skyisfalling Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 Over the past couple of days, I suppose weeks, I've been groveling, harrassing and pleading with my ex to try and talk to me. Well, i woke up this morning and I'm so SICK of it. I'm sick of feeling like **** and im sick of feeling miserable. I think back to how stupid and low I was and I cringe at the thought of how i could've been so low. I want to take back my life, pride and dignity and move on picking up the pieces and working on myself. I tell myself NC and I want to be happy again, but if my ex were to call me I know i'd be weak. So I just wanted to know for all the former beggers/stalkers, were you able to maintain your pride and move on without acknowledging the contact from your ex? So I had a question to all the grovelers/beggers/stalkers..etc after you finally realized that you want to live your life for YOU and not be miserable, were you able to be strong and still maintain NC when your ex reaches out after a period of months? Or did you just cave in and start the cycle again. Thanks in advance!
ladyabstrused Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 I did the begging before. After awhile it comes to a point where it gets too much to even bother. Sometimes I wonder if they just enjoy being in power, leaving us to continue begging and pleading. Or if it's just purely hurt. After my break-up, when my ex begged me, it made me feel bad. I shouldn't have. But I said to my ex to stop the begging as it won't change anything. I think it's cruel to let someone beg and beg when you know what your stance is. 2
Philosoraptor Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 Sure I made a fool of myself in another life. Yes I then decided I was done and going to live a life that made me happy and she was unnecessary. I have since proven myself correct and life has been awesome. I haven't heard a peep from her since I got my house signed over.
flitzanu Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 if you're worried about your ex reaching out to you and disrupting your life, you're likely going to be disappointed, as it probably won't happen. if she's refuting your begging and pleading, why is she going to want to speak to you if you stop begging? you have to realize that you're probably the most annoying thing in her life right now. how would you feel if someone you didn't like was doing this to you? you'd be glad it stopped, right? it's not going to get you anywhere, so stopping it is a great idea.
Edtheduck Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 I begged, asked for a second chance, pleaded at times, did it all only recently for around 6 weeks. I got fed up, and gave up. It was an ego boost for her knowing she could have me if she wanted me. 2 weeks on of NC, I feel better for not doing all that utter ****. She's seeing someone, and I'm better off without the heartache. They say to do NC from day 1. They are most definetly RIGHT. It just prolongs the process if you don't. Actions always speak louder than words.
Author skyisfalling Posted June 18, 2012 Author Posted June 18, 2012 Thanks for all the responses. I found it quite impossible to do NC day 1 immediately following the break up although in hindsight i know that's what i should've done. I haven't been contacting him everyday or every otherday. Over the past 3 weeks we've been broken up I've managed to contact him 3 times but those 3 times i pleaded and begged- something i never thought i was capable of doing. Well im sick of it and I certainly dont plan on making a fool out of myself anymore. But I can't help but fantasize how great it would be to one day have the tables turned back and reject him for once! How awesome it would be for him to wonder about me. I want to imagine myself being in control of the relationship and finally breaking free of him and ignoring his messages, texts.. etc. Just wanted to hear some stories of people who were able to do that and how empowered you felt. thanks!
Svet74 Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 even though my ex left me alone for 3 months. He gave in and still made contact. And i gave in and replied. Maybe i shouldnt have? Its been almost 2 weeks since he made that first intitial contact. But i refuse to repeat the cycle. And will find out what his intentions are. Then move on if he just called me to play around
flitzanu Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 I begged, asked for a second chance, pleaded at times, did it all only recently for around 6 weeks. I got fed up, and gave up. It was an ego boost for her knowing she could have me if she wanted me. 2 weeks on of NC, I feel better for not doing all that utter ****. She's seeing someone, and I'm better off without the heartache. They say to do NC from day 1. They are most definetly RIGHT. It just prolongs the process if you don't. Actions always speak louder than words. ed, i've seen your other posts, i'm glad you're being proactive and taking this step now.
Eddie Edirol Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 I was never able to fully resist contact from the ex until I came to terms with cutting her off completely. That meant blocking her phone and email. That way I could forget about her and move on, knowing I wasnt going to hear from her, even though I wanted to.
Author skyisfalling Posted June 19, 2012 Author Posted June 19, 2012 Looks like there are VERY few motivating stories.. HANG IN THERE everyone, its nice to know we're all in this together.
