BAJI Posted July 1, 2004 Posted July 1, 2004 I girl for close to 2 year just broke up with me when she went to NY for vacation with her cousin, I don't think she cheated on me. It started out with me having a long distance relationship with another gir and this other girl came into my life, she asked me to be her boyfriend and I gave it a chance, at the time I was working, for the pa two years I stop working because of an accident, I got robbed, and throught plenty of negeative stuff, she stood by me through it all. during the last couple of months she kept telling me that we should give the relationship a break, she need time alone, not to see anyone else but just a little time. I said no that I can't do it because she was the only person that kept my company, I'm home alone can't do for myself like I use to, she use to do plenty for me and I for her, I think I was possive because when she wanted to go out with her school friend I find something to stop her. An noone knew that we were a couple. When she was in NY, she was going to meet her cousins to go to the mall after they finished work, she called me in the morining when she was waiting for the taxi, it didn't come sho she got a little mad and went to call another one. While she was waiting for a min or so she told me that she have to go. After an hour I called her to see if everythng was ok, she was on the train and that she couln't talk, I asked her if she had company and she replied no. about an 1/2 hour later I called again and she sai that she couldn't talk so I got suspicious and ask her if she had company ( I thought that she was with a guy ) she said yes and hung up. Later on I tried to call and it went straight to voice mail, I was thinking that she truned off the phone but then I remembered that the phone dies quickly. All nIght I was calling, I called some number that I found in my phone one of them was her aunt's. It was 1'o clock in the morning when I called and I call the # in the apartment that she was staying but the # belong to her other cousin that stayed in the other room, I found the # for the room that she was staying in and I called it, it was abut 2 am. She answered and said that she had just came home, she told me that they went to NY city, movies, dinner and then they came back. Next morning she called and asked why i called her aunt's house and other peoples' houses looking for her, she was upset. All her family that I had called called her and complained and that is when she told me that it is over, I begged and begged but it was no good. That same day her cousins and her were going to D.C. to a carnival and that she need time to think. I called and called but it went straight to voice mail, that weekend drove me crazy no talking to her. I tried overdose of sleeping pills and ultracet but it only mad me sleep strong. Monday morning I called her and she answered the phone and I begged somemore, she told me that she will think about it, maybe 1 hour went but then she called, she said no, that's it, its over, she was to experience life and dating and going out and having fun. I am all torn, she is returning to Fl in 2 weeks and I hope that she would reconsider when I start to romance her. What should I do? I want to get her back, we did everything together, I was her first sexual partner. What is your advice? Can I get her back?
AdAm101 Posted July 1, 2004 Posted July 1, 2004 You are becoming very obsessive and that is not good for a girl. If she really loved you she would be there with you she will come back eventually. See I am in the same boat as you kind of and it is seeming to start coming back to normal. I did the whole NC thing for just a few days and then she called me and wanted to talk but i was in the shower. You just need to slow things down just a bit because this is something she wants to do right now and if you keep bugging her and begging her to go back out with you all that is doing is showing you are a doormat and she can come back when ever she wants. Maybe that is why she is doing this, maybe you were to reliable. Just lay off on her till she comes back and call her once to see if she sounds like she wants to talk if she don't she needs more time. Trust me things will eventually begin to look better and you will either get over her or she will come back. Best of luck and don't keep trying as of right now. She really does love you too and her feelings won't go away for a long time don't worry.
BAJI Posted July 1, 2004 Posted July 1, 2004 Yes that sounds good and I am finally starting to feel less emotion about the breakup, and your advice is what my mum and 2 good friends told me also. I want to thank you very much and I will not call her. When she come back I would like to take her dancing, like to music like Isley Brothers and some good R&B jams, what do you think? Like the following weekend.
BAJI Posted July 2, 2004 Posted July 2, 2004 This is what she emailed me; I realized that you have been trying really hard lately and I would just like u to know that you don't have to. If you call me during the day that is not going to make a difference. As we spoke about before just let things settlel and if they were ment to come back togather then they will and if they don't there is a reason why they did not. Also you do not have to pick me up from the airport I will take a cab home. I really don't want you to worry about me because I will be fine and right now iI think that you should be more concerned about your court date and I wish you all the best and if you need me still to come as a witness I will do that. Well there is not alot that we can talk about becaue I am going out right now so until then peace.[/Quote] What do to think about the email??
