jobaba Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 ...of which I may or may not be one. From another forum I post on, this kid, who sounded like a real good kid was complaining about how he had troubles and couldn't get women. Something he posted after falling for a gal who spurned him. It's gonna be tough for me to delete her from everything. Remember, this is a girl that I hung out with a ton since I met her. I don't know too many people in the city where I live, and it's just a plain depressing place to live. I LOVE my job, but hate my life situation socially. When I found her to hang out with, I just enjoyed spending time with her to the MAX; and I really maybe fell for her. I'm just a little dissapointing that she wouldn't text me up / call me and say good-bye. I know she has a ton of friends where she lives (which is 20mins away) and close roommates; but you think she'd reach out to me for at least a good-bye. I WANT to text her right now, or call her... just to show her one last time that I DO care. I don't know though. That was from May 17. Gave him some advice. Told him to forget her and move on to the next victim. This next post was made today... I got her number, said "F it"; and sent her a text. "Hey it's me from the hospital... we should hang out sometime." I immediately got a response, a great response... "Yes." We went to a dog park a day later, and just got to know each other better. She pretty much said that she had her eye on me since she first saw me on the unit, this and that; and I pretty much told her for some reason she stuck out to me. Came over another night.. went to get dinner, talked more, came back to my apartment. Watched a movie, kind of cuddled; then got talking a ton after the movie on my couch while watching too many episodes of Chopped. Looked at the clock, it was 4AM. Told her she could crash at my place, which she did with me. Didn't do anything (didn't want to).. Woke up the next AM, made her a big breakfast; walked her to her car and kissed her good-bye. Since then, we've called each other, texted, played some pickup baseball/basketball. All of that (from the start of the initiation of the text to her) happened about a week ago...and we've talked EVERY single day since then. I think I'm doing things right this time... I hope!! One month later! That's how you do things! You go out after you get rejected and you keep plugging! Play the numbers and you never know when you'll hit one. Never give up. Remember. Numbers...
USMCHokie Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 Do you think the Loveable Losers can get that moniker attached to their accounts to replace "Established Member"? Like this: USMCHokie Loveable Loser
Meeks7 Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 Can I be honest? As someone who once was a loveable loser and then now dating a gorgeous girlfriend, I honestly believe the key to escape this mindset is to shift the way you think. It isn't easy, but it's worth it. I used to post my women-chasing play by play on another board. I was overly obsessed. After a while I realized my analysis was only causing paralysis. I became too mechanical/stiff around women, and the "loveable loser" mentality was flowing in my own head whenever I came around women. Perception is reality. It's true. So, change your perception. It slowly leads to your reality changing. Once I stopped posting about women, I actually became better at interacting with them. That's when I learned, thinking and posting 24/7 about women actually hurts a whole lot more than it helps. In a nutshell: try a 2-month experiment where you quit posting and reading. And just let your instincts take over, learn, adapt, re-adapt, etc.
Author jobaba Posted June 19, 2012 Author Posted June 19, 2012 Can I be honest? As someone who once was a loveable loser and then now dating a gorgeous girlfriend, I honestly believe the key to escape this mindset is to shift the way you think. It isn't easy, but it's worth it. I used to post my women-chasing play by play on another board. I was overly obsessed. After a while I realized my analysis was only causing paralysis. I became too mechanical/stiff around women, and the "loveable loser" mentality was flowing in my own head whenever I came around women. Perception is reality. It's true. So, change your perception. It slowly leads to your reality changing. Once I stopped posting about women, I actually became better at interacting with them. That's when I learned, thinking and posting 24/7 about women actually hurts a whole lot more than it helps. In a nutshell: try a 2-month experiment where you quit posting and reading. And just let your instincts take over, learn, adapt, re-adapt, etc. Yea... I disagree with you. You think women are mind readers, buy into the zen theory that gets thrown around by them on this board. If that were true, then how do so many women fall for men who use them? To me, putting your best foot forward and the playing the numbers will get you results. I could tell myself that when I've been able to get a GF it has been due to everything being copacetic and my life being in harmony, but it's far from the truth. The last time I was able to pull a GF my life and head were just a mess. 1
Els Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 Yea... I disagree with you. You think women are mind readers, but into the zen theory that gets thrown around by them on this board. If that were true, then how do so many women fall for men who use them? To me, putting your best foot forward and the playing the numbers has gotten me results. I could tell myself that when I've been able to get a GF it has been due to everything being copacetic and my life being in harmony, but it's far from the truth. The last time I was able to pull a GF my life and head were just a mess. Meeks' method is generally true for many men who desire a good, compatible woman. Of course, there are exceptions. But it is generally true. The women who (consistently) fall for men who use them don't count. Honestly, like begets like. Women who are generally strong and reasonable in their own mindsets are unlikely to fall for user after user after user after user. The women who have had the poor fortune to encounter a few of those, tend to wise up after a while and look for the sort of man they deserve and vice versa. The women who DON'T, and consistently fall for users, are likely to be deserving of the sort of user they do attract. Trust me, most decent men do not WANT to be with such women. The key isn't to attract 'a woman' or even 'many women'. The key is to attract a good woman whom you're compatible with. In that way, Meeks' theory works a lot. You CAN see inside someone's head, more than you realize, after knowing them for a while. That doesn't mean that you don't have to get out and get to know more people and put your best foot forward - sure, it helps, for a start. What happens after is where your mindset comes in.
