ThaWholigan Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 (edited) One person's dating style doesn't suit everyone. Obviously, I'm assuming that your (RedRobin) exaggerated claims of all multi-daters being liars is exactly that, exaggerated. But the way you date, while admirable, may not work for everybody else. Call them out for lying, sure. But I wouldn't lambast them and expect everybody to find success in their dating lives the same way you do. Edited June 19, 2012 by ThaWholigan
Author c0nfused88 Posted June 20, 2012 Author Posted June 20, 2012 Of course it doesn't bother them. That's the point, right? They enjoy making chumps out of and using single daters for their fun. This is why they are multi-daters. They lie and enjoy it. Then justify it later. She is joking about her harem. He frequents bars with 150 brands of tequila. Probably where he finds date # who knows? Classy. It would be great if all the multi-daters hooked up with each other, TBH. Less garbage for the rest of us to wade through. Yea, go ahead and hang out at your 'bar' folks. :sick: Does judging people you don't know online and making blanket statements make you feel better? In that case, perhaps you should go to the affair section and berate the people there. If only dating one person at once works for you-- then that's great. However, some people live by a different dating style. It isn't fair for you to jump to saying that everyone who multi-dates is a liar. That'd be like me saying everyone that only dates one person at a time is boring or lame... Why must people always put others down? It's really rather sad. I was not asking an opinion of multi-dating--- I was specifically asking a question for those who multi-date.
RedRobin Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 One person's dating style doesn't suit everyone. Obviously, I'm assuming that your (RedRobin) exaggerated claims of all multi-daters being liars is exactly that, exaggerated. But the way you date, while admirable, may not work for everybody else. Call them out for lying, sure. But I wouldn't lambast them and expect everybody to find success in their dating lives the same way you do. Sorry. When their dating style is all about lying, fudging, and making up reasons not to be upfront with other people, then I find it difficult to justify it with the term 'style'. It isn't a style. Lying isn't a 'style'. K? Now, if they wanted to openly date other people and be up front, then great. I don't see that here. I'm all for open relationships (even though it isn't for me) but that isn't what we are talking about here. We are talking about people who see/sleep/spend time with multiple people simultaneously and choose not to be forthcoming. They are coached to 'don't ask, don't tell' and 'work' towards exclusivity... whatever THAT means. so, for those poor, naive souls who tread into their territory, they unknowingly become part of their 'harem' and are ungraciously rewarded for their time and effort with, um, what exactly? Tell me... really... how does this benefit anyone except the multi-dater? I don't see it. Now, if multi-daters want to get together and multi-date each other (like the modern version of the 60's swingers parties) then have at it. That is what OLD has become synonymous with anyway... so maybe that is where they should stay. Online.
RedRobin Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Does judging people you don't know online and making blanket statements make you feel better? In that case, perhaps you should go to the affair section and berate the people there. If only dating one person at once works for you-- then that's great. However, some people live by a different dating style. It isn't fair for you to jump to saying that everyone who multi-dates is a liar. That'd be like me saying everyone that only dates one person at a time is boring or lame... Why must people always put others down? It's really rather sad. I was not asking an opinion of multi-dating--- I was specifically asking a question for those who multi-date. You got your answer. Right? Now go back to your 'harem'.... K? Online or wherever you go to scoop 'em up. Or better yet... tell the other men you are dating that you are dating multiple men simultaneously and see what happens.