Mr Spock Posted July 3, 2004 Posted July 3, 2004 I think it pretty much states "Leave me alone" don't you?
AdAm101 Posted July 3, 2004 Posted July 3, 2004 It could mean that but also it could mean just give her time and she will come back because obviously she is still looking out for your best interest. So just hang tough and the best will come out of it all. Go on a date with another girl or soemthing that makes the ex very jealous believe me i just found that out
Ktzmom Posted July 3, 2004 Posted July 3, 2004 I would rather have my SO come back because they had time to sort things out and really WANTED to. You could date someone else to try to make her jealous, but will you ever know if she wanted you or if she just wanted to make sure you were available if/when she was ready. It sounds to me like she needs time to figure things out. She does care about you judging by her e-mail, so I would just back off awhile and see what happens. If you do date someone else just for jealousy sake it could blow up in your face.
BAJI Posted July 3, 2004 Posted July 3, 2004 I know that she cares, I think that I should give her some time but when she comes back to Fl. and she starts to go out with her friends, I don't want her to get another boyfriend, not knowing if she had given Us another chance, how it would've turned out. I know that she really Loves me, we went throught so much together, small things we argue about, no physical fighting, we'll argue then 10 minutes later we will be kissing and talking, we have never stayed mad at each other more that 20 minutes.. I am praying all the time that the Good Lord will send her back to me. I haven't spoke to her since Thursday July 1st, when I call and she told me that she couldn't be happier, she also said that she is trying not to hurt, she asked where I was, then she said that she have to go and I asked why and she said she perfer not to talk to me, then I got the email that night, she broke it off Friday 25th of June and the Monday she call like she usually do when she wake up and left a message saying morning, I just called to see how I'm doing. That made me feel good and I think that she is really thinking about me and I hope it is just time that she wants and she will be back. Any Ideas?? Thanks for your help in advance!
Mr Spock Posted July 3, 2004 Posted July 3, 2004 Um does no one else see the part about swallowing pills here? Does that not bring some kind of waving red mental flag to mind? I would suggest you seek counselling for your underlying problems.... But if you want to get her back, do the no contact thing. Stop emailing and calling.
BAJI Posted July 4, 2004 Posted July 4, 2004 About the pill thing, I believe they were part of the stuff that happened to me over the last two years, having to quit because of my back injuries, then not being able to do things for myself, no money, then getting arm robbed with wiplash, the getting T-boned and loosing the car because the lady the struck me didn't have insurance, then having my disability attorney telling me that he don't thing that he can win my case because of my age, amongst all of that the bills. I lost me self respect, self esteem, love for myself, faith in God, but when she broke up with me, boy it open my eyes, I started going to church again and praying, I am see a physo therapist and I am feeling better, a whole lot better. I am praying every day and night as much as possible for her to come back to me. Ok do you think that she will call me before she returns, on July 11th. And if she calls should I ignore the first call? And what if she returns without calling? Thanks for you help in advance...
Swamp Posted July 4, 2004 Posted July 4, 2004 Man, you are freaking the hell out. Praying? Setting dates? Don't schedule her feelings coming back for you according to how you want them to! You gotta just leave her the hell alone for a while. You need to be okay with her wanting space, and the only way to show her that you are okay with it is to be mysterious. Live your life, find your independence, read some books, get her the hell off of your mind. That is the only way to get her back. She is very much enjoying being alone right now. Distract her by enjoying it too. NO CALLS, NO EMAILS, NOTHING. Don't call July 11th or afterwords when she comes home. When she does call don't freak out and jump into talking about the relationship. Just be like "Hey what's up?" "Glad you're home." "Hey, can I call you back in a while?" Don't be a jerk, but definitely don't be a giddy little boy about it.
BAJI Posted July 5, 2004 Posted July 5, 2004 I am, I hear you and I've been trying to get her out of my mind, hanging with my friends and so on but the hard thing is when she returns because she lives upstairs and its going to be hard. She saids that she wants to be friends, it will be hard but I will try to be.
BAJI Posted July 5, 2004 Posted July 5, 2004 She called today but I didn't answer the phone, she didn't leave a message though. What do you think about that? Was that a good move? If she ever call again I will answer and talk calmly and nothing about the relationship unless she brings it up, correct?