Edtheduck Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 ed, i've seen your other posts, i'm glad you're being proactive and taking this step now. Thanks dude. It's not easy at times, but it sure helps. I'm getting stronger by the day, emotionally and mentally. Silence....is golden.
iambookworm Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 My bf just broke up with me (I assume he did because he has broken off all contact and his last text was accusatory) and while I have sent him an email and 2 texts since then, I am now trying to force myself to stop. Give me strength! I hate this compulsion but I know I need to stop myself. Back story: He accused me of asking too many questions when I asked him why the address he gave me was a fake. I searched google maps and while the street was correct, the number he gave me was way higher than those in the street.
USMCHokie Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 So I had a question to all the grovelers/beggers/stalkers..etc after you finally realized that you want to live your life for YOU and not be miserable, were you able to be strong and still maintain NC when your ex reaches out after a period of months? Luckily, she never reached out to me again. So the best you can hope for is that she won't. Life goes on. 1
KungFuJoe Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 NC is the best answer but the one least likely used. All you can do is live and learn though the pain. I begged and pleaded for two years. Got her back finally. Broke up a month later and never looked back. What a waste of time. I'll never get those two years back but i dont completely regret it because I'm a much smarter person for it now. 1
fucpcg Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 if you're worried about your ex reaching out to you and disrupting your life, you're likely going to be disappointed, as it probably won't happen. if she's refuting your begging and pleading, why is she going to want to speak to you if you stop begging? you have to realize that you're probably the most annoying thing in her life right now. how would you feel if someone you didn't like was doing this to you? you'd be glad it stopped, right? it's not going to get you anywhere, so stopping it is a great idea. I would agree with this, only to say though when you are good to a person and you get dumped, that person always seems to come back to you. It's happened to me over and over, with one girl finding me 15 years later thanks to FB. Sometimes they come back soon enough to disrupt your life again, sometimes too far down the road. My ex is nearing the too far down the road mark. There seems to be a point at which you can say hey the time apart was healthy, you both learned some things, you are willing to try... then you cross the point of I tried everything, if there was any decency in them they would have reached out, and they didn't. When they do reach out, it becomes selfish. Its like "hey I need you, I've learned that now". Gee, thanks dear, I needed you to, but when I did you wouldn't even talk to me. So if you came back then, it was mutual respect, when you come back now, it's self serving, its about you, not us. I never begged, pleaded, stalked in a desperate manner, but I tried 3 very well written, in depth letters to my ex, something WAY more than I miss you, I need you. All 3 fell on dead ears. I quit. I miss her, but I quit. Now I just sit back and observe her... she ignores the letters, she ignores if she sees me out, even on our anniversary night, she ignored the death of my two dogs... she is showing me she doesn't care. As much as it seemd while in the relationship that she did, it was false. Because when you are really a caring person, it doesn't get turned off and on like lightswitch. Sure do what you can to patch something up. If they get irritated by that, stop. It hurts, but stop. Then really just try to observe your ex. How they responded to your emotional outbreak, how they show no emotion over things like your bday or anniversary, or just in general don't reach out in any way when they KNOW you are hurting. And if they stick with that attitude for a year, years, then when they do come back, you will easily be able to see that at THAT point, its totally selfish. Its not about "us" its about "her". 1
Sugarkane Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 I completely agree they're all nice to you when they want an who boost though. They don't care at all when we were hurting. Especially if you were called crazy like I was for wanting to know why I was dumped out of the blue. Just like Smiths chips- they can get stuffed!
betterdeal Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 I changed my number after about a year of sort-of booty calls from her, went through therapy, read a lot of material on relationships and the self, and tried out some new hobbies, one of which has stuck, which is yoga. Immediately I changed my phone number, I felt relief. I had lots of ups and downs after that, but I wasn't living under that cloud any more. My journey started again once I did that. Take a look at your life and improve it, for your sake. It doesn't matter how you fall, it's how you land that matters.
LovelyDaze Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 "WHY are you doing this to us??!" is what I asked my ex a few years back. None of it gets you anywhere. What you have to do is stop and think, if the person is basically saying they DON'T want you in their life anymore, then why beg to be in it? It is an insult to your self esteem and self worth. When my ex looked at me coldly and said, "You sell yourself short." I thought to myself that he was absolutely right. Don't waste your time on someone who could allow you to embarrass and demean yourself for the sake of stroking their ego. It's okay to ask during the breakup what happened and after that...leave it alone and leave them alone. Work on healing yourself will be the most important thing you can and should be focusing on. Your ex does not care whether you heal or not. They've moved on.