ThaWholigan Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Sorry. When their dating style is all about lying, fudging, and making up reasons not to be upfront with other people, then I find it difficult to justify it with the term 'style'. It isn't a style. Lying isn't a 'style'. K? Now, if they wanted to openly date other people and be up front, then great. I don't see that here. I'm all for open relationships (even though it isn't for me) but that isn't what we are talking about here. We are talking about people who see/sleep/spend time with multiple people simultaneously and choose not to be forthcoming. They are coached to 'don't ask, don't tell' and 'work' towards exclusivity... whatever THAT means. so, for those poor, naive souls who tread into their territory, they unknowingly become part of their 'harem' and are ungraciously rewarded for their time and effort with, um, what exactly? Tell me... really... how does this benefit anyone except the multi-dater? I don't see it. Now, if multi-daters want to get together and multi-date each other (like the modern version of the 60's swingers parties) then have at it. That is what OLD has become synonymous with anyway... so maybe that is where they should stay. Online. Like I say: exaggerated. With people looking for a relationship, it is a means to the same end, so I doubt that ALL of them are lying. By the same token, there are probably people out there who single-date just like you who are likely serial pump-and-dump artists and you will never know until you've ended up having sex with them. Liars are liars. They will either single date or multi-date. A multi-dater is not a liar by default IMO. A multi-dater who lies is a liar. A multi-dater who is honest about who he is dating is a multi-dater. Again, I'm not a multi-dater myself, but I don't see the point in labelling an entire group of people as liars. 2
ThaWholigan Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 You got your answer. Right? Now go back to your 'harem'.... K? Online or wherever you go to scoop 'em up. Or better yet... tell the other men you are dating that you are dating multiple men simultaneously and see what happens. Why are you being so rude?? Bad form..... 2
RedRobin Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Again, I'm not a multi-dater myself, but I don't see the point in labelling an entire group of people as liars. Fine. When their mantra stops being 'don't ask-don't tell', maybe I'll believe you. Till then, I reserve my judgement.
RedRobin Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Why are you being so rude?? Bad form..... Sure. It's rude to tell people to go be honest with the people they are seeing and stop justifying their lying. Ok. I'm rude then. *shrug*
Pierre Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Confused: Nice handle! This are your words: How do you deal with being at different dating levels at the same time i.e. date one with someone and date ten with another? Lets turn this around: Pretend you have dated a man ten times. One would think that if you date someone ten times there must be some serious chemistry and attraction. How would you feel if your guy is dating several other women while seeing you? This is what you said: I know this may sound weird.. but I don't really have the desire to date a man dating other women. Call me hypocritical-- but just being honest. You are quite correct, you do sound like a hypocrite. Here is the definition, just in case. hyp·o·crite [hip-uh-krit] noun 1. a person who pretends to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, etc., that he or she does not actually possess, especially a person whose actions belie stated beliefs. I guess at that point I'd probably walk away. Although I am pretty certain two of them would be very game for exclusivity. The third I am 90% sure would be interested as well. You have three guys that are willing to go exclusive. That means you have done some serious dating and that somehow you have managed to connect at a deep emotional level. Please explain to me how you can you do this? How do you reach the level of emotional connection that comes before exclusivity with three guys at the same time? If you ever get married you would do quite well with extramarital affairs. Again, I would like to reiterate that I do not just jump into a relationship. I want to go in with a clear mind and know what I am getting into. Wow, you want absolute clarity for you, but the men you date are in the dark. If they don't ask, then why wouldn't I keep my options open? The above words need no explanation. You know exactly what you are doing and you do not have the guts to tell them you are dating many other men because there is a chance these guys may be disappointed with you.
Author c0nfused88 Posted June 20, 2012 Author Posted June 20, 2012 Pierre, There are different situations with each man-- for example, one of them I was good friends with first. That explains the emotional connection. Another man is one I used to date exclusively but we are no longer exclusive. Why do I have to justify my actions to you? I'm not here for a shrink or to be told I am a terrible person.
fishtaco Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 I have to give credit where its due. At least Pierre and RedRobin offend both genders equally. But if they're out to convince people not to multidate, well, personal attacks are probably not the way to go... I'm just saying.
Author c0nfused88 Posted June 20, 2012 Author Posted June 20, 2012 I have to give credit where its due. At least Pierre and RedRobin offend both genders equally. But if they're out to convince people not to multidate, well, personal attacks are probably not the way to go... I'm just saying. You stood me up.. :-p
mortensorchid Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 That is quite a bit to handle, four. I've been there myself. But seriously, when you are doing this, be careful. And when I say that, be careful about whose name you call who, keep a calendar of events so you don't double book something, and if you are having sex with any one of them use a condom everytime.
