sagirl1891 Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 Long story short: So I met this guy sophomore year of college and we finally went out on a few (awesome) dates in Dec 2011, our senior years. However, it fizzled out because I didn't think we had sexual chemistry. We reconnected in April 2012, and were inseparable (turns out we did have sexual chemistry, and more). The plan was to stay together until he moved to South America on June 5th for an indefinite amount of time. However, the night we graduated, he freaked out and broke up with me, saying that he had gotten too attached. I went NC immediately, and then a week and a half later, right before he was supposed to leave for South America, he texted me, begging to get coffee and talk, saying how much he was going to miss me when he left. We got a drink, and during the conversation he told me that when he comes back to America he wants to get a job in NY. He also apologized for breaking up with me and said that what he needed to tell me was that he didn't want me to wait or anything, but when he gets back from South America, he would like to get coffee again and see if we can pick up where we left off. In the meantime, we would not be together and would be free to see other people. I tried so very hard to go NC but I emailed him the other day, and he responded. He has a blog that I have been following, and even though it hurts to read it, I have been following religiously. We just got off a 3 hour Skype session today, where he told me that while his first week was miserable, he has now made awesome friends and would like to be there for at least 6 months, maybe a year. I am so happy for him, but this has made me absolutely devastated. We had an amazing healthy relationship and I fell in love with him. I know he feels practically the same way (though we didn't say "I love you" to each other). I thought I could handle 6 months of us apart if it meant that we could be together, but now I realize how poisonous this thinking is. Can someone please direct me to the best way to cope with this? I feel like I'm addicted to him and I need to cut him off cold turkey, but it's not so easy the second time when he says that he wants to be together in the future...
Philosoraptor Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 You need to decide if you want to wait around not knowing exactly what (or who) he is doing in another country. He pretty much said "I want to see if there is something when I get back but I want to also play around while I'm away". So you either need to ask him for a commitment or accept what he said and live your own life right now.
Tiera D Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 Dont wait,he asked you to wait because you are not important enough to him,he is going to a new environment he needs emotional support by you to adapt,dont be his crutch,his promises means nothing,plus since he is so happy,he probably wont come back he has commitment phobia written all over him.Go NC dont be his choice when you made him your priority TD
Author sagirl1891 Posted June 19, 2012 Author Posted June 19, 2012 You need to decide if you want to wait around not knowing exactly what (or who) he is doing in another country. He pretty much said "I want to see if there is something when I get back but I want to also play around while I'm away". So you either need to ask him for a commitment or accept what he said and live your own life right now. You're right, I need to accept what he said and live my own life. Easier said than done, though. I am busy but not as busy as he is and so I have time to ruminate. I need to keep busier
Author sagirl1891 Posted June 19, 2012 Author Posted June 19, 2012 Dont wait,he asked you to wait because you are not important enough to him,he is going to a new environment he needs emotional support by you to adapt,dont be his crutch,his promises means nothing,plus since he is so happy,he probably wont come back he has commitment phobia written all over him.Go NC dont be his choice when you made him your priority TD Ouch, "not important enough to him" - I guess the truth hurts. We are young so that's probably why he doesn't want to do a long distance relationship. Also those are so hard and usually never work out (I've been through two of them). Although he seems like a commitment phobe, he was the one who liked me more and wanted to be exclusive. It was only when we started getting serious that the tables flipped because he realized he was falling and he still was leaving. But maybe he is... But I am definitely going NC as of last night. I'm also going NC on looking at his blog and instagram and other forms of social media.
Jose11 Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 I would say move on. Don't live in limbot as to what will happen. You say you can wait, but over time resentment builds and realizing your just an option to him not a priority starts to get to you. Go NC and start rebuilding yourself.
Author sagirl1891 Posted June 19, 2012 Author Posted June 19, 2012 I would say move on. Don't live in limbot as to what will happen. You say you can wait, but over time resentment builds and realizing your just an option to him not a priority starts to get to you. Go NC and start rebuilding yourself. Thank you. This is what I'm going to do. Well, I wasn't going to wait but I thought that by staying in contact, we could preserve the feelings we had for each other so that when we see each other it's easy to fall back into it. But now I've realized that I have to be good to ME and focus on ME.
Philosoraptor Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 You're right, I need to accept what he said and live my own life. Easier said than done, though. I am busy but not as busy as he is and so I have time to ruminate. I need to keep busier Want to keep busy and feel good about what you're doing? Find somewhere to volunteer.
Tiera D Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 hit the gim,go jogging it helps in healing,go take a short vacation to somewhere distant. Good luck TD
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