Author jobaba Posted June 19, 2012 Author Posted June 19, 2012 Meeks' method is generally true for many men who desire a good, compatible woman. Of course, there are exceptions. But it is generally true. The women who (consistently) fall for men who use them don't count. Honestly, like begets like. Women who are generally strong and reasonable in their own mindsets are unlikely to fall for user after user after user after user. The women who have had the poor fortune to encounter a few of those, tend to wise up after a while and look for the sort of man they deserve and vice versa. The women who DON'T, and consistently fall for users, are likely to be deserving of the sort of user they do attract. Trust me, most decent men do not WANT to be with such women. The key isn't to attract 'a woman' or even 'many women'. The key is to attract a good woman whom you're compatible with. In that way, Meeks' theory works a lot. You CAN see inside someone's head, more than you realize, after knowing them for a while. That doesn't mean that you don't have to get out and get to know more people and put your best foot forward - sure, it helps, for a start. What happens after is where your mindset comes in. One thing has nothing to do with the other. He's saying forget about women and interact with them platonically at a leisurely pace, maybe waiting until you get to really know them, and then make a move. It's great that it worked out for Meeks, but I don't think that's a good method for guys who have it tougher. You're not going through enough odds so that she will be attracted/not attracted to you. Most women are not like you. If they are not physically attracted, it doesn't matter the level of connection, they will reject.
Els Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 (edited) One thing has nothing to do with the other. He's saying forget about women and interact with them platonically at a leisurely pace, maybe waiting until you get to really know them, and then make a move. It's great that it worked out for Meeks, but I don't think that's a good method for guys who have it tougher. You're not going through enough odds so that she will be attracted/not attracted to you. Most women are not like you. If they are not physically attracted, it doesn't matter the level of connection, they will reject. I don't think that was the main point of his post. The main point was this: So, change your perception. It slowly leads to your reality changing. Once I stopped posting about women, I actually became better at interacting with them. I agree with you that other factors may play more into initial attractions/interactions, but really, with the mindset some guys are throwing out around here, that is unlikely to matter. Would it really matter that they got a girl for a couple of dates and then she got tired/afraid/disgusted at his mindset and left him? Or if they got a relationship with a girl who was only out to get what she wanted from them, or was extremely bitter and misandrist? (Edit: Eep, misinterpreted what you said, but the point still stands ) Every single 'constantly single' guy on this forum, perhaps with the exception of yourself (and you had a few-month long R, didn't you?) absolutely prizes physical attraction a lot. So 'most women' (your words, not mine ) absolutely ARE like them. Edited June 19, 2012 by Elswyth
Author jobaba Posted June 19, 2012 Author Posted June 19, 2012 (Edit: Eep, misinterpreted what you said, but the point still stands ) Every single 'constantly single' guy on this forum, perhaps with the exception of yourself (and you had a few-month long R, didn't you?) absolutely prizes physical attraction a lot. So 'most women' (your words, not mine ) absolutely ARE like them. I'm not sure what you are getting at, but I believe in tangibility. If you are less desirable and go through enough numbers, you will get someone who accepts you for who you are. The more desirable you are, the less numbers you have to go through. The compatibility part you can figure out during the dating stages.
Els Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 I'm not sure what you are getting at, but I believe in tangibility. If you are less desirable and go through enough numbers, you will get someone who accepts you for who you are. The more desirable you are, the less numbers you have to go through. The compatibility part you can figure out during the dating stages. I agree with this, but it doesn't make Meeks' post wrong. It is possible to do both. FWIW, I personally whole-heartedly believe that the 'compatibility' part is the hard part for most people. And I wasn't exactly swimming in men with initial attraction towards me either. I mostly only attracted the men whom I had some sort of basic compatibility and mental connection with already, and even then the 'compatibility' stages were the real bottlenecks, especially after honeymoon phase. I think that would be even more true for most others.
somedude81 Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 I'd love to see a reality TV show about a slightly below average guy who goes around asking out random women. I wonder if he'd get any success at all.
Author jobaba Posted June 19, 2012 Author Posted June 19, 2012 I'd love to see a reality TV show about a slightly below average guy who goes around asking out random women. I wonder if he'd get any success at all. You could be that guy in the OP. If you got out and put in work, brotha. Did you pay attention to how long he got to know the first woman and how little time it took for him to get the next woman he barely knew to spend the night? Yep. 1
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