Pierre Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 I have to give credit where its due. At least Pierre and RedRobin offend both genders equally. But if they're out to convince people not to multidate, well, personal attacks are probably not the way to go... I'm just saying. FT: I am actually reasonable. I understand planning a few dates when you know nothing about the OLD people. However, from that point one should quickly thin the herd out to perhaps a couple of people and then immediately go down to THE ONE or if there is no ONE start all over again. Within the OLD context and when starting from scratch that makes sense. However, OP is actively seeing four men and three out of four 3/4 are candidates for exclusivity. This is quite different because when folks are in the exclusive range it means they have spent quality time together and have been intimate (with or without intercourse). I believe that spreading emotional bonds over several people leads to confusion and hence OP calls herself "Confused". Furthermore OP stated (her words not mine) that she woud not want to date men that are seeing many other women. She called it hypocrisy and I give her credit for at least recognizing that. OP also stated she does not mention her multi dating activities to the four men she is seeing. However, at the same time she is building an emotional bond that may lead to a relationship. How can you become emotionally connected when there is a lie by omission. OP will not tell the four men about each other because there is always the chance some or all of these men may be disappointed. 1
fishtaco Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 You stood me up.. :-p Doh! You mean I lied by omitting to show up. Because you know, I'm a multidater therefore that's what I do. I got you mixed you up with c0nfused77 that I was chatting with on this other forum, no wonder she didn't know what I was talking about. Good thing I'm used to this multi-forum thing. I just played it off. That is quite a bit to handle, four. I've been there myself. But seriously, when you are doing this, be careful. And when I say that, be careful about whose name you call who, keep a calendar of events so you don't double book something, and if you are having sex with any one of them use a condom everytime. I've done five, which is why I will only stick with three now... well when I was single anyway. For those that know my recent history, I'm back with my GF after I broke up with her. I decided if I'm going to make a change, I can't be all talk. So here's to a second try, which I have never done before in my life. But that's another topic. With three you can still have time for your hobbies. I think it's a much better balance. That's right, some nights, I just want to play guitar, leave me alone. Which my GF isn't all that happy about. But too bad. She likes it that I play, well then guitar skills don't grow on trees. I need to practice. FT: I am actually reasonable. You don't post like you're reasonable. My personal experience invalidates what you've posted and what you claim. But you won't accept it. Unless you date a friend that you know well, then yes, you could just jump in. If you date someone new, it takes time to get to know the person. That period of time is called casual dating. Non multidaters will say, we're casually dating, but I want to you commit to only seeing me. Good for them if that works. Multidaters say, well, we're just casual, so I really have no right telling you what you can and cannot do. They push off the "commitment to not see other people" until they are sure. That's the only difference. All that lying, not being able to grow emotionally, are baseless comments. "The one" that happened in my life resulted from multidating. At first I was even only moderately interested in her amongst the other women I was seeing at the time. And she was seeing other men too. But in the end, we picked each other. Once things got going, man it was like magic. We became exclusive, and got into a committed relationship. Eventually I screwed it up, but that's because I'm better at dating than I'm at relationships, I'm still learning. But the reason that I decided to get back with my current GF, was because of "the one". Even though we're not together anymore, she made a profound impact in my life. She made me realize my shortcomings, and that I have a lot to learn. I will always ALWAYS regret breaking up with "the one", for the rest of my life. And that, Pierre, came from multidating. So multidating or non multidating, your results will be the same. Neither of these methods are superior or give you a better chance of landing in a successful relationship. It is purely a matter of personal preference, which is what I've been trying to say all this time, but you and RedRobin always throw back stuff about being liars. So reason with that Pierre. Let's see how you do this time. Although I think I just wasted my time typing, I should have kept playing guitar.