Peanut9330 Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 I remember when I hit my all time low and did the begging and pleading to an ex. The problem is that when you’re fresh out of a relationship you always act on your emotions not logic. The best thing to do is to step away from the relationship try and clear your head and then act on what you feel is the right decision. I feel that once we can look at the relationship objectively we are able to avoid the begging and pleading scenario. However since a breakup can be really painful we almost always end up reacting on emotion. Once I was able to step away from the relationship only then I realized that I shouldn’t have been begging and pleading in the first place. NC is always hard in the beginning but once I made the final decision to live for me it got easier with each and every passing day. Even when my ex contacted me it didn’t phase me anymore, after all was said and done and I looked back on the situation I felt like an a$$ begging and pleading him to come back to me. Just give yourself some time I know its hard but as everyone on here will say that NC is the best way to go. I didn’t believe it when I first came to LS and everyone told me to go NC but really it’s the best way to go.
Author skyisfalling Posted June 19, 2012 Author Posted June 19, 2012 I remember when I hit my all time low and did the begging and pleading to an ex. The problem is that when you’re fresh out of a relationship you always act on your emotions not logic. The best thing to do is to step away from the relationship try and clear your head and then act on what you feel is the right decision. I feel that once we can look at the relationship objectively we are able to avoid the begging and pleading scenario. However since a breakup can be really painful we almost always end up reacting on emotion. Once I was able to step away from the relationship only then I realized that I shouldn’t have been begging and pleading in the first place. NC is always hard in the beginning but once I made the final decision to live for me it got easier with each and every passing day. Even when my ex contacted me it didn’t phase me anymore, after all was said and done and I looked back on the situation I felt like an a$$ begging and pleading him to come back to me. Just give yourself some time I know its hard but as everyone on here will say that NC is the best way to go. I didn’t believe it when I first came to LS and everyone told me to go NC but really it’s the best way to go. I completely agree peanut. I now see and understand why everyone on here stresses NC.. its painful and its hard and you REALLY HAVE TO DO THE WORK but i think the payoff is greater than being miserable for weeks and months and years on end. Let's take back our lives and look forward to brighter days where we do find love in ones that deserve us.
big bear Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 I begged, grovelled and did everything I could. I did not want to leave any stone unturned. Eventually, now I have stopped not because I don't love her but she used to cry every time I used to do something. Then one day I realized what is the point if someone, does not want to be with you, why pull them back. Relationships need to be chosen and not forced. Of course it's tough. Every time the phone rings I think of her. It's bad but always remember Relationships need to be chosen and not forced. Khalil Gibran said, "If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don't, they never were." P.S: People won"t agree with the above quote but the thing is, believe in some magic of universe. If she/he doesn't come back there will be someone else who is there, who will give a damn and comfort you for those sleepless nights, tears and every pain. 5
Author skyisfalling Posted June 19, 2012 Author Posted June 19, 2012 I begged, grovelled and did everything I could. I did not want to leave any stone unturned. Eventually, now I have stopped not because I don't love her but she used to cry every time I used to do something. Then one day I realized what is the point if someone, does not want to be with you, why pull them back. Relationships need to be chosen and not forced. Of course it's tough. Every time the phone rings I think of her. It's bad but always remember Relationships need to be chosen and not forced. Khalil Gibran said, "If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don't, they never were." P.S: People won"t agree with the above quote but the thing is, believe in some magic of universe. If she/he doesn't come back there will be someone else who is there, who will give a damn and comfort you for those sleepless nights, tears and every pain. beautifully said big bear.
big bear Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Oh I thought of something. Has it ever happened to anybody that they have pleaded to death and someone refused. After sometime they come back?? Does it happen??
betterdeal Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Sure it happens, and I know people who have got back together after years apart. If you can imagine it, it can happen. The thing is, you can't do much to make it happen in a particular way and you will need to fix what was broken before if you want the next time (with them or with someone new) to turn out differently. Be the change.
flitzanu Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Sure it happens, and I know people who have got back together after years apart. If you can imagine it, it can happen. The thing is, you can't do much to make it happen in a particular way and you will need to fix what was broken before if you want the next time (with them or with someone new) to turn out differently. Be the change. hah. yes, anything is possible. just because someone had a positive outcome from any situation ONE TIME does not mean that "you" are going to have the same thing happen. there's no reason to keep looking for the one extreme, elusive possibility that it JUST MIGHT HAPPEN and you'll get back together, people. (not directed at you b.deal, just chiming in)
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