've always done everything together. How do I fix this and make him understand I won't be the OW anymore?

June 20, 2012

IMHO, the best thing you can do for yourself is to stop talking. Just go, because these two people you've gotten involved with and you are involved with both on some level, they are enablers to one another.

They both use you and you let them. If you don't just get out of it and cut off all contact from them you aren't gonna be able to see it for what it is.

He doesn't wanna get rid of his W because she's as twisted as he is. Turns a blind eye, conveniently, and all the other nonsense, you sleep in between them and with her. I think they are playing you.

If this isn't the case then if you remove yourself from their marriage and he really feels as he claims, he'll take the initiative to get out of his marriage.

The thing is, if you aren't comfortable with all that's transpired and he knows this, then he is showing you that he doesn't have enough respect for you to not put you through this.

If you get out of it for enough time, you'll be asking yourself why you did some of the things you did. By the way I have to wonder if you are just one of others that this couple has run this game on.

Edited June 20, 2012 by skywriter

June 20, 2012

Quit blowing smoke up yours and everyone else's butts. You aren't going to.walk away. You're not ready. If you were you wouldn't care how " suspicious" it looked you'd just walk out and not look back. That's an excuse to leave the door open.

June 20, 2012

Quit blowing smoke up yours and everyone else's butts. You aren't going to.walk away. You're not ready. If you were you wouldn't care how " suspicious" it looked you'd just walk out and not look back. That's an excuse to leave the door open.

Thanks Rick, but I actually put the wheels in motion to start NC last night. I just needed a sounding board that wasn't my own inner turmoil and the people who want to ultimately see me and MM in a relationship. If ever he does leave and comes to me, I might still be available. But I can't sit around and wait any longer. Which is where my original question came from. I'm loyal to a fault and unless I know for sure that a R is stuck in Neutral, I'll be there waiting. This R isn't going anywhere fast. If I weren't already unhappy, I wouldn't have posted. I just needed someone who'd been in the same position to tell me what I already knew. It's time to stop waiting.

June 21, 2012

Wow....

I don't really know what to say to the fact you've had threesomes with them both. That's slightly mental.

Anyway, that's beside the point. Human beings don't generally do anything they don't want to do. If you want out, get out. The whole situation is really toxic.

June 21, 2012

What the what?! I honestly can't believe what I'm reading.

June 22, 2012

Wow....

I don't really know what to say to the fact you've had threesomes with them both. That's slightly mental.

Anyway, that's beside the point. Human beings don't generally do anything they don't want to do. If you want out, get out. The whole situation is really toxic.

Ahem.. Just for clarification, I've never had a threesome with them. She wouldn't allow it. She has no idea that he and I had our own established 'relationship' in which she was no part. The sex with them both was one-on-one, with no extra involvement. It was by having sex with her that I 'won' his side of the bed so that he was in between us instead of her being in the middle.

June 22, 2012

Ahem.. Just for clarification, I've never had a threesome with them. She wouldn't allow it. She has no idea that he and I had our own established 'relationship' in which she was no part. The sex with them both was one-on-one, with no extra involvement. It was by having sex with her that I 'won' his side of the bed so that he was in between us instead of her being in the middle.

I hope one day you come back, after some counselling, and you'll see just how messed up your situation is. I feel for you and I wish you strength and courage to get the hell out of this affair and find someone you don't have to share. This man is seriously f'ed up in the head.

This is eating me up and tearing me apart. I was helping her in her classroom today and almost told her about the A. I know what that pain feels like. I think I'd honestly prefer she be clueless, more than know that her H has been a cheating SOB for over a year, and with a person she perceives to be her 'closest friend'.

You should tell her. You both are making a total FOOL of her. At least this way she can decide for herself what she would like to do...Either fight hard and try to salvage their marriage or tell him to F-off and divorce him. Right now you and him are messing around and making all these 'so called' plans for the future(and you honestly do NOT know if he is going to follow through on them, words are one thing, full action is another) all the meanwhile she has no idea what *could* be smacking her in the face soon.

June 22, 2012

I thought I had read all there was to read about screwed up relationships. Ducky, get away from all this chaos, none of it is healthy and not one thing smacks of respect or love.

Neither you nor the BS are winning anything, the MM on the other hand sounds like he hasn't got to do too much of anything to keep you both going along with his puppet master games. The one on one with the BS was instigated by him, if I read right, yet you say this same man said he hadn't slept with his wife because she was 300lbs, yet you did. Please correct me if I am wrong. It's not the 300lbs that's f***** up here, it's he for asking and you for going ahead with it, unless of course you wanted to, in which case it's bizarre that he can accept his wife cheating, albeit with his knowledge, yet doesn't want her to know he is, says much to me. You know, there is nothing on the Earth that could persuade me to sleep with someone I didn't want to, you did this to 'win' a side on a bed with two other people?? Please see how totally sad this is and how messed up it is too.