RedRobin Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 (edited) So multidating or non multidating, your results will be the same. The experience of everyone I know who are happily married... some for decades... speaks otherwise. I understand that not everyone wants to be married and so, for them, 5 years constitutes a 'successful relationship'. Some of them think 6 months is a long time and call that a 'success'. IMHO, it is the second group that should stick with multi-dating. The rest of us don't want to waste our time with you. If you think your method is so wonderful.... Do us all a favor and be honest about your dating habits. If not, then you are a liar. It's that simple. Until the OP divulges that she is seeing multiple men and is honest about her whereabouts when making arrangements with these other men, she's just a big fat liar. I won't be holding my breath though. It is too bad I've had to become so good at fishing out liars myself. Really not fun at all. I'd rather relax and try to get to know the person. But oh well. That is the dating world we live in these days. Edited June 20, 2012 by RedRobin
Bristolius Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 RedRobin, Didn't you post in a thread about giving your number to three different men in a short span of days? Did you tell the second and third guys that you were multi-numbering? How would you like it if all three men had asked two other women for their numbers before calling you? Maybe it's just the phrase multi-dating that you hate. Or is it the hyphen?
Pierre Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Doh! You mean I lied by omitting to show up. Because you know, I'm a multidater therefore that's what I do. I got you mixed you up with c0nfused77 that I was chatting with on this other forum, no wonder she didn't know what I was talking about. Good thing I'm used to this multi-forum thing. I just played it off. I've done five, which is why I will only stick with three now... well when I was single anyway. For those that know my recent history, I'm back with my GF after I broke up with her. I decided if I'm going to make a change, I can't be all talk. So here's to a second try, which I have never done before in my life. But that's another topic. With three you can still have time for your hobbies. I think it's a much better balance. That's right, some nights, I just want to play guitar, leave me alone. Which my GF isn't all that happy about. But too bad. She likes it that I play, well then guitar skills don't grow on trees. I need to practice. You don't post like you're reasonable. My personal experience invalidates what you've posted and what you claim. But you won't accept it. Unless you date a friend that you know well, then yes, you could just jump in. If you date someone new, it takes time to get to know the person. That period of time is called casual dating. Non multidaters will say, we're casually dating, but I want to you commit to only seeing me. Good for them if that works. Multidaters say, well, we're just casual, so I really have no right telling you what you can and cannot do. They push off the "commitment to not see other people" until they are sure. That's the only difference. All that lying, not being able to grow emotionally, are baseless comments. "The one" that happened in my life resulted from multidating. At first I was even only moderately interested in her amongst the other women I was seeing at the time. And she was seeing other men too. But in the end, we picked each other. Once things got going, man it was like magic. We became exclusive, and got into a committed relationship. Eventually I screwed it up, but that's because I'm better at dating than I'm at relationships, I'm still learning. But the reason that I decided to get back with my current GF, was because of "the one". Even though we're not together anymore, she made a profound impact in my life. She made me realize my shortcomings, and that I have a lot to learn. I will always ALWAYS regret breaking up with "the one", for the rest of my life. And that, Pierre, came from multidating. So multidating or non multidating, your results will be the same. Neither of these methods are superior or give you a better chance of landing in a successful relationship. It is purely a matter of personal preference, which is what I've been trying to say all this time, but you and RedRobin always throw back stuff about being liars. So reason with that Pierre. Let's see how you do this time. Although I think I just wasted my time typing, I should have kept playing guitar. That was a good post! I have no issues with the method in OLD context since folks do not know each other at all. However, at some point some folks cross the line into something that looks like cheating (seeing more than one person in a heavy romantic mode). I am not calling it cheating, but the behavior needed to pull that stunt is very similar to cheating. For example OP may have to avoid going to certain places with one of her dates because the other men could be there. OP must also be guarded with her words and actions not to arouse suspicion. OP claims 3 out of the 4 guys are near exclusivity. That is much more than just casual dating! She asks how to accomodate new dates while at the same time juggling the 10th date with someone else. That is a bit too much and not fair for these men.