BAJI Posted July 6, 2004 Posted July 6, 2004 Should I return the call I need advice on what to do from here.
Mr messed up Posted July 6, 2004 Posted July 6, 2004 I can just tell by your posts here you are totally freaking out about this, you have got to STOP slap yourself round the face and chill out, Women have a sixth sense when it comes to spotting desparation and right now you reak of it! You will drive her further and further away from you if you try and talk to her while you are like this .
BAJI Posted July 6, 2004 Posted July 6, 2004 I think what's driving me crazy is that she is coming back home on Sunday and I don't know how to react when I see her and the other thing is how it will effect me because she live upstairs. If she don't call again before she returns, does it mean anything? What to do or say if she dosen't call and she comes by? I don't mean to be a bother but I still trying to recover and hope that she'll come back to me. Since we went and did everything together, no one never saw us apart yet, we were so tight.
Mr messed up Posted July 6, 2004 Posted July 6, 2004 If she is coming back this sunday mate then i would say in your current state of mind stay well away from her and that includes answering calls from her, let the answer phone pick up if your not sure! try and stop reading all sorts into what every little thing she does or says means!!!!! coz the only answers you are getting at the mo are the ones your mind is coming up with and you can almost guarantee they are wrong!!! remember CHILL OUT no girl wants to be with a wuss they want a MAN who has got his s**t together! Take care n keep us all informed, and ask here before you do anything !!!!!!!!!!
BAJI Posted July 6, 2004 Posted July 6, 2004 I like what you said messup, but she called just now and I answered before I read your message but we had a 35min conversation, I sounded happy and she asked a few questions about me and how I'm doing. I said nothing regarding the relationship spoke about neutral stuff, she told me what she did last weekend and what she is going to do this weekend without me asking her. I spoke calmly and didn't let her know that I was extremely glad that she called, so I hope that I handled that good and in a positive manner to hopefully get her back. What do guys think about this? Any ideas about what should happen in the next and what should I do?
Mr messed up Posted July 6, 2004 Posted July 6, 2004 Thats better! well handled mate. Now keep up the no contacting her thing, make it look like your busy living your own life and that you are perfectly able to live your life without her. You maybe dont feel like that right now but hey she definately doesn't need to know that!!! so dont give a hint of it!
BAJI Posted July 7, 2004 Posted July 7, 2004 So the next time she calls don't answer right? To hear her voice was good, her voice and the way she was talking sound like if nothing has changed, but it sounds as if she is holdng back. Could be my mis-judging the whole thing but I will see how things go when she come back. Need some more guidance I feel at home here, it is so comforting to be around people that is going through similar stuff, alot of you out there are in a worst situation but hurt is hurt.
BAJI Posted July 7, 2004 Posted July 7, 2004 Can someone here guide me on what to expect next? The senarios, and how to handle them, I have anxity and I don't want it to back fire on me.
BAJI Posted July 7, 2004 Posted July 7, 2004 I just remember that when we were agruing that day that she broke up with me is that want to date other people, go out and have fun I don't remember if I had mentioned that in the first post. I now I think about it my heart just sank form my chest to my stomach, does this changes things or am I still on the right path to get her back? I didn't realized it before but I think that I was smothering her, Someone PLEASE help because I don't feel that good anymore, help guide me in the right path and to happiness with her. PLZZZZ!!
jw32802 Posted July 7, 2004 Posted July 7, 2004 Here is what you do YOu cant change how someone feels about you, you can only change yourself. and if she loved you before, she is going to think twice if you hound her. As hard as it is, (and i wish i could do this), just leave her alone for a month. i know it is hard but everytime you want to call her think of this EVERY TIME Think, "How do i feel RIGHT NOW?" (when you think to call her) You probably have that feeling in the pitt of your stomach right? If you call her she is not going to have that feeling in the pitt of her stomach cuz she will know you're around; so she will play w/ that, knowing shes got you. She will not respect you. Make her have that feeling in the pitt of her stomach; that feeling of losing you. She needs time to be able to miss you and decide for herself if she wants you back. again, you cant change how someone feels about you unless you change yourself, and you need to have confidence in yourself to be attractive to anyone!
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