Ducky, I'll tell you straight, I abhor A's, they are hurtful, destructive and at least one person gets hurt. In this instance I would hope you can stand back, look at this situation and ask yourself if this is a life and role in a relationship you wish for yourself. Then get away from the whole toxic mess as fast as you can, then get IC to see why you allow yourself to be treated so disrespectfully. Finally, please never, ever laugh with someone knowing they are hurting another, you never know, it could be you one day, I hope not and I hope you can see this relationship, and I use the term loosely, for what it is and leave the BS alone, no more helping, friends like you I am sure she would rather be without.

June 22, 2012

Have re read the thread, Ducky are you the mother of 3 children? where are they when all this drama is unfolding and can I ask how old you and they are? The more I read, the more confused I become and the more confusing the whole thing is.

I truly hope you find peace, sounds like a massive clusterf***. Anyone deserves better than all this.

June 22, 2012

Have re read the thread, Ducky are you the mother of 3 children? where are they when all this drama is unfolding and can I ask how old you and they are? The more I read, the more confused I become and the more confusing the whole thing is.

I truly hope you find peace, sounds like a massive clusterf***. Anyone deserves better than all this.

Tons of questions. I am 23 years old. I got married at 16 and became pregnant with my daughter just shy of 18. (two years after being told if I ever conceived I would never carry to term) I am a single mother of 3 beautiful babies. My daughter is 4.5, my oldest son just turned 3, and my baby baby will be 2 in October. My husband left me for his 15yo 'girlfriend' 4 years ago. With him he took my daughter. My two sons have a different father. I live with him, though we are not sexually active, we share a bed, he works nights I work days. My MM has been around my children (they play together often and they adore him, he has no children but wants them), but their dad doesn't know about the A and neither do they. When he comes to my home we are strictly friends. No romance, no touching, no kissing, no sex, no nothing. Just friends. Those are my terms in the A. My home life will not be disrupted by my A. I travel for work a couple of days a week and part-time live with MM and W when I do. My children stay home with their father and their Godmother watches them when he works/sleeps when I'm not home. The whole entire story is way worse than just the bits I've actually posted. There are a lot of missing pieces (like how I came to be this f***ed up and how my perfect life turned into a complete mess), one of them is my daughter. Now I've properly (I think) introduced myself.

June 22, 2012

My husband left me for his 15yo 'girlfriend' 4 years ago. With him he took my daughter. My two sons have a different father. I live with him, though we are not sexually active, we share a bed, he works nights I work days.

So your husband left you and your 5 month daughter for a 15 year old? And he wasn't arrested for that? 15 is RAPE. At least where I live it is.. He could be charged with sexual assault and be labelled as a sexual preditor/pedophile.

How come he was allowed to take your little girl with him? Something feels so off about all this.. if this story is actually true, please get to therapy asap. The lifestyle and the choices you are making WILL affect your children ,even if they don't see you kissing and having sex with MM, they will figure out something is up as they get older. And the father of your other 2 kids, why not tell him about all this since you say you two don't have sex. You two are NOT a couple, so why not just be honest since it seems it's a living arrangement.

June 22, 2012

As whichwayisup asked..............wtf is your husband not in jail for molestation of a minor?

What a troubled life you have had for such a young woman. I suspect there is abuse in your history as a child?

Please go to your counselling and get yourself healthy and learn proper boundaries so that you can protect yourself. You need to always keep in mind that you have 3 precious babies who need a healthy mother to take care of them and teach them right from wrong. You can't do that when you are living in such a state of chaos yourself.

Congrats on having a good start on a career at your age.

so that means that the 15 year old YOUNG TEEN is a step mother to a 5 month old baby? Makes absolutely no sense.

June 22, 2012

so that means that the 15 year old YOUNG TEEN is a step mother to a 5 month old baby? Makes absolutely no sense.

Her own son (she had a child with my H cousin, which is how he met her) was almost a year old at the time that he officially left me for her, when he told me about their A. He was a long-haul truck driver and 22-23 during this time. Her parents originally agreed to the R and then at some point they got some sense and called the cops when he had her out past curfew one night. He was arrested for statutory rape and lost his job. The case was dropped because there was no evidence that they were having sex/whatever and instead he was charged with something else. It was in California so I don't know. They aren't together anymore. And he was not 'allowed' to take my daughter. It's called kidnapping. Unfortunately we're still legally married and it's a 'civil dispute'. After almost 4 years, the courts just closed my D case due to lack of inactivity. You cannot serve what you cannot find. The state he was living in refused to honor my restraining order and give my daughter back, I needed papers from their local court. I didn't have the resources to find him on my own in his huge city or to stay away from my own state long enough to fight in his. I had quit my job when he first took her so I could put all of my time and energy into getting her home. That was my first mistake. I was 19, jobless, my mom kicked me out so I was homeless and it was winter. And I was pregnant with my oldest son. Now you have a bit of a backstory as to where/how my life became as ****ed up as it is.

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