Author c0nfused88 Posted June 20, 2012 Author Posted June 20, 2012 OP claims 3 out of the 4 guys are near exclusivity. That is much more than just casual dating! She asks how to accomodate new dates while at the same time juggling the 10th date with someone else. That is a bit too much and not fair for these men. Are we arguing about multi-dating in general or am I here to defend my specific case? I said three out of four would probably be okay with exclusivity if I really pushed for it. None of them are pushing for it right now. Guy 1- out of town, as I mentioned-- he knows I am seeing other people-- and neither of us would ever ask for exclusivity given the specific circumstances of both of our lives at the current moment Guy 2- also as I had already mentioned, we previously had a thing-- this guy knows I don't want anything serious (at least with him)-- we hangout as friends and occasionally more-- it's almost dating fwb kind of a thing-- he knows where I stand and I know he wants more. Guy 3- we have only gone on a few dates-- we met online. He logs onto the site we met on regularly and we still know very little about one another. We seem to get along well thus far but it's still very early. Guy 4- I also met this guy on the same site. We have been on maybe 10 or so dates and I am very interested in him. We both have hectic schedules and exclusivity has not directly come up yet. He also still logs on the site we met on. I feel like you're all under the impression that I'm seeing a new man every night. That rarely occurs (sometimes I overlap them in one night.. yeah.. scold me for that;-) ). Yes, there is an emotional connection with the first two guys because I have known them for sometime and guy 1 and I were really good friends before anything romantic developed. Sure there are probably some multi-dating situations where an individual is juggling 10 people and being very deceitful. However, there are many people who jump into monogamous relationships who are also deceitful. You or RedRobin can sit here and cite examples in your life that are good relationships that didn't start from multi-dating-- bravo. I could cite ones that did result from multi-dating that are going strong. Anecdotal stories are fun/cute to read but they are not hard science nor do they prove anything. Every situation is different-- which is my point, who are you to judge on such a personal level? Why can't people agree to disagree? I wouldn't want to go out and burn an American flag but I would respect someone else's right to do so. While I may have strong opinions on a lot of topics (religion, politics, dating, etc) I'm not going to sit online and shove those opinions down someone else's throat.. better yet I'm not going to deride or attack someone else who disagrees. Do what works for you.
Pierre Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Are we arguing about multi-dating in general or am I here to defend my specific case? I said three out of four would probably be okay with exclusivity if I really pushed for it. None of them are pushing for it right now. Guy 1- out of town, as I mentioned-- he knows I am seeing other people-- and neither of us would ever ask for exclusivity given the specific circumstances of both of our lives at the current moment Guy 2- also as I had already mentioned, we previously had a thing-- this guy knows I don't want anything serious (at least with him)-- we hangout as friends and occasionally more-- it's almost dating fwb kind of a thing-- he knows where I stand and I know he wants more. Guy 3- we have only gone on a few dates-- we met online. He logs onto the site we met on regularly and we still know very little about one another. We seem to get along well thus far but it's still very early. Guy 4- I also met this guy on the same site. We have been on maybe 10 or so dates and I am very interested in him. We both have hectic schedules and exclusivity has not directly come up yet. He also still logs on the site we met on. I feel like you're all under the impression that I'm seeing a new man every night. That rarely occurs (sometimes I overlap them in one night.. yeah.. scold me for that;-) ). Yes, there is an emotional connection with the first two guys because I have known them for sometime and guy 1 and I were really good friends before anything romantic developed. Sure there are probably some multi-dating situations where an individual is juggling 10 people and being very deceitful. However, there are many people who jump into monogamous relationships who are also deceitful. You or RedRobin can sit here and cite examples in your life that are good relationships that didn't start from multi-dating-- bravo. I could cite ones that did result from multi-dating that are going strong. Anecdotal stories are fun/cute to read but they are not hard science nor do they prove anything. Every situation is different-- which is my point, who are you to judge on such a personal level? Why can't people agree to disagree? I wouldn't want to go out and burn an American flag but I would respect someone else's right to do so. While I may have strong opinions on a lot of topics (religion, politics, dating, etc) I'm not going to sit online and shove those opinions down someone else's throat.. better yet I'm not going to deride or attack someone else who disagrees. Do what works for you. You are making my point: Why are you having a FWB type date with a guy that is going nowhere? Why are you keeping the other guy who is not even in town in the picture? Why not concentrate on the guy that has seen you for 10 dates? It seems you are multi-dating for the sake of multi-dating. You like to have a herd of men. At least 2 out of the four guys should not be on the picture. 1
RedRobin Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 RedRobin, Didn't you post in a thread about giving your number to three different men in a short span of days? Did you tell the second and third guys that you were multi-numbering? How would you like it if all three men had asked two other women for their numbers before calling you? Maybe it's just the phrase multi-dating that you hate. Or is it the hyphen? I did. I had no idea when or if any of them would call me. Only two called me back where there was any overlap. The first I eliminated on the first call. The second, I went to Laconia, NH to meet for bike week. The third just happened to call the day before I went to Laconia. I told him I was meeting someone there. When I returned (after eliminating guy #2) I contacted him again. Turns out we aren't a match. He's too old for me. More than 10 years at least. The guy in Laconia. I 'eliminated' that same night. No, I'm not opposed to complete strangers asking other complete strangers out. One doesn't know who will respond and whom won't. However, in all cases, I did not entertain any of these men simultaneously. I feel I gave each of them my full attention and was honest with all of them. There are no more prospects on the horizon, except for one who lives a couple of hours away from me. I've been on the fence about starting something long distance. He knows about the other gentlemen I've seen. He and I haven't met yet. Just talked on the phone. We've talked about meeting soon. I told him I won't be giving my number to any other gentlemen until we have a chance to meet (FYI... I tried to meet him before, but he seemed reluctant, so I cancelled... that's when I accepted the other gents approaches). My long-distance friend said he isn't approaching other ladies either. So, we'll see.
RedRobin Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 (edited) You are making my point: Why are you having a FWB type date with a guy that is going nowhere? Why are you keeping the other guy who is not even in town in the picture? Why not concentrate on the guy that has seen you for 10 dates? It seems you are multi-dating for the sake of multi-dating. You like to have a herd of men. At least 2 out of the four guys should not be on the picture. I agree. I suggest she read my response to another poster to illustrate what responsible multi-calling, multi-approaching, multi-dating, or whatever might look like. TBH, I don't get the impression she is looking for a 'relationship' at all. Seems to enjoy drifting. My only gripe is that she only 'assumes' that the other gentlemen are doing the same. Too chicken or passive to be up front. This is my complaint with all multi-daters. Enjoys fence-sitting way too much and letting other people do the heavy lifting and risk taking. Edited June 20, 2012 by RedRobin
Pierre Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 I agree. I suggest she read my response to another poster to illustrate what responsible multi-calling, multi-approaching, multi-dating, or whatever might look like. TBH, I don't get the impression she is looking for a 'relationship' at all. Seems to enjoy drifting. My only gripe is that she only 'assumes' that the other gentlemen are doing the same. Too chicken or passive to be up front. This is my complaint with all multi-daters. Enjoys fence-sitting way too much and letting other people do the heavy lifting and risk taking. I think that multi daters that engage in romance with several partners miss a very important point: It is physically possible to have many sexual relationships at once. Anyone can do that. In fact, OP has seen two guys of her guys on the same night. In summary, any of us can have multiple simultaneous sexual partners, no big deal if that is your thing. However, the overwhelming majority of humans are able to make a deep emotional connection with only one person at a time. It is practically impossible to have a deep connection with several people at once. When one reaches a deep romantic connection the heart only has room for that person and no one else. If a person tries to fit several people inside the heart all you get is confusion and the inability to reach that state where "THE ONE" connection becomes a wonderful sensation that occupies your mind 24/7. It is not a coincidence that OP calls herself "confused". That is exactly what I would expect from her dating activities. First of all she claims not to have intercourse with all these men so she is not doing dating for sex. She is actually trying to fit four emotional connections in one heart and that does not work. The heart only has room for ONE deep emotional connection, whereas the rest of the body has room for countless of sexual encounters.
RedRobin Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 I think that multi daters that engage in romance with several partners miss a very important point: It is physically possible to have many sexual relationships at once. Anyone can do that. In fact, OP has seen two guys of her guys on the same night. In summary, any of us can have multiple simultaneous sexual partners, no big deal if that is your thing. However, the overwhelming majority of humans are able to make a deep emotional connection with only one person at a time. It is practically impossible to have a deep connection with several people at once. When one reaches a deep romantic connection the heart only has room for that person and no one else. If a person tries to fit several people inside the heart all you get is confusion and the inability to reach that state where "THE ONE" connection becomes a wonderful sensation that occupies your mind 24/7. It is not a coincidence that OP calls herself "confused". That is exactly what I would expect from her dating activities. First of all she claims not to have intercourse with all these men so she is not doing dating for sex. She is actually trying to fit four emotional connections in one heart and that does not work. The heart only has room for ONE deep emotional connection, whereas the rest of the body has room for countless of sexual encounters. I'd argue that there is room in one's heart for more than one. Some very rare individuals do that and also have sex with multiple people. Not for me... However, doing so without openness and honesty is my gripe. I've likened multi-dating to polyamory and I wish those who practice it would accept their 'lifestyle' choice fully and completely so those of us who bond one at a time can graciously avoid them without the need for a 20 page questionaire. The whole concept of working toward exclusivity is the concept that cracked me up the most on this thread. I dunno. I view multi-dating as it is posed here as the ultimate in conflict and honesty avoidance. The reason why I think we are odds with multi-daters here, Pierre, is that we are looking to make a deep emotional connection with someone. I have my doubts about multi-daters desire or ability to do so. The fact they need to spread themselves around in more ways the one just is so intrinsically opposed to how I approach matters of the heart... and the fact I've come across more than one who steadfastly refused to offer honesty even when requested... Just so they can keep their 'options' open as long as possible. That is what really makes my blood boil. The least the people they are dating deserve is honesty so that they can make choices for themselves. Is that so ridiculously difficult? Really? I wish one of these multi-daters would offer why honesty is so impossible for them to manage.
Author c0nfused88 Posted June 20, 2012 Author Posted June 20, 2012 I'd argue that there is room in one's heart for more than one. Some very rare individuals do that and also have sex with multiple people. Not for me... However, doing so without openness and honesty is my gripe. I've likened multi-dating to polyamory and I wish those who practice it would accept their 'lifestyle' choice fully and completely so those of us who bond one at a time can graciously avoid them without the need for a 20 page questionaire. The whole concept of working toward exclusivity is the concept that cracked me up the most on this thread. I dunno. I view multi-dating as it is posed here as the ultimate in conflict and honesty avoidance. The reason why I think we are odds with multi-daters here, Pierre, is that we are looking to make a deep emotional connection with someone. I have my doubts about multi-daters desire or ability to do so. The fact they need to spread themselves around in more ways the one just is so intrinsically opposed to how I approach matters of the heart... and the fact I've come across more than one who steadfastly refused to offer honesty even when requested... Just so they can keep their 'options' open as long as possible. That is what really makes my blood boil. The least the people they are dating deserve is honesty so that they can make choices for themselves. Is that so ridiculously difficult? Really? I wish one of these multi-daters would offer why honesty is so impossible for them to manage. Who are you to judge what I am looking for in a relationship? I do want a deep emotional connection. I have had that before in long term relationships. Deep emotional connections are not mutually exclusive with romantic relationships-- I have deep emotional connections with many people in my